| When is it time to give up the dream?
Posted: 1/4/2008 7:19:14 PM | | One thing I'm pretty certain on is that life is not only really freaking short but also incredibly fragile. Why waste a single second on anything that doesn’t scream YES!!!!!? | |
|
| |
| When is it time to give up the dream?
Posted: 1/6/2008 10:36:57 AM | if you really love him u cant let him go even though it hurts to see that he dosnt really feel the same way ...
i dont think there is a time limit or something for love ..someone can love u since the first moment they looked at u ..some will start loving u after months and some dont develop anything more than respect for u after the longest time.
i dont really kno your story ...But if he is still with u ..he must feel something for you ..other wise he would of left you...so maybe he doesnt say it ..or show it as much....but u cant really kno for sure what he is feeling ...some guys cant express their feelings as easy as we women do...
if u have more patience left ..give him more time ...talk to him ..and tell me how u feel ..and ask him to open himself up to you ...
if you will open up to him and tell Him how You feel..maybe he will do the same ....
love is a game u just have to know how to play it and kno that no one can win or lose ...coz u are not playing against eachother ...
good luck :) | |
|
| When is it time to give up the dream?
Posted: 1/6/2008 10:48:15 AM | | One should never give up their dream or vision as I have girl friends that just settled and they are so unhappy and it will age you and destroy your health. | |
|
| When is it time to give up the dream?
Posted: 1/6/2008 10:48:19 AM | You seem like you have a need to be in love. Love is the one universal thing we all need to feel and experience but at what exspense? We all tend to want something we cannot have and the further it is out of reach the more we want it. Just be sure your need to be love is not being confused with another host of emotions. You lived before this person and you'll survive after them. Always expect the unexpected and date without the expectation of falling in love. People are not always ready for something just because you are. To many of us go through life thinking we're owed something when in fact all those thing's are gained. It is a serious thing to express such affection and when it happens it should be real. You owe it to yourself to have what you want out of life and a relationship. Don't be impatient by settling for anything less. Be well and best of luck. Remember no matter what you'll be fine.  | |
|
| |
| |
| When is it time to give up the dream?
Posted: 1/6/2008 7:27:10 PM | i've seen the whole feeling of love be created in a year
I do not understand how that is possible, but I've never been in love. So I do not know how that works. ^^ | |
|
| When is it time to give up the dream?
Posted: 1/6/2008 7:51:41 PM | | I think that you already gave him enough time. If you love him and he does not love you or not as much, there's someone out there who will, so stop considering his feelings and take care of yours. You're the one who loves someone who might not love you. So get outof this, it's not a dream, it's just a relationship you stayed in too long already, and start this new year focusing on you and finding someone who will be able to love you back. Love should never be a one-sided feeling. | |
|
| When is it time to give up the dream?
Posted: 1/6/2008 9:24:04 PM | Thank you all for your feedback.
Just to set the record straight, I am not the sort of person who "needs to be in love". I am the sort of person who waits patiently for what I consider worth waiting for. I am also not the least bit "clingy". I am not "expecting him to love me". I am hoping that he will. I was unattached and celibate for 5 years before I started seeing this man. I knew him for over a year before we started to date. We've been seeing each other for close to a year and a half now.
I am the sort of person that needs to hear the words, because I in my opinion you do nice things for people you care about. You consider their feelings, you want to please them, etc. That does not differentiate friendship love, from romantic love. The thing that differentiates it is the words (only when they are truly meant, of course). So I have to believe that as nice as he is to me, I do not have confidence that he loves me, as he has never told me that he does.
I am the sort of person who believes what people say (and don't say). I listened carefully in the beginning to what he said he wanted and did not want. I accepted his words as his truth. I did not expect him to change for me or for anyone else. He is a wonderful man, and I have grown to love him. Is it wrong to have a vision of a shared future with someone? That's what I'm referring to as a dream. That's what I am asking if I ought to be giving up. Not a fantasy, just a hopeful future vision.
Maybe you men can answer this one. I have not asked him how he feels, as I don't feel it 's respectful to put someone on the spot like that. My impression is that men tend to feel trapped and pressured when a woman asks for a definition of a man's feelings. Is this not true? And of course without asking, and if he does not offer the information, there is no way to know how he feels. So I am in the dark. And feeling a bit adrift.
Thanks for listening. | |
|
| When is it time to give up the dream?
Posted: 1/6/2008 11:33:46 PM | Thank you, bettydoll for giving more information about your situation. Unfortunately, it does not change my answer. If anything I can only give you my same humble opinion on the matter. You have known him for over two and a half years and from what you write it does not seem that you feel his love. Yes, it might be hard for some people to say the words but to me after that long it shouldn't be so hard but let's say it is for him. In my experience, when a man loves you, you do not need to ask him. It's obvious. It's there. It's palpable. The only thing that matters is this: do you feel loved by him? Does he make you feel loved? I know that I couldn't be with someone that I couldn't feel that from.
Good luck bettydoll, and please remember that if it's not him, it's gonna be someone else. Who might be better suited for you and love the way you do and/or express it the way you do. | |
|
| When is it time to give up the dream?
Posted: 1/6/2008 11:42:36 PM | I think men and women are very different in this regard.
When men fall in love, they do so very quickly. If he doesn't love you now, he probably never will. | |
|
| When is it time to give up the dream?
Posted: 1/6/2008 11:46:09 PM | | Actuallly bettydoll, I think YOU have the question backwards. It is not for us to ask if they love thee, but if thee loves they....that is the important question. everything else is just money in the bank or thoughts between our ears. We are nothing but stardust. | |
|
| When is it time to give up the dream?
Posted: 1/7/2008 12:52:43 AM | WANTING...and HAVING are two different things...
If the feelings fizzled out right away...It was always just a pipe dream...nothing more...You never miss, what you never had... | |
|
| When is it time to give up the dream?
Posted: 1/7/2008 1:30:02 AM | I would say now , he may be nice but you're needing something from this relationship not being provided . If you can't say it , you don;t feel it then . Great answers from ParisDoll and loveoregon and crash btw
In this case , i recommend the Roxy Music song " if it takes all night "
If you´re feeling low
And all upset
Nothings going right
You just make a wish
Like in a fairy tale
And i´ll bewitch you
If it takes all night
There are many things
That I could say
To try and comfort you
But I know the words you´d like to hear
Are simply I love you..
This song has a drinking component for later on , for breakups can be equally hard on the person initiating ..
Ah - more champagne!
To lose this pain
Would be very nice
So i´ll help myself to one more drink
And i´ll find myself
If it takes all night long
Good luck doll :) | |
|
| When is it time to give up the dream?
Posted: 1/7/2008 1:30:46 AM | I would say now , he may be nice but you're needing something from this relationship not being provided . If you can't say it , you don;t feel it then . Great answers from ParisLady and loveoregon and crash btw
In this case , i recommend the Roxy Music song " if it takes all night "
If you´re feeling low
And all upset
Nothings going right
You just make a wish
Like in a fairy tale
And i´ll bewitch you
If it takes all night
There are many things
That I could say
To try and comfort you
But I know the words you´d like to hear
Are simply I love you..
This song has a drinking component for later on , for breakups can be equally hard on the person initiating ..
Ah - more champagne!
To lose this pain
Would be very nice
So i´ll help myself to one more drink
And i´ll find myself
If it takes all night long
Good luck doll :) | |
|
| When is it time to give up the dream?
Posted: 1/7/2008 1:47:54 AM | A simple question deserves a simple answer: ask him if he feels anything toward you and if so, what he feels.
If he says, yes, and he tells you what you want to hear...good. If not, then you also know where you stand.
Do you need to hear the words he won't say? If he acts lovingly, that should be all you need (as some people don't like to say them, but instead, act on them), but if you need to hear the words...well, tell him that!
Sometimes people don't know and it's not their natural instinct to share words. Many men think that way. Or, he might just not be that into you, but if he's not, you will know once you speak directly.
If he doesn't want to say them, there could be a problem with his past, and maybe you can communicate about that. However, I suspect once you have "the talk" you will know where you stand. If he doesn't act kind and loving, then...your answer is already there. ;)
It seems simple enough to me. :) | |
|
| When is it time to give up the dream?
Posted: 1/7/2008 4:40:24 AM | I think that is a question only you can answer for yourself. If I said 4 months, 3 days, 12 hours and 18 seconds.... I might not be accurate for you. Kinda depends on where you are in life. How well you know and get along with yourself and the type of person you meet and how well they know and get along with themselves. The younger you are, the more time I would give it. Past 40, 6 months to a year I would think you would have a pretty darn good idea.
If you have found someone just to be with and share things with..... for ANY significant length of time, you are miles ahead of most people on this site. (self deprecating additional comment deleted)
Don't give up your dream. You may just have to wait for another day to dream it.
 | |
|
| |
| |
| When is it time to give up the dream?
Posted: 1/7/2008 6:07:20 AM | reasonable....gosh i don't know
but i like to think you kinda know where it is headed very early on in the relationship. it just that most times we ignore the signs in hopes they change their minds and miraculously fall in love with us. just be careful not give so much that you lose yourself when trying to prove how much you love them. be noticeable of the signs that make you go "hmmmmm". and don't be afraid to listen and take in to consideration your family, friends and spiritual leaders advice.
 | |
|
| |
| When is it time to give up the dream?
Posted: 1/7/2008 6:17:12 AM | I think you know it's time or you wouldn't be asking the question but giving up the dream is difficult so you would really like something to prod you into doing it.
Ask yourself a question. If you told him that you didn't feel that you could remain in a relationship that did not seem to be going anywhere, would he do something to keep you?
Even if there are no real problems in a relationship you know if something is missing and if it weren't, you would not have put up the thread. I think it is easier to let things go if you realize that if he were the right guy for you, you wouldn't even be thinking about it. When you think of it that way, you are just giving up the dream temporarily and it is not really even what you imagined with him because that was never possible. | |
|
| When is it time to give up the dream?
Posted: 1/7/2008 2:48:40 PM | packagedealx3
Thank you for your very thought-provoking answer. It does get difficult when there are no apparent problems. If someone were to say "what did he do wrong?", the answer would be "nothing", and that's always hard to reconcile to yourself. And I know if he were no longer part of my life I would miss him terribly, as I do love him.
He also has children, and as much as they have some definite behavioural problems, I have also become quite attached to them, so I would also miss them.
But yes, a prod is likely what I'm looking for. I wish so much that he would tell me that he loves me, or do something to indicate that, but perhaps he is just too broken to do so. Or perhaps I'm just not as right for him, as he had hoped I was. Hard to say for sure.
I really don't want to, but I suppose my next step is just to wait for the right time to let him know that I am not getting what I need from this relationship, and walk away. I REALLY, REALLY don't want to. But holding out for false hope is only hurting myself. I know that. I know that. I know that. Do you think if I say it long enough, I'll believe myself????? | |
|
| When is it time to give up the dream?
Posted: 1/7/2008 2:59:00 PM | I think I need to answer this one in two parts.
1-I would only wait a few months to see if he was falling in love with me.
2-If I was confident in his feelings for me, and mine for him...I would likely keep everything as it is until both were ready for more, as long as it was needed. To me, the hardest part is finding the right man to love, and love me back. IF I KNOW he loves me, then i dont need to be with him 24/7...knowing is enough. | |
|
Home
login 
