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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/5/2007 1:57:37 PM | | did u ever do biology in school,,, its takes 2 to make a baby so thats is 50% each.. how can u say females have 100% blame for it resulting in a baby,that is so chauvinist , u know what its because the female body is so more complex and unique than the male...i never wanted to be a single mum, but i have worked so hard ,to get a home put myself thro college got a job in nursing and i am proud that i have acheived this for my son.....i dont need a man to take care of me i have done it all on my own..and men who say they dont like single mothers its their loss it just goes to show how shallow they are and if ever a man was in the same position they would fall at the first hurdle...not all men but most of them......... ge a life | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/5/2007 2:28:44 PM | | Ok, I am going to tick some people off, but so be it. I would like to post a forum that asks are there any women on this site that do not have children? It seems to me that all that is on here are single moms. Don't get me wrong if your single parent, God Bless you, because you have a tough responsibility. I choose not to be a parent because frankly I don't want to be one at this time, I may never want to be one. IF that ends up being the case you should be glad I run, because I am wasting your time, your children's and mine. I found this out the hard way, I dated a woman who I was in love with very much and realized after she mostly kept the child out of our dating and courting I wasn't up to it. It was like ok, your a good guy, here is my daughter. A wonderful child, who I became very attached too but once I looked deep within inside myself and decided I wasn't ready to go f rom being single to both married and a parent in one swoop. It was painful for all involved. I felt much worse about the daughther's feelings than the mom's and I felt like hell already with a broken heart. Once upon a time you were without a child and I bet until you had your own you didn't prefer men/women with children. It was a stumbling block to laying the foundation of a relationship, but now that you have kids you expect everyone to fall in line and do it your way because you have kids, life doen't work that way. People are going to do what they want and pursue what they want in a mate. Good Luck to you all, and thank you for being committed to your kids you should be or like me you shouldn't be a parent. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/5/2007 2:47:21 PM | Why do many call men shallow who will not date single mothers? With laws the way they are in some places it really makes you want to make certain you are getting involved with the right person. Uf you get involved with the wrong person with kids and you move in togwther or get married you could well be on the hook ro pay child support for children that are not yours. How is wanting to protect what ou have shallow?
I did not create the child why should I take responsibilty for it?
What are men like me missing out on exatctly? I want my pown family so by not dating a single mom I am missing out on baby-momma drama, drama with the ex and paying vchild support for 10+years and educatiion costs if I were to marry a single mom and it did not workout. So other than those draw backs what am I missing out on by not dating single mom's? | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 955 | |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/5/2007 3:16:30 PM | "i did not create the child why should i take responsibility for it?"
nobody said you should. it is your choice and we get your stance that has being repeated over and over.
"What are men like me missing out exactly"
There could be many things your missing out on...like a soulmate, a great companion, a wonderful person, but oh noooo she has a child.
" i want my own family by not dating a single mom"
well congradulations We GET it. Doenst mean you can constantly spew your trash about single parents. Some of us like dating single moms.
"i am missing out on baby momma drama, drama with ex, and paying child support for 10+ years and education costs"
more generalizing and stereotyping as usual is what ^^^that comment is.
single people with no kids have drama too.
not all single parents have drama with the ex.
PS...here's a hint for you ...you dont have to pay child support if your just dating
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/5/2007 3:19:51 PM | Well the fact that a hell of a lot of people on here ARE single parents combined with the fact that most cant even seem to see why there are quite valid reasons ANYONE could not want to date them is in itself just a tad explanatory really I reckon
Kudos to the few, and it really has only been a few who are objective, grounded, self confident and self aware enough to see and accept reasons that dating single mums is far from a possibly potential minefield of pit falls, but the ones who seem to have some feeling of entitlement, that nobody could have a valid reason for not dating them, that think any reason shows a flaw in a person who wont, and that their situation is just "perfect" for dating, theyre incapable of having any issues themselves because of their situation and that their kids could ONLY be perfect little angels seem to show with that outlook alone why so many people will avoid certain single mums like they would a rabid bear that hasnt eaten for six months
As for
did u ever do biology in school,,, its takes 2 to make a baby so thats is 50% each.. how can u say females have 100% blame for it resulting in a baby,that is so chauvinist
Yes I did, and no it isnt
But seeing as your biology and social sciences seem lacking I'll explain again
It takes two people to make a "foetus", thats not quite a baby for 9 months or so
During that 9 months the man cant decide to have that baby not not have that baby, he has zero percent of the choice of what happens after a foetus has been created
So where is the other 100%?
We you see we have things like the morning after pill, and abortions now, so biology is only part of the picture isnt it?
Whether a foetus turns into a baby is decided by ONE person and that person has 100% of that choice, and its NOT the man is it?
So a man can want you to become a parent as much as he wants but if YOU dont want to then you wont will ya?
So 100% of the procession from foetus to baby to you becoming a parent is YOUR decision, nobody elses
But the reason a lot of single men avoid a lot of single mums you've just showcased right there actually
" know what its because the female body is so more complex and unique than the male"
".....i dont need a man to take care of me i have done it all on my own"
"and men who say they dont like single mothers its their loss "
"it just goes to show how shallow they are "
"and if ever a man was in the same position they would fall at the first hurdle"
WOW lol
But
" know what its because the female body is so more complex and unique than the male"
And? Why would men even care? Do you think we would really want to have periods, struggle with our weight so predominantly, have the mood swings, be incapable of controlling our emotions so often and all the other things that come with the package?
That is no different to the manipulative comments I posted earlier, its just one I've rarely seen spewed as it tends to be more the sort of think misandrist bull dyke feminists use rather than hetro women to be honest
".....i dont need a man to take care of me i have done it all on my own"
And? Men dont NEED women for that either, so dya wanna medal or summat for doing what men have been doing quite amiably for themselves anyway? Infact much of what you listed men have because of the social gender imbalances we used to have not only been doing those things for themselves but also to provide for their kids AND a none working partner too as was the majorative norm
Yet we dont tend to croon on about it like its a big deal, its just "what is"
Infact the way you word it you make it sound like someone forced you to have a child you didnt want, but out of noble selfless saintliness you did ALL of that nonetheless
When infact you actually did it all for yourself and for the child you DID want, so what makes it a big deal? Since when was doing lots of things you WANT to do that you benefit from a noble selfless act?
"and men who say they dont like single mothers its their loss "
People dont not date people who not dating is a "loss" really. They dont date people who to them dating them would be the loss. That applies just as equally to you with anyone YOU dont want to date, do you turn someones advances down and think "OMG thats my loss" lol? Bet ya dont do ya?
"it just goes to show how shallow they are "
LOL, cant see how its shallow really, its preference. And the only people who, without being total hypocrits, can call someone elses preferences "shallow" are people who have no preferences at all but theyre just desperate, so who cares what they think anyway?
I bet you have your own preferences, a minimum hieght? a maximum weight? a minimum weight? Must have a job? Must have two legs that work even?
How are youre preferences any less shallow?
"and if ever a man was in the same position they would fall at the first hurdle"
Blah blah, being a parent to my two kids I get a bit tired of hearing this, almost as tired of seeing women make some huge pollava about single dads like its something special
Any parent of any gender is just as capable of being just as good a parent of any other
There are just as many good and bad dads as there are good and bad mums and every stage in between, none are any more or less "amazing" for doing it because of their gender and none are doing anything more than what they wanted to do and CHOSE to do
I wouldnt shower someone in praise for wanting to play golf, watch telly or anything else they WANTED to do, raising kids is no different, its not thrust unwillingly on you, you choose it
And loads of childless women wouldnt want to date men who have small kids either, even if they only have them some of the time. That doesnt make them shallow either, it just makes them unwilling to settle for less than they want in a relationship or partner
But rather than me showering them with snidey bitter comments for "daring" to exclude me from who they would consider dating I say good luck to em, why SHOULD they settle for less than they want?
Single mums would be much better off focusing on the men who DO want to date them rather than whinging about the people who dont, coz anyone repeatedly expunging irrelevant bile about things will deter the people who COULD like them from doing so which would seem a bit counterproductve really
Infact it begs the question of why so many seem so bothered about people who dont want to date em really whether its because of weight, proportions, children, wage, age, lifestyle choices or any reason
Why care about people who dont think youre what they want? Do you want it to be like illegal or something so that everyone HAS to consider dating you so you can then whip out YOUR list of perferences after banning everyone elses and pick who YOU want? lol
Coz thats how it sounds | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 957 | |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/5/2007 3:49:31 PM | "most cant even seem to see why quite valid reasons ANYONE could not want to date them is in itself just a tad explanatory really i reckon"
imo, i think most do.
Everyone is entitled to have their own wants and personal desires...its called choices.
What my beef is, and appears to be others beef as well, is the frequentmom bashing, stereotyping, generalizing (grouping single moms or dads as if all of them do...hardly the case), and redundancy (same message does not need to be posted over and over in various threads).
It is totally fine to not want to like single mothers, and to even state so a few times. But it is totally uneccessary to go on a crusade about it in here constantly, like one of our single moms critics does daily.
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/5/2007 4:36:50 PM | I remember having the single mom debate on another message board.
One thing I try to point out to everyone and even make clear in my own posts is that NOT ALL SINGLE MOMS ARE THE SAME.
Yes, we have all seen at least one of the bad stereotypical examples out there. The wild party girl who lived for today, never did anything to build a future for herself, rejected every decent guy who came along in her life, and spread her legs for every douchebag she drooled over. Then one day she got pregnant, and he ran out on them all or found a slick way to beat the system and not pay child support. Now she's out there seeking any decent guy with a good job to marry her and take care of her so she can avoid responsibility and possibly bang another douchebag on the side (even though right now she thinks douchebags won't touch her since she's a single mom).
BUT...we've also seen the women who married what seemed like the right guy, a good guy, and started a family with said guy. Suddenly she found out he was banging his secretary, or has an ad on match.com, or he just upped and left with a "Dear Jane" letter. Do we fault and persecute those women as well? They weren't out banging douchebags and rejecting decent guys. They wanted the decent guy, marriage, family, the dream. Many of these women then work hard to raise their kids and take care of them on their own...which gets very hard. They do this because they see it as the right thing, even though it's not the easy thing.
I'm not saying those who aren't into single moms should suddenly give them a chance. If you're 100% not into them then so be it...but do not lump all single moms into one grouping that makes them out to be washed up whores. Maybe we men have all been rejected by those hot party girls in the past and now secretly laugh when they come crawling to us with a child hoping we'll take care of them, as if it's poetic justice...but there are many other women who did what they thought was right and responsible...and they got screwed, not the guy.
Moral of the story is that while I personally hate how the words "nice guy" have been termed now into some stereotypical ideology of a spineless doormat who worships women, as opposed to a guy who is nice to people, respectful, has a spine, and treats women well; I'm sure many of the single moms out there aren't too happy when people will lump them into the same grouping as the bad apples.
I know I hate it when women say all men are pigs. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/5/2007 4:46:21 PM | Well having watched this thread AND with me being a single parent myself thats not what I see
What I can see is people quite vocally criticising that "choice" and trying to attach to it a whole host of negative "conclusions" (for conclusion read wildly innacurate speculative assumptions)
I wont go back locating them but some that spring to mind are along the lines of
"they arent mature enough to cope with kids"
"they used my kids as an "excuse""
"they were scared of the responsibility"
"theyre wimps"
"theyre shallow"
etc etc
And yet most if not all of the people on the flip have been listing quite valid reasons for why single parents arent their preference, or in many cases more acurately what have put them off SOME single parents
As for stereotyping the phrase is a bit of a minsomer much of the time
Unless single mums had a tattoo on their forehead listing all the single parent flaws, traits or issues they DO have then ALL single parents COULD have some or all of them, its unknown
That isnt either gramatically or cognitively the same as saying all DO, merely that all MIGHT (See the difference?)
That statement IS correct, because all COULD do, and if someone doesnt like the odds (And lets face it there ARE a hell of a lot potential problems that can come with a single parent) then why would or should they be compelled to still date them "just in case" THAT one has none of those traits?
Hell, try convincing people they should give boring or dull people a chance "just in case" they arent boring or dull once you get to know them and see how much success you have
And as you admit its a choice then why would you or anyone else have a "beef" about it?
Why would as a for instance someone not dating you who has no kids because they like to spontaneously zip off places with no notice with a partner cause you to have a beef?
If youre a single parent you CANT do that, so its a valid reason and would apply to pretty much all single parents with young kids
I honestly cant think of a single reason someone has or could give for not dating a single parent that would phase me in the slightest, because even the ones that dont apply to me I know apply to SOME single parents and I really cant see why someone should waste time finding out if the traits they dont like are there or not on the chance they might not be if they CHOOSE not to waste that time
It doesnt affect me in the slightest, I totally agree with their right to ignore ANY group on ANY reason they feel they want to just the same as I do
So I have never had a "beef" about it in the slightest, its just how it is, nothing more
Infact flipping the paradigm for a moment, suppose you REALLY liked someone who totally disliked kids?
Are you saying that you would still waste time dating them JUST IN CASE they completely changed who and what they were and miraculously started liking kids?
Or would you just stereotypically assume that its best to just avoid dating all people that dont like kids?
And chitownartlover, if you think the first example is the ONLY reason people dont want to date single parents you really havent read any of the posts have you?
Lets try their kids being totally out of control, spoilt brats, disabled, vast in numbers, REALLY young, totally resentful to ANYONE taking any of their parents time away from them
Then theres the ones who have been on their own for two long and just cant treat a partner as anything like an equal
The ones who have been so wrapped up with their kids they cant even treat a partner as an adult because they have become so acclimatised to having parent veto over "lesser" people
The ones so long without emotional contact with a partnerish type theyre sort of cold and emotionless
Then theres enviromental issues like someone who wants more "couple time" with a partner than a single parent has, or the single parent who just doesnt have time FOR a relationship and thinks being kept company while they are looking after their kids will be everyones idea of "dating"
the ones who arent up for a relationship but cant admit that even to themselves so they start them then look for a way to cause it to end
Theres the ones who quite definitely DO want a partner who earns enough to enhance their life with their wages rather than by their presence (and they DO exist)
Theres even the ones with total psycho looney jealous ex's who will always be on the scene because of the kids
and countless other reasons some which arent exclusive to single parents but arent uncommon either
So the either/or scenario of wanton cock hopping whore OR wholesome faithful hardworking mum arent anything like the ONLY two possibilities really, theres hundreds of them | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 961 | |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/5/2007 5:43:48 PM | Cunning,
you missed my point..That choice you speak of is fine, but when one (not neccessarily you, your at least logical and careful with your wording), like our single mom critic here, continues to ongoingly bash moms, that is where many here have issues, (yes even males like myself).
"why would you or anyone else have a beef about it?"
well i explained that in my last point. Perhaps i was not clear. Here is another attempt to explain why i and others have a beef. Its the ongoing bashing, assuming, redundancy and generalizing that is not right. Cant one have an opinion without stating the same thing everyday? Can one have an opinion without piling all single moms into one category?
Here are just some examples of what i mean...Just a few for a taste...(i had a look pages on this 39 plus page thread..and just went back a few pages). here are direct quotes from our single mom critic;
"you are not on equal footing when you date a single mom"
" So get cack to your ex if your child needs a father"
"the gold diggers"
"why would anyone date a single mom when they come second"
"single moms are looking for the next man to collect from"
"dating single moms is too much drama"
NOT all single moms are the same. NOT all single moms are gold diggers, drama filled, money grabbing parents. At least that is the way i see it. Hope i was clearer.
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/5/2007 6:22:16 PM | Oh but mlsaarln, I ever so ever so fell in lust with you at first sight :P
Pucks
Yeah its perfectly clear, and its the same as knowing that ALL muslims arent suicide bombers
But in the same light, you dont know which ones are either do you?
That was the point I was making about tattoos
If each person had all their traits tattooed on their head there would be no risk, you would know if anything you arent prepared to put up with was there wouldnt ya?
But thats not the case, so for a lot of people if they date a few people in the same sub grouping and all have some common negativity then most people male or female will tend to give up on that group and focus their time and energy into other groups
People will apply that methodology to social groupings, the job someone does (ie someone who HAS always gone for policemen but has ALWAYS has similar problems with them et al), personality traits, money or lack thereof, their looks or physical shape even
Infact I actually reckon some people have such piss poor luck in partners that in some cases it can leave them incapable of trusting or feeling safe with the entire opposite gender and if the desire for intimacy and companionship is strong enough they WILL switch sides
So what you have a "beef" about with people who wont date single parents is actually no different to what most people do in one shape or form, EVEN single parents themselves as many of them wont date people without kids, some wont even date men who HAVE kids because two lots of kids has never left enough time to have relationships, some wont date non animal lovers and the list is endless
But all of them are writing of an entire sub grouping of people based on what feels to that person like a majorative commonality within that group so common that the odds of them not having one of more of those common flaws is just too low to justify all the time involved giving them randomly a chance incase they ARENT like that
And until that group, whatever it is becomes the ONLY group of people to choose from then no matter how silly the reasons might be it doesnt really matter as there just isnt a shortage of people on the planet so theres no sense in applying a scarcity mentality
But I still think youre reading with a preconceptive bias
Saying
"all of group XYZ could very possibly have one or more of , so I will give that group a miss" is NOT the same as someone saying
"all of group XYZ DO have one or more of , so I will give that group a miss"
The first is what I see being written (most of the time) the second seems to be what you think is being written pretty much all of the time hence your "beef" | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 963 | |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/5/2007 6:41:20 PM | "its the same as knowing ALL muslims arent suicide bombers"
exactly.
"at the same point, you dont know which ones are either do you?"
Of course i dont. But this confirms my point - assuming all of one group does something , single moms or muslims is not right.
"if each person had their traits tattoed on their head there would be no risk.
agreed.
so, how do we find out about a person, to protect ourselves?
i certainly do not judge an entire group weather it be muslims or single moms.
I will instead, ask questions, get educated to the best of my ability, get to know said person/group etc.
There are many ways to learn about a person/group that can help us find out traits and to help protect ones interests without being assumption filled and judgemental...No?
"so what you have a "beef" about with people who wont date single parents is actually no different to what most people do in one shape or form"
i cannot speak for most people.
But if i had to take a guess at it, yes i would think most people have issues with a group of people weather it be single moms or white people or black people etc who are subjected to stereotyping, assumptions and generalizing.
"some wont even date men with kids"
yes exactly.
but i dont see critics here, constantly bashing men.
Sure it happens on occasion, but not to the extent of our single mom critic here.
If i were to see men bashed for being single dads, i would challenge the same statements made, as i have with single moms, if i were to read stereotying and generalizing to this group as well. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/5/2007 7:02:32 PM | LOL, I dont thnk anyone IS assuming ALL ARE
Thats the point, they are assuming all COULD BE which is totally different
<div class="quote"> i certainly do not judge an entire group weather it be muslims or single moms.
I will instead, ask questions, get educated to the best of my ability, get to know said person/group etc.
Right, firstly to "judge" the entire group you would have to be saying they all DO have the trait, not that they MIGHT have it
As for the next bit, well good luck to ya, but two points
Unless you HAVE to date a single mum, ie youre drawn to em, you want one, they ARE the group you want to date whats the point?
You might as well say "screw my preferences, I'll just date anyone who mails me JUST IN CASE they are "nice" coz I dont want to exclude ANYONE"
It almost comes across as a very scared mentalityin a way, like someone is SOOOO scared of missing out they cant do anything but explore every possibility even if the likelyhood of things they dont like is high
What is the point of someone who has no kids and lives an impulsive lifestyle and wants a partner who can do the same even talking to someone with small kids?
How about someone who just doesnt like kids? Why waste months getting to know someone JUST IN CASE you magically like THOSE kids even tho you havent liked any other kids you havent met?
Try finding a single mum who prefers men she can wear heels with who spends all her time talking to men six inches shorter than her JUST IN CASE hes lovely....never gonna happen is it?
Try and find a woman who has had a violent partner who when faced with a noticeably aggressive person doesnt just blank them as part of a group of men JUST IN CASE they are violent with their partners
Never gonna happen is it?
And how about cheaters? Are people who dont want to risk being cheated on queueing up to date men who openly admit they have cheated a few times rather than write off the whole group of "men who have cheated" JUST IN CASE they dont cheat on them? Unlikely
Considering it might take many months or even a year for some negative traits highly common to a group to surface especially if that person is acutely aware it puts a lot of people off who really has the time to waste that much time on a group of people they just arent drawn to in the first place?
Dating ISNT an equal opportunity pursuit
You can decide that you dont want to date rich people because many of them are stuck up and are tightwads, you can decide to not date someone with different morals to yours, you can choose to not date an entire race or culture just coz you dont find em attractive, you can even do it because MANY in their culture act in a way you dont like, you can even decide to not date anyone who spots trains or lives with their parents
All are as perfectly valid as someone choosing to not date ANYONE with kids just coz they want to
Infact it doesnt even matter if they just think everyone in that group MIGHT be a certain way or if they are idiotic enough to think they ALL are, because either way they just dont want to date that group of people and thats that
Its not negotiable, you cant make them like what they dont like and unless you have no preferences whatsoever yourself then youre not really in a position to criticise them without being a hypocrit because pick ANY preference you have that you wont compromise on and I will bet there are LOADS of people in that group who are totally lovely but whom you wouldnt date just because they are one of that group
People are fine with preferences when its THEIR preferences or when its someone elses that include them
They only whinge about it when its someone elses preference that excludes them
But a preference is just a preference, none are any more or less valid than any others
As for the bashing, thats mostly to do with the paradigm being questioned
Had this thread been entitled "Why dont women with kids want to date childless men" AND if there WERE infact a lot of women who wouldnt then you WOULD have had what you talk about
But the thread wasnt asked from that perspective and most posts WILL tend to be answering the thread question, so it sorta sets the majorative tone at the outset
Plus I dont think there would be many women who wouldnt date a childless man as subconciously and consciously its seen as a sign he will be good with THEIR kids, infact many women with kids who date a man with kids actually try to stop him seeing his kids once they are living together anyway and often without even realising they are doing it because then on a subconcious and instinctual level he will be diverting time and resources away from their kids | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/5/2007 9:01:16 PM | Now explain me why moms complain when single men who won't date them generalize, while at the same time those same moms make generalizations (immature, shallow, etc.) about the men who choose not to date single moms.
Pot. Kettle. Black.
But let me make only one generalization about single moms: Any single mom who reacts violently or aggresively or turns on the potty mouth when she's not chosen in the dating game, is a woman not worth dating in the first place. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/5/2007 9:03:28 PM | To the OP: If you meet their standards and have alot to offer they may date you. If you do not meet their standards or do not have much to offer they will not date you.
It is the same as any other group of people some people want to dae certain types of people or people with certain traits and others will not want to date those with those traits.
Being called shallow or immature because you do not want to date someone in a certain group does not make you want to change your mind.
If you have had bad experiences you do not want to repeat them. If you do not see value in dating a certain group of people you will not.
Why not just stick to the men willing to date single mothers...that would be single fathers.
They are risking alot but not as much as single men without kids. That is if you get serious if you do not get serious it does not matter. I want a life partner..one that I can create a family and a future with..not someone that made the wrong choice and wants me to step in. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/5/2007 10:59:13 PM | ' Why not just stick to the men willing to date single mothers...that would be single fathers."
...
I thoroughly agree that everyone has a perfect right to choose whom they wish to date , but isn't the above statement somewhat contradictory to what you have just claimed to be your right as a single person.
"They are risking a lot but not as much as single men without kids."
....
Why would a single parent be risking anything less than a single person? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/6/2007 3:35:06 AM | Are we going for some kind of redundant record with this post?
If your a single guy with no kids..........stop asking stupid questions....date whoever you want!
If your a single Mom.....do you really care why some men won't date you?.......don't waste the energy.
If your a single Dad..just know not all of us single mom's are evil, self centered biatches.....and will make time for the right guy.
For the single Dad's who have made derogatory comments about single Mom's....keep in mind..your talking about the Mother of your kid(s) with every dig you make....remember guys....the sun and moon don't shine out of your rear end anymore.
I think this thread has been educational on two points.....single men have vented about why they won't date a single mom....and I think single mom's have become educated on what red flags to look for in single men...... | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/6/2007 3:49:37 AM |
why would a single parent be risking anything less than a single person?
I was pondering that, I suppose it depends on what someone classes as "risk" really and then what is important to someone as each persons risk level will reflect their situation and value system
Emotionally each person is open to be hurt by someone exploiting them or being perceived by them to be doing that, both are even open to financial exploitation where their attachment makes them open to stupidity
But perhaps its a statement meant in measure
Men ARE societally programmed to "shower" a partner with "things" , you financially show they care till it hurts almost, which is pretty much a brainwashing perpetuated by women, started by a mother or their fathers mother, reinforced by the media and then to varying extents expected by their dates and partners, whereas the same brainwashing dictates that for a woman to "show she cares" all that is needed is a meal, a hug or a kiss etc blah de blah
So perhaps the comment isnt meant to relate to ALL single mums, but infact a certain scenario and a certain type
Imagine a non working single mum or one with a low paid or part time job, pretty much most of her money will be spent each month providing for her and her kids, her time and "fun budget" will be pretty thin and her life although perhaps not unhappy will often lack excitement and excess
Then enters a single childless man with a reasonable or good job, loads of free time and flexibility
Its not unreasonable that that situation will then form around what the mum wants, she can afford to be quite staunch in her routine even where flexibility and compromise are possible, she can claim she HAS to never deviate from what she does now and he therefore has to totally fit in around her
She doesnt therefore have to put herself out at all, has to exert no effort or juggling of her schedule other than arranging a baby sitter which might often be a more than willing relative anyway whereas he has lost freedom, choice and spontinaiety a;beit not you would hope begrudgingly as such, but its still a tangible and defineable "loss"
Also, due to the financial inbalance and inbalance of financial committments chances are it will take the form of the more stereotypical "man pays" format where not only does he have to fit in almost totally around her but also has to fund what they do too and as she is likely to be quite tied to her home the rest of the time then staying in is likely to be the last thing she will want to do
Now I do accept thats one of many possible scenarios, but its also a not uncommon one
But now consider this, lets suppose she aint really "into him", but just thinks he is ok, whereas he quite like her. In effect not only would be be an easily disposeable distraction to her making all the effort and being the only one putting themselves out, whereas from her perspective all of the differences would involve no effort and would be enhancements to her life but with no balancing downsides at all her "loss" if you want to call it that would be practically zero, she gets to go out more or when she couldnt do before, she doesnt have to alter much if any of her schedule and doesnt have to lay out much if any expenditure as she wouldnt have it to begin with so its win win
He on the other hand is in effect at her beck and call, he is fitting in totally around her so a degree of his freedom compared to datng someone equally committment free is "lost" and he is losing out financially compared to someone who matched him financially too
None of which would be a problem unless it becomes apparent that the woman isnt doing it because she really "digs" him, but because she really doesnt "dig" her lack of attention and nights out dating, and doing things she cant justify devoting her household budget to like cinema, meals out and other activities
Terms like "loss" tend to be ones used in hindsight, but enough occurences where such phraseology crops up in hindsight of dalliances with a particular "type" of person then start to become something thats considered in foresight too, its called "learning", and we do it all the time, in fact its what the brain is designed for and someone who doesnt learn from past experience is far more likely to keep repeating it over and over | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/6/2007 4:24:02 AM |
stop asking stupid questions..,
Agree. Specially the always popular and forever repeated "why men won't date single moms?". You already know the answer, and you react badly when a man answers with the truth. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/6/2007 6:11:57 AM | | I myself am a single mother of 2 boys... and I don't condemn those men who choose not to date single women...its purely a choice which we ALL are entitled. I personally don't want to be mixed up with the drama of an ex any more than the next person, (thankfully i have no drama with my ex as he is totally out of the picture), however..given the person i am dating has the qualities and compatibilities i am looking for ...this is a sacrifice i am willing to make...that.. is a choice i have made for myself. As far as the opinions posted on here in regards to single women...i find it interesting and i take what i have read from here and use it as knowledge in understanding more as to why these men think the way the do in regards to single moms ..i don't take offense i sometimes just shake my head and laugh. Opinions and beliefs are what make us who we are and shows where we are in our lives...each to his own is a motto i live by and i don't take solice nor participate in the bashing of others due to their outlooks, views and or choices on what is best for them. I wish them luck...and move on...and those of you who meet men who want a lifestyle without children should just accept it and move on as well. I have made my own bed and i lay in it...waiting for the right guy to come along and share it with me and i theirs. One thing i can't stand is a whiney woman, you make those of us who aren't...look bad...must be why most of my friends are guys. Just remember this ladies...whether a guy feels this way about single moms or not...if he finds that who you are and what your all about is what he is looking for....the fact you have kids will not take presidence in his choice whether he stays with you to make it work or kindly bow out of the dating situation. We single moms are package deals and if we single moms try to take a look at the situation from the other end of the spectrum of those who don't want to get involved with us because of our children...you may feel differently and actually understand and not let it ruffle your feathers...so to speak. However...these guys should do the same for our situation. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/6/2007 8:00:47 AM | What are single men with no kids risking? Let's see money, emotional investment potentiall having to pay child support and education costs for children he did not bring into the world if he dates and marrys a single mom and it does not workout he is on the hook. So rather than risk that it is easier to aviod dating single moms. Plus as Cunning said the chances of being used because you like her but she is not into you but just likes to get out for some fun increases.
Men with kids offset some of the risk by having kids themselves.
There is a thread started by a single mother called "should a man pay for the baby sitter." Give me a break...see how some (not all but some) single mom's think?
Easier to aviod dating them. | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 974 | |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 12/6/2007 8:19:09 AM | ^^^^money, money, money eh....i guess you have to protect what little you have.
As for the emotional attachment...well geezzz there Johne, there is an emotional attachment with any relationship you get into weather or NOT a person has children. | |
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