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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/15/2007 9:52:28 PM | The hypothetical situation which was referred to regarding a single mom making twice what Johne would make has been suggested before. And in that case, Canadian LP law would not require him to pay support as the child's standard of living would not be affected. However, he (Johne) feels that it would still financially cripple him. He has no real concept of how this law is applied. He only has hearsay to go on and no personal experience. It has been pointed out that there are single mothers living here in Canada who are NOT receiving CS for their children from non bio parents yet this makes little difference. He does not understand that it is the minority that are paying and not the majority. As he has stated "a few bad apples spoil the whole". Yes and we are to gracefully accept the insults to our intelligence which he continues to spew. It is sad that a person can be so bitter and jaded with so little real life experience. It would be interesting to see how he feels in a few years once maturity has finally settled in.
I have previously answered this question
What does a single mom bring to a relationship that a single woman with no kids does not? and been ridiculed for my answer. I can only give a biased answer based on my experience. There are good and bad examples of all types of people. With or without children. A mother has the ability (if she is a good person as well as a good mother) to be willing to put others before herself at times. Not all the time, but a good deal of the time. She has the ability to show a depth of compassion and empathy which others can not as they have not had the same experiences. Yes others can share compassion and empathy but not to the same degree. Unless you can walk in another's shoes you do not know. A single mother knows how to share not just what she has but herself as well without looking for the catch or reward. No I'm not saying that all single mothers are saints. But when it comes down to it, there are not a lot of people that would willingly make the same sacrifices that single mothers do. Simple because we are human and humans tend to be very selfish. The same question can be posed to "what does a single father bring to a relationship that a single childless man couldn't?" The answers would be the same for them as for the single mothers. They have a firm understanding of responsibility. They know that relationships take work on both sides. They know that life throws curves and that you either learn to adapt or you don't survive. They are more tolerant. They know that anything worth having is worth working towards. They cherish the little things. They value time spent together. Those are a few examples. But as I said, I can only state that this does not apply to all. Just as nothing can really apply to everyone. You can not make generalized stereotypes. Everyone is different. Every experience is different. It's what you do with your own experiences that enables you to learn and grow from it. If you can't do that, you will continue to repeat the same mistakes and experiences. | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 752 | |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/15/2007 11:33:50 PM | Johne says "what does a single mom bring to a relationship that a single woman with no kids does not? (Do not say her kids)"
"i mean real reasons to date a single mother that can not come back to haunt you"
^^^you cant be serious with those statements? Sad thing is i think you are. Here are reasons why i and many men think SINGLE MOMS ARE HOT AND WHERE ITS AT. These are just some of the reasons why i date them.
- With a single mom you already know there strong because they handle their child(ren) and life responsibilities.
- A single mom is not just "filling" time to date. Most are busy with kids/work etc so when they do date, they are focused on you and your time with them.
-There is nothing like an intelligent mother, who is self sufficient responsible and family orientated. That turns my crank almost as much as a nice ass. lol.
-Most single moms are done being a Party Girl. They value relationships more and your not considered a meaningless date.
- Single Moms appreciate quality not quantity of time.
- Single Moms realize what it costs to raise a family and dont require flashy dates.
- Single Moms enjoy their time out more and can appreciate a simplier evening, like spending time together.
- You get to see how they relate to their children (at some point if you've dated awhile). Which lets you imagine the possiblity of them being involved with your own children.
-Single moms have great curves. 
-Extra Bonus...most are awsome COOKS. Whooo hoooo | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/15/2007 11:42:05 PM | Pucks
possible to OP is writing from a single no children mans point of view
your point of view is of a man that has children
You get to see how they relate to their children (at some point if you've dated awhile). Which lets you imagine the possiblity of them being involved with your own children.
many single no children men do not want anything to do with another mans offspring
I support the OP in when he states that it is ludicrous that a man can be forced by the state to support another mans children agaisnt his will.
Why is it only " in the childs best interest" is cited by the courts -- what about his best interests ? though I will cede that this happens more when the man is co-habitating with the woman --- if they kept seperate residences then those men could not be forced against their will to raise those children.
So the a man of intelligence will realise this and not allow himself into a situation where he will forced to do something against his will that he wants no part of. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/16/2007 2:23:22 AM | Actually, just for the record I DO disagree that any law that would make a man pay for someone elses offspring PURELY on the basis of him just cohabiting with them and their mother is totally unjust and should, by both men and women have been overturned
If he has legally adopted those kids then fair enough, it goes with the territoty, but otherwise its totally ludicrous
I also dont see why the "a few bad apples" observation is really relevant either particularly, because although it might be just a few in the multitudes you dont KNOW that your "apple" isnt a bad one until AFTER the fact so it would and should be a consideration with ALL of them on the way in (excuse the punnificationing there  )
Really tho John, perhaps you should just turn gay?
You see there are also women who will lie about birth control, who will pursuade you in a long term relationship to not use condoms because they are "sorted" contraceptive wise, and even where a man still uses condoms I've known countless cases where with the mere brush of their nails under the guise of stimulation women have ruptured a condom during intercourse which then wasnt realised by the man till he went to withdraw (womans self testimony there btw rather than the mans before anyone nit picks it)
So basically, even when ONLY sticking to (damn, I have pun-dititus I think) childless women you could STILL end up paying for children you niether wanted nor agreed to have
So perhaps you should consider becoming a perveyor of rusty bulletholes instead? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/16/2007 2:41:58 AM | Actually its a cunningly deviously clever plan
You try with a woman and get rejected and saying "sorry, youre mistaken I'm gay" doesnt really cut it
But with a man you can then claim "sorry, youre mistaken, I'm NOT gay"
You can also then sneak under womens radar with the gay phase, then when youre their bestest token gay friend claim to be confused about whether youre really gay and see if they will "help" you find out if women DO get your motor running but without any actual rejection | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/16/2007 2:52:41 AM | I'd expect it is, which is probably why on a few men will do it I guess
Seems most who turn gay because of not being able to continue or start dating women without a host of initial or collected issues, as with women who make the same choice tend to just stay on their side of the fence most of the time the occassional purely sexual return visit | |
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~*~
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Joined: 10/7/2007
Msg: 759 | |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/16/2007 3:14:48 AM | What happened to happines and love?? sharing and caring?? Where did all these vile money orientated men come from?
I have three children,two are disabled, if their own father couldnt cope with the situation im begining to wonder if any other male can. Therefor even if it means me being single for the rest of my life, i will be the best that i can be for my kids. Mom/Dad at the same time if need be. A man does not make my family whole we are already whole, a man would only enhance my family.
I dont give up with dating i just dont make it my lifes work either.  | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/16/2007 3:49:38 AM |
What happened to happines and love?? sharing and caring?? Where did all these vile money orientated men come from
they may be the products of a modern western society where they are villified, demonised,chastised and humiliated at every corner every day
you know what I mean " all men are pigs" "all men are rapists" "all men a potential peadophiles" "boys are dumb throw rocks at them" -- dont understand ?-- read up on the marriage strike
the femnazis got what they wanted - you can thank the sisterhood for that | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/16/2007 4:09:26 AM | I have to admit I do find it comical that when men ARE wary of being taken for a ride by a woman its women who will then wonder why
Seeing as its also women who do that, women who fight staunchly to ensure women can continue to do that and women whofought so the law allowed them to do that and as women seem just as vocal about not "supporting someone" nowadays its quite whimsical
Caring and sharing is fine IF both people go into a relationship with equal assets, both conrtribute theirafter equally and both take from the pot equally
Which lets face it, where single mothers are concerned isnt going to be the case MOST of the time just yet
And when so many single mothers who dont work or only work part time would quite blatantly and vocally refuse to date a non or part time working man, or one on a low paid job and so many other women wouldnt date a man who earns less than them it hardly works towards dispelling a need for that "wariness" does it?
romantic idealisms have no place in the real world
Common sense however DOES | |
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~*~
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Joined: 10/7/2007
Msg: 762 | |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/16/2007 4:11:04 AM | I agree to a certain point Giddyup, yes men do get a bad rap, perhaps i am one of the few that also understand there are women out there who are also "Pigs" "Rapists" "Peadophiles" "Murderers" Ect. Taking a look at the list on Death Row shows this. ( I was bored one day )
Not all women are looking for a Husband and step Daddy. Friendships will do just fine. As i said in my last post,my family is already whole. | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 764 | |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/16/2007 8:11:55 AM | yaa roo giddy
"your point of view is of a man that has children"
yup, it is, which is also why im in the single parents forum...im a father/parent.
"many single no children men do not want anything to do with another mans offspring"
fair enough. i'll agree with that. But you may be losing out on some quality women with that outlook but its a personal choice.
"what about his best interests? though i will cede that this happens more when the man is co-habiting with the woman"
yes from the cases i have read there has to be a living relationship. NO man from my understanding is held responsible for just dating a single mom....Please thats a myth by some here. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/16/2007 9:44:35 AM | I will not turn gay..I will not be forced by the courts to pay child support for a child tht is not mine, if I father a child (as in create a child with a woman) it is my child, or if I adopt a child it is my child otherwise I am not interested in someone else resposibility.
That is why many will not date single mothers. | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 766 | |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/16/2007 10:04:05 AM | ^^^we know the financial reasons for not wanting to date a single mother. Some fall in love with the mom so its worth the risks.
For others, they just choose not to date single moms and let it be without going on a mission to trash talks moms.
thanks for the recap. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/16/2007 11:29:51 AM | Actually, no I never did. It would never even occur to me to even think this way.
I assume, (unless I am a total idiot or selfish person without out any regard for others )that men, single or not like me. They may not choose to date me or I may not choose to date them. Doesn't mean I don't like men. Doesn't mean men don't like single mothers. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/16/2007 11:49:05 AM | Many men such as myself do not lke dating single mom's. Too much of a headache
If you could not make the relationship work with the father of your children what does that say about you? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/16/2007 12:29:47 PM | Not to worry John..I am surely not interested in grasping you to my evil single mother clutches..
Date who you like as will I.
You have no idea about who I am. Whom I chose etc.. I don't feel under any obligation to explain myself except only to say I chose my life and feel good about it. | |
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~*~
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Joined: 10/7/2007
Msg: 772 | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/16/2007 1:55:43 PM | Johne, I can not believe that you are still insulting us. Why don't we turn the tables here. You openly admit that you have been used by single mothers. Now how is that possible unless you allowed it to happen. What does this tell us about you!
I have tried very hard to be reasonable and extremely patient hoping that one day your prejudice and warped view of something that will never again affect you would possibly progress towards a more tolerant and compassionate view of your fellow human beings. However, I now realize that for you it is impossible to overcome this neurotic obsession.
A woman may choose a partner believing that that partner is being truthful and honest. How many times have people been fooled by another person who is extremely talented in hiding their true selves until it is too late? Many more than you realize. However, you have never had this unfortunate experience so you do not know. Some of us have. Some of us even today have people who feel that it must be some terrible mistake that a partner is serving time for assault because "my friend/co-worker/brother/sister or what have you would never behave like that. Noooo not him/her. Wake up. There are extremely manipulative people on both sides who are more than capable of this. Isn't this something you have accused us of being? Who made you GOD and told you you could pass judgement on us? Stop insulting us and we will agree to disagree on the number of evil people in this world who are out to get you. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/16/2007 2:40:46 PM | As I’ve mentioned in several currently running, similar threads, I think whether to date a single parent man or woman is a matter of choice based on where an individual is in their life currently.
Or someone has had one or more experience’s that now affect their willingness to date a single parent.
(or there are screwed up laws being passed as there seem to be now days)
As a single dad over 40 I certainly have no problem considering and or dating single moms, but 20 years ago I had an experience that was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak.
Now in my mid twenty’s I dated several single moms, none of them ever worked out, but I can’t blame that on the fact that these woman were single moms, hell a lot of relationships don’t work out and it’s got nothing to do with their being a single parent or not. However some did end because of the single mom VS single guy situation, and there was this one incident that had me swear off single Moms from that day forth.
I had been introduced to a young lady by mutual friends, we hit it off and started dating, for the first few months things seemed to go well, now we didn’t get to spend a lot of time together during the work week, as we lived in different cities and of course she had two kids, so we basically had every other weekend when the kids were with their dad, and of course she wanted to go slow about introducing the kids to whoever she dated, ok no problems.
So the day comes that she decides it’s time for us all to meet, so we plan to start with lunch for the actual meeting and then we would have a nice family like outing to the Zoo.
I got there and the kids were sitting on the couch watching cartoons, a 10 yr old boy and an 8 yr old girl.
The girl simply gave me a dirty look and then proceeded to act as if I didn’t even exist for the rest of the encounter, the boy, oh my God the boy. He looked me right in the eye and said “ You’re not my Dad so I don’t have to do anything you say” , I just kinda stood there for a moment then said OK, he then said “And if you ever touch me or my sister my dad will kick your ass” again I just said ok. Of course his mother was completely embarrassed and tried to say something to him, I can’t remember what exactly, but he looked at her and said ”I don’t F…ing care what you say, that’s what Dad said so there”. Well she was absolutely mortified but it became crystal clear at that moment she had no way to deal with this situation.
And so as the deafening silence descended upon us I tried to keep the ball rolling by suggesting we go ahead and eat so we could then go to Zoo. The boy looked at me and said “ I’m not going to any F…ing Zoo” At that point she once more made a feeble attempt at actually being a mom by telling him to go to his room, he simply looked at her and “No, I don’t want to and you can’t make me” ( I actually learned later, that the boy who was almost as big as she was had no problem becoming physical when confronted, funny what your friends don’t bother to mention when wanting you to meet someone )
Well by then I could see that things were not going to get any better, and would only deteriorate if we tried to force our little family outing, so I offered to go ahead and leave with the suggestion that we would try another day, I told her I would call her the next day after the kids had gone to bed and we could talk, even though I doubt I had fully made up my mind yet I could see in her eyes as I left that she knew what was probably going to happen.
Now from the time I entered the house till the time I left was less than 30 minutes but I probably learned more about this lady and her situation then I had in the previous 5 or 6 months of dating.
#1, Mom was not in control the kids and the Ex were.
#2, Both kids had issues that needed to be resolved before she was going to ever have a life of her own.
#3, The boy was going to make life as miserable as he could for his mom and anybody she tried to have a life with.
#4, Thru the kids the Ex was going to continue make his presence known.
Well I’m sure you all can see how this story ends, it’s too bad as she was a sweet lady, but at 26 yrs old I realized this was not a situation that I could deal with, it looked bad and looked as if it would only get worse.
So from that day on no more single mom’s for me. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/16/2007 2:54:06 PM | So what I got from that is she should have raised the kids by herself without the influence of a negative(albeit father) in her life. So now this 10 year old boy who is cussing people out and throwing his weight around(just like dad??) will grow up to date and what else hmmm hate women, is my guess. Sad story of a family. One story is not all stories. So good rule of thumb is to check out the kids, too. See how they are being raised. If they are entrenched in mom/dad drama, have bad manners, curse, hit they are being shown this and who wants to date anyone who acts like this or stands by and lets these things affect her children.
I went out a few times with a single dad we are friends have mutual friends..He told me once he was bummed because his kids wanted to go back home on his weekend visit. Felt bad for him but also wondered why kids felt this way. Made me think twice about seriously dating him. | |
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