|
|
|
|
|
naeco
|
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 176 | |
| |
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/8/2008 10:12:33 PM | If I married her in the first place, I loved her with everything I am.
Part of what I am is *honor* and *pride*. My wife is my life. Skinny chick turn fat chick or the other way around due to some illness, she is my wife, period.
Granted, both parties involved have an amount of responsibility to be pleasing to their mate but the other party is not to be blamed if you cheat or want to cheat. That just means that you are a cheater and a fair weather friend. When you notice your gut... work that junk off!
If kids are involved, then you better expect weight to come on. Do you not want healthy children? That is just part of it.
Now if she quits washing her hair and does not even try to *play pretty* for you, then you have a complaint but still not a reason to cheat. | |
|
| |
| |
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/9/2008 6:11:27 PM | | Boy oh boy, that weight thing I have a problem with. The cheating however is never right, if you have a problem solve it or leave, cheating turns you into a low life. I have serious issues with weight, if you can respect yourself and stay healthy so your partner doesn't lose you to a heart attack at 45. Healthy body, healthy mind and healthy soul are three thing everyone should strive for. There are a multitude of reasons for being healthy. Your relationship will be stronger. People don't seem to be waking up to the fact that over eating is a major problem and like smoking is taxing the hell out of our health care. You have the right to do as you please (I won't stop you) but once you start feeling the repercussions of your action please don't wine about it. Go to an old age home and count the fat people, zero. Never ever cheat thou, you don't like what you have leave. | |
|
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/9/2008 7:46:46 PM | First, let me say that I know the vast majority of overweight people overeat and are sedentary because they don't know any better, or they have gotten into some bad habits which are hard to break, or they might be kinda lazy. However, there is another category of obese people who are compulsive over eaters. These people KNOW what they should be doing, but they simply find themselves UNABLE to stop eating. Now, I do not claim to know any of the psychological reasons for this, but I totally believe that there are people who are addicted to food. The internal dialogue for such a person may run along the lines of:
what the hell is wrong with me?
why can't I just stop eating?
how can I be successful in other areas of my life, and yet fail so dismally to do a simple thing like control my weight?
maybe I should get my stomach stapled,
maybe I should see a shrink,
I'll never be thin,
I'll never be happy,
I am worthless in the eyes of society.
my partner doesn't love me and will probably leave
Again, I do not profess to know where the line is drawn between a medical issue, a mental health issue, or yes, sometimes, a laziness issue, but if the person is a compulsive overeater, he/she will have as much difficulty sticking to a healthy eating plan as an alcoholic would have trying to stay sober. A gentle hint from a spouse will do worse than nothing because he or she already knows there is a problem. As far as all the people posting who think that a person is being disrespectful and uncaring towards his or her SO by gaining weight, I say that is bull. If a wife wants to piss off her husband, there are ways and means to do so without hurting herself so badly as gaining a hundred pounds. The person who is suffering from compulsive overeating CANNOT stop to please someone else, no matter how much love there may be, just as there are many gambling and drug addicts who see that they are hurting their families, friends , and loved ones and yet keep engaging in the self-destructive behavior. They WANT to control themselves, but they CAN'T.
These people need love and support, not gentle hints, or jokes, or threats. I suppose now people's responses will be to say that even if they do believe that compulsive overeating is a disease, does that mean that they should stay with that person? Should a person stay with compulsive gambler, or a drug abuser? Well, no, I wouldn't. When you are talking about fat however, it does alter one's lifestyle and appearance, but it is not likely to send a person to jail or bankruptcy either, like other types of addictions. Sure, most people are concerned about their loved ones' health, but MOSTLY they are concerned with appearances. My ex gained considerable weight during our relationship, and he is still physically attractive to me, on the outside. It' s the inner person I don't care for so much. | |
|
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/9/2008 8:13:25 PM | "In sickness & in health; for better or worse" does NOT mean that we should have to put up with our partner letting themselves go (that includes ourselves too), especially when they have control over their own bodies!! I'm slim & plan on staying that way until I die - because being overweight causes 'many' HEALTH problems AND it's also UNSIGHTLY. Fat is NOT beautiful & no one should let themselves get too big. A bit of weight gain during a long-term marriage (or relationship in general) is normal, but many people gain a lot of weight, even at a young age! THAT would turn me right off, especially in BED! So I only date guys who are slim to average in 'body type' - no big guys for me! It's also not FAIR to gain a lot of weight after meeting someone - that just spells entrapment & shows that you don't care how you look to your partner nor how your partner feels. Well then, don't expect your partner to "desire" you if you now look like 'Ms. Piggy' when before you looked the total opposite! I certainly wouldn't appreciate my partner letting himself go - especially if he was slim when I first met him! I would certainly get on his back if he were to gain too much weight - major turn-off! By the way, I practice what I preach!
Let's face it people - LOOKS DO MATTER - and those who deny this fact are often overweight themselves, or are very "undesirable" looking. I personally want someone who is going to do their utmost to not gain much weight over time - no matter what their age. Both my parents are in their 70's & they have always been slim - and that's my plan too. I will do whatever it takes to stay this way & I will expect my partner to do the same. I presently exercise & watch what I eat most of the time, although once in a while I will splurge & eat 'bad' food - afterall, no one should completely deprive themselves of eating some bad foods - everything in moderation though! | |
|
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/9/2008 8:22:11 PM | wow.....
So I suppose if your man were in a terrible accident that led to a disability or God forbid some sort of deformity (burn, etc) then too bad so sad for him. Or maybe its only us fatties you despise.
Preference is one thing. Disrespect is uncalled for. | |
|
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/9/2008 8:26:21 PM | | MSG #184 - I was talking about "controllable" weight issues - not some fluke thing that can happen to someone - like getting into a major accident that causes one to be bed-ridden for a long time or disabled, or suddenly getting a life-threatening disease, sickness, etc. Use common sense here - oh, I just remembered something, some people don't have common sense! And by the way, I like all types of people, skinny or fat - I just wouldn't date big ones. That is MY preference & I have a right to choose who I want in a partner - whether you approve of this or not KSBBW972! | |
|
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/9/2008 8:30:31 PM | | I don't think its disrespect...I think it is self control...and that is something does not come easily to everyone...it should be a goal to reach. To reach a goal, you have to give it a go...again and again... until you are successful...ask for help... learn about it...work at it...I think is what she is saying......try... | |
|
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/9/2008 8:36:10 PM | | well in my case......we were never maried....and she was a lil plump....but still young and cute and promised that it wasnt a problem......14 yrs. 2 awesome boys.....60 pounds ands and a completely unnecessary beligerant and intolerable attitude towards me ...i finally sed ...enuff.....i wasted alotta life on hope with her . she didnt come thru . the worst thing was that she tried to make me look like the guilty one at every opportunity..... | |
|
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/9/2008 8:38:45 PM | | MSG #186 - Thank you - well said! Like I said previously, there will be those who will be in denial of what I have said in my message (#183), and MSG #184 just proved my point! She let her EGO get in the way of actually seeing what is reality out there, and what is undesirable but MOST OFTEN controllable - weight issues! I wasn't being disrespectful - instead I was saying the TRUTH, which I'm sure many would agree with me (but, of course, not everyone). | |
|
| |
| |
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/10/2008 4:26:08 AM | hahhaha Pfffttttt WOMAN!! First I share the (whispers.... cake) and NOW you want Sauder too!! NO WAY!!!! 
Maybe the wedding vows need to be... for better or worse, , sickness and health, thin or fat, or before I kill you first....... 
 jj | |
|
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/10/2008 4:53:39 AM | Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
I think it depends on how you look at it.
For instance, if a man gains 150 pounds after getting married, does it matter?
If so, then why should it not be the same for both man & woman equally well?
I have a simple solution. I get rid of the junk food in the house, and put good food in there. Every day we eat a nice, tasty, healthy meal together, and most days we go to the gym together or take a Yoga class together or something like that. After all, diet and exercise seem to be a very good indicator of health in later life. I just want my other half to live as long and as happily as possible. | |
|
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/10/2008 4:57:45 AM | I think some of the posters here are unduly cruel and ignorant.
Anyone who says, "I don't want a fat partner because of health issues" is a liar. As other posters have stated, it's because of appearances, not health. Maybe if you're 0ver 65 and looking for someone to spend your golden years with, I'd buy it, but if not, you're fooling exactly nobody.
I especially find it ridiculously ignorant of women to be echoing the sounds of "fat pigs should lose weight or not complain", because they're unknowingly justifying the sad fact that women are pretty much tried, judged, and convicted based on their size and appearance in society.
I have no use for people like you, and the you is not directed at any one person in particular, but several of you. Sixty pounds ago, I was a wreck. I couldn't stop eating. I was bulimic and cringed at the thought of going to any social gathering. Every time I entered a room, I looked around to see if I was the fattest girl there. Sometimes, people shouted things at me from cars that are too dirty to repeat here.
I could literally not stop eating, and I was 23 years old. I would try and do anything I could to stay away from food, and it never worked. I would shake and get sick and finally give in and eat. I'd wake up every morning and puke before going to work. I was hooked on diet pills that worked as a strong laxative; I'm sure you realize how pleasant that must have been, without me needing to go into further detail.
Exercise was problematic for me. I have asthma and scoliosis. Tell a "fat pig" to go to the gym when her spine hurts so much that she can barely get off the couch, or when her breathing is so stilted that it literally feels as though there is BLOOD in her throat.
Long story short, I got on Atkins and lost sixty pounds in six months. (No joke; Atkins works, and you don't feel deprived, either.)
Now, lo and behold, people treat me like a human being. Gee, thanks. How honored I feel to be part of such a society, where people feel free to treat other human beings like filth, unless they measure up to a certain completely arbitrary standard.
I have many good qualities. I'm a member of MENSA and recently had some creative writing published. I work at a major metropolitan newspaper as a WRITER (in New York, of all places) and am the youngest person at the company, and just got my first promotion after being there for five months. I volunteer at a homeless shelter, wrote a 400 page dissertation in college, graduated from said college with honors, and am politically active.
But when I was fat, none of that mattered. FAT negated ALL OF THE ABOVE, and nobody cared who I was or what I was, because in the public eye, all I could ever hope to be was FAT.
Now, all of a sudden, the phone rings off the hook? Aren't I the same person? Didn't I have feelings, merit, and worth before I lost weight? I have a younger sister who is obese and has an eating disorder. The girl is afraid to leave the house because of the nasty people outside who stare at her and make comments. When she comes home from college, she lets me know it was a good day by saying, "Nobody made any remarks to me today." How very sad.
When I was fat, most of the guys I met felt I was good enough to screw, but not date. Now, when I go out with guys, I'm treated like a lady. I was a lady before, but more importantly, I was a PERSON before. It is all well and good to be slim and trim and fit and "healthy", but once you start commenting on the body types of others, your heart is more toxic and disgusting than any jiggly thighs could ever hope to be. | |
|
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/10/2008 5:04:30 AM | | Hey I ain't worried, I'd get thin out of spite, point being is if I'm seeing someone or married to them I'd like them to stay physically attractive to me as long as possible, for obvious reasons I'd think. I ain't worried about hooking them on diets or excercise I ain't willing to do, tell you the truth at this point I'd be happy if someone would just work out with me to whatever end just cause fair's fair I'd say. | |
|
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/10/2008 5:34:40 AM | I think the judgement involved against overweight people is very telling. There is this overwhelming thought from a few people here that weight is caused simply by laziness or overeating. It's that simple, especially for those who are seriously overweight.
I may as well tell my own story. I have lots of them. I've lived an interesting life so far. I was about 13 years old when I decided I was fat. I was 5'7" and around 135 lb and very curvy. Regardless of size I will always have large hips and breasts. Anyway, I decided I needed to weigh 120. That started the cycle of starvation diets and binges. At 16, things were complicated when I became bulemic after I was raped. I was only bulemic for about a year but the cycle of yo-yo dieting lasted much longer.
By the time I was an adult, I had messed up my metabolism so badly that I will always be prone to weight gain. I've done a lot of personal work on myself to get my head together and am very happy with myself. Yes, I'd like to lose weight for health reasons but that's not a priority. The priority is excercising and building muscle and increasing my stamina. If I lose weight, great. If not, I'm okay with that to.
The interesting thing is, the men in my life that are worth being in my life find me very attractive. I have so much going for me besides body size that it becomes only a token of an issue. I am a confident, successful career woman with my own home, car, insurance, ect.... I keep myself well groomed. I walk with my head up, a smile on my face, and make eye contact. I don't have problems getting or keeping relationships.
Anyways, all of this is simply to try and explain to those who don't get it, that weight gain is rarely a simple issue of being lazy or overeating. The issues involved are complex and many. You don't have to date an overweight person (frankly I'd prefer not to deal with people with that attitude) but an intelligent person takes the time to understand when issues are not as simple as they percieve them to be. | |
|
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/10/2008 5:58:00 AM | I lost over a hundred pounds over two years, that didn't stop my EX-wife from looking for love else where, what I'm trying to say is that men aren't the only ones that don't keep their vows due to excess weight, I feel and look great, thanks hun  | |
|
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/10/2008 5:58:29 AM | When I finally do find that one special man to settle down with - I would expect his vows (and mine) to be for better or worse - meaning the shape of their bodies are not going to define the duration of the relationship - the quality of the relationship will.
Weight is usually the result of a seditary lifestyle moreso than over eating or poor dietary choices (I should know I use to be massively huge and although I have lost a great deal of weight, I am still a big curvy woman). Change your lifestyle and your body will adapt to accomodate whatever demands you make of it.
Many overweight people tend to deny themselves "treats" so they really aren't over eating, they just aren't moving so they can't burn off what little they are actually getting. Some do binge eat but even that has more to do with emotional issues than self control issues.
Unfortunately we have created our own self destructive lifestyle with all these automations that were suppose to simplify life - people spend too much time sitting on their backsides working at desks and computers instead of physical labour - people use remotes instead of getting up to change channels - people nuke food instead of standing in the kitchen sweating over a hot stove for hours - everything is simplified but in doing so we have almost eliminated the need for physical movement.
The only way to fight this is by making an active lifestyle change - and it IS a choice. Get active and you will find yourself dropping weight whether you plan to or not. Your body is better able to use the food you eat if you are active, you wont be tempted by the fridge because you wont be home to be tempted, you will find yourself less hungry when your body is pumped with endophins from a workout... and best of all you will be prolonging your life so you can stick around to enjoy the people you love that much longer.
If I stop being active I gain weight - If I stay active I loose weight - just that simple.
The best thing you can do for an overweight partner is to get active together - take long romantic walks every evening after dinner... take a morning walk together before work just to increase your energy and to connect before you leave each other.... Be an active part of the solution - not a part of the problem by nagging or making your partner feel "not good enough" for you.
You both choose to spend your lives together - if your partner is in a self destructive downward spin you can do much to help just by encouraging them to join you in activities instead of verbally destroying their self worth by nagging. | |
|
| |
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/10/2008 6:01:14 AM | I would be a rich woman if I had a nickel every time I heard a single person say that they could hardly wait until they settled down with someone because then they could relax, be themselves, gain 100 pounds if they wanted to (or quit shaving their legs, or quit going to the gym, or quit dressing up, or getting their hair done or any of the multitude of other things single people do to make themselves attractive to the opposite sex).
Complacency is a relationship killer. It’s the attitude that one can stop trying to be the best one can be, not only for the benefit of a partner, but for oneself, now that the goal of finding a mate has been achieved. Because, after all, he/she loves me for what’s on the inside, not what’s on the outside.
Newsflash!!! We fall in love with the whole package. The inside and the outside. Both are important and if you drastically change a significant part of what your partner fell in love with, you run the risk of them not being able to accept that. How many times have you heard of couples splitting up because one is not attracted to the other anymore and the thought of sharing lives and intimacy is no longer appealing? If you don’t care about maintaining your health, good habits and attractiveness to your partner, your partner WILL find someone who does.
It’s a given that people will grow and change during the course of a relationship and it and the people involved can evolve into something much different over the course of time. However, if you become complacent and let yourself “go”, either physically, mentally, intellectually or spiritually, you do so at your own peril.
LH | |
|
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/10/2008 6:27:15 AM |
Anyone who says, "I don't want a fat partner because of health issues" is a liar. As other posters have stated, it's because of appearances, not health. Maybe if you're 0ver 65 and looking for someone to spend your golden years with, I'd buy it, but if not, you're fooling exactly nobody.
How do you that they are lying? Appearances are a factor, but maybe a family member, a friend, or a co-worker had health problems that were caused by being obese. It is the same thing as not dating a smoker because of potential health problems caused by smoking.
I have many good qualities. I'm a member of MENSA and recently had some creative writing published. I work at a major metropolitan newspaper as a WRITER (in New York, of all places) and am the youngest person at the company, and just got my first promotion after being there for five months. I volunteer at a homeless shelter, wrote a 400 page dissertation in college, graduated from said college with honors, and am politically active.
But when I was fat, none of that mattered. FAT negated ALL OF THE ABOVE, and nobody cared who I was or what I was, because in the public eye, all I could ever hope to be was FAT.
Now, all of a sudden, the phone rings off the hook? Aren't I the same person? Didn't I have feelings, merit, and worth before I lost weight?
Physical appearance is a part of how you are. If I met a nice woman that I wasn't attracted to. Then I might be friends with her, but not date her. Also many people who lost weight often feel better about themselves. Therefore many people aren't the same person after the weight loss.
I have a younger sister who is obese and has an eating disorder. The girl is afraid to leave the house because of the nasty people outside who stare at her and make comments. When she comes home from college, she lets me know it was a good day by saying, "Nobody made any remarks to me today." How very sad.
Some people can be rude to fat people, but this is a two way street. Some fat people can be jealous, angry, and bitter. They put down thin women by calling them "Barbie dolls", bony, self-centered, high maintenance etc.
The interesting thing is, the men in my life that are worth being in my life find me very attractive. I have so much going for me besides body size that it becomes only a token of an issue. I am a confident, successful career woman with my own home, car, insurance, ect.... I keep myself well groomed. I walk with my head up, a smile on my face, and make eye contact. I don't have problems getting or keeping relationships.
There are some men who only date fat women. These men are rarely criticized for not dating thin/fit women. Yet when a man states he isn't attracted to fat woman, he is often called shallow and ignorant.
Anyways, all of this is simply to try and explain to those who don't get it, that weight gain is rarely a simple issue of being lazy or overeating. The issues involved are complex and many.
Most people can lose weight with a good diet and proper exercise. I think some people make excuses for their weight. | |
|
| Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships?
Posted: 1/10/2008 6:48:33 AM | Lemme say this, there's a difference to people who say got into an accident and were disfigured after you started seeing them, assuming it wasn't because they were drinking heavily and acted like a complete idiot I could understand and accept it.
However I work in a coffee shop and i can think of a few men and women that come in, definately need to lose significant weight (I mean they are breathing heavy, like I do after half an hour on the elliptical.. and they are only walking on even ground from the parking lot.) anyway they order extra large of the fattiest drink possible with extra whipped cream.
What is that? Is there really a disease that forces you to order things that even I won't touch and I'm not even on a diet? We had these stockings up at christmas at my work, they had chocolates in them, 1 of the *cough* curvy *cough* girls, at mine... then she proceeded to eat over half of the box of chocolatese given to the *entire shop* as her lunch one day when she forgot hers.
Seriously... I think I'm allowed to draw a line in the sand. | |
|
|
|
Home
login 
Cake? You had cake? What cake? I didn't see no cake! 
)
