| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 9:34:32 AM | | Physical attraction is normal to EVERY relationship. Welcom to the age of mental hypochondriacs. If the guy gets fat and starts having health problems, aren't you gonna think less of him? In the end we are all humans and we need to stop being so dang hypocritical. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 9:54:38 AM | "is she risking her new found husband eyes straying to the slim specimens, "
Initially, I wanted to agree in the concept that changes can bring changes. I can't though, due to an ex that I run into from time to time. She's put on an additional fifty to seventy pounds over time but, she remains sexy. Of course, I broke it off for reasons not related to the subject of this thread but the potential digression forces me to end this paragraph.
In reply though, not necessarily so. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 12:12:57 PM | RE: First post.
If your partner doesnt like overweight people then ofcourse it does. Why wouldnt it? Im not saying it will end the relationship, but it will certainly lessen it. If on the other hand he/she doesnt care about weight or actually likes it, then... sweet right!? | |
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ngat73
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Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 81 | |
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 12:13:04 PM | | I am a woman, but I prefer to date men that are athletic and plan to stay athletic. I will marry him and love him for who he is but if he loves me he needs to be on his game. It's a partnership and when one person is lacking the other takes the slack, unless he wants me to become fat, probably not realistic but an analogy none-the-less he should stay fit both physically and mentally. I think in marriage both people should be come better in every-which-way because of the synergistic partnership of marriage. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 12:18:52 PM | | It depends. If a woman gains 20-30 lbs due to having kids or age, then it is not a big deal. It is perfectly normal. However if a woman gains 75-100 lbs due to not eating properly or lack of exercise, then it could certainly influence relationships. That could easily cause health problems or limit what a person is able to do. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 12:21:05 PM | | How exactly does the REASON for the weight gain matter in the least? Are you saying one excuse is better than another. The fact remains that the weight would be there. The weight is what MAY or MAY NOT disturb your partner. Not the reason behind it. The reason can garner sympathy I guess. But doesnt change the aversion to the weight. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 12:34:52 PM | How exactly does the REASON for the weight gain matter in the least? Are you saying one excuse is better than another.
It does matter to me. If a woman gained a lot of weight due to not eating properly and lack of exercise, then that often shows that she doesn't care about her health. Also, I wouldn't critcize a person because of something they can't control. Gaining weight due to age, medical conditon, or a serious injury is not controllable. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 12:43:11 PM | | well, let's think of it this way... as time goes on we all change..it's the fact of life.. what if you had lost your legs in an accident do you think she would leave you??? it's nice to look at other people but what looks good on the outside maybe someone who you cannot trust on the inside... to look is human nature.... | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 12:50:57 PM | its ok to have preference for slim?? yeah if u are 15 and u live in lala land where women dont eat ..hun..women especially after 40 or 50 will gain weight ..everybody knows that ..and even more if they had a kid or 2 ..:s
and i thought that after men finally decide to marry someone they will be less shallow ..but i was wrong ..
you prolly dont love her enough..coz if u did u wouldnt care about the pounds ..u would see her as she is ..the great woman that u wake up next to and takes care or your shallow selfish ass :) | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 12:54:56 PM | yeah if u are 15 and u live in lala land where women dont eat ..hun..women especially after 40 or 50 will gain weight ..everybody knows that ..and even more if they had a kid or 2 ..:s
Um... OUCH...
HELL no! At 42 my baby making pounds are WAY behind me (they were behind me at 24) and if I'm still using them as an excuse 20 years later, that's wrong. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 12:57:32 PM | Oh yeah...right...
I knew a woman whom made sure the man she chose to stay with was fit and didn't have an ounce of fat on him...All fine well and good...up until a year later when she feels trapped and regretful in the marriage and starts making a beeline for the fridge herself, eventually putting on about 50 or so pounds..."Ohh...he has to put up with me, for better or for worse.." she'd always whine and cry about after that...
It's OK for a woman to want and demand physical perfection...but a man has to show responsibility and accept the woman regardless of change...how one sided can it get?
"Hey, chow down...wide load! I'm headed for the striptease there...Porky!"
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 1:00:30 PM | | Don't know about that kinda situation OP, but I know I got big after I remarried...let me back up....my first ex had made a comment while we were married that he would NOT stay married to a fat woman....I got pregnant and miscarried a few times, then when I got pregnant with our son, and it was apparent this one was going full term....he left. Then came the second marriage....I got pregnant not long after with twins, miscarried one, carried the other to 5 months, miscarried it.....swelled like a house and found out I had an illness causing the swelling and the miscarriages. Got pregnant within a few months with my daughter...well, lets just say I didn't have time to get in shape after the twins and before her because I was very ill, and my ex had already decided in his mind (but forgot to let me know) that he was calling the relationship quits. So, due to alot of verbally abusive things, I moved out of our bedroom, while pregnant...and then he started locking me out. I didn't eat much because of depression, which my doctor actually said added the pounds. Sort of like my body thought I was starving it...which I was but not intentionally....so it hoarded every bite I took in, thus gaining. So, you see, alot of times it isn't about eating alot, it's about health issues, maybe a thyroid disorder, alota things can make someone put on alot of weight. Try talking to her and see if you can find out what the issue is....watch what she eats....if she doesn't really eat much or often, she could be going through something like I was....that is her LACK of food wasn't kick startin her metabolism enough to keep the weight at bay....and too, if you've neglected her, that could make her depressed and gain....not saying you have...these are just to let you know other things might be goin on. Hope things work out. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 1:02:56 PM |
I am a woman, but I prefer to date men that are athletic and plan to stay athletic. I will marry him and love him for who he is but if he loves me he needs to be on his game. It's a partnership and when one person is lacking the other takes the slack, unless he wants me to become fat, probably not realistic but an analogy none-the-less he should stay fit both physically and mentally. I think in marriage both people should be come better in every-which-way because of the synergistic partnership of marriage.
that reply does not make sense to me | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 1:05:31 PM | LTR means Long TERM relationship NOT Long TERMINAL relationship.
If you are overweight, you are underhealthy. Would I leave someone who was thin then turned overweight? I am sure many of the reasons the person turned overweight would also turn me overweight. We would eat the same foods, live the same couch potato life style and in the end, most likely we would BOTH be overweight. I care about my appearance so I am sure I would prod my partner into not being in this condition.
One can never tell unless they have experienced this. It's like saying what would you do if you were balding? would you get a transplant? Weave? Never having this issue, how could I say? | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 1:06:53 PM | At one time I was happily married and thought life was great. Out of the blue, I had a year that was hell on me physically (and mentally). Due to illness and surgeries I had to take medications that caused me to put on weight. During my illness my employer let me go due to lengthy absences. I discovered that my ex was cheating and we separated, ultimately divorcing. When I asked him why he had done the things he had and why we were ending up in divorce court his response was, "You lost your job and gained 50 pounds. What was I supposed to do?" (verbatim) My opinion is that he was supposed to love me anyway.
I had done no less for him and expected the same in return. I married the man, not his looks. I was initially attracted by his long hair and mustache. During our marriage he cut his hair and sported various styles of facial hair. He also, I might add, gained some weight himself. I loved him the same no matter what his physical transitions were even though I didn't like some of the 'looks'. I married the total package, not just his hair.
I have since lost the weight and have a much better job than the one I lost. I am shocked at how differently people treated me when I was heavier. Not just the ex, the public in general, treated me quite differently than they had before my weight gain. I still had the same goals, dreams, personality, etc; your inherent traits are the same regardless of outward appearance. His reaction to my physical changes was a blessing in disguise because it showed me that he didn't truly love me unconditionally.
I deserve someone who does. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 1:12:24 PM | First, to address the Original Post criteria.
If a person becomes fat by overeating, there is no excuse. I don't think the other partner should cheat. Try to communicate the displeasure first and foremost. If the offending partner ignores all help, then, exit the marriage. No excuse for cheating ... just as no excuse for being fat via overeating.
If it is a medical problem, get help.
Having children is no excuse for a woman... just as becoming a couch potato is no excuse for a man. I've had 2 sons and am the weight I was prior to having them. I took it off quickly after the pregnancy and without much effort. I've watched my partners over the years become fat and it is disgusting. There was no medical reason for it. I tried to help, then, left the relationships when the help was one sided... from me only.
Why do fat people resent those who express opinions. I've seen one poster on this thread verbally attack another female for saying what she thinks. Why do we feel a need to be 'politically correct' in stating 'weight challenged' rather than 'fat'. I am a smoker. When people refer to smokers, they don't use 'nicotine addicted challenged'.
It's BS when people say... looks don't matter or shouldn't matter. They can and do matter to the majority. Right or wrong, that's reality. Get use to it. Or, live in Lalalalala land and keep fooling yourself that your weight problem will not limit you to certain parameters. Just as smoking does, so does being fat or mean or uncouth, etc. etc. etc. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 1:37:20 PM | What people find attractive isn't a choice. I don't hold it against women that they want physically and financially fit men. It is pathetically unfair when people who let themselves go (body, life, career, etc.) then expect to get a partner with way higher value on the dating market.
I owe it to not only myself but my partner to not let myself go. I would absolutely be there for a woman that gained 20 pounds but exercised 4 times a week and who put some effort into eating healthy, but that isn't what happens. We are talking about people that only worked at making themselves attractive while they were on the dating market and then PLANNED on letting themselves go once they got someone. What we are really talking about is a con game that inflicts enormous emotional damage and wastes years of peoples lives.
If a person is serious about exercise and diet they could transform their body in 6 months. And if they made maintaining themselves a priority then they wouldn't be fat. If a woman is fat it tells me lots about what she values and how she feels about life and relationships. If a woman changes her lifestyle from healthy to unhealthy after meeting me it also tells me volumes about her character.
I am not asking a woman to be a fitness model just like most women are not asking for men to be like Donald Trump. Women don't want unemployed men looking for a sugar momma and I don't want a woman with an inner Jabba The Hut trying to get out. There are people who get extremely angry when someone says what I just did but like I often say, not everyone out there is playing the same game and some of those games are quite sinister. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 1:40:44 PM |
Would you rather be with a man that is a little over weight with some love handles but has the personality of a prince OR....
An overbearing, condescening, rude, obnoxious, judgemental man that has the body of adonis?
id take the love handles on a great guy over an overbearing adonis anyday if that's how you looked when i first met you.....however, if you were an adonis when i met you with a fab personality and then let yourself go when the relationship became serious, i would feel 'cheated' because it tells me you dont care enough about yourself and 'us' to look after your appearance and your health, i wouldn't cheat tho as a consequence to this, but definately sit ya down and find out 'why?".....
the same applies to me, if i have always looked after my body and then suddenly, coz i have the security of a relationship, decide to overindulge and let my appearance go, i would expect him to question me and wouldn't blame him for being upset about it..... | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 1:56:01 PM | I am a woman, but I prefer to date men that are athletic and plan to stay athletic. I will marry him and love him for who he is but if he loves me he needs to be on his game. It's a partnership and when one person is lacking the other takes the slack, unless he wants me to become fat, probably not realistic but an analogy none-the-less he should stay fit both physically and mentally. I think in marriage both people should be come better in every-which-way because of the synergistic partnership of marriage.
that reply does not make sense to me
What's so hard to understand.The woman who wrote that post obviously keeps herself fit and she is looking for a man to do the same.She wants out of someone else what she can give.She wants her future husband to have the same ideas of fitness that she has.There is nothing complicated in what she says at all.You are just taking offence to it because it is ruling out chubby guys.
I am a chubby women to be sure,and i don't get mad at fit men for wanting a women with the same ideas of keeping fit as they have.I would not fit their ideal.It's not a big deal.Let people be attracted to ,and want whatever they want in another person .She wants a fit man ,so be it.At least she is not a being a hypocrite. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 1:57:04 PM | I will take fat of waist over fat of head any f*cking day of the week.
*shudders*
I am constantly reminded of the pathetic cavorting of the sexes.
If you become fat while with me...
YES! I HAVE AN ISSUE!! get off your ass.
If I become fat while with you?
I expect an answer of
YES, I HAVE AN ISSUE
but I expect you to get off of your dimpled ass and come play outside or STFU
and move on.
Who wins? | |
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vro312
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Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 99 | |
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 2:09:34 PM |
Just imagine the picture - here is your dream lover, and each time you look at her she is simply guzzling? - The constant chewing, unwrapping, and purchasing those cream buns, that extra helping of cow pie, then there are those midnight absenses, when she goes missing in order to indulge in a supplementary booster feed.
A tactful suggestion is greeted with - "You don't own me - this ring isn't around my bloody neck you know!!" - Is she right?
Though I'm not a big fan of the way this is worded, it does clarify that the OP is talking not about a woman adding a FEW pounds, but rather about SIGNIFICANT weight gain coupled with a blatant disregard for her partner's feelings about the situation. Whether we are talking about women gaining weight or men gaining weight doesn't really matter--the idea is that a spouse has let him or herself go.
Most people, as they age, have a harder time maintaining a lean physique than they did when they were younger. Nevertheless, many people do it. I myself have never been a thin person and have to work constantly at maintaining my weight. I often weigh more than I would like, however, I am rarely above what is considered a healthy weight range--and we're talking "healthy" not "hot."
Yes, it's perfectly understandable that significant weight gain would bother you. And if attempts to discuss the weight issue have been met repeatedly with defensiveness or aggression, you have every right to be turned off. Of course, cheating doesn't sound like a good idea since last time I checked, divorce was legal in the UK.
I don't know what's up with this whole "unconditional love" business. Love for one's children, while they are children, should certainly be unconditional, but I'm not offering that kind of love to any potential partner . . . and I don't want it offered to me, either. The primary condition on my love for my partner is that he remain part of the team we have created--physically, emotionally, spiritually.
It's absolutely not okay to stop taking care of yourself and to become unhealthy. Becoming obese during a marriage is tantamount to developing an alcohol or drug problem during a marriage. Certainly, I am not suggesting that at the first sign of unhealthy behavior a spouse should cut and run, but I don't think there should be unlimited chances.
It is my responsibility in a partnership to take care of myself and to work with my spouse when things go wrong. I can decide to let myself go, but I would be doing it with the understanding that I'm letting the team down, and for that, there are consequences. | |
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