| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/14/2008 4:30:19 PM |
I don't disagree about the boths sides, but a man can't help if he balds but he can watch his weight.
Interesting quote actually. Because, I can't gain weight ( oh poor me )....and I exercise regularly. I have a body that is better than most 20 years olds. Tight as hell. I'm 6'3", 175lbs.
But, I CAN do something about my baldness, and I plan to when I have the money.
To my utter shock, a friend of 3 years revealed to me he was wearing a piece. I was floored. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/14/2008 4:42:49 PM | | OP, you're an a$$!! You claim to have once "loved" this woman and now because she has gained some weight you now feel nothing for her? You need to do HER a favor and get out of this relationship if you can't somehow find a way to accept her for who she is. She is still the same woman you married in the inside and unless the vows you all exchanged are in some way different, did they not contain the phrase, "for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, till DEATH do you part?" If so and you still feel this way about her then you are not in love with her and you have an issue that needs to be resolved professionally. Again, do HER a favor and let her go if you don't feel the same way for her as you claim you ONCE did! She deserves better than having someone around that will not love and support her the way she deserves to be. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/14/2008 5:38:58 PM | if I may put my 2 cents worth in the pot.ur so full of crap the whites in ur eyes r brown probably.she,ur wife,knows the same as the rest of us women,not teenagers,that u r only on here posting this pathetic post to win sympathy from u guessed it,another woman.oh pitiful me,u sound like a talking dog that needs to be put back on his leash till he can learn to show some loyalty.she is probably gaining weight to also make u stay the heck away as i am almost 100% sure she has taken her vows to mean just u for life but is probably also concerned to the point of being worried that u have brought something home with u that noone wants or needs and something u can't get rid of even with antibotics but also might be one of the really nasty ones that doesn't show up for a few yrs.this is my opinion and i am running for president. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/16/2008 1:55:29 AM | Yes it most certainly does. Wether it be due to genetics, a long family history of overweight people, or hormones, or a stress response, or just a dozen of Tim Hortons best each day. Gaining weight is almost never a good thing.
It is the exposure to the figures of beauty that have us set our desires so high. So high as to be unatainable to a somewhat average individual. Thus the diet industry and a lot of the others.
To keep people yearning, keeps them spending, a by product is increasing disatisfaction. Add to that the pair bonding function not lasting a lifetime of today and presto, divorce. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/16/2008 2:12:13 AM | My dime's worth:
Our society has come to the point where if an individual isn't "perfect" financially, physically and mentally...that person isn't wanted. We put so much stigma on those who are overweight that they have difficulty meeting, or holding on to someone. Not only do we put stigma on overweight people, we also make jokes about it and draft up cartoons. This, folks, is WRONG! We should NEVER make light about someones physical problem. This is very discourteous and heartless.
In a situation where one, or the other is putting on the pounds...it's only fair to sit down, talk about this and try to discover a solution. Walking out is the "easy ticket", but it's just not right. You married that person "for better, or for worse". Stick to your marriage vows no matter what! | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 12/27/2008 1:29:30 PM | | Normally, when a person starts gaining wieght and stops exercising, it is a sign of possible multiple problems. One is depression. This is most often the cause of the aboe. The problem becomes what is causing the depression in many cases a feeling of inadequacy/ low self esteem which breeds unhappiness. The problem here is that instead of trying to improve whatever is causing oneself to become this way, they revery and compund the problem by increasing their negativity. Low self-esteem is a very bad thing. It is very hard for a person to not only recognize it, but have no idea how to fix the problem. In a relationship, many times the partner complains and abuses his partner instead of trying to help. Neither of them can do it themselves. The person needs clinical evaluation and treatment. Also, there is chemical imbalance, but most times in the scenario you have posted it is low seflsteem and/or unhappiness. A feeling of inadequacy, if you will. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 12/27/2008 1:33:28 PM | | Normally, when a person starts gaining wieght and stops exercising, it is a sign of possible multiple problems. One is depression. This is most often the cause of the aboe. The problem becomes what is causing the depression in many cases a feeling of inadequacy/ low self esteem which breeds unhappiness. The problem here is that instead of trying to improve whatever is causing oneself to become this way, they revery and compund the problem by increasing their negativity. Low self-esteem is a very bad thing. It is very hard for a person to not only recognize it, but have no idea how to fix the problem. In a relationship, many times the partner complains and abuses his partner instead of trying to help. Neither of them can do it themselves. The person needs clinical evaluation and treatment. Also, there is chemical imbalance, but most times in the scenario you have posted it is low seflsteem and/or unhappiness. A feeling of inadequacy, if you will. Of course It affects a relationeship. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 12/28/2008 4:42:23 PM | Same could be said for a man right ? His beer belly as he opens bottle after bottle of beer and guzzles it down.
His head goes bald.
Starts losing his teeth.
Wears nothing but sweats all day on Sat and sun... Laying on the couch with remote in his hand. Screaming for her to get him another beer ?
And do you think we should be in skinny little dresses with high heels on while we clean the mess you make ? | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 12/28/2008 5:02:27 PM | Answer to this is simple. If you actually love the woman, and are not just looking for a reason to cheat then help her. Go for walks with her, you cook healthy food. Make being healthy and active a part of your daily lives together, instead of making her feel like it's her fault, and she has to handle it alone. Saying to her that she's no longer attractive will probably just drive her to eat more and sit around depressed. Sneak healthiness in if you have to. Park the car extra far away from where ever your going so that you have to walk. Tell her you want to try a new restaurant that's all health food.
I know my weight loss Journey would be a lot easier if there was someone by my side to help. Also don't think for a minute that just because she's gained weight that no one finds her attractive. You may look up one day and find her putting that "hour-glass figure" back together with another guy. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 12/28/2008 5:11:11 PM | | I can tell you from experience it most certainly does influence relationships. Before I met my ex-boyfriend I had lost 150 lbs and as we were dating we BOTH gained weight, but he never admitted that towards the end that one of the reasons that we weren't physical was because he didn't like the fact that I was gaining weight, but so was he...why is it ok for them and not for us? | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 12/28/2008 5:18:07 PM | I love these kinds of threads....
Cuz I click on the profiles of the guys bashing overweight women, and WITHOUT fail, I never find them attractive....
Funny isn't it, how some of us Overweight Women don't want your fugly arses either, isn't it???
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 12/28/2008 5:29:15 PM | I do find it hard to believe that a woman "throws in the towel" and just doesn't care about her body after marriage. When my weight is down, I like what I look like -- my body pleases me. As soon as I gain a few, I'm unhappy with my body and try to lose it --for me and me alone. What does a guy have to do with it? For me, weight gains happen when life gets too busy or stressful for me to stay in the routine that I know works for me. It has nothing to do with what guy is looking, or not looking.
If the man in my life is like a child, making my life harder than it has to be, he probably is adding to my stress level, and decreasing my motivation to do things for myself, like exersize and shop healthy for "us." I'm probably more in the mode of needed to relax to alleviate stress, and just get the dinner job done any old way, in that case. Actually, I shouldn't say probably - I should say definately - because that defines how my marriage had worked, and also is a pattern I fell into with some relationships. UGH.
I wonder how it would be if I was involved with a truly health conscious man, who was a true partner in maintaining a healthy life style together. That is a dream.
Anyway, all that being said, if a partner in the marriage truly did not care about his/her appearance, and puts on excessive weight without any concern about it, it is a viable, serious marriage problem. It's probably the tip of the iceberg. And who could stop roaming eyes in that case? However, cheating is not justified, even so, IMHO. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 12/28/2008 5:30:30 PM | I can suggest from personal experience that weight issues can most certainly influence relationships. Some good, and some bad.
My ex was overweight when we first met, but I found her utterly intoxicating and very sexually appealing. Through the first 5 years of our relationship she gained weight...and to be quite honest, I didn't even notice until she told me one day that she had enrolled in a local diet center. Then she told me how much she weighed, and I was stunned...I simply couldn't see it. It was at that very moment that I asked her directly if she was trying to lose weight 'cause I gave her the impression that I wasn't attracted to her anymore...in short, was she doing this for HER or for ME? She told me it was of her own accord, so I told her I'd support her decision then. I just didn't wanna hear sometime down the road that it was because I made her feel she needed to.
Funny thing was, after she lost an incredible amount of weight that's when weight became an influence on our relationship. Losing it changed her, in my mind, and suddenly I wasn't good enough for her (again in my mind). Somehow I thought this would be the end result, as every person I know of or have researched have all said that if your mate decides all of a sudden to make a radical change (especially losing weight among others), it means you're on your way out the door sooner than later. And yea it happened to me too lol.
This is why I choose substance over style every time as an adult. If they're already overweight, then there are no illusions. It's when they wanna trade their own substance in for style that it'll generally lead to disaster. I actually recall a quick chat I had with her and told her if she dips below 150lbs that I'd dump her lmao. If I wanted to date style over substance, I wouldn't have been with her to begin with...know what I mean?
So weight gain/loss can most certainly cause a ripple effect in relationships. I figure as long as the expectations are realistic, there shouldn't be issues though. If you date a model type (style) and expect that she's always gonna be that svelte petite hourglass, you're just kidding yourself. Life and gravity will generally step in and f*ck that all up. Keep your expectations within reason, and there should be no issues between couples.
JMO. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 3/10/2009 7:42:47 AM | | i think it would be better just to help here.dont even bring it up.start spending time together everyday after dinner being outside going for walks.do activitys with kids .she may start losing weight and not realize it then bing.she realizes he is over weight.thats better than calling her fat. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 3/10/2009 9:54:10 AM | so... OP.. am sure that you are your slim, muscled up, in shape sort of guy that you were before you married her>> is that correct? Havent gained a lb in all these yrs together? Are still really active & fun to be with? Hmmmm I wonder...
several other posters are correct- if HER weight makes it ok for YOU to cheat>> wrong answer! There is heavy, there is fat & there is morbidly obese. All should have some physician input as to WHY. Is she hypothyroid? depressed? on a medication whose side effect is weight gain? Is she getting back at you b/c of YOUR behavior toward her?
think about it... | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 3/10/2009 10:01:29 AM | | I thought marriage was for better or worse...most people put on weight due to emotional issues, and can see this woman's biggest emotional issue is the the weight she's saddled with, in the form of her husband. No wonder she's eating - it's probably the only comfort she gets! What sort of low life slags of his wife like this, and why is he on a dating site anyway? The only weight she she should drop is the creep she's with. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 3/10/2009 11:30:50 AM | i agree TRUE love IS blind!!!
to bad more ppl cant relate to that.
Sorry, as much as I'd love that to be true, it isn't.
Human beings are animals and there are certain instinctive, physical features that we find attractive like it or not. To deny that is ignoring the elephant in the room (if you excuse the pun!).
As I said on a previous, identical thread, I really wish that love truly was blind. That way so many more people would find true happiness and the field of potential partners would be limitless. But alas real life is simply not like that. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 3/10/2009 7:53:44 PM | | Wow... I am new to POF and to the Forums, so it's interesting to see so many different opinions on this. As someone who has struggled with my weight almost all my life, I can sympathize with the (what were they called here) "BBW" ... however, I mostly agree with navy... Love is definately not blind. A lot of guys are not attracted to me simply because I'm a bigger girl... physical attraction has to be there for there to be a spark in the first place. I do believe though, that once you have fallen in love with someone, their physical appearance can change and it doesn't hinder the love that already exists. | |
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