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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/2/2007 2:20:19 PM | | I can't speak for anybody else. but if A guy does run just becuase a woman has kids then he is not worth the time a day. I have dated a few woman who have 1 or more kids and its been great. I have never expected to come before somebodys children. Nor do I think you should have to compete with them. Yes sometimes akward situations occur especially if they are younger. for example if they call you dad or something. But its part of life. nobody said lifes supposed to be easy. and far as I am concerned if your not willing to work for something then what kind of man are you. I mean yes I can understand a guy not wanting to be with a girl because she has kids. But I don't think they should tuck tail and run before they give somebody a chance | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/2/2007 2:26:52 PM | rock what happened?? You had a moment of softness then you got all crabby again..you have a little boy yourself. You know what love is. I understand being tired of bashing..I also get tired when I see bashing whether that is someone bashing me or single parents in general. Everyone deserves to love and be loved.
Sorry about that... it was a gut reaction to obvious man-bashing. As you may have seen, I don't bash single parents (how could I, being also one myself?), but I feel sick of those "men who don't want single moms/fat women/me are not men/jerks/immature/boys" women. I don't want them near me, and not because of their children, but because of their obvious incapacity to understand that nobody owes them a date, nor than not wanting them is neither a sin nor a moral failing.
Do these people deserve love? Actually, unless they change their attitude and understand that everybody has the right to seek for what is best for each one of us, without being bashed nor criticized, provided that they don't harm others nor infringe upon other people's freedom, no, I don't think they deserve love. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/2/2007 3:56:26 PM | When I say a man comes second I mean women seem to mix being mom with dating. So the guy always loses. If the man is first in her life when it comes to dating and the kids are first in other ways that is win win. Of course there are times if the kids are sick plans need to be changed. It is when a man has no options but to accept how the woman and her kids feel and must agree with it that things are wrong.
Of course if you with someone else the kids come forst in terms of yu and that other person. Let's say I have a child. Of course the child comes first to me and my wife (see I will not have a child until after marriage.) If my wife and I get divorced then I should put any lady I date first and my child first. Some do not understand it is about balance. Too many want the children to come first always. When that happens everyone loses. Life is about balance folks.
Those that have the figured out are happy. Those that have not are still single and searching. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/2/2007 3:58:04 PM | rock_hunter
"And it is not so. There is work for the children, and there is work for the relationship. If she merges both, well, OF COURSE most of it will go to the children, leaving the guy with the crumbs. Is it then weird that the guy starts to question his role in this relationship? Or that he may feel that he's competing (and losing) with the kids?"
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You always will lose to the kids if you ever compete with the kid for attention in the relationship..It will always be a losing game. The kids will and should be the number one priority for any normal parent. So, you already lost a battle -- why even get yourself entangled in this sh*t when and if you can find childless women who will put you first...Nature at its best and yes reality at its finest too..
Leave the single moms for people who can afford to take the risks -- otherwise move on | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/2/2007 5:23:32 PM | | Because they dont know how to act, cause they dont have any kids.Im raising a daughter on my own, i know how it is. im only 20 yr old, but its all good, i work hard for every thing, if a women cant except my daughter then i dont need her very much, i dont mind having a women with kids, at least they cant say i pregant them. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/2/2007 5:37:02 PM |
You always will lose to the kids if you ever compete with the kid for attention in the relationship.
Exactly, ergo, it depends on the mom to avoid a competition, by giving its due to each part, to the "mom" part and to the "woman" part. If she can't balance that, she shouldn't be surprised if the guy leaves. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/2/2007 11:04:06 PM | I'll be honest, there are a number of reasons why I am very very very reluctant to get involved with a single mom.
Call me a pansy or whatever, but I value the opinion and approval of my parents when it comes to women I date (I'm very close to my family). Both my parents would NOT like it if I got involved with a single mom, mostly because every single mom I've met in my neck of the woods isn't the divorced woman who has a good job, her life in order, time to date, etc. They are usually the screwed up female who ended up getting knocked up by some jerk they were banging and now they're more looking for any guy to come along, marry them, and support them. I am NOT saying all single moms are like this, but the ones I've met in my life unfortunately are.
PLUS...I've had enough women in my life first reject me because I wasn't "exciting" enough for them, then come running back years later with a kid, claiming how they always loved me. I never bought it...no matter how much they claim they were so stupid at the time. I saw their actions as an act of pure desperation. So when I meet a single mom who's showing me tons of interest, first thing comes into my mind "If she did not have any children, would she still be interested in me?" Again, the answer I can tell always comes out to "no".
I know I've heard to death that motherhood changes a person, but still I stand on the notion that if I was going to be friendzoned in the past when she was childless and now I'm deemed "worthy" because she has children to take care of, then it tells me she's more after someone to marry and support her than a real companion. If she especially was knocked up by some jerk she thought she could tame...then I have no pity.
AGAIN, I want to reiterate that I am not aiming my opinions at ALL single moms. I've met a few that I would date. Unfortunately they don't live in Chicago. I just also feel like that I worked my butt off getting my bachelors and masters, as well as making a career and life for myself...and when I meet a woman who pretty much wasted her life and now wants a meal ticket...I'm not having it. I won't work my arse off to give someone else a life of luxury. Not after all the women I've seen play games with me and then go destroy their lives with some jerk they thought they could change.
I am reluctant to date single moms because I'm going to be a little selfish in my life as opposed to being the good guy I've been through most of my 20s. I want a woman I can date easily and regularly, and not have to bounce around in her busy schedule to see her. If she's so busy with work and parental stuff, then my heart goes out to her, but I'm not going to play this game of seeing her once in a while. She's better off putting dating on hold and just focus on herself.
You can hate me for my opinions, but they are my honest opinions and I'd rather state them here for reality than avoid the topic or put some sugar-coated answer to look like a good man to the ladies. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/3/2007 9:16:24 AM | I agree with he above post. I worked hard fir what I have. I recently met someone I went to high school with again. I had not seen her for 17 years. She asked me what I am doing and what my hobbies are ect, I told her and asked her how she was. She now has 2 kids and says she is looking for a nice guy to settle down with, yet when we were in high school she felt I was not good looking enough. I asked if she ever married and she said no. She keeps meeting jerks who date her and run off. She had her 2 kids with her and she introduced me to her kids as an old friend. Back in the day she looked down on me because I have a disability. Suddenly she starts flirting and giving me her phone number and e-mail address. Telling me she wanted to catch up with me and talk about old times. I bluntly reminded her of how she ignored me in school and told me she would never date me as I was not up to her standards. She said things change and now she wants to give me the chance I desreve and gave me a hug and told me to call her.
Nope sorry I will not rescue anyone. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/3/2007 3:11:20 PM | I have not posted on here before, but surely part of what you want from a relationship is defined by your expectations.
If you want someone without any baggage at all then spend your life looking for a virgin nun who has decided to leave the nunnery - just don't expect to date one any time soon.
If you want to meet and be with someone who has lived a little then be prepared to deal with how their history made their present. In the case of some this means they are parents, in the case of others it means they are forever comparing you with a certain ex who they never got over, or looking for someone who is the exact opposite of the last **** up they dated.
Just be realistic and have your eyes open. I would have no problem dating a single mother but would never expect to be important than her child, if I were I couldn't respect that.
I wonder sometimes whether guys who expect to automaticaly be number one priority aren't actually looking for a mother rather than a partner/lover.
As a single Father my main priority is my son, but rather than bleat about it I simply accept that for many women that means I have too much baggage. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/4/2007 5:21:35 AM | I don't think that statement is true at all. I am a single father with custody of a 21 month old and the only ones I am really considering dating are women with kids. I feel they will understand more of what I am going through and won't trip when I want to go to the Children's Museum or the zoo on the weekend. Not only that but they will understand when you break a date because your kid is sick and your stuck at the Children's Hospital (not pessimistic its happened already!).
I think that the bottom line is that there is someone for everyone.. Be patient ... | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/4/2007 10:20:26 AM | I must say as a single father of 2 kids, I've experienced the same situation with my last two (so call) girlfriends. They both had the same reaosn for leaving me. Supposely they were not ready to become a step mother to a 10 & 8 year old. I was not looking for a replacement for my kids mother, but someone who could love the three of us equally. The part that hurt me the most was that they waited until the relationship got deep before they realized what they were and were not ready for. Once they leave the kids are the one who suffer. keep in mind that they will realize their mistake someday and try to come back, and that's when you should get back at them by giving them the cold shoulder.
There is plenty of fish in th sea, and you should take your time in finding that special someone. You do not want to get stuck with a jerk who will later try to get out of the relatioship using your child as an excuse.
There is someone out there for you and once he's in your arms you will quickly forget the ones who ran away scared. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/4/2007 10:47:34 AM | I cant believe people are STILL coming out with the moronic mantra of people "using the kids as an excuse"
Point of fact for the intellectually challenged here
They are YOUR kids, youre supposed to HAVE to like them, you WILL be blind to not only what youre kids are like but also to the effect they have on your life, relationships and flexibility
So in the same way people get to know the person they are dating better which them makes them realise they arent the person they want to carry on dating they can and do go through the exact same things with your kids too
And if you dont like someones kids, you dont like their behaviour, you dont like how they are being raised, you dont like how much time those specific kids expect their parents undivided attention for then thats not an "excuse", its a perfectly valid reason for not wasting any more of your valuable time on that family unit
People talk as tho everyone they date HAS to just love their kids without exception, well in fairy tale cuckoo land that might be the case, back here in reality its far from it, an often someones perfect lil angels that they think they have are poorly behaved disrespectful out of control spoilt little brats that ONLY a parent or relative COULD love
And as many of the people who wont date a particular single parent have kids themselves and will in most cases have dated and will go on to date other single parents without any problems its a bit cute to then say "oh they just used the kids as an excuse" lol
Nah, a lot of the time they were just giving you the REASON, you just prefer to see it as an excuse is all
And when several people give the exact same reason then perhaps its time to actually take a step back and try to see why maybe? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/4/2007 11:10:29 AM | i wouldnt say we all dont like single mothers. I find women with kids more serious about relationships and also quite caring. I have been in a couple relationships with single mothers and never thought twice about them being single moms. I was tryin to get to know them. Its dose however matter to some single men if a women has children. Not all men are willing to accept anothers child or want children for that matter. You cant hold that against them its there choice. I think that if you want or ever plan to have children a relationship with a single mother is not a problem. I wish you all the luck finding someone... you will  | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/5/2007 8:28:09 AM | Awesome! This needs to be taped to every single parents refrigerator~male or female~A man or women will not be the end all or be all of happiness in your life. They can compliment it, but they are not the heart and sole of your happiness in life. You must appreciate your life, your child, everything that you worked hard for and love yourself for it. Yes, things could definitely be a lot WORSE! Happy Holidays to all of you! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/5/2007 8:44:19 AM | ^^^very true so why bother looking for a significant other? I do not want the drama associated with dating single mothers or the potential legal and financial liability. So go back to your ex if your child needs a father. I do not want to raise someone else's child. I want to raise my own child.
I find it odd a few women who had no interest in me before tey had kids suddenly show interest in me after they have kids. I am onto them though...the gold diggers. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/5/2007 9:14:17 AM |
well concidering that its the men that make us single parents,then why the hell should men be out off by us?
I think you will find that the CHOICE of whether or not you become a parent single or otherwise is wholly 110% YOURS, and the choice of whether or not YOU have sex in the first place is also 110% YOURS
So unless a man made you have sex at gun point and then kept you locked in a room for 9 months then you made yourself a single parent
The man only had 5o% of the blame for the act that started the pregnancy, you had 100% of the blame for it resulting in a baby tho | |
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