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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/4/2005 7:20:54 AM | wellworthit:
I didn't say single dads....I said single men without kids or custody. I've always said there are exceptions to every rule and by saying men without custody the care and love wasn't a factor. It was the time factor. However, I was also NOT speaking of the single dads without custody that would turn backflips to have more time. This was supposed to be an understood seeing as how men who wanted more time would definitely understand. I see how that could have been overlooked by you and others though. That message was based on single men and their spontaneous attitudes getting tired of the "can't because I don't have a babysitter" needs of the single mom. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/4/2005 10:45:29 AM | Dell, dell... I don't understand why do you say it "precisely" because it sounded negative for the guy. Besides, what does "people being honest and good" have to do with the subject?
Perhaps you would care to enlighten me by showing the "you won't be a father for my children" under a shinier perspective. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/4/2005 7:14:40 PM | This "tangoperu" guy is a real piece of work. In his own head he has created a statement that he is arguing against that I never said or care to continue to debate.
"tangoperu" - You continue to think that your statements are valid, but they have absolutely no validity. No one on here is saying that people SHOULD date someone because they have a child, they are wondering why it's a factor to some men.
And another thing, my name is not girl.
Once again, the debate is over. God only knows why you've chosen to singal out my comment that had nothing to do with you. After reading the profile you submitted to this website, I completely understand your irrational posts.
Once again, bye! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/4/2005 7:22:21 PM | DELL:
Pay no mind to tangoperu's responses, he doesn't have any children, doesn't want to date a woman with kids, oh and doesn't want to date or have a relationship with anyone at all, according to the profile he posted on plenty of fish.
It's funny how people have such strong opinions on things they know nothing about.
Also, for someone who thinks he's really smart, he makes a lot of grammer/spelling errors:
"Dear wife, they're your children, buy them breakfast cereal with your own money").
I believe that the "they're" in the sentence should actually be THEIR.
Dell, just ignore his future comments because his irrational rantings will only continue with attention.
Interesting posts everyone, it's fun to read them every couple of days...it's a little creepy however when someone reads post for post on the hour and responds to every one as if it's a personal comment directed at them. I think we know who that is.
Peace. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/4/2005 7:46:32 PM | Incredible, although my mother tongue is not English, I think I can write a lot better than many people here, including you. And no, it's "They're" (Contraction of personal pronoun, third person plural + conjugated verb TO BE), "they are your children". "Their (possessive adjective) your (possessive adjective AGAIN) children"? Who is making a grammar (not grammer) mistake here?
And I called you "girl" because your maturity level is not enough to call you "woman". And it's not "singal" but "single".
Oh, yes. You can ignore me if you want, that's the beauty of these boards. And I'm not debating with you either, so you can't end what has not started. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/4/2005 9:50:52 PM | spazzyone:
You had to know when you posted "they should be raising their kids not risking another pregnancy" that you would get slammed....repeatedly I'm sure. Who said that a single mom got "knocked up" out of wedlock all the time or that she was out screwing everyone? I realize you yourself didn't say it, but that's exactly how it sounded. Divorce and death, two things that can cause single motherhood. Also, for those who did happen to get pregnant outside of marriage, again, it's not as if they're out sleeping with everyone. Come on, seriously? This goes back to an earlier response someone gave about why do people act as if single mothers shouldn't be allowed to date? It's idiotic and completely ridiculous to make such a statement. It implies that a single mom that dates isn't taking care of her kids. I date, but I try to only go out when my child is with her father, whom I was married to for 6 years, so I'm not taking time away from "raising my kid". I don't know why I'm surprised anymore by the stupidity and irrationality of some of the statements that come across these forums. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/4/2005 10:56:55 PM | | I dont have any ideal what your talking about ..i prefer a women to have one or to kids that just tells me that im not dealling with a completely imature little girl...children symbolize maturity to me...what a better way to make you grow up but to have a kid. if they run away who need them i would rather spend a life time alone with my daughter than one second with a women who doesnt want to be around children! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/5/2005 2:50:55 AM | What really gets to me is everyone can bag single mothers out but most of the time were single because of the men we were with. i have four children and it wouldnt bother me if i was single for the rest of my life........Let me ask you this question SPAZZYONE how many women have you taken home for a one night stand and havnt ever seen them again?????How many unknown children do you have out there just through getting your****wet for 1 night its through ppl like you that there is single mothers out there.........Grow up and stop with the bull shit knocking single mothers  | |
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Dell
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Joined: 1/21/2004
Msg: 186 | |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/5/2005 8:04:34 AM | Tang: #1 I never used the word "precisely" so I don't know why you quoted it or even what you're talking about when you said, "because it sounded negative for the guy". I said your perspective was negative, not that in general men have a negative perspective. #2 I don't feel obligated to enlighten you on anything. You don't have children nor do you want to be with anyone who does and it boggles my mind why you're even here in the first place. There are many other forums you could participate in, why here? To spread negativity? To feel superior to those who have children and are now single?
p.s. Thanks Inceridible25! I've seen this DB before, he just likes to be antagonistic. Funny thing is his perspective is poor because he knows not of what he speaks yet he continues to yammer on endlessly about the plight of the single parent. Kind of like a jacka$$ telling a chicken what it's like to be a horse. lol | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/5/2005 8:21:51 AM | Of course you didn't use "precisely". "I" used "precisely".
Why am I here? Because I like to talk. To feel superior? Of course not! There are many people here with more experience than I, and who is obviously superior in some ways.
Anyway, although you are single parents, you are not limiting your dating choices to single parents. So, childless single people has something to say here. Perhaps you noticed (if not, please check) that the only threads I post in this forum are those where childless single guys become part of the subject, just as this one: "Why Single Men...". Since I'm a single man, I can post here.
Now Dell, "negativity" is not what I want to spread. What I want to give -if I may- is the viewpoint of the regular single guy, the one that many of you say "he runs when he learns I have children". Why? Because if some of you understand "why" he's running (instead of just giving infantile, self-soaping explanations such as: "because he's a loser/immature/jerk"), perhaps next time you find a guy, you will have some empathy for his doubts and fears, and perhaps act in such a way that he won't run. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/5/2005 8:34:14 AM |
Incredible, although my mother tongue is not English, I think I can write a lot better than many people here, including you. And no, it's "They're" (Contraction of personal pronoun, third person plural + conjugated verb TO BE), "they are your children". "Their (possessive adjective) your (possessive adjective AGAIN) children"? Who is making a grammar (not grammer) mistake here?
And I called you "girl" because your maturity level is not enough to call you "woman". And it's not "singal" but "single".
Oh, yes. You can ignore me if you want, that's the beauty of these boards. And I'm not debating with you either, so you can't end what has not started.
Tango, English is also not my native language, and I also lose mind a little bit when I see blatant grammatical and vocabulary errors made by men and women. However, I think language is far from the issue in this thread.
It behooves you to stop focusing on grammar and start examining why you're being so arrogant with women. You're cutting off your nose to spite your face by doing that. On the one hand, you want very badly to be listened to by these women, on the other, by being arrogant you're only succeeding in having them think of your words as useless. Take my advice, Tang, drop the grammar lesson and learn to be a sweetiepie to women. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/5/2005 8:43:34 AM | Sarita, I never mentioned the grammar thing until it was used (wrongly) against me. Now, about the arrogant part, perhaps you're right. I'm a bit arrogant, I admit it, it's one of my (many) flaws.
Now, about my words being useless or not, I think that most people here is smart enough to focus in the message and not in the messenger.
Believe me, I'd love to be a sweetipie to everybody, but sometimes reality is harsh, and I've learned that the truth, never mind how hard or unpalatable, is always better than a sweetened illusion.
Anyway, I will listen to your advice, and from now on, I'll try to be less arrogant and will wait to cool my head before answering antagonistic posts. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/5/2005 9:21:47 AM | I'm a single mother with a 9 year old daughter. I haven't found it that hard to date yet. It's more of a preference with myself as well. Between work and my child and the fact taht I work a 4 on 4 off shift makes it difficult for dating. So I have other obstacles in the way as well. My daughter goes to a sitter pretty much 16 days out of 30 a month for various time frames. When I'm with my daughter I'm not necessarily eager to give up my time with her to ship her off to a sitter again.
I've dated single guys with out kids and that's a tough one because the 'freedoms' are so different. I don't let alot of men in my daughter's life. I think she's met 3 in the last 6 years and all were relationships of a year or longer. That's a difficult part as well. Who do you let into your child's life without them wondering what's going on.
I myself, because of the last relationship with a single, kidless guy....would prefer to date a guy with a child. It shows you that they have responsiblities just like you and they realize the difficulty of being a single parent.
I don't sweat the small stuff and well, if a guy doesn't want the package deal then he can keep right on going. The two of us together make quite a loving team I think! *S* | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/5/2005 9:27:31 AM | | to moondreamer....the "can't because I don't have a babysitter" term doesn't fly with me only because of my situation as stated in a previous post. I value my time with my daughter because she's at a sitter's half of the month, so I prefer to date when she's at her father's home and I have time to give to someone. I mean as a relationship grows with someone.....that would change of course.....hoping that both families would spend time together at some point. But...in the meantime, i don't bring stray men home to parade in front of my daugther....so...if the time can't be made to spend when I have off then I just move on....life's too short to sweat that stuff. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/5/2005 9:34:11 AM | Sorry..had to laugh at your post....I'm 45....and uhhhh....not looking to risk getting pregnant.
But...to each his/her own I guess!! And who's to say the single girl without a kid....isn't going to get pregnant??? *S*
Most women that already have a child....and are a single parent, are not looking to have other children. Now...I didn't say ALL.....I said MOST. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/5/2005 5:42:56 PM | Do I dare to even comment here...Ladies and Gentlemen I see both sides of the argument here. I am a single mother of 2 and I seem to meet all the guys that want to tuck their tails between their legs and run in the opposite direction when I am honest in telling them that I have children up front. NO matter what, my children will always be in my life and that is something that someone will have to eventually accept or they can keep running. Somewhere there has become a lack of respect for humanity in general. I LOVE my children, that will never change. What ever happened to honesty and acceptance? What happened to falling in love with the person for who they are not what they are? Just because there are a lot of single mothers here doesn't mean that we are out spreading our legs in an attempt to trap a man in a situation...the assumption of such nonsense is ridiculous.
Being a single parent in itself is a difficult situation, whether you are the single mom or dad. Everyone has their own preferences in life, but just because you have your preferences doesn't mean you should shut out your options. Afterall, single parents have the ability to love as easily without exceptions as everyone else. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/5/2005 11:14:10 PM | I think there's a couple reasons. First, who wants to raise someone else's kids? That's certainly a big job. And some women are just looking for some guy who'll do that. Second, the guy is probably thinking, "What kind of judgement does this woman have to find herself being a single mom?" Most of the single moms I've known (including one that I dated and one that I wanted to) got that way by having bad judgement at a young age. Unfortunately their judgement never seemed to get any better with age. I don't mean that as a slam against all single moms, just relating my personal experiences. Despite the fact that I don't want kids, I wouldn't automatically rule out dating single moms. I'd have a bias against them but if they'd show me that they're mature and aren't looking for someone to be the brand new dad, I happily continue dating them.
Let me also add that a single mom usually means there's a dad involved somehow. Maybe he's a psycho that just can't let go. Maybe they have a bad relationship and the bf doesn't want to get stuck in the middle. Maybe she's carrying a lot of baggage because the guy was a jerk or something. Heck, maybe the dad is the good guy in all of this and had excellent reasons for separating. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/6/2005 2:14:51 AM | CountIbli, your thoughts on why a single mom might be single are ones worth considering. It goes without saying though, that they can go both ways... guys can have just as much baggae, guys can have a jealous ex- stalking them (although they usually aren't as afraid, physically, maybe), and maybe the gal was really a good woman, who left because the guy really is a sorry SOB in how he treated her, alcoholic, druggie, etc.
In my experience though, guys that I have talked to who were hesitant, were often that way because they were unsure exactly what kind of envirnment they were possibly entering into. DOES she have a crazy, jealous ex-? WHY did he leave her, if he did? Her view and his view on that may be quite different... maybe she is difficult to get along with, much higher maintenance that the guy thought, etc... Same could be said for any potential new g/f, tho... how many of the ladies on here have NO ex-'s? Most people, guys and gals consider themself reasonable and rational, I think... in their mind they are... however, your opinion may vary.
Adding children into the mix makes things more difficult, or complicated. Instead of 2 peoples' feeling, etc. to consider, now we speak of 3, or 4 (or more.) This is not to at all downplay single parents, as I am one myself... but it does usually complicate things. I look at it as I don't rule out single moms, or single women... only single jerks! ;)
Leif | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/6/2005 3:22:20 AM | Parents generally see their own children in brighter light than others see them. In profiles here, women with children invariably prefix the word "kids" with "wonderful" or "amazing". You may believe that you have "2 wonderful kids" but to others they are likely to be, at best, "2 average kids".
Sometimes I have been lucky - I have dated women with children who turned out to be indeed wonderful. Often, though, the kids were simply brats. You can forgive your own children's brattish behaviour, but when they are not your children they are simply very irritating.
What I have discovered is that quite often the mothers expect me to fulfill many responsibilities of a father ("We need to go to Jimmy's school meeting today") but few if any of the rights ("Don't you shout at my kids!"). This inbalance makes the relationship very one-sided.
The final point is that I now tend to date women without children because it is possible to be spontaneous. I can can phone up on Friday afternoon and say "take monday off work and let's go away for a long weekend to somewhere exotic". Having to alway plan weeks ahead and then cancel because "Jimmy's father swapped weekends" stifles such spontaneity. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/6/2005 5:32:20 AM | You'll find someone...go for the spiritual men..who feel...they won't be cheated by loving strangers...it may come back to them..from God or the universe...the world and the flesh says..if you're going to spend money and change diapers..it should be own kid....there are some cool people out there...maybe go for other single dads? Go for the Brady Bunch thing?
Most single guys could have had their own families....if you meet them single...they might be waiting to start own...my mom had a bad time finding guys with two boys..with girl it might be easier...don't have the waterworld ending if you don't have to. Best Wishes. Try singles dances or single parent dances..where its on the table..or easier.
It may be worth reading up on the dynamics of children of divorce and step-parents books...because..well..it doesn't automatically integrate...My hypothesis: step fathers stifle male children (especially if dysfunctional) and step fathers may abuse more statistically (female) go eazy governeress.
My mom had several people she liked. I only liked one. Growing up. They all loved / lusted her b/c she was pretty and giving...(dope) | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/6/2005 5:44:41 AM | TO NELLY79
i agree to you ,i also thing that there are lot of single mothers who are caring the kids of men who had then for one night,i think for me its the simple to date one ,invite her at home,talk to her,get her in bed, and ******* with them, BUT I DO NOT DO THIS TYPE OF THINGS ,we (MEN) should think about it why we are doing all of this ,why we make women pregnent and leave them to grow the kid alone, | |
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