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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/30/2005 4:57:41 PM | Hi Cntrygrl10l,
There are plenty of men willing to date women with children. This is the new age and it's common. If you are having a hard time about it... think about how you are doing it. Back in my days of dating, I told off any man who tried to make me feel guilty about having kids, or if they wanted me to dump them for him... or he simply ignored them. I told him no thanks. That's selfishness showing already.
Jeannie | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/30/2005 5:54:43 PM |
Hmm, I would rather someone rule me out because I have a son, then find out the hard way they're just putting up with him to be with me ..
That's so true. Never heard it put that way. I'm writing that down on a Post-It ad sticking it on my computer. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/30/2005 8:07:23 PM |
I'm sorry that you don't like being wrong.
Girl, until now you haven't proved any of my statements untrue.
You seem to misunderstand my written words.
Wrong, girl. I understood your written words, and you realized that you weren't as coherent and logical as you thought when you wrote them.
What I did say however, was that I don't think it's right to rule someone out because of their children.
Why not? We rule out people out because of hair color, income, profession, religion, height, etc. Children are a more powerful and significant reason than the former. The fact, my dear child, is that you think that if a reason rules you out, that reason is not right.
If you can't realize that it's an unfair expectation to measure up to, then that is your own problem in life.
Who are you to say if an expectation is fair or unfair?
We have differing opinions, the only difference is mine is humane.
Oh, yes. I suppose calling somebody as "having a ten years-old mentality" because they don't do what you want is really humane.
My debate with you is finished.
In a debate two people give reasons. If I give reasons and you insult me, it's not a debate.
Every woman has had the choice to have their child and wondering if a guy will date them because of it shouldn't even be a consideration.
Every guy has the right to consider if a woman has children or not at the time of deciding if dating her or not.
It really is a shame that in year 2005 there are still people who discriminate against others.
It is really a shame that in 2005 there are still people who wants to decide how other people should live and what they should think.
Now girl, I'm not saying that having children makes you undateable. I'm saying that you have no right to bash men who decide not to date you because of your children. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/30/2005 8:53:51 PM | I am a single mother. I have given birth to 4 beautiful kids, my two sons are 17 and 16 and live with their dad and my two daughters 6 yrs and 19 months live with me.
Frankly, I take good care of my kids. I'm an awesome mother and I don't expect a man to raise them for me. Actually, being that I have two fairly deadbeat dads to deal with and I do it well...minimal interference in my life...my faith in the male species to actually care about children at all has deeply wained.
I wonder how my kids would feel if I told them that they were the reason men rejected me. Nevermind what they would feel...how about what I feel about it?
I'm not looking for a pseudo dad to take care of my kids. I've done it alone all of my life (deadbeat sperm donating fathers notwithstanding) and I certainly don't need someone to come into my life and play daddy...especially if he is intimidated by it.
The truth is that my kids aren't baggage...they are great kids...well behaved and they have a good mom, a strong mom who wants to show them that they never have to settle like I did to have what they really want in life. My children are a part of who I am. I nursed them and fed them and am raising them as best I can. I don't let them rule my life. I guide them and let them live their own...until they are old enough to decide for themselves what they need.
I won't lie. I'm deeply disappointed that a man would not consider me because I have children. I chose poor men to have children with yes...but I don't see why I should be punished for doing something so beautiful. Giving birth.
Nough said.
And yes, I have to agree...it's really his loss. My strength now is my gain. He was never what I needed in the first place. | |
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shmoes
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Joined: 11/1/2004
Msg: 107 | |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/30/2005 9:21:47 PM | how can any of you seriously expect to be in a relationship ... A LONG TERM serious one .. and just expect the guy to be on the side. If you're don't think the man will become a role-model for your children (which is exactly what a DADDY DOES) .. of course he will not "replace" the dad, but your ideals are misguided if you think any REAL man ..would just allow himself to step aside .. either he's part of the family .. or he is not.
again consideration for long term relationship, if you want to just go-nowhere date .. then ya .. you've got the right idea (y) .. but if you want a guy that's serious about you. he's got alot to consider when faced with the idea of kids. and going back to my original post in this thread .. a REAL man considers if he's ready for that .. and if he's not .. he makes the logical choice ...... NEXT!
Edit: this applies to women as well for single fathers. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/30/2005 9:27:36 PM | It was never my choice to end up alone with my children.
But in the end it seems like the men have all the choices huh?
It's no surprise I choose to be single most days.
Of course I would never expect a man to take a sideline. Either he wants to be part of who I am and that includes my kids or he doesn't. It's not like I've ever expected a man to step up to that plate.
I respect his life and that he hasn't had to make the sacrifice that I have to keep my children and to love them the best I know how.
It's just painful to sit back and be pushed aside because you've had children. My kids hardly know their dads. I've had to be both mom and dad for them. It's a very hard job. And when I hear a man say hey, I just can't deal with that...well, you know what? Then you never had what it took to be with me. If I can pull it off, then I'm the better one for it. And stronger too.
I am not for the faint of heart. Never was...never will be.
But the one who has what it takes...oh man...he is going to have his name on billboards because I know how to appreciate a man with that kind of honor..and a heart like that...too special to ever give up on. | |
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shmoes
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Joined: 11/1/2004
Msg: 109 | |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/30/2005 9:45:32 PM | I agree, it's never pleasant to be turned down, but the theme of this thread is that the guys that do are losers.. I personally applaude them for identifying they're not ready.. and not putting you through that type of heartbreak which is worse. (imo)
However, I'm sure some guys, could use a little tact with a womans feelings on the issue. If they're not ready for instant family. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/31/2005 12:57:05 AM | For me, it's a tough call sometimes. My daughters are 15 & 17, almost grown. I don't really want to start over with young ones again. On the other hand, I don't want to deal with teenagers again, mine are enough and if I'm a stepfather, I wouldn't have much say, which could be very frustrating. I keep reading in so many womens profiles that they want a man that loves kids. I love my kids, but don't really care for other kids so much - is that so bad? I feel bad about it, but it's the truth.
I find the possible women I might be interested in to be in very small numbers because even women my age might have small children. My house isn't big enough for more kids and I can't afford to move, so I prefer to not have other children at all. Things are so much quieter and calm.
My ex-wife ballooned from 115lbs to about 250lbs and it was partially from the kids and that sure put a damper on our sex life.
The downside is that I do agree that women who have children understand more about life and I can relate to them a bit better.
Men want to be treated good, have lots of sex and attention from the woman they are with, kids really can put a damper on that. If the guy is young, maybe he's better to not put himself in a position where he will be unhappy. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/31/2005 6:59:50 AM | I just see it this way.
If they have a problem you have a child, then they are selfish and insecure and you dont need them in your lives. I had guys be like, o you have a child? I say yeh actually i do, i take it thats gonna be a problem for you? LOSERS!!!
But ive also met lots of guys who are fine with it. I cant believe it!!! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/31/2005 1:22:54 PM |
I'm sure some guys, could use a little tact with a womans feelings on the issue.
100% agree. Guys have the right to choose not dating single moms, but it doesn't mean they have the right to hurt her feelings unnecessarily (I say this because, one way or another, a turn down is bound to hurt feelings).
But if she starts to spew venom, all bets are off. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/31/2005 1:59:22 PM | ATTENTION LADIES::
Single men - DO NOT Turn and Run because of the Kids! Hello !
Ladies always complain that "men dont get it ? ".. well, when it comes to this issue - YOU LADIES DONT "GET IT "...There could be 2 things going on here...
# 2; (in rare cases)
Single men - especially us who grew up with single moms'.. understand the "bad image" left in a childs mind.. to see "mommy dating a bunch of different guys.. and none work out...kids of moms like this, have issues as adults...,....' MOMS DONT GET It' because, us "little boys".. like giving our mom the impression that shes our best friend, we demonstrate great respect for women "when we're in our moms presence or with people who can report back to her"....
But in truth - what we NEVER TELL MOM.. ever, under NO circumstances.. is we feel she was a too lose with her morals'... - As MEN we dont want to leave another little boy ' with the impression that his mom is a "run around sue"...
BUT THE #1 thing going on here is...simply this.
WE JUST DONT LIKE YOU !!!! A MAN DOESNT LIKE YOU....GET IT THRU YOUR HEAD.....
- Its NOT mandatory that ALL MEN must like you....'HELLO ???... So next time a Guy decides he dont want to be with you ... ' Dont shift the BLAME to the old " He doesnt like my kids"
- HE DONT LIKE YOU !!!1 Again HE - DONT - LIKE -- YOU !!!!!
When a Man likes you ( loves you ) He will accept everything you have ; offer and everything you bring to the relationship... he will except ALL OF YOU.. Including your offspring!
STOP BLAMING YOUR KIDS....!!! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/31/2005 2:07:45 PM | i agree completly so many people get upset because a man or woman has turned them down becuase they have children well who freakin cares they obviously arent ready to have or be apart of a childs life or they simply dont feel right being with a woman or man that has allready had children and if the feel that way then who cares are you going to get mad at a guy that you think is cute on the street,bar,the bank where ever you see him and he just walks past you because he isnt interested because your not his type no you just walk off its the same thing as soon as i meet a man i tell him i have a daughter but i also tell them im not looking for a father for my child i dont expect him to jump right in and take her to the movies of where ever but i do expect that if the relationship gets serious she has to be around him and for him to treat her with respect if he has a problem with that then thats fine he dosent have to be with me. then man im with now at first was very nervous about being with a girl that has a child so we didnt date we were just friends he got to know me and he got to know my daughter till one day he came up to me and told me that he had made the biggest mistake of his life by not takeing the chance to date me when it was first offered to him just because he was scared of dateing me for my daughter. we have now been dateing for a year and he loves my daughter and tells me every night that he wish's that she was his if she wakes up crying at night he will go get her and hold her before my daughter he had never really been around children what so ever and that was part of his fear and i find that in alot of men unless they have a little sister or brother they havent really been around children
Its a man/womans choice on if they want to be with you or not if they decide not to who cares | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/31/2005 2:13:33 PM | | rodinly very good point thank you i cant stand women that introduce every man they date to their children they dont understand how confusing that is for a child my daughter dosent meet a man until i have been dateing him for awhile unless i was friends with him before hand and she has allready met him even still i dont hug on him or kiss him anything like for for quite a long time and my ex bf's still come around and see my daughter just to see my daughter and nothing more which i like very much because things arent quite as confusing for her there was a guy on here not to long ago that was going to go on a first date with a woman and she wanted to take her child wtf i told him call the date off and never talk to hre again how many guys has that child called daddy that is to weird | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/31/2005 3:41:00 PM | | I think that some guys are just not ready for a family, it is not a bad thing, involving children in a relationship is something that is hard for the man and the child, unless you think that the guy is worth it and in it for the long haul you should not involve the child in the first place, I made the mistake and did that and my child suffered because of it. I think everyone has thier choice on who they date, maybe it's not just that a kid is involved maybe it is the guys that people are chosing to date. Some guys don't mind, while other's have a problem, but that is a choice they make, and hey if they choose that then it's fine. You know some women have trouble dating men with kids, that is no different then men having a problem dating women with kids. Dating is all about choices period. It is all about the person. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/31/2005 6:16:54 PM | I do not mind dating single mothers at all. But I do see serious difficulty in marrying one though.
then why date them isnt dateing like a big whole test to see if you can marry that person and spend the rest of your life with them????? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 5/31/2005 8:09:56 PM | Quoting:"then why date them isnt dateing like a big whole test to see if you can marry that person and spend the rest of your life with them????? "
Marriage is a much higher level of committment. It is hard enough to make such committment to marry, period, let alone marrying a single mother. There is the child (or children) and the ex partner (or partenrs). The situation can get very complicated. Look, all am I saying is that there are serious difficulties although I do believe love will conquer all in the end; I am a hopeless romantic, what can I say.  | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/1/2005 5:33:42 AM | To Moondreamer1977
hope every thing is fine, read your post i realy like it and i agree to you that when ever a kid is young he or she always like the person her or his mom introduce them to the man ,but one thing should be in mind that little angles get emotional attachments to people very soon this is what we need to take care, and one thing men who dnt want to live with women who has kids should think that they are born by a woman so never forget the universal truth ,Moondreamer i would like to know your little angles names if you like it ,take care ,love to all humane beings, | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/1/2005 5:44:47 AM | Those narrow-minded people!
I think single guys who mind having a date or a relationship with single mothers are those who is just up for fun.
I am single mother and i am not ashame of it all,it makes me stronger and gives me a better direction of life ,it also diminishes those twee-tums atitude(immaturity).
plus the fact that having a child brings back that "little girl" inside us!
So why would we care about this single guys who got slightly used brain?
They dont know what they are missing! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/1/2005 6:47:34 AM | swtlildevlish,
You make some good points, although I don't agree that all guys are just looking for fun, and that's why they won't date a single mother. I've had several friends who have fallen head over heels for single moms... I did. I married her and helped raise her 2 kids from previous marriages... A parent is a package deal, even as a naive young guy I understood that, and was willing to do what I needed to to support and raise the whole family. A big change for me, from being a shy young 27 yr old single guy! I left her after 7 years, but it wasn't anything to do with the kids. I still have the son we made together, who lives with me, and am very good friends with his older brother who is 11 now, and lives nearby. Long story though.
Personally, after going through a divorce, and even more so, after being in a marriage that went sour, I would prefer to date a woman who does have the experience of raising a child as a single parent. I think she can better understand some of the choices I have had to make, and the difficulties I have dealt with raising my son virtually on my own (he's 6 now.)
This doesn't mean that I would not consider a single woman who is childless. I look at the whole person, and am more interested in can we be friends first, and can we find ways to compliment each others' strengths and weaknesses? Sometimes (some of) those character traits are more evident in someone who has dealt with similiar circumstances. (I've seen some friends hook up with single ladies with no children also, and most of them have performed magnificently in adapting and complimenting their chosen mates.
My last point of agreement is that yes, having a child has also brought back some of the little boy within, as I have a second chance to see and hear about the world on a day to day basis, from my little buddy, my son. So many days he makes innocent little remarks that just crack me up when I look at them from his point of view. Thank the Powers that be for little children! 
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/1/2005 7:54:22 AM | to SWTLITDEVLISH
Hope you are fine , i read your postage and i dnt agree with one point as i am a single man ,i never thought to have only fun with single mothers,why should i ,just want to say that ALL MEN ARE NOT EQUALL ,take care | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/1/2005 9:36:37 AM |
So why would we care about this single guys who got slightly used brain?
Imagine if I were to say "why would we care about these single girls who got slightly used uteruses?". Then, perhaps you will see how offensive you are. | |
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