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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/22/2007 8:37:02 PM | | I think that comment could apply to either gender, however I do see a lot more men running then women. Maybe its not the guy. From my experince and hearing feedback from other men, some women have a hard time being a parent AND dating, or the kid/kids are just to much to be around. You know IT IS possible to chew gum and walk at the same time! And if your not very good at either, why shouldnt he run? | |
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~*~
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Joined: 10/7/2007
Msg: 852 | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/24/2007 3:10:15 AM |
Emigrate to North Carolina, I have never heard of such a crazy law. Why should any woman expect the step-father to pay child support? The biological father should be required, the adoptive father should be required, the step-father who raised the child from infancy til separation from the mother is iffy. I can understand why men in states or countries who are required to support children who are not theirs would avoid getting involved, but what about where there is no legal requirements?
Well first I think its already been shown that there are FAR more perfectly valid reasons to not date SOME and even many single mothers, sometimes to do with the mother herself and othertimes to do with her specific kids and how they have been/are being raised, but whom prefer to believe men stop seeing them JUST because they have kids full stop, and theyre perfectly welcome to cling to that delusion if they wish assuming they never want that situation to change of course
But just sticking with the money, its often the case that the MUM is the one wanting them to support her child, especially with mums on benefits or part time/low paid jobs
I did a thread on another site asking women specifically if they would consider ever dating a man who didnt work and was on benefits or only had a low wage, over a hundred of the respondants said no but werent working themselves even tho many had no young kids, working mums on a decent wage mostly said they wanted someone on a similar wage to them or a higher one
I did another thread asking men the same thing, hardly any men had a problem dating women who were on a low income, one less than theirs or were on benefits as a single mum, infact most said you didnt really have much choice as very few single mums had much coming in so it was to be expected
Then I did a third thread, one asking single mums this
"If you were dating someone who earnt more than you, but whom saved every penny they earnt more than you and exactly matched your available money from their own so you didnt feel uncomfortable about them paying most of the cost of things you did would that be a good thing"
And OMG the vehement tirades from women complaining he was tight for not spending his money on them, because it was a partnership etc etc blah blah was unbelievable
Yet most of the women protesting his "tightwaddedness" had, previously on the first thread said they werent interested in someones money at all, didnt want it, didnt need it but the moment he wouldnt "choose" to spend it on them all hell breaks loose
These were also almost invariably the ones who werent earning much or at all, and wouldnt date someone also on benefits just like they were
Now although that person wouldnt be directly financing their child, IF they were paying the lions share of their socialising and the single mum therefore didnt have to pay half it leaves more money for them to spend on their child, so indirectly they were even at the dating stage
So a hell of a lot of women will chant the mantra of not wanting someones money, but wont date someone who isnt earning (compared to them) a decent wedge, and wouldnt continue dating him if he DIDNT use that extra income to treat them
Anyone else see the total contradiction going on there?
And thats your answer | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/24/2007 8:34:15 AM | A few times for me the woman was not a good match..other times it was money and fear of what could be done to me financially in the future. Once her kids were total brats, she brought them on date#1. Her son spit in my Pepsi her dauhter did not seem to want me there and she (he woman) expected me to pay for everything and everyone. She did not tell me she was bringing the kids in the first place.
I would rather date a woman 36-40 years old with children who are 17 years old then a 25 year old with a 3 year old. It can be a lot to ask of someone to take on someone with a young child. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/24/2007 2:55:37 PM | | Honestly, I used to think any guy who wouldn't want to date a mom was a complete a-hole...but I have an almost one year old, and my limited dating experience is enough to convince me that it is NOT an easy task. Any good mother will make her child the number one priority in her life...I've had to end dates early because the sitter called and she was flipping out, I've had a romantic evening ruined because she was teething and wouldn't sleep unless I was holding her...babies are hard. They require a LOT of attention, and it can be exhausting...I can understand why a man wouldn't necessarily want to get involved with that. It's nothing personal and I don't hold it against them, they just aren't the man for me. That just means that the one I end up with, if he is actually out there, will be that much more special to me... | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/25/2007 9:08:54 AM | dzine107"
I love your attitude and wish more single moms that posted on these boards had your attitude. Just because someone says they will not date a single mom does not mean they are awful. It means they prefer to date someone who does not have children. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/25/2007 9:27:01 AM | | I wouldn't run,I wouldn't mind dating and possibly developing a good relationship with a single mom,why not?Just because she has kids?So what?I have a child at home who is 14,so I think single moms could better relate with me.If two people really click,and the kids get along,then great,lets move on. | |
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Max_
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Joined: 6/7/2007
Msg: 858 | |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/25/2007 10:29:33 AM | Being a man who has seen this happen to myself being a single father, and single moms that I personally know, I have to say right off you can't generalize and assume all single men do not like single mothers, nor do all single women not like single men. As with any subject you just cannot generalize and assume it's a given. You have to look at the whole complete picture before coming to conclusions.
What's even more ironic and funny is the fact that some of the very same women that have complained about this problem with single men not taking up to them as single moms, have actually been the ones to tell me the fact that I have children is a complete turnoff to them. Go figure.... God, I can't believe I used that term, I hate it . I've had women tell me for once in their life, they feel so "lucky" they don't feel as if they have to choose between a man and their kids, because they're kids liked me, or the way I treated them and their kids. Several of these women had even told me in our conversations they felt more conected to me than they ever felt with their ex-husbands or boyfriends. Then, these very same women that admitted they've finally seen the light, decide once again the "bad boy" types are more apppealing and exciting to be with, and for whatever reason, they go right back and do the same they've always done...go back to the bad boys and complain about all men being "losers" or no such thing as a good, honest, respectable guy left in this world. Generalizations and weakness go hand in hand....
I have teens locally and around the country who call me "dad" and even a few that have gone so far as to list me as "their" dad on their family trees done in school, cuz I've offered and still continue to offer moral and "fatherly" type support to them and in some cases actually been the closest thing to a father figure in their lives. I've had kids try to literally convince their moms to "see" what is going on and even urge their mothers that I'd be a good partner for them...yet I'm still single. I've learned to respect and love these kids and talk openly with about how "they" helped me gain a better understanding of life as much as I helped them. The moms that I've met that were strong enough to be open and honest with me, share their intimate and personal desires, goals, opinions, and weaknesses with, yet for mutual reasons we decided to not to be in a continued romantic relationship together, have enlightend both myself and them to become better people and remain patient, understanding, and hopeful rather than throw up our hands , complain, and believe it's hopeless.
Bottom line is...There will continue to be a vast gulf between the sexes for as long as
men and women are attracted to opposite things - namely each other. Get over it, start being better rather than bitter, and you just might find life to be so much more enjoyable for all... | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/25/2007 3:11:28 PM | Interesting Thread since I just got dumped today for having a kid,
I just could not find a sitter today, his dad is only now starting to see him for a few hours at a time, he had to work on his car.
So basically everything this guy was saying to me was a lie and he would have never really cared for me once he had his way..
My kid was a blessing in disguise far as I'm concerned, I had never dumped a guy for having kids. come to think of it.. " I never dumped a guy for anything else other than not being a good match", So this is an easy way out, and I know it, when I felt something for someone ...I've waited for years, a guy that really feels for you would find a way to make it work, grow with you and your child, not just toss you out like Garbage soon as theres something not always fun, children or no children.. something will happen oneday, anyone can get sick, money can be hard to come by etc etc..
Thank You for dumping me, if it wern't that it would be something else latter on!!! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/25/2007 5:09:05 PM |
Interesting Thread since I just got dumped today for having a kid,
Really? Didnt he know you was pregnant then? Or did the after birth stain his rug? lol
Men who wouldnt date a woman with a child just DONT, they see someone has kids and skip by
So men who DUMP women DID date them despite them having a child otherwise they wouldnt be in a position to dump em would they? (bit obvious really that one)
As I think its unlikely they all have bad hearing and then one day go "A KID!!!!! Damn, I thought you said a squid, see ya then" we can pretty much assume the existence of a chlld wasnt a problem, the reality of that child, the dynamic of what you are letting yourself in for and the common traits single mums have however WILL quite often be why they run a mile, not SIMPLY becauae you "have" a child
But I'm sure its a lot easier thinking thats the reason
But doesnt it get harder and harder to convince yourself of the more men run a mile when they REALLY get to know you and your kids?
I'd have thought so really | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/26/2007 8:08:27 AM | | Some not all but some single moms are looking for the next man to collect from, so those few are the reason I aviod dating single moms you can't tell often until it is too late what the motives of some really are. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/27/2007 8:54:37 AM | | Well being a single mom of 3 i have to say they are first and foremost.i dont care if a man accepts it or not.I never expect a man to take care of them they are my responsibility.NoONE elses but mine.I have always been a hardworker for my kids and still am.I sacrafise for them and never regret it.So if single men dont like kids get to stepping. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/28/2007 9:54:03 AM | So it's not just me then? Men are so full of s*** sometimes......honestly! They can be chatting away to you one minute, conversation going well, then the second you mention the fact that you have a child or children they change completely! Is it a man thing? I mean, we all know that men are just big kids themselves and is the truth really that they don't want to contemplate the thought of your attention, love and time not being solely and exclusively for them? That they'd have to share you and not be your one and only priority? I met a man who seemed so lovely to start off with, he was eager to meet and i did so with nervous trepidation. The night went well and we arranged to meet again, but as a single mum with limited support and no baby-sitter, I couldn't commit to any specific date/time for our next meeting. It's not that I didn't want to meet with him again - I really did, but I had to arrange a time with enough notice - single mums you KNOW what i'm talking about! As soon as I said it i knew that it would be the last time i'd see him and i was right! He said that he wanted someone who didn't have that stress and committment - even though he KNEW from the start that I was a mum! In other words, it's too much like hard work for these men to stop and consider that our lives as single mums take significantly more planning that their own and we can't just get our coats on and toddle off down the pub for a few at the drop of a hat.
Rant over 
T.T.F.N - ta-ta for now!   | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/28/2007 2:56:27 PM | | Could it be dating a single woman without children is easier and i prefered? I have said it before and willsay it again dating a single mom is fine but if it gets serious taking on the kids too can be a lot to ask as a man would have to help provide for them and they are not his kids. Plus in some places like whgre Ilive in Canada which is where the OP id from we have laws that discourage people from getting involved with single parents as you could be forced to pay child support fr ex step children. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/28/2007 3:05:17 PM | we all know that men are just big kids themselves and is the truth really that they don't want to contemplate the thought of your attention, love and time not being solely and exclusively for them? That they'd have to share you and not be your one and only priority?
Oh, those men! The cheek! How can they expect to be seen as important and worthy of attention? Don't they know my children are my life, and they should settle for whatever crumbs of affection and attention I can give, because, you know, I'm a single mom and that's how it should be, these selfish men, why can't they be generous? Why can't they think about MEEE???? Of course, I have to be the most important thing in their lives, because, you know, I'm a mom and why can't they give a mom a break? How can those pesky men expect love, when I'm so tired after taking care of my kids? How can be they so self-centered as to expect reciprocation? Selfish, selfish men!
it's too much like hard work for these men to stop and consider that our lives as single mums take significantly more planning that their own and we can't just get our coats on and toddle off down the pub for a few at the drop of a hat.
Oh, those selfish, mean men! How can they be so self-centered as to think in what they want? They should think about what I want, because, you know, it's like, selfish not to think about ME and MY needs! Why can't they accept the pressure, the stress of a one-way relationship instead of expecting to have their needs met, too? Immature boys, I tell you!
Back-rant over. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/28/2007 5:56:36 PM | She had too arrange her time and get a sitter so she could meet with a man she liked..sounds really selfish. This is lame. Same guys with same mantra's. John why are you even here so much? You should be out with your childless gf instead of this post. The other guys..iago and rock should be out dating there favs instead of here expressing the woes of single mothers are so selfish blah blah blah. Get over it.
I certainly have and I am one of those scheming selfish single mothers myself. ha ha
Truly guys if a single mother gets a sitter and the lbd (little black dress) out of the closet, is into you..you should feel special. Not because she thinks she is the greatest thing since sliced bread..it is because she thinks your special. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/28/2007 6:12:25 PM | You see, mermaid, there comes a time when a guy simply gets tired of being seen as the bad, horrible guy only because he thinks with his big head instead of his small head.
Rants are fun, and useful to release some steam. Women write them, why men shouldn't? Get over it. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/28/2007 7:04:29 PM |
Truly guys if a single mother gets a sitter and the lbd (little black dress) out of the closet, is into you..you should feel special. Not because she thinks she is the greatest thing since sliced bread..it is because she thinks your special.
Hey, don't get me wrong. I married a single mother. I have no problem dating single mothers. At my age, it's a very rare thing to meet a woman who is not a single mother.
However, I will never live with a single mother again. I can't afford to take that on in time or money. I have my 2 bio-kids half the time and my step-son comes to stay here often as well.
What I was laughing about is the disingenuousness of so many single mothers who think that men should not consider the reality of dating or living with a single mother. I know because I went through it. I accepted the role, and it cost me a LOT emotionally, in time and financially.
I laugh because women think that men are shallow or self-centred for making the choice not to date single mothers. Well, I'm one guy who's been there, done that, and I would caution any man to really think about before living with a single mother. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/29/2007 7:08:31 AM |
I laugh because women think that men are shallow or self-centred for making the choice not to date single mothers
FOUL! Well, I'm a women who is a single parent, & I don't think anyone is shallow or self centered for not wanting to date me or any other single parent. As a matter of fact, I applaud those who are mature & thoughtful enough to ruminate on the practical issues surrounding this sort of relationship. I do, however, have a problem with those who spout off about such a relationship being a "one way street", or insinuating that the only one who gains from such a relationship is the single parent. What I, or any parent, has to give to a relationship is not based solely on their being a single parent, and I'm simply tired of having anyone's bad experiences used to blurt "facts", when they are, in fact, merely immature responses to having made bad choices in partners. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/29/2007 7:24:52 AM | note the fact that you typed "had a child of my own"....thats it ...right there...the kid wasn't yours....thats the hardest part.
sucks to be single with a kid, but thats the way life goes. u can never be sure you'll stay in a relationship with your child's other parent, it doesn't work like that. the only thing i have to say about it is that you need to keep the kid out of the dating process, and if the people you date can't understand why they can't see you all the time, they are just being selfish...don't pass up quality time with your child. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/29/2007 7:32:17 AM | yup...exactly :)
but consider this, not all single mothers are willing to sit in poverty forever. and they want to feel independant and take care of business. so we go to school, work, and look after the home & kids. we can't be like any of the women that makes tons of cash. although we want to pays for things we can't. and when a man steps into the picture and offers to buy somethings sometimes its ok, but on the other hand if he becomes a fixture around the house and is acting as the other half, there's a certain responsibility to contribute to "the family" ..... now for those women out there that have relationship issues...and money issues and want to get a guy with lotsa cash, ...thats not gonna make you happy, its gonna make you a leech! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/29/2007 7:49:50 AM | ^^^^^^^^^^I agree however the problem is that the "leaches" do not always identify themselves as leaches until it is too late.
Many have bad experiences dating single mothers, it does not make all single mothers bad but when you pair you bad experiences with a law that holds you responsible for kids that are not yours if you marry a single mom and it does not work out, it can make you want not not take the chance of having a LTR woth single mother's.
If my current relationship does not work out I will either seek a single lady without children who wants to have one with the right guy, or second choice would be a single mom who children are over the age of 18. That way there risk would be minimal to non existant.
Why should I pay support for someone else's children? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 11/29/2007 7:53:08 AM |
FOUL!
Not sure why you cry foul, seems you are agreeing with me. And, I agree with you about single parents are more than single parents and often bring more than that to a relationship.
My caution goes more to men, or women for that matter, who've never lived with a single parent. I had no idea what I was in for and I'm sure that most men don't. Was it all horrible? No. But there are a lot of expectations and and costs involved that can be a bit of a shock to someone who's never been a parent.
And, now that I know what it's all about, I still wouldn't live with a single mother if she still had kids living with her. | |
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