| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 6:32:25 AM | | It's not his job to make her feel like being fit. That is her own job, as an adult. It would be his job to support her efforts towards her personal goals. If she blames him for her emotions, her eating and her fat, it is his job to divorce her and find a grown-up to marry instead. | |
|
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 6:33:05 AM | | wow I am having a flashback with this thread.............. I was a size 7/8 when I married after having a child my body seemed to become comfortable at a size 14 where it has remained for the past 24 years. My husband at the time made my life so miserable that it led to divorce I never quite got over his cruelty toward me after I put on weight which came from having a baby his baby. I don't think that I am obese but on the high side of average or the few extra pounds catagory, I can't tell you how it affected my self esteem and self worth to have your husband think you were so unattractive. but the ultimate insult was when he remarried he found a woman who was very similar to my body type never quite could understand that one............ rejection is one of the hardest things to feel That is why I am very upfront with men about my body type, I want no misunderstandings about what I look like, and beauty is in the eye of the beholder anyway........... | |
|
notard
|
Joined: 1/10/2007
Msg: 28 | |
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 6:34:26 AM | | In response to msg 26: Unless he held a gun to her head and forced her to stuff down the calories, her weight is her responsibility caused by her overeating, not his. She needs to deal with it. It is her issue, not his. Obviously, it is always nice if a partner supports his or her partner in healthful endeavors such as losing weight if one is obese. | |
|
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 6:44:19 AM | Why do women or men "let" themselves go when they get married or in a relationship? Is it because they are secure and think now that they have the ring that they don't need to maintain a healthy and attractive weight?
OR is it because they soon realize the marriage is a mistake and eat in order to fulfill something lacking in their lives?
I can only speak for myself, but the last was true. I ate to compensate what was lacking in my marriage. When I lost 100 pounds, I gained enough self confidence to leave. When I got into another relationship, the same thing happened. Hmmm . . .
MAYBE you are one of the reasons why she is fat. Maybe she is desperately unhappy but doesn't know how to tell you.
Maybe not--maybe she takes you for granted. My ex did that, too.
However, I am not of the persuasion who thinks that you should stay with a woman (or man) whom you find physically repulsive. Sex is, for many or even most, an integral part of a marriage or relationship; if you don't find your partner sexually attractive, then problems arise.
For those of you who think this is shallow and say that sex is second to love, let your partner find a sex partner whom he/she finds attractive and continue to live with you as a very loving brother/sister. Let's see how fast sex remains a shallow issue or is not as important as love.
It does not take a rocket scientist to know that when a partner is putting on the pounds..it's the other person's job to get them motivated..
It is not the other person's job to get a fat person motivated. Motivation comes from within. Until an overweight person internalizes the NEED and DESIRE to lose weight, other people nagging or making suggestions is useless. Oh, and the desire has to be real; I have heard obese people (including myself) say, "I would do anything to lose weight." What they mean is that they will do anything that will make it easy; many are not willing to simply stop eating. | |
|
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 6:48:14 AM | op
do you think that this is a legitimate complaint, of should you feel that you married her for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health?
YES
Is it legitimate to have a preference for slim women, and to avoid a relationship with someone who is frankly fat?
YES
Someone who immediately "Let's themselves go" once the man was caught, is she risking her new found husband eyes straying to the slim specimens, who may well catch his eye in the sorkplace?
YES
any other questions? | |
|
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 6:59:03 AM |
Just imagine the picture - here is your dream lover, and each time you look at her she is simply guzzling? - The constant chewing, unwrapping, and purchasing those cream buns, that extra helping of cow pie, then there are those midnight absenses, when she goes missing in order to indulge in a supplementary booster feed.
Just as enticing as seeing your dream lover sitting on the couch night after night with one hand down his pants while the other hand is cutching a beer, as he sits there in his old warn out stained t-shirt burping and farting..... | |
|
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 7:07:47 AM | Irrespective of our vote, sounds like you're on your way out the door. I hope you don't have kids, and that's for the kids and not for the concern that it may exacerbate the situation.
We seem to need to want to maintain our weight and appearance for ourselves, so it's a challenge for you if her self image doesn't coincide with what you wish to see. I don't care for makeup but that hasn't stopped anyone from wearing it.
It's legitimate for you to prefer anything. Most preferences have nothing to do with a decision (a conscious choice), you don't decide to like the taste of something, you either do or you don't. I guess the question you have to ask yourself is, are you prepared to develop an acquired taste. Also, when you consider her diet before the marriage, did she deceive you? That could make it easier for you, if you're going to leave.
I've never thought of it this way before, but what if she stopped bathing or trimming her nails.
As for your wandering eye, does it really have anything to do with ...
| |
|
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 7:10:57 AM | A lot of weight issues are actually self esteem/depression/life issues. There must be something going on for this woman to just put the weight on. As a woman that still needs to lose weight, I know this for fact. I also know if the self esteem is intact, a person that is a bit over weight can be so that no one really notices...attitude, confidence, etc.
And PLEASE - don't say it' s her weight gain that MADE you look...no one can MAKE you do anything you don't want to do...you're just using her weight to justify it in your own mind. | |
|
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 7:13:03 AM | | Remaining overweight, man or woman, is a selfish choice; doing nothing about excess fat is still a choice, why should the innocent party suffer because of that choice and feel hostage by marital vows that were given under "false pretenses"? Excess weight is very unhealthy and unattractive, there are so many good weight loss programs and gyms available and doctors that it is inexcusable........ | |
|
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 7:13:05 AM | True love and loyalty ...is what keeps the marriage together..
There are factors in which women tend to put on pounds..Birth Control pills, giving birth...hormonal situations.
When your married and in a partnership....they are ONE. They are in it TOGETHER..
I am sure he gained a few pounds too unless he is blessed with a high metabolism..in which he can eat anything he wants to but she can't eat the same thing he does or she gains a few pounds..and as time goes on ...she is adding while he stays the same.
So she has to deal with watch HIM eat fattening foods while she has to stay on a diet..and he rubs it in......that's emotional abuse. ..
He threatens to seek slimmer women if she does not loose the weight is also emotional abuse..
He turns to the computer ...playing games and getting online to seek conversations with slimmer women..explaining his CROSS TO BARE....and shutting her out of his emotional world...is also emotional abuse...
So all of your are saying.....she has to get some BALLS...and seek outside help to get herself in shape...............for?????????
An emotional abuser who is just thinking of HIS self gratifications and not emotionally connecting with her and her issue.....SHE has to do it ON HER OWN..because if SHE does not..he is GONE. ....
That is STILL cruel and unusual punishment and not an excuse to seek women as a person that is SEPARATED...physically AND emotionally from his wife because she gained weight. | |
|
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 7:16:58 AM | First of all,,if a man truly loves a woman and visa versa,,if a woman truly loved a man,,then if one gains weight,,then the others love should not go away. Wouldnt that be shallow?,,,that happened to me,,,my husband divorced me because i had gained some weight,,when he knew that i struggled with that problem. And you know men,,you can gain weight to..it just happens that women have more a problem with it then men do,,especially after child birth. I say look at the heart and quit trying to find love on the outside.     | |
|
| |
| |
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 7:21:59 AM | The idea that the husband may use the fact that his wife was no longer attractive to him was instrumental in his looking at other slim women - this is hardly justified by anything which I had written - When in fact I said that - " is she risking her new found husband eyes straying to the slim specimens, who may well catch his eye in the workplace? - This incicated a rhetorical question at best.
While due to glands a man or women may well put on weight - however the fact is that we and our children in the U.K. are the most obese country in the E.U.
Another excuse which is still used -but has no foundation in fact is that we are Big Boned, because it does not of itself make you overweight. | |
|
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 7:23:49 AM | Well here is a newsflash loveawaits. Just because someone puts on weight does not mean they are constantly guzzling or raiding the larder at midnight as in 'who ate all the pies'. Fact: some people put on weight easier than others. Fact: weight change can be a very gradual insidious thing. It only needs a slight imbalance every month of calories consumed versus calories expended for the weight to creep on.
Now lets go to the OP's profile. Body type: 'prefer not to say'. No pic. Seems like a case of pot and kettle..... | |
|
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 7:30:21 AM | Msg 32:
ust as enticing as seeing your dream lover sitting on the couch night after night with one hand down his pants while the other hand is cutching a beer, as he sits there in his old warn out stained t-shirt burping and farting...
Nearest I got to a laugh noise tonight  So true. | |
|
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 7:37:50 AM | Is it my imagination or are those who are overweight, resentful that the subject is being scrutinised. Message 32 and the grand approval of Herding Cats are a small sampling.
Instead of "getting yur own back" should you endeavour to take up a benificial health programme, to respore lost vigour, glamour, and attractiveness? | |
|
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 7:38:09 AM | Answer to the question posed in the title of this thread: that can fairly be compared to the question, 'Does becoming a dystophic poster child influences relationships', and though it might influence it to change in some ways, it certainly shouldn't interfere with the part that really matters and that's the friendship part.
There is no reason for pitching out "for worse" from a marriage. Marriage has nothing to do with happiness, agreement, or spirits but the dignity of performing the things that proceed out of your mouth.
A wife that promptly and intentionally turns herself into a monstrosity is risking causing her husband to be more easily seduced by someone and caused to end up in a polygamous marriage, however. | |
|
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 7:42:49 AM | Stop looking for reasons to perve..........................................
Im sure married women aren't dumping their husbands coz their hair starts receding/going grey/balding..........................
You sound shallow,insensitive & conceited.
And,interesting that for bodytype YOU say "Prefer not to say".........Ppfftt......!!!!!!!!!!! | |
|
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 7:45:29 AM | herdingcats&rune3..agree with your post..i'd also like to add that both individuals should work perhaps together in staying "healthy" weight management is just a part of that..I agree cheating it's not a solution to the problem   | |
|
| |
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 7:54:47 AM | Hahhahahah is it MY imagination, Or did I strike a cord with loveawaits in possibly describing him too well?
Don't be a putz.. and face the fact that maybe, JUST maybe you fit my description to the T? :)
Then again, after viewing your profile, we will never know now will we Mr. I have no photo and chose "prefer not to say" in your body description.....
Take your hand out of your pants and grow up  | |
|
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 7:55:05 AM | | In regard to the 'shallowness' issue. Living a healthy lifestyle is part of who I am. It's not for vanity reasons. I have always had this lifestyle no matter what is going on relationship wise. I like to be with people who share similar interests and a similar lifestyle. If they just one day decided to give that up, yes I would be disappointed. It's a lifestyle issue that is *A* factor in my dating someone (not *the* factor). It's nothing to do with being shallow. Obviously there are shallow people out there, but I am just presenting another perspective on the issue. | |
|
| |
| |
Home
login 
