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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 3/10/2009 8:57:48 PM | how fat are we talking ???
I mean if you are married- you also vowed not to lie sooooo
What if she throws the age old question? "Honey, does this dress make me look fat??"
Are you going to lie to her for the sake of your marriage? OR
tell the truth, and get thrown out anyways??
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 3/10/2009 10:00:12 PM | If a man chooses to date a woman that has meat on her bones or is a bbw, that is his perogative. People come in all different sizes shapes colors etc...if you are a real person, then the exterior of the person has nothing to do with what is in the heart and or the mind. Some people have been of normal weight during the beginning of a relationship, but then felt comfortable and may have slacked a bit.
What about a bbw that was always one, but a smaller bbw and after marriage, I became ill and was on medication that made me gain weight. I have chosen to stop that medication and now it fluctuates...so be it...if my partner all of a sudden had a stroke or got hurt where he couldn't walk again is that a reason to "change" feelings...it seriously is on the inside my friends...althoug I will say and admit to the fact that being overweight is not the healthiest in the world...that's a given. Bottom line if your shallow, then find one of your own type. People have feelings and deserve a chance no matter what they look like...    | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 3/18/2009 2:24:59 PM | I am only speaking about myself and my past relationship. Growing up my family was very health conscious, I avoided junk food and worked out on a daily basis. When I met my bf and we became close, I was so happy and confident that he was into me, I became too comfortable. For once, I felt that I had a nice body and stoppd working out, and eating as healthy. I also became very depressed and I gained weight. Embaressingly enough, I didn't see the weight gain at all. Being very short and pettite, the weight gain was obivious, 15 lbs gain on me, looks alot more than on someone that is taller and with a medium build.
My bf didn't know what to do about it, he was sweet for not mentioning it-but i noticed his eyes began to stray. he was always on chat sites, never touched me in public (no holding hands, walked ahead of me), and for some reason I felt he was resentful towards me.
We finally broke up bc straight up said, if you can't maintain your body, i can't maintain my loyalty. which sucks to hear, but so be it. it was def the wakeup call i needed, to get my butt into shape.
My own family also treated me differently bc of the weight gain, there were snide remarks, weird looks, and always the weird tension.
A year or two now, I have learned a lot from this. I do believe if you love someone and are in a relationship with them, you should love them regardless, for their strengths their weaknesses, their habits, etc. But I also realize that is a little naive. I wholeheartedly think that parents should love their kid 110% regardless, and never make the child feel any less. But now I realize that if my parents and bf weren't so negative, I would never have cared or tried to do anything about it.
I just think it depends how you approach the issue.
It's an issue like any other habit-ie smoking. You would want your partner to quit or cut down, but never start cheating on them or break up over it , i'm sure.
to be honest, i would want my partner or close friends to be my wake up call. but if they care about me, they know the right way to go about it. my ex could have worked out with me giving me motivation, we could have taken up a sport or two, perhaps even taken regular walks together and talked.
personally, iw ould want my partner to have some extra meat , i think it's so adorable. But if they were unhealthy or it was in excess, I would say, "babe, let's both get back to our hot bodies from back in the day-let's take up a sport". Hell, we could even have sex more often to burn those calories lol.
Also, it really sucks to think, bc w/ we women get prego we will gain a lot of weight. I hope my hubby still finds me attractive. I hope he's there for me if the postbaby bod isn't as nice as it once was prebaby.
There is always a good way to say thngs, and a good way to go about things.
I don't think you should ever have your eyes stray in a relatinoship, it's not an excuse. But hey we're human, if they begin to, that's fine, but do something about it. either straighten up or get outta the relationship. Don't hate someone for doing something to themselves unknowingly, you have to be fair and let them realize.
sorry if i ranted, this is a topic that hits very close to home. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 3/18/2009 3:48:45 PM | I have come to the conclusion that if the guy I am with can't accept me as I am, then he isn't the guy for me and he can just step off.
I was talking with some workmates the other day about one's sister in law who ruined her health dieting down to some ridiculous weight to please some jerk she was dating. He liked the super thin anorexic types and she was probably 53kg to start with and dieted down to 39kg; that's 85 pounds folks. It ruined her teeth and will have to have full dentures at the age of 30 and has an irregular heart beat and ruined her metabolism.
Or the workmate's bf who is constantly talking about women with huge breasts. Why doesn't he just stfu already about it? Before she met him, she had a boob job and is probably a C or D cup. If he wants porn boobs then why is he with her? She really needs to tell him to stfu up about it or get lost.
Then the public thinks it is perfectly acceptable to comment on any woman's appearance at any time. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 3/18/2009 6:05:52 PM | | for me, kindof but not in the way you wold expect. I tend to let my diet/exercise regome "slide" a little when i am in a happy relationship. After all, why hit the gym whe you can cuddle with your sweetie whl eating sweets? So, often times i will find i gain about 10lbs and this makes me feel unattractive (in my own eyes) and i get self concious about my body which results in a negative effect on the relationship itself. To the guy, he might not even care, and they often express that but i never know for sure whether to believe them. However, if I am hung up on the fact that i feel 'fatter' then everyone suffers :( | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 3/18/2009 9:26:49 PM | This is strange.. seems to me if a woman doesnt lose weight and keeps up her appearance constantly, then she's more appealing not only to her husband but to OTHER men as well ...
Sometimes a woman doesnt gain weight not because she doesnt care but because she's comfortable and happy where she is -- and she's not out looking to find someone else...
You want a sex-pot and a wife--- good luck! If sex is all you want, you shouldnt get married... | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 3/18/2009 9:34:01 PM | I remember reading somewhere that a guy used to take his wife on tropical vacations every year because he knew she'd work her ass off to get into a bathing suit. There is an underhanded brilliance to that which I find pretty sad and funny at the same time, but I'd want three per year. And a paid gym membership. And a chef. And um... A personal trainer.
'n stuff... | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 3/18/2009 10:39:56 PM | | Pathetic. If its gotten so bad for you that you feel the need to cheat, then just take your sorry behind out the door and never look back. You'll be free to do what you want and maybe she won't be so emotionally screwed over knowing intuitively that you are cheating, get back in touch with friends, get her life together, and find someone who is actually worth being with. Start walkin'. As much as I despise the concept of divorce, the idea of being stuck with someone who would do this would be a lot worse. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 3/18/2009 10:49:40 PM | | Thing is Mr "Analyst" .. you think to analytically... black and white--- not everyone THINKS the way you do ... and youre opinion is just that, an OPINION... suspect to other laws of instintive human nature, the nature of diversity and change ... like snow flakes, no two people are alike... despite similarities, there are always differences... even slight ones can mean alot in the mating game... | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 3/19/2009 9:37:41 AM | | I am finding it odd that this poster is somewhat being bashed for sharing honest feelings. Whatever preference someone has IS legitimate. If the person you marry lets themself go, I think it shows not only underlying issues on their part, but underlying issues within the relationship itself. I am not talking about the natural changes that time makes, let's face it, we are not all going to be 'hot' when we are 60. Personally speaking, I am not a skinny or slim woman. I have always had meat on my bones, I have that kind of a build. I also know that I have to be careful of what I eat, and I have to ensure that I exercise or I do have a tendency to 'plump' up. After having kids, I became a bit more rounded and, in my opinion, womanly. I keep myself healthy but I don't kill myself to be skinny because that's not me. Am I too 'fluffy' for some? Sure. Am I too fluffy for me? Nah, and I haven't ever had trouble with dates. My confidence in myself draws people to me who like me for me, some think i'm sexy and some prefer the petite slim type of my sister. It's all relative. If I were to go and pig out while in a relationship and pack on a bundle, there would be obvious problems and whether we like it or not, the physical attraction piece of a relationship is important. Should this person cheat? No, of course not. They need to take a look at the other issues and probably end the relationship. If she is not willing to take care of herself, why should he take care of her? I had a SO who gained probably 40 pounds in about six months, I didn't mind the weight. What I did mind were the underlying issues, his depression, etc. which were manifested not only in the weight gain but in his ever increasing alcoholism. We all have preferences and in relationships, it's our job to keep ourselves healthy and happy with ourselves and our partner. If I was no longer attracted physically to someone, it would be time to re-evaluate the relationship because we are human and physical attraction is based first on what is aesthetically pleasing to us as individuals. I have a friend who is very overweight. He is always trying to get dates and nobody will date him. However, IF he would dress a bit differently and take more pains with his appearance the weight wouldn't be such a factor. As it stands, not only is he overweight, he doesn't care in the least that he dresses like a slob and smells like he doesn' t shower often enough. Who would want to get naked and sweaty with that? If I put on 30 pounds and moped around and didn't care about my appearance, I wouldn't want to get naked with myself, how could i expect someone else to find me appealing? | |
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LACali
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Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 262 | |
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 3/19/2009 10:02:36 AM | "loveawits, please listen to this... fat pinup girls, granny love, hairy girls are all fetish for the curious mostly... not like any guy is going to go out and seek someone fat or hairy to be with."
Damn now you tell me.  | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 3/19/2009 11:13:09 AM | Poster if she married you and you started going bald, gray or got wrinkles would you expect her to stay if she wasn't attracted to bald, gray wrinkled men. If you can honestly say that she has legitimate reason to leave you then I guess your answer is yes. However you can nitpick yourself right into a ripe lonely old age alone. Weight gain is caused by many different factors. Could be genetic, could be poor diet, lack of exercise, over eating, medications, etc.
I have lived long enough to realize that looks fade and it's not about waking up in the morning and looking at someone and saying he's so handsome. It's about waking up and thinking wow, he really makes me feel loved; he makes me know that he's there for me even when I'm wrong; he's someone that I can hobble in the house on my cane and bring a glass of tea when we're in our rocking chairs. If he can wrap his arms around me and make the problems of the world go away, I don't care whether his hair is gray or not. I can't see what he looks like when he's got me in a bear hug. It's all in where your priorities are. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 3/19/2009 11:18:04 AM | Hey Posters,
I have this saying....at the start we should be pretty to each other....but, as time goes on, it's ok to go gray, wrinkled, and ect. together, fighting over the last "depends"
jmo,
Irish | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 3/19/2009 11:26:59 AM | | It all depends what your relationship was based on when you first started liking her....if it was just the physical,then it definitely will not work. Hopefully when two people decide to get married it is based on more than physical appearance. Also....If you made a promise as serious as that,then a real man will live up to his words and stand by his woman. The only thing I could suggest that would seem appropriate....would be to talk with your spouse about your concerns and hope they agree to start losing some weight. | |
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LACali
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Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 266 | |
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 3/19/2009 12:12:29 PM | "If the Girl you marriedstarted straight after marriage to put on the pounds, which then became stones, so that you felt that not only was it bad for health resons, but a certain part of your attraction towards her was made up in the appreciation of her sexy hour glass figure, do you think that this is a legitimate complaint, of should you feel that you married her for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health?
Is it legitimate to have a preference for slim women, and to avoid a relationship with someone who is frankly fat? Someone who immediately "Let's themselves go" once the man was caught, is she risking her new found husband eyes straying to the slim specimens, who may well catch his eye in the sorkplace?"
I know this topic has been done to death over the years but on the off chance that you aren't a troll but are simply tragically young and dumb, my answer is as follows: the logic that all women should be beautiful (and remain so) is as realistic as expecting all men to be rich since we know society expects women to be beautiful and men to be rich and powerful. So. I hope you have a high-paying job and continue to do so forever. I hope you never take a paycut or lose your job because then of course by your own way of doing things the beautiful woman you are married to will then no longer be obligated to stay with you and can go on to a richer more powerful man than you.... | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 3/19/2009 1:20:58 PM |
If the Girl you marriedstarted straight after marriage to put on the pounds, which then became stones, so that you felt that not only was it bad for health resons, but a certain part of your attraction towards her was made up in the appreciation of her sexy hour glass figure, do you think that this is a legitimate complaint, of should you feel that you married her for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health?
Is it legitimate to have a preference for slim women, and to avoid a relationship with someone who is frankly fat? Someone who immediately "Let's themselves go" once the man was caught, is she risking her new found husband eyes straying to the slim specimens, who may well catch his eye in the sorkplace?
This is why I find myself attracted to the already "larger" girls to begin with. At least I have some idea what they'd look like, and how they'd carry the extra weight. A few pounds here and a few pounds there won't bother me...but I have to be realistic too. If she went from "large" to "Super Size", then yea, I'd have an issue with that. I won't even pretend I wouldn't.
It's not asking a lot to expect that your mate keep themselves healthy at the very least. Adding 50-100+ pounds during the relationship is not healthy at all, and I know I'd have an issue with that.
But honestly, this is why I won't date the prototypical female...too much maintenance involved. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 3/19/2009 2:51:11 PM | I used to be a chubby chaser but I've upgraded. Not that you BBW's aren't beautiful, love ya babes. I'd still be willing to go for the right type, perhaps very tall and a few extra pounds.
It's just that in the sexual way, I've found more sexual versatility with more slender women. Now I tend to go for women that are very skinny instead and want to stay that way. Not the high maintenance types. Just the naturally skinny ones who are also active. I'll need to see that they do stay that way for a while also. That they take care of themselves and are active enough to stay fit. This way, I know even if they go through a slump, they won't blow-up to morbid obesity.
My ex-wife was a few extra pounds until after we started dating steady for a while. When I met her, she was still semi-attractive. Pleasingly plump, I'd say. After we married she had blown-up beyond attractive-ness. Then she made it even worse by cutting her hair short. Big mistake. If she'd had kids I might have understood. She was just a lazy bum.
Mike | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 3/19/2009 2:55:52 PM |
in order to indulge in a supplementary booster feed.
That's just plain funny ! Seems to me that if what you say is true....you have been conned by the ole bait and switch routine. You'll end up having to hire a couple rodeo clowns to keep her occupied whilst you bring groceries into the house. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 3/19/2009 2:58:41 PM | | One man once told me that he wouldn't have noticed me if I was fat when we met. But now that I had caught his heart as well as his eye, I could become as fat as I wanted and he would still want me. Sigh...I wish there were more like him. I certainly didn't need food to comfort me in that relationship. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 3/19/2009 2:59:13 PM | | I think the reason(s) why a woman gains weight is more important than the actual amount of the weight gain. It is reasonable for a woman to gradually gain some weight due to age, having kids, some type of medical condition etc. However I would not be pleased if a woman gained weight due to being lazy. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 3/29/2009 6:02:51 AM | Don't stray because that is just sleazy and you will lose your own self-respect.
Unfortunately it is REALLY difficult, but the best thing you can do is GET OUT! Hopefully you don't have kids. She is not happy and by putting on weight when she knows it makes you unhappy she is disrespecting both you and your marriage.
There are plenty of well-adjusted people who take pride in their appearance regardless of relationship status and don't look to take advantage of a relationship by maximizing the full extent of the definition 'for better or worse'. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 3/29/2009 6:15:15 AM | You know this goes both ways though.
When I married my now ex husband, neither one of us was a stick figure. Within 4 months he was threatened by his supervisors in the military that they'd restrict him to post because he was gaining too much weight. So guys let themselfs go too.... guess he liked my food a bit too much 
If you have a good relationship .. which you should when you get married..... you discuss it and take action, we sure did. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 3/29/2009 10:06:45 AM | OP -- while I applaud you for having the gonads to state your preference, here's what you're gonna get for your efforts:
1. Nasty Replies from people who fit the description you cited in your OP
2. Sympathetic & Understanding replies from others who are (or who have been) where you're at on this subject
3. Flippant Replies from still others who just want to argue your right to have a preference
And the list goes on ...
For all the people who continue to complain, "He/She Just Isn't Into Me!" -- I understand that obesity is considered a disease for some -- for others, it's a choice -- If you choose to pork it on -- against the wishes of your significant other, then I think he/she has every right to say, "Look, this just isn't what I agreed to!" If an employer hires a person who later-on becomes a drunk, the employer will/should offer said employee some assistance/help -- if the employee refuses said help ... well, the unemployment rate may just increase by 1 -- we should all be afforded the right to state our own preferences (without being blasted by the masses )-- GeeZus | |
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