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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/6/2005 10:04:57 AM | happy to hear you have given us single mums a chance, but not to wotty we are not all like that some of us are strong and independant and want a man rather than need one, good luck in your quest to find a match.
Suki | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/6/2005 11:28:35 AM | Just one thing to add, where I live in Northern Illinois (USA) there is a rash of single mothers here. The Biggest Issue I have is that these girls seem to "allow" 2-4 guys to father a child (Donate the sperm) and then he buggers off. So She has a child, and then, within the net year, finds another boy, who makes a deposit, and she has a second child. So now, she has 2 children, and there are 2 different fathers, who are not taking responsibility for their children. Thats until she finds a 3rd guy, and ends up with a third child, with another different father, who will be long gone before this child is born. So Now, she's 21, got 3 kids, living on state aid, and completely unsupported.
So you try going out, and whoa - just who are you to discipline my child... Not to mention, that by now the 5 year old has met 3-5 different "fathers" that the mother has drug home from who knows where, and has no idea of even trying to warm up to you, besides, this is just the 2nd date, and he's met you 2 times. She constantly talks about how lousy this guy was, and this guy was, and how this guy used her, and this guy was a jerk.
So now what?
I guess in a perfect world, young girls wouldn't get pregnant on their first encounter, and the guys they choose to share the experience with wouldn't be deadbeats. Oh well.
Yeah, I woudl personally prefer meeting and eventually marrying someone with out children, only becuase of fear. Fear of the rights I wouldn;t have to teach, educate and discipline some other man's child. I also have fears about whether or not I would treat the children fairly when I have one of my own with my partner. Would I Favor this Biological child over the other one? Its a concern, and I really wouldn;t want to have to find out how i would react. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/6/2005 12:05:39 PM | @incredible 25 ( bad choice of name by the way)
I think the reason single guys don't like dating single mothers like you is because of your piss poor attitude. You are by far the biggest baby of any single mother on this thread. It is not even close.
Rambling on about your opionion is fine, but to even fathom what you know what other people are thinking......you couldn't be further from the truth as to why single guys dont' like you. You just suck!
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GHpike
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Joined: 1/13/2005
Msg: 204 | |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/6/2005 12:28:07 PM | The reason Single guys dont like single moms is simple actually. A guy likes the option to get to know a woman on an innocent and fun basis and if it was meant for more, it will happen. Single moms go out and date looking out for not only the interest of their own but also the kid, they dont let the natural attraction happen. Its not this way for all instances because I have met some really cool single moms but for the most part look out! Plus single moms have less time to spend going out on the town, why shouldnt men just take the easy route, after all plentyoffish in the sea 
Graham | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/6/2005 1:05:01 PM | If the world doesn't have enough single girls, I am sure single guys will go for single moms.
Disclaimer: I have absolutely nothing against single moms. In fact, I have tremendous respect for single moms.
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| I believe men do like single moms...so long as kids aren't shoved down their throats
Posted: 6/6/2005 1:30:56 PM | First i would like to state that i have yet to meet a man that did not accept me or my child for what it is...My child...I am not looking for a replacement daddy or some play mate daddy.. in fact i keep the 2 lives as separate as i can... I dont beat around the bush if they ask i ll tell them....My son has not met any of my man friends nor will he ever i bet...kids grow up to fast as it is they dont need to be seeing who and what mom is doing with her spare time...
Do i date??every weekend..my son is with his father and i go out.. So infact it isnt that men dont like women with kids they just dont like to be forced into dealing with family on first dates
so take care and keep on smilin.. ciao | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/6/2005 3:12:42 PM | Hi I am a guy 55 who loves little girls. Have 2 of my own. I have found in my dating life that I have often been much sadder about losing the kids than the mom when the relationship dies.
At my age and with little kids of my own, I am very unlikely to meet someone without kids and frankly I am not at all sure I would want to! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/6/2005 4:00:55 PM | Most likely, if a man runs when he finds out you're a mother, he was a selfish person, wanted all your attention, wouldn't have been a good step-father and you are both better off without him.
That is the good thing about this site, they know out front if you are a mother. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/6/2005 6:56:12 PM | | I find thats why I dont bring my daughters into my dating. I'm up front that I have a daughter but most guys that I've talked to say that it scares them because "some" women are looking for a "daddy" for their child or children. Now Im not saying all women do this but the ones that do ruin it for the rest. Ive also been told that some men jsut cant raise another mans child. My mother was a divorced single mother when she met my step father. He made my life HELL. and talking to him years later he told me he thought he could do it but found out too late he couldnt handle it. I can get worse also with some men if you have work out and have a child together. thats why I find that guys that have kids themselves seem to be the best when dating they seem to understand and know what were going through. Before its said im not saying this about ALL men or ALL women just some. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/6/2005 8:55:29 PM | I havent read all 9 pages of posts, but had to put my 2 cents worth in here.
I'm a full custody dad, two kids (6 year old girl, and 9 year old boy). I have been a single dad for about 4 years. I had a pretty serious relationship with a woman who had two kids as well. In the end we broke up partly because of the way my kids were treated-I won't go into gory details but,in the end I felt I had bonded with her kids and vice versa, but she never got close to mine, or even tried. It may be a harder pill to swallow for women, or it may have been the individual. Regardless,in my situation, if I have another relationship it will likely be someone without kids. I'd be willing, even like to have more kids with the right person and think that would work out OK however. Am I nuts? Way off base? Do you think women have a harder time accepting someone elses kids than guys do? | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/6/2005 9:15:06 PM | Amen Brother!!
I am a single dad (part time) and I get very few replys or requests online even though I am slim,still have my have hair,and teeth, no beer gut, no deformaties and no fur on my body!!!!
so be careful about throwing stones when you live in glass houses...the street runs in both directions!!!
G.E.L! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/6/2005 9:28:53 PM | PS By The way my 2nd wife was a single mom...and once we had a child on the way her real agenda came out...4 months after our daughter was born I was forced out and 3 days later her best friends husband was moved in...less than 2 years later you guessed it she was getting married to another guy whom she had a child with....he's outta the picture now too!!!! by the way I would date a single mom again if I found 1 that wasn't a complete NUT!!!
but I will have a very hard time trusting thier motives...once burned twice shy!
there are probably some very decent single moms out there but I have to say that the few I have spent any amount of time with were single for good reason!!!
Just like it only takes a few bad men to make us all look bad same goes for single moms!!!
Dont get mad at us get mad at the women who are giving you a bad reputation...
I cant stand how some lowlife men are giving us single or divorced fathers a bad rap!!! | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/6/2005 10:47:33 PM | G.E.L. and putercop:
Great posts and you're right. It takes a few bad eggs to give any group of individuals a bad name. Glad to see you like others haven't totally given up. It was enlightening to here from a single dad's perspective on this. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/6/2005 10:52:56 PM | Putercop,
I am a full-time custody dad to two kids about the same age as yours (boy age 8, girl age 6), and I have also had some bad experiences with single moms -- who didn't treat my kids decently, were just looking for someone who could babysit her son so she could go out drinking and whoring around, or were just plain nuts! BUT having said that, I have seen from this site and friendships I have with couples where the single mom had remarried, that there are some great single moms out there (my cousin is a single mom, a great mom and great person -- if only we both lived in Alabama - just kidding!). Yes I am also bitter that I have not had the fortune of meeting the right one and don't know when, where or if I'll meet her, BUT I would still prefer a single mom over a single woman who doesn't have kids. A single mom better understands the challenges and rewards that single dads face, and the fact that we can't just go out on the spur of the moment, etc. is not lost on her. Yes I am more cautious now and probably (unfortunately) it takes longer for me to place my trust a woman, but I do not see why single dads should give up on single moms. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/6/2005 11:24:29 PM | I am a single mother and it has never been an issue. If it ever were to be an issue in the future then I would just have to hope that the man would be upfront about it from the beginning so no one gets hurt. Just because a guy choses not to date a woman with children does not make him a bad person, if he dates you knowing he would not be interested in anything serious and 6 months down the road says hey, I cant be serious with a woman with children then he should be ashamed of himself. On another note, the blame cant all be placed on the male in this situation. So many single mothers date and are constantly parading different men around their children, its wrong and we have to keep that part of our lives seperate from our children unless it turns into something very serious. No man is worth the effects that kind of behavior can have on a child. I guess what I am trying to say is...its not about a guy who wont date a single mother and its not about a single mother who desires a meaningful relationship, its about the child and when you date that has to come first.  | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/7/2005 1:09:19 AM | TO TIGRESS
i agree to you ,but i think all of the men are not same,the man who is only looking for sex runs away when he knows you are a mother ,but men who are looking for honesty ,love ,kindness or other qualities they never runs away , | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/7/2005 11:00:39 AM | cinmarie, I agree about the not parading (wo)men around in front of the kids. It's one thing to have friends around (whether it becomes more or not), if the kids understand that the two of you are friends, and that is how you act when together with the kids, I don't see any harm in that. I don't think that hanging all over each other in front of the kids is very good though, unless the couple are both serious about the relationship. Even then, I think there is some propriety that should be observed... showing affection in front of the kids, in a serious relationship is GOOD, but there should also be limits as to how far that goes... as in no make out sessions, etc. (IMHO)
I think it does the kids good to see their mom/dad enjoying themself with another adult, smiling and laughing, having a good time, even just as friends. It's the overdoing it with PDAs, when the kids are around, that would bother me. Honest friendship and affection are not bad though... maybe think of if you would be comfortable doing whatever in front of your parents. When I was married, I had no problems with holding hands, kissing her, etc... but it wasn't the tongue down the throat type of kissing, or groping... ;) I feel that is also what I would be comfortable with in front of my 6 yr old son, if I was with a lady whom I was good friends with, or dating.
Just my $.02
Leif | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/7/2005 1:19:33 PM | I agree with putercop. I'm more likeley myself to be interested in someone without kids. I would be afraid that the man's children would get better treatment than mine.
Grown, out of the house, kids might be ok. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/7/2005 1:36:38 PM | Tigress, I can understand that fear. You are right, some guys undoubtedly WOULD treat their own kids better... I don't think all guys would though, just depends on the guy and their personality... All kids should be well loved, regardless if they are your 'natural' kids or a partners... this is coming from a guy who was adopted as a baby. :) I just look at it as I have 2 sets of parents, even though none of them are married to each other anymore. My mom's new hubby (well, new 20 yrs ago...LOL) has 4 or 5 kids of his own, and he was always nice and a good guy to myself and my 2 siblings. I still have a lot of respect for him to this day. My dad's 2nd wife was childless and never wanted kids, but we were mostly grown and out of the house when they got married. Still feels a little odd around her, since she's never really wanted our kids callin her grandma.
Of course, I respect your choice, but just don't think all of us are that way. :)
Leif | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/7/2005 1:37:59 PM | ... about women just looking for a daddy for their children ...
I'm looking for my soul mate, but ultimately, whoever ends up with me, WILL be a step-daddy to my child, so the person I end up with definitely has to be 'daddy' material. We are a package deal. If a man isn't just as good to my child as he is to me, that won't do. I have more than just myself to think about.
Anybody seen the movie "Jerry Maguire", well it stars Tom Cruise and Renee Zelwegger and in the movie, she has a small son and starts dating Tom Cruise. Well, I was so touched with the way he opened his heart to the little boy and got so attached to him and vise versa. I want somebody to feel that way about my son.
If you are a single parent, it's not just about YOUR happiness. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/7/2005 2:07:51 PM | I've actually been on the opposite side of this... At 25, I married a man with full custody of 2 small children. I was able to open my heart to them and bond with them. That marriage only lasted 6 years, but after all these years, the kids are 18 and 20 now, and they are still in contact with me. They call and come to see me when they can and consider me family. They actually refer to my child as their "little brother", although he is not their father's child, he's only 5 years old.
I just know, that there is somebody out there like me, that will open his heart to me AND my child, and I'll just keep looking till I find him. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/7/2005 3:09:12 PM | | kids are a gift, and single mothers should be treated the same, everyone needs to be happy and as a single father myself i say it's hard for us as well but i would except any child as part of a relationship , kids need as much attention as they can get now a days. | |
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| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/7/2005 3:15:29 PM | Tigress, that's awesome, that you've maintained communications and a good relationship with those kids. I did something similiar, at age 28 I married a gal who was 25 and had 2 kids, and we were married for 7 years. Sadly, her oldest (girl) saw how her mom treated me, and chose to follow in her mom's footsteps. It sounds like she is also dealing with depression, as well as puberty, so I don't lay the blame on her. She's a good kid, and maybe someday when she gets out from under her mom's influence a bit, we can renew that relationship. I don't count on it, but as I said, she's a good kid.
My ex-'s second child (boy), I still see fairly often, as his dad and I are very good friends, and he lives with his dad and we have a really good relationship. I get to see him every month or so, plus or minus, we all go camping together sometimes, etc.
When I met and eventually married my ex-, I took those kids as my own and always did my best by them, always tried to treat both of them, and the son my ex- had with me, as equally as I could. (Of course, with their ages being 8 and 5 yrs older than my son, some things, priviledges, responsibilities, etc were a bit different, but I love all of them, and they have all been raised as siblings.)
Always keep your eyes open. Nice guys who will love both you AND your child are out there. :) How can someone blame a child for who their parents are/were... they had no choice in the matter. I know what you mean about being a bit wary though... I find myself in the same boat.
Leif | |
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Nibua
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Joined: 6/7/2005
Msg: 225 | |
| Ever Wonder Why Single Men Do Not like Single mothers?
Posted: 6/7/2005 3:53:20 PM | | putercop: all I have to say is I think your off-base. But that is only my opinion and think that the individual in this matter was the one with issues. I have children of my own and would rather date someone who has children. | |
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