nogo3
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Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 101 | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 3:15:04 PM | I must say that there has been a mixture of content within this thread, the last post particularly was very good.
Naturally, I selected this topic fully anticipating a 'mixture' of opinion - and even the
personal 'attacks' upon those who held divergent opinions.
There cannot be one answer to our problems as it can always be dependant upon the personality of the participants, and reslove to work together to resolve troublsome issues. | |
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vro312
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Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 103 | |
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 3:45:06 PM |
wow, another disquised fat thread, can't the fat threads be barred some way so they can't be posted
I agree that the "fat bashing" that goes on is unacceptable and juvenile, and on the whole, I am opposed to stereotyping. However, the point you make (inadvertently) cannot be ignored:
The emergence of yet another "fat thread" is telling us something . . . this issue is not going away. My guess is that most of the posters who begin these threads are not TRYING to be a-holes--the issues surrounding obesity and dating/relationships are genuinely weighing on them.
I frequently say that discrimination against overweight people is one of the last acceptable prejudices in the United States. Most people I know will not tolerate any sort of prejudicial commentary regarding race, religion, sexual preference, or gender, but many of those same individuals will very readily participate in negative banter about obese people. Do I think this is okay? Absolutely not. But is it a reality? Yes!
People are conflicted, confused, and obviously in some cases angry where the issue of obesity is concerned. I don't know the answer to any of this, but I do think the conversations are necessary.
Is it okay to be upset and to eventually consider divorce if your spouse develops a sex/porn addiction? I think most people would say it is. Then why wouldn't it be okay to entertain the idea of a similar course of action if your partner has a food addiction? Sex addictions are symptomatic of underlying emotional, mental, or even physical problems, as are food addictions.
I wonder why this topic can't be discussed for what it is, without being disrespectful towards those who suffer from the condition and without those who suffer themselves becoming defensive. It's a sensitive issue, but the only way progress can be made is by getting the issue out there and discussing possible solutions. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 3:56:46 PM |
. But your posts seem to imply that everyone is a jerk
Be so kind as to enlightening me which post of mine makes EVERYONE seem like a jerk... or was it just that one that was aimed directly at the OP that you refer to? | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 4:06:34 PM | The problems associated with obesity cannot be allowed to be 'barred' as someone has suggested.
Research shows that obese children are at increased risk from a number of serious health problems more usually seen in adulthood, including hardened and blocked arteries (coronary artery diseases), high blood pressure, and type 2 diabetes. When they grow up, they are more likely to be obese.
This means a higher risk of heart attack and stroke, type 2 diabetes, bowel cancer, and high blood pressure in adulthood. The risk of health problems increases the more overweight a person becomes.
Being overweight as a child can also cause psychological distress. Teasing about their appearance affects a child's confidence and self-esteem, and can lead to isolation and depression.
The number of overweight and obese children in the UK has risen steadily over the past 20 years. The obesity epidemic is now a major health concern.
Why are more children overweight?
Very few children become overweight because of an underlying medical problem. Research indicates that children are more likely to be obese if their parents are obese. It isn't known whether this is because of genetic factors which the child inherits, if its because families tend to share eating and activity habits, or a combination of them both.
However, it's thought that most children put on excess weight because their lifestyles include an unhealthy diet and a lack of physical activity.
Having a wife who refuses to disuss her weight problems, or does not accept that this is any of the husbands business -
To call someone a jerk merely for expressing their concerns is out of order. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 4:07:44 PM | Msg 94:
First, to address the Original Post criteria.
Wrong. Go back a few pages.
From OP:
straight after marriage to put on the pounds, which then became stones, so that you felt that not only was it bad for health resons
From me msg 14 ('bout 80 ahead o'ya Hon):
Two of my exes gave up on their weight once they figured they "had me".
Problem was that their bad habits became mine and I put on unhealthy weight too. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 6:08:10 PM | Hey,Raychass..................im not referring to you at all & am perplexed as to why you think my commments were addressed to you ?? (perhaps the sequence in which they've appeared.............? )
But,im NOT referering to you at all,but to OP,the originator of this post...
The more ive read from him,the more he's coming across as an arrogant,pompous jerk !
He should dump his wife & do HER a favour. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 6:46:32 PM | Straw;
As I did not say that it was in fact my wife who had gained weight - in point of fact
the clear wording was - "If the Girl you married started straight after marriage to put on the pounds - -" It was a hyperthetical case based upon observation of the abundant crop of bouncing brides I have seen.
I do have a real problem however with a real ,and unacceptable approach by yourself in relation to inflammatory language - please cool it as it is neither appropriate, and does nothing to maintain peace and harmony.
If you are in doubt as to what I refer? These are your words:
- - "but to OP,the originator of this post...
The more ive read from him,the more he's coming across as an arrogant,pompous jerk !
He should dump his wife & do HER a favour. " | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 7:01:14 PM | Hmmm,.. maybe the hypothetical newly married lady doesnt give a flying fig what the hypothetical husband thinks,.. I know, as a woman, I couldnt care less what 'most' men want,.. hourglass figure or whatever,.. I only care about the few men who like me for the way I am. I see a lot of physically mis matched couples every day in my neck of the woods,.. clearly preferences can be very diverse.
I suggest you start living in reality where weight gain, and ageing, and ill health and all those pesky things tend to happen.
To get back to the OP, it may be that the hypothetical woman is deliberately gaining weight to keep the hypothetical husband away from, her,.. hoping to drive him into the arms of another woman,.. so that she can get a no fault divorce on her side,.. ?? Hmm? There now, that feeds into the ' Goldigging Divorcee' that a lot of men on here seem to dread,..lol. Maybe the hypothetical husband is heading for the hypothetical Divorce court. I certainly hope so. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 7:11:17 PM | Miss Eyre:
You state that you anly care about those men who like you the way you are,
now this is not in any way at odds with my contention that a slim fit man having married a slim fit bride, is straight away on his honeymoon confronted with the gorging spectre of constant feasting.
And then she becomes enormous and will not discuss this issue - this conception has not changed from my original topic - and is based upon the very real problems of obesity which are a real and constant threat. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 7:54:02 PM | OP, the only real and constant threat I can see, is the threat of my being bored to death with your constant whining about this subject.
When I said I wanted the men interested in me to like me as I am,.. i meant to like me for the person I am,.. not just how I look. I can meet someone,.. and find the physically attractive,.. but if I were to consider marriage to that person,.. i would have to know that i loved them on different levels,.. enough to be able to have some open communication with them, if they suddenly started to eat themselves into oblivion. Me being me,.. I might wonder if I were in any way contributing towards their overeating. In fact, OP, my partner could be as big as a house, in terms of how they look, it wont bother me. I'm fortunate to be able to find all different body shapes attractive,.. I take issue with your assertion that 'most' men would'nt be able to date a woman who was overweight. i see it all the time around me. A 'lot' of men are dating overweight women. Look OP, its obvious that fat women somehow offend your sensibilities,.. well, I'm indeed sorry that your sensitivities are being abused in this manner by women gaining weight all around you. it must be very disturbing for you. My hypothetical sympathies to you.
I couldnt give a fig about weight, in men or women,.. I'm on this planet to relate to people as best I can.. wether that be in friendships, aquaintances,.. or the biggie... Marriage,.. and weight, wether big or small, seems such a silly thing to focus on or obsess about . there truly are more important things in life than the size of a womans butt or the number of her chins OP. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 8:17:46 PM | People... people.... well, a few of you...
ALERT FLASH! 
Reality (operative word...Reality) dictates that no matter how much you bang your head, shout, scream, yell.. try to persuade...etc. that the inside (personality/disposition) is the catch-all, the cat's meow, to relationships...get a GRIP.
For many Fat doesn't cut it.
For many Smokers don't cut it. (btw, I'm a smoker)
For many women, short guys get by passed.
For many men, tall women are ignored.
I can picture all the 'politically correct' people years from now... still gripping about their rights.... rather than owning up to what they can control and do something about. They will be shriveled up lonely old people... alone.
Harsh .... yes. Reality....yes. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 8:32:31 PM | We are a nation of over indulgence with everything especially food,soft drinks,sweets with absolutely no regards to person health. Everyone seems to have their own reason that makes them feel justified for what is happening to them and true some people have jobs that are doomed for weight gain .But to not realize there is a problem and won't even do anything about it is unforgivable ! I see some on here talking when you get older you get fat B/S you get lazy with a slower metabolism and there you go.
I would not tolerate it because I am looking for a woman that thinks enough of herself to not allow it to happen.
I am 57 6'4 and 200 lbs and am considered slim but the same weight I was when I was 20. If you do not stay active and eat healthy fat will get on you ..... guaranteed !!
Breeze | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 8:33:24 PM | It's been long recognised fact that many people will "stop trying' as soon as they get a ring on their partners finger. Whether it is weight or behaviour or something else is not that relevent. How often do you hear of a relationship where one fell in love with a person and immediately after marriage everything changed, ie an active partner suddenly became a couch potato, or an easy to get along with partner became jealous & controlling, or a partner who used to give foot massages and lots of affection suddenly became withdrawn and aloof, or a person who was insatiable sexually suddenly disliked sex and refused certain acts they appeared to be happy with before. As far as i am concerned ANY significant change in behaviour (including sudden significant weight gain without a medical reason) changes the person who you fell in love with to someone else, someone you didn't expect to be with, someone who is barely recognizable to the person you fell in love with. And that to me is a very plausible reason for no longer wnating to be in a relationship.
A immediate huge weight gain doesn't happen by itself, it is always accompanied by a change in mindset. If the person managed to maintain a reasonable weight throughout courtship i can see NO reason why they can't maintain it after their marriage, except for having an "i don't have to try anymore" attitude.
it showed me that he didn't truly love me unconditionally There is no such thing as unconditional love in a romantic relationship (IMHO). If there was, even YOU wouldn't be single, if you had unconditional love for a partner you would put up with ANYTHING from them and still stay in the relationship. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 8:36:02 PM | | Becoming overweight influences my relationships... once upon a time I gained weight and no longer felt as active, vibrant and it significantly lowered my sexuality... I just didn't feel as hot as before. Never again will I allow myself to slide into that position. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 10:29:58 PM | There's kind of a double standard here. People are saying you shouldn't judge people. Well then you shouldn't really judge people for not wanting to be with an overweight person either.
I think a lot of people don't understand that being healthy is a whole lifestyle from some people. That doesn't make them shallow, it's just something that's important to them. A person who couldn't care less about their health or weight is not going to understand their perspective, or why they don't want to be with someone like that. I don't think I am a jerk personally, and I can't really see the big deal.
Note that I am not encouraging anyone 'bashing' anyone else though. Being rude is being rude, and there's no excuse for that. But everyone in the world is not a complete jerk. People just have individual tastes. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 11:43:06 PM | ^^^ Have to agree with you lil bit.. It seems the fit active people who put fitness and health as a major importance get called shallow etc by others who literally cannot understand why fitness and health is so important to them. (Hence their distinterest in those who chose not to follow a similar lifestyle with similar thoughts on which issues which are important to them. ) To the fit people it seems so obvious that they value fitness and health and body image, and make their choices accordingly, and they can't understand why others can't understand those choices and call them shallow.
But then to think that you have married a person with those similar thoughts on health and lifestyle etc only to find out that it was all a big show to "hook" them, and in reality they are exactly the opposite.... Yes i would think that would be a good reason to feel very deceived and wonder just who the hell you had married after all... | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/6/2008 12:13:01 AM | Well it seems like I am getting into this one late but I thought I would put my two cents in.
I feel that each individual has a responsibility to themselves to keep themselves healthy in all aspects. Unfortunately this is something our society is lacking, individual responsibility.
When you enter a relationship and especially a marriage, I see this as a partnership and as such there are some responsibilities you have to your partner as well. Being responsible for your own health is one of them. This whole concept of "letting yourself go" after marriage is contradictory to personal responsibility to any type of shared responsibility of any partnerships.
If I happen to choose a partner that feels that "letting themselves go" once they "got me" is an acceptable behavior in any way shape or form, then it shows me I made a piss poor decision on my partner and it would be time to start that search again.
Just my 2 cents. | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/6/2008 12:24:07 AM | Okay... let's all just decide who gets to stay and who has to leave.
All the fat people... Git >>>>> go that way>>>>>>>
All the poor people <<<<<<<< head the other way<<<<<<<
All the too tall people vvvvvvv get down vvvvvvvvvvvvvv
All the short people ^^^^^^^^^^ get up ^^^^^^^^^^^^
All the sexy, perfect, always healthy, always wonderful people STAY HERE!
 HEY! WHERE DID EVERYBODY GO??? | |
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| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/6/2008 12:54:18 AM |
...I owe it to not only myself but my partner to not let myself go. I would absolutely be there for a woman that gained 20 pounds but exercised 4 times a week and who put some effort into eating healthy, but that isn't what happens. We are talking about people that only worked at making themselves attractive while they were on the dating market and then PLANNED on letting themselves go once they got someone. What we are really talking about is a con game that inflicts enormous emotional damage and wastes years of peoples lives
Dan...why on earth would anyone PLAN on that? Maybe I'm naive, but that just sounds absurd to me. I know I sure didn't plan on getting sick and then pregnant twice in a short amount of time...nor did I plan on gaining when i got to the point I barely ate and my body went berzerk.
Gossip Girl, for the most part, you are right. Most people can get back in shape (if they are in realative health) after the birth of a child. I know I did after my first miscarriages and the birth of my son. But between the trauma of the twins I went through during and after being pregnant with them, the illness' we discovered I had, and another pregancy within a few months of the last one...it just threw everything out of kilter. Then I tried to lose the weight, but with the relationship turning as it did, and the other issues going on at the time, depression sat in and I stopped eating, which...as I stated before...my doctor said my body took as starvation and it began storing what little I did eat. The summer before my ex left, I began to start getting better, and started losing the weight. Within a year and a half, I'd lost 104 lbs. I've recently gotten on the scales again and have lost another 10. It took a really long time for me, but I was determined to do it, and I had to wait until I was somewhat healthier to even start. | |
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