| What does modern day marriage mean to you?
Posted: 1/4/2008 12:52:15 PM | ("my question is why do females need the legal systems involvment to have all the wonderfull things marriage provides?to me the only thing proventing marriage from being what we all seem to want it to be is that.")
^^^
Sorry, i missed that one! I have no answer to your question because the marital laws were not made by me! I can't see it's the females at fault, but the legal system!
My question to YOU is, why do we need a ceromony at all? | |
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| What does modern day marriage mean to you?
Posted: 1/4/2008 1:51:21 PM | | i dont know if we need ceremony.thats the choice of the couple.i dont think it is females fault either,but from the guys u know they would rather get married without legal representation.the ladies they are with dont seem to agree with this idea.personaly i like the idea of a nice ceromony ,but the girl i have fallin in love with doesnt want it.she does want it to be legal though.lol.i do not trust our legal system enough to go down this road.been there done that,saw its reasoning and it doesnt reflect mine. | |
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| What does modern day marriage mean to you?
Posted: 1/4/2008 4:14:24 PM | OK, so according to our legal system and the bonds of 'Holy Matrimony' - Forever is approximately 3.4 years long.
I am a woman - I do NOT want a formal ceremony, nor do I believe that I need the sanctiment of church or government in order for me to feel "secure" in a mutually committed 'living together' situation where we are both faithful, secure and happy. The key is Happy.
Liz Taylor married 7 times ..
That's a lotta forevers!
A.S.is
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| What does modern day marriage mean to you?
Posted: 1/4/2008 4:21:02 PM | RE: First post.
Modern day marriage: Dysfunctional. It just doesnt function anymore. Thousands of years ago when such ceremonies were created, sure they worked. But the world was a VASTLY different place back then. Modern day marriage is a useless relic. It should be discarded. | |
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| What does modern day marriage mean to you?
Posted: 1/4/2008 5:41:08 PM | I kinda like the idea of hand-fasting... I don't know enough about it to speak intelligently. (when do I ever) but it is something like an old celtic ceremony and it is done prior to marriage and I've read of it being used when being legally married is not convenient or possible - like say in the middle of a war, or a spiritual battle w/good and evil but the couple doesn't want to wait to pledge their love and loyalty to each other. LOL I read too much fantasy/romance.
Anyway, I like the idea of creating a ceremony out in the woods to pledge my love under a full moon. But not going thru a legal marital ceremony.
I like rituals and ceremonies...but only if they hold meaning for me which often means creating my own or modifying one. I'm a stickler for this at my church, esp as I've had to change denominations as I've moved around the country. I don't change my beliefs just because I changed churches.
And...quite frankly, I am 100% divorced in my head and heart...but legally I am still stuck b/c of the ways our laws work. I'd rather not have the government tell me who I can and cannot love.
My NT is showing again! (myers briggs reference) I hate following stupid rules!
Kaylie  | |
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| What does modern day marriage mean to you?
Posted: 1/4/2008 5:49:06 PM | I view marriage as a binding of two people in a promise of life long love.
Hopefully, if I ever get married it will work out that way. I tend to be optimistic though.... | |
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| What does modern day marriage mean to you?
Posted: 1/4/2008 10:30:16 PM | Modern-day marriage is simply trash, a way for the state legal laws to butt into your personal lives. The best marriage is one that is religious and private, not recognized by the government in ANY way.
Don't get married. People can love each other forever without needing a legal contract that's explained to you by lawyers. Kind of a turnoff in the romance too. | |
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| What does modern day marriage mean to you?
Posted: 1/5/2008 5:55:42 AM | Modern-day marriage is simply trash, a way for the state legal laws to butt into your personal lives. The best marriage is one that is religious and private, not recognized by the government in ANY way.
Don't get married. People can love each other forever without needing a legal contract that's explained to you by lawyers. Kind of a turnoff in the romance too.
plausibly good advice as far as I can see.
Matthew 5 talks about a divorce certificate being a piece of paper - as opposed to it having anything to do with the covenant itself. | |
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| What does modern day marriage mean to you?
Posted: 1/5/2008 6:17:26 AM | alian: the OP question was what it means to YOU.
OK, so according to our legal system and the bonds of 'Holy Matrimony' - Forever is approximately 3.4 years long.
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| What does modern day marriage mean to you?
Posted: 1/5/2008 3:16:22 PM |
People can love each other forever without needing a legal contract that's explained to you by lawyers. Kind of a turnoff in the romance too.
And call the hospital and ask how they're doing ~~ and be told nothing: you have no standing. Or sit in ICU, holding their hand, and have a cousin two thousand miles away determine "best care." Or the "local" committee of pastors. Be given the responsibility of "cleaning up" their affairs after death, with no standing. Try doing it in a month, because that's as long as the rent's been paid for. . . .
Legal IS important. And I hope you never have to find out otherwise.
From where I stand, "Responsible" is as Romantic as H3ll!!
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| What does modern day marriage mean to you?
Posted: 1/5/2008 3:27:07 PM | | Frankly, legal marraige is a form of contract law and I would like to see it dealt with as such. Get government out of the business of "approving" mairrage and leave that function to religious institutions. That would end the debate over gay marraige, poly marraiges, or anything else. We would then deal with a contract between consenting adult parties spelling out terms. It appeals to my engineering, logical side. There would still be room for your traditional marraiges within the bounds of religion, but we would no longer be involving the government. | |
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| What does modern day marriage mean to you?
Posted: 1/6/2008 7:53:35 AM |
And call the hospital and ask how they're doing ~~ and be told nothing:
Wooby makes a good point. In many regions, there are fairly archaic laws on the books regarding the legal rights of long term relationships that don't have a pure paper trail. In those regions, which oddly cluster in the Red States in the USA, a marriage certificate can make life easier.
In other jurisdictions, Canada being a case in point, common-law marriages are recognized as being legally equivalent for tax, insurance, post-accident decision making, etc. The duration of cohabitation required varies from 1-3 years depending on the organization in question, but 3 years is just the beginning of a long-term relationship anyway.
Cheers,
Mike (know your local law, but don't assume it's universal) | |
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| What does modern day marriage mean to you?
Posted: 1/6/2008 12:15:30 PM | | the fact that you cant see your loved ones without a marriage certificate is WRONG!!!! and the legalities of it are obsured.the fact that people just except it,is sad. | |
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| What does modern day marriage mean to you?
Posted: 1/6/2008 2:03:31 PM | I think it depends on our personal experiences, the way we come to view marriage, we all have agendas, both concious and unconcious, added on top of that - we change.
Our lifestyles now are inherently mobile, fast paced and open to random and unexpected influence. The world and people's attitudes are at odds now with the thought of anything standing still.
As a young woman marriage to me meant security for me and my children, the expectation of a monogamous relationship, the love and affection of a husband and the respect of those around me. The reality was far different. My husband expected a permanent slave who would love him unconditionally until released by death, no matter what he did. Had my experience been positive, I would still be a firm believer in marriage today - I really truly think people should be able to look forward to a monogamous future together. However, I think legal decisions are discouraging people from that path. I think it is, unfair that marriage or a long term relationship should mean that someone else walks off with your, earnings. The financial loss a home parent makes in caring for children should be rewarded - but for childless couples? No.
I think the future will see marriage as decreasing in popularity, the hostage situation is simply untenable for males and females who have intelligence and self esteem. Marriage was meant to protect women who did not have the means to support themselves - that is what is was for - it is no longer relevant.
Ceremonies are important though, life should be a celebration - and two people finding each other and falling in love - is something all of us should celebrate. It is surely the Holy Grail of life itself to find some who loves you as an equal, even if it is such a frail and temporary thing - it is worth marking the occassion as something very very special. | |
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| What does modern day marriage mean to you?
Posted: 1/7/2008 6:40:47 AM | | the other problem is the social expectation of marriage.the pressure to do so in north american society is unrealistic and damaging.when we should be telling our kin to find the right person,take your time,and allow for your relationship to grow into a marriage.instead far to often its,if you do this you must get married,you can only do this if your married.before the couple even knows if they are in love with each other,they are being given altimatums on there relationship.adding stress and confusion to a young couples life that is completely unnecessary,and very damaging to the health of their future together. | |
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| What does modern day marriage mean to you?
Posted: 1/7/2008 7:24:24 AM | | A woman doing and putting in 90 hour weeks compared to the husband 's 40 hour week and on week ends she wahes clothes, cooks, grocery shops, irons and if children are present entertain them and drives them to and from if they are under age and the Men play Golf on week ends and Monday she goes to work just like he does oh yes and she pay 60 %%%% of bills amd all the groceries. {Food} and prepares it and serves it. | |
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| What does modern day marriage mean to you?
Posted: 1/7/2008 7:41:17 AM | | ^^^^^ Hey, I put in those 90-hour weeks...when I was married. We had so little time after all of the honey-do's, neither of us wanted sex or to be anything other than alone. If that's what marriage means, then why do so many women (and men) want it? I believe it's passe'. | |
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| What does modern day marriage mean to you?
Posted: 1/7/2008 7:56:41 AM |
A woman doing and putting in 90 hour weeks compared to the husband 's 40 hour week and on week ends she wahes clothes, cooks, grocery shops, irons and if children are present entertain them and drives them to and from if they are under age and the Men play Golf on week ends and Monday she goes to work just like he does oh yes and she pay 60 %%%% of bills amd all the groceries. {Food} and prepares it and serves it.
1. It's not difficult to load a washing machine. Men can do it. Men do do it. If this is how your previous relationships have been, I'm sorry, but do not generalize in such a way that implies that all men are like this.
2. I cook. If we're sharing a meal, hopefully we have similar tastes in food. See as above for statement of generalization.
3. I iron, though not well. (My ironing board was very cheap.) I tend to just fold everything right out of the drier, and hang everything right away....so far I haven't had any wrinkle problems. When I need my good suits pressed, I go to the dry cleaner. I've never expected anyone I was in a relationship with to iron my clothing. See 1 for statement of generalization.
4. I prefer to grocery shop with my SO. Food is a very communal thing. I think that having one person do all of the grocery shopping is a foolish notion. (Though I have, and don't mind going alone if we can't make the time.) See 1 for statement of generalization.
5. I don't have kids, but I don't see how driving them anywhere would be a problem for me. See 1 for statement of generalization.
6. I don't golf. When I golf, the lawn needs repairs. This is the biggest generalization yet.
7. 60% of the bills and all of the groceries? In my previous relationship what we each paid was based on what we made. While what I was making was less than what she was making (she had a well paying job, and I was trying to finish my certification), I paid for many things around the house. Groceries, phone, cable/internet--- those were all me. It is all about communicating who is paying for what. If you're married this is especially important because if you're thinking that YOU'RE the one paying--- well, that's not teamwork. Both of you should be paying, but both of you should be supporting each other like a team.
8. see 2 for notes on cooking and preparation.
Again, I'm sorry if every relationship that you've been in has been so ridiculous... but lumping all men into one group makes you seem jaded. What's the point in being on a dating site if that's your opinion of the opposite sex? | |
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| What does modern day marriage mean to you?
Posted: 1/7/2008 8:07:13 AM | A woman doing and putting in 90 hour weeks compared to the husband 's 40 hour week and on week ends she wahes clothes, cooks, grocery shops, irons and if children are present entertain them and drives them to and from if they are under age and the Men play Golf on week ends and Monday she goes to work just like he does oh yes and she pay 60 %%%% of bills amd all
the groceries. {Food} and prepares it and serves it.
i hate to say it,but i see far to many guys like this.^ | |
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| What does modern day marriage mean to you?
Posted: 1/7/2008 8:09:13 AM | What's the point in being on a dating site if that's your opinion of the opposite sex?
I'm dying to hear the answer to this one.
OK so lets all be pessimists then. Here's my pathetic pessimistic rationale:
"People start thread like these with the express purpose to illicit validation. Especially when they are insecure about a decision they just made."
Am I helping yet? | |
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| What does modern day marriage mean to you?
Posted: 1/7/2008 8:28:18 AM | Cant wait to be married.... Id love to say I belong to someone and they belong to me... Id be proud to have someone to call my husband....
Its hard to find someone to love you in this world. Too many people take it for granted...
Marriage to me means, best friends, a partnership, lovers and soul mates.
thats what i think anyway....
(I'll wake up one day lol)... | |
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| What does modern day marriage mean to you?
Posted: 1/7/2008 11:35:32 AM | Having a 27yr starter marriage behind me, I know I like being married, but I would like to think that, if I were to do it again, the knowledge, wisdom and experience I have now will serve me to better choose my partner, understand fully what such an undertaking entails and the part I play in maintaining healthy relations.
I'm of the mind it still means to love, honor and respect, with all intentions and hopes that it would indeed be, til death us do part. | |
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| What does modern day marriage mean to you?
Posted: 1/7/2008 11:15:27 PM | Cant wait to be married.... Id love to say I belong to someone and they belong to me... Id be proud to have someone to call my husband....
Its hard to find someone to love you in this world. Too many people take it for granted...
Marriage to me means, best friends, a partnership, lovers and soul mates.
thats what i think anyway....
(I'll wake up one day lol)...
sweetheart, you are wide awake!
don't ever change that point of view.
just keep choosing it day after day after day.
Having a 27yr starter marriage behind me, I know I like being married, but I would like to think that, if I were to do it again, the knowledge, wisdom and experience I have now will serve me to better choose my partner, understand fully what such an undertaking entails and the part I play in maintaining healthy relations.
I'm of the mind it still means to love, honor and respect, with all intentions and hopes that it would indeed be, til death us do part.
That's great. Your heart took a whipping but you didn't let it get hard and crusty.
Use your experience and wisdom to inform and help other people.
Give them hope.
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| What does modern day marriage mean to you?
Posted: 1/7/2008 11:41:38 PM |
Hey, I put in those 90-hour weeks...when I was married.
And oddly you're not married any more. Qu'elle surprise.
Among other things, committed long term relationships involve either agreeing to live separate lives while living in an economic contract, or carving out time for one another sufficient to keep the relationship alive.
Cheers,
Mike (or having fabulously kinky weekends every three months involving pegging, goats and whipped cream, but I can't imagine that's the average workaholic's life) | |
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