| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/16/2007 3:08:06 PM | It's just a preference for me, I've never been married and have no kids so ideally would prefer a woman in the same boat. Women with kids usually have a psychopathic ex-partner determined to make life a misery for them... We all seek a reasonable quality of life, I just can't see it happening with another man's offspring and his presence lingering around. Sorry to be harsh and honest but children ARE a burden and a big responsibility especially for a single parent, male or female.
Call me old fashioned but a child needs a mother and a father in a stable lifetime relationship not parents seperated and at each others throats. | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 777 | |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/16/2007 3:12:44 PM | just 2 be me,
good informative post that shows a side as to what can happen with children.
However, not all children use and manipulate parents in a split up.
Im guessing that, in the situation you describe, the break up between the lady you were dating and her ex was not a smooth one. In fact it was prolly disatorous. This spells for a difficult transition for the kids and the parents. This mom needs to address her issues with her last break up, regain control of her house and not let the kids be the boss. There's no way a new relationship with you could of worked out with all those factors you stated working against it.
Get along with the ex is critical for everyone moving on with their lives. You dont have to be friends but at least show respect and be civil. Then the kids will follow suit. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/17/2007 5:11:08 AM | I think the most common downside with single mums kids is where they have resorted to emotional compensation regimes with them
This is where the mum for whatever reason felt guilty about the break down of the relationship and/or her part in it and therefore the kids not having their dad around as a result
So they then dote on them, encircle the kids in attention and attentiveness rather than trying to maintain some status quo, or where they do the opposite and try to "secure" the kids residence by spoiling them when its apparent they miss dad and might not strictly speaking be with the mother by choice
What happens then is the kids become used to that level of undivided attention so the moment ANY competition for their mums time and attention arrives on the scene they resent it and go out of their way, sometimes to quite ridiculous extents to break up their mums dalliance so they have her undivided attention again
Even to the extent of resenting her spending time with someone if they arent even in the house anyway
This cycle is quite clearly the result of the mothers actions and choices in parenting style,. and as a result they are usually either unable to even realise what is happening, dont know how to reverse it or just dont have the energy to try
Often where a womans kids are the reason nobody will date her its the case that rather than actually admitting that either to herself or other people she will cling desperately to the belief that the men who have been interested in her just didnt like kids or didnt want to date someone WITH kids
But no amount of self delusionary rhetoric makes it true in those cases, even tho prevalent audiences will rarely question her take on her relationship happenings and will tend to form the view that those men WERE the problem, as they wont usually have seen how the kids were when a new plaything for their mummy was on the scene and could be perfect angels the rest of the time
Its like women who deliberately try to stop an ex from seeing his kids, they rarely admit that, but they WILL often tell people and even the kids that the father cant be bothered to see his kids whilst fighting tooth and nail in court to make sure he cant
But again, people will rarely question what she claims and another "dead beat dad" goes on the list
People nowadays seem far to drawn to blindly and unquestioningly swallowing almost anything, especially where its from a "scientist", the government or a woman without any scrutiny, inquiry or even without the thought that altho the person might be genuinely thinking what they are saying is true (from their perspective) that in itself does not a truth make
If we look at drug users as an example, many users manage it perfectly and it has no more impact on their lives than someone elses mild drinking. Many will be no different to anyone else just because they use some recreational drugs, and will hold down intesnsive jobs such as being a lawyer, accountant, business owner/manager etc rather than being the stereotypical burger flipper
Many of those WILL make quite good partners as a result, and wont be "screwed up" JUST because they take some recreational drugs
BUT, nobody bats an eyelid at people writing off ALL drug users as a bad risk JUST because they do use some drugs
Yet single mums DO have as many POSSIBLE downsides as any associated with drug use, more so I would even wager quantaty wise. Yet to see dating single mums in the same way as many single mums will view someone who uses drugs begets a shocked and appaled outcry of outrage both from single mums themselves, sympathisers and suck ups hoping to get some single mum coochie without anyone noticing the hypocrisy of criticising that non preference | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/17/2007 7:49:46 AM | Speaking of laws, I forgot to mention that after I spent half a day pursuing legal action against my felony-bound former stepdaughter, the bank told me that even though the forged checks were from a joint account (her mother's and mine), I couldn't file any charges because she forged her mother's name and not mine. What a load of crap! Her mother then refused to pursue legal action.
However, because we were only married for a year before she decided she wasn't "happy" anymore -- after telling me I made her believe in "love," again -- my attorney and, thankfully, the judge, told her she wasn't entitled to a nickle from me. That left her responsible for the brand-new three-bedroom/two-bathroom/two-car garage townhouse in the country, her brand new cell phone and recently entered into membership to the women's-only health club. All of which she could no longer afford.
Therefore, I was able to cut my financial lossess before they escalated, but the emotional scars remain. I moved from Illinois to Florida a day after the divorce proceedings and began a whole new life. Hey, pass the sunscreen. Thank you. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/17/2007 9:13:01 AM | This question is a great question with many great and reasonable answers. We all have our experiences and when you have bad ones you do not want to repeat them.
To Canoegirl:
I had a few use me and a few attempt to use me but it did not work. Not all single mom's are like this but too many are...I have yet to be used by a woman without kids. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/17/2007 9:25:46 AM | | Now we see the pof forum gentleman(loosely said and I do mean loosely) saying single mums are no better then drug users...at first I was somewhat appalled never in my single mother existence have seen men be so ugly towards single mothers...ah well luckily for me and I also hope other women/men doing the right thing in raising the children of our countries...some people are blowhards. Like to see there words hear themselves.Truly it is no threat to me that you men here would not want to date me. Trust me..with or with out kids I would not have been interested in you. Ugliness on the insides shines through like a beacon of light...Puck..I don't think your after my coochie or anyone elses..you speak your truth and it comes off sincere. Others come off as boors and blowhards. IT is what it is..this is a great wide world gentlemen. Some is not all even in respect to you, gentlemen(felt a gag reflex there). Therapy might be in order for some..obvious issues. Where others are just following because they are followers. Stop spending time here talking to those you would not date and find a forum to where you would. Though my womans intuition thinks you single mother haters might not find too much luck...as I said your anger resentment bitterness shines through. I would not imagine any women in her right mind would find any of this attractive or appealing. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/17/2007 9:50:35 AM | | I don't find this to be the case for me. I think each situation is unique. Perhaps it's the way you project yourself to men, 'that you are destined to be a single for the rest of your life'. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/17/2007 11:58:15 AM | lonemonkey:
Great way to lok at it..if one does not fit into the stereotype odf single mothers they need to project that.
You can not blame someone for forming an opinion when they have dated several single mother's and it was always the same song and dance of single mom fitting into the stereotype. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/17/2007 12:19:58 PM | | Woman do the same thing...I have custody of my 8 year old daughter and women seem to do the I don't want to compete crap....My daughter actually pushes me to find someone.....I don't mind women with kids and I like kids so who knows...there are just a lot of hurt men and women out there that use the kid excuse because they are too afraid of getting hurt again...just one guys opinion | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/17/2007 12:32:17 PM | | torino I agree with your opinion. I would even venture to guess your daughter might be the one who just pushes you into the right woman. Woman period. Single or Single mother. Her intuition might just find you in a state of bliss. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/17/2007 12:47:57 PM | Johne
you must be some catch????
Users and abusers are on both sides of the gender spectrum. If you seem to catch more than your fair share...perhaps you need to look inward? perhaps there is something that shouts volumes that you are not aware of!
I have been on both sides of the road...And one day I may be lucky and find a woman of quality who is able to look past my blemishes............. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/17/2007 2:18:38 PM | I am far from perfect but I am currently dating a very nice lady whom does not have children...that works for me.
One must be careful if you live in Canada...we have child support laws which force you to pay support for step children. This law has caused many not to want to date single parents period. | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 788 | |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/17/2007 3:43:13 PM | "one must be careful if you live in Canada"
actually one must be careful in many countries, the USA is an example, with many states having laws that allow step parents to be held for child support if they played a significant role.
"This law has caused many not to date single parents period"
Many laws cause us not to do things. The point of the law with respect to being held responsible for support, is to make it so parents dont bail on the children. In some cases i think this law is useful. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/17/2007 4:17:48 PM |
Now we see the pof forum gentleman(loosely said and I do mean loosely) saying single mums are no better then drug users...at first I was somewhat appalled never in my single mother existence have seen men be so ugly towards single mothers...ah well luckily for me and I also hope other women/men doing the right thing in raising the children of our countries...some people are blowhards. Like to see there words hear themselves.Truly it is no threat to me that you men here would not want to date me. Trust me..with or with out kids I would not have been interested in you. Ugliness on the insides shines through like a beacon of light...Puck..I don't think your after my coochie or anyone elses..you speak your truth and it comes off sincere. Others come off as boors and blowhards. IT is what it is..this is a great wide world gentlemen. Some is not all even in respect to you, gentlemen(felt a gag reflex there). Therapy might be in order for some..obvious issues. Where others are just following because they are followers. Stop spending time here talking to those you would not date and find a forum to where you would. Though my womans intuition thinks you single mother haters might not find too much luck...as I said your anger resentment bitterness shines through. I would not imagine any women in her right mind would find any of this attractive or appealing.
Blah blah blah
Rather than just whinging because people arent worshipping single mothers why not actually have a go at saying why points raised ARENT true
Because if you cant, which you wont be able to do, then just blindly criticising for the sake of it becomes pointless
Single mums ARENT some divine group of perfect peeps, some are amazing, some are total messes and most fall somewhere between the two just like every single other subset of society
And just like every other subset of society they have their own set of potential problems and pit falls, some unique to them and others not
Because people wont like single mums with bratish kids, psycho exes, a thirst for a lifestyle they cant afford, a total and utter lack of free time, an inability to treat a partner as an equal or an adult or whom exist in a total emotional vaccum DOESNT as you seem to be suggesting mean they dont like "single mums" as a homogenous blob
It simply means they dont like THOSE single mothers, the ones that DO exhibit those traits and situations
So unless you are claiming that ALL single mums DO have those negatives then people not liking those negatives does not equate to "all single mums"
Thats like saying if you dont like men who cheat or men who lie that you dont like any men, then again, I dont know you, so maybe that is the truth. But based on you just disliking men with certain traits it doesnt equate to you disliking ALL men, simply the ones WITH those traits
So try and show a degree of perspective eh?
And re the drug addict analogy, if you cant grasp the implication of analogous comparatives its probably best you avoid commenting on them, because not being able to distinguish between a comparison of reflective similarities and saying two things are identical means when you do then comment as tho it was claimed the two were identical it just makes you look either a bit "fick" or a bit bitter with an axe to grind | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/17/2007 4:50:41 PM | | I've never dated a single mother, but I would be open to doing so. But I can understand why some people (male and female) would balk at getting involved with a single parent. Having children (especially young children) may result in your significant other not being able to spend time with you. Also; you mayhave to tolerate the presence of the other parent in your life until the child is an adult. And some people simply don't want to raise someone else's kids. | |
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~*~
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Joined: 10/7/2007
Msg: 791 | |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/18/2007 1:19:00 AM | Cunning says>>>>> Single mums ARENT some divine group of perfect peeps, some are amazing, some are total messes and most fall somewhere between the two just like every single other subset of society
I would describe myself as one of the amazing ones then.   
This is all pretty simple really.
Those that will date single parents, Will.
Those that won't, DONT!!!!!
There is far too much anger and resentment on this thread when there is no need. 
 One and All.
Merl  | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/18/2007 3:55:49 AM | | I am divorced and have a daughter in college and would like to be with a women with 1 or 2 children. I miss a family life. My problem is most women in their forties with say an 8 year old doesn't want to be with a guy 55yo. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/18/2007 7:21:06 AM | So good rule of thumb is to check out the kids, too. See how they are being raised. If they are entrenched in mom/dad drama, have bad manners, curse, hit they are being shown this and who wants to date anyone who acts like this or stands by and lets these things affect her children.
And how do you check out the kids, since most single moms say that "he won't meet my children until I'm sure the relationship is going somewhere"? And when he finally meets them, something happens, and decides that he can't cope with that, there come the cries of "He used my children as an excuse" or "a real man... blah blah blah".
By the way, about those posts complaining about men who think only about the money they can lose... it's very easy not to care about money, provided that is other people's money. I wonder how many of those "it's love, not money, what matters" women would be so willing to risk their own money. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/18/2007 7:37:53 AM | | They are just using your child as an exuse to not date you.If they liked you they would not care if you have a child or not.most people our age have children.And if they use your child as an excuse why would you want him anyways?Hes a jerk | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/18/2007 7:47:31 AM | There are as many great women without children as great women with children.
Anyway, I don't see the point of men explaining why they don't date single moms. Nor the single moms will listen to the reasons, nor the men will change their minds. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/18/2007 8:22:45 AM | hi well hun i know how u feel as soon as they view my prof men move onand dont even ans the im so rude [i have a child also]well i hope u have some good luck in your life and if they a decent guy they will talk to you dont give up ok laura xx | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/18/2007 8:33:54 AM |
Anyway, I don't see the point of men explaining why they don't date single moms. Nor the single moms will listen to the reasons, nor the men will change their minds.
Good call.
I don't date single Moms. Why? who cares? I'm not changing my mind anyway.
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