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| Why dont instant messages get a reply?
Posted: 1/7/2008 7:50:00 AM | | I get asked this a lot and my reason is simple. I am a full-time student and sign on regularly at school to check my messages. Many people try to im me but the computer I use at school doesn't have an updated flash player so I can see the attempt at contact, but not who it is and I can't respond. May just be a case of technology. I wish that people would leave me message after so I can explain! | |
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| Why dont instant messages get a reply?
Posted: 1/7/2008 11:52:34 AM | ^^^ I have the same problem when logged in to POF whilst at work. So when I log in at work I turn IM off and when I leave I turn it on again for when I log in at home. Perhaps also put in your profile you can't IM at certain times of the day, so would appreciate email contact instead during those hours?
Pam xx | |
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| Why dont instant messages get a reply?
Posted: 1/8/2008 8:07:53 AM | | Unfortunately you never know who is on the other end. And there are MANY guys looking for erotica on-line. I generally do not IM guys unless they have e-mailed me first and introduced themselves and I have a sense of who they are. Maybe I'm a bit more formal, but I've not had good experiences just "chatting" on a first opening. Hence I put in my profile "Gentlemen, I do not kiss and tell, esp. on-line." Many women do not like to be rude or get into a fight. If you tell a guy, hey I don't like the way you are talking to me and end it, you might end up with a stalker. Hope this helps. | |
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| Why dont instant messages get a reply?
Posted: 4/17/2008 6:26:34 PM | | We are on a social dating website. If a person does not want to talk on the IM they should turn it off. If someone takes the time to give another a friendly hello, it seems like it is just good manners to respond with at least a " I am busy right now" or " no thank you" or something, they took the time, anything else seems rude. The computer generated refusal is as rude " this person dont want to talk to you" real nice... If you were walking down the road and someone gave you a friendly howdie do, the same response would be to spit in their eye. Good grief we are on a dating site here, a little bit of good manners goes a long way. No wonder some send a email back and are offended. | |
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| Why dont instant messages get a reply?
Posted: 4/17/2008 8:28:43 PM | cause most women are really only looking for compliments and the thrill of how many guys want them.
The really don't any intentions of talking or meeting anyone. I mean..what would their friends say. 
Chalk it up to stuck up and bitter for most. | |
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| Why dont instant messages get a reply?
Posted: 4/17/2008 8:41:24 PM |
The computer generated refusal is as rude " this person dont want to talk to you" real nice...
Where did you see that? I've never come across that one before. Then again, I never really initiated IM contact with anyone. A number of times, though, I would get an IM pop up only to see no text in the window.
The thing that really annoyed me more than anything else, though, was just getting an IM that looked like a carbon copy of ten thousand others: "hey how r u" or "hey whats up 22m wanna chat?" I'm not saying I expect a Tolstoy novel when I get an IM, but just a tiny bit of punctuation would have made all the difference. If I had gotten, "Hey, how are you?" or "Hi, I'm 22 from Pembroke Pines. Do you want to chat?" I may have responded. I understand people are all about Internet/text shortcuts these days, but poor spelling and grammar are huge on my pet peeves list. For me, anyway, that would really make all the difference.
At any rate, I ended up turning the IM feature off except for people on my favorites list. I figure if someone's really interested in talking to me, they can send an email. | |
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| Why dont instant messages get a reply?
Posted: 4/17/2008 8:53:05 PM | Because usually I am doing one or two other things when I am on here, and don't want be interrupted while I have other browsers open and I am uploading pictures onto another website to sell stuff. | |
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| Why dont instant messages get a reply?
Posted: 4/17/2008 8:53:56 PM | | My IM rarely works but I leave it on to see who actually reads my profile. I've put a little thing in there about how my IM doesn't work so if you want to contact me you should just e-mail me on here. I figure if a guy can't understand that he's not worth my time since he clearly didn't take the time to read my profile. | |
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| Why dont instant messages get a reply?
Posted: 4/17/2008 9:38:33 PM | | They could be away from the computer. I find the IM thing takes a long time to connect sometimes so this could be a reason. Usually when the IM thing pops up you really dont have time to look over the profile first. | |
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| Why dont instant messages get a reply?
Posted: 4/17/2008 10:16:56 PM | OP, here's my two cents. I think that its a bad idea to IM someone on Plentyoffish.com for many reasons. However you slice it, its a forced conversation, which, if she even responds, might be awkward for her for the simple fact that she wasn't expecting it. Also, no matter how you start the conversation, I think that a lot of people would see it as presumptuous and rude of you to think that the other person wants to talk to YOU of all people at that given point in time. Thirdly, the clunky and unappealing Plentyoffish IM interface leaves much to be desired.
I've personally had a girl IM me once, out of the blue. After the surprise wore off I looked at her profile and while didn't impress me much, I chose to chat for a few against my better judgment. The conversation was forced and awkward. Her trying to come up with questions to ask me; me trying to get past the fact that her grammar was horrible. I finally told her politely that I didn't think that her and I would click, and she got offended and I had to put up with five minutes of her not taking no for an answer before I ended up ending the conversation and blocking her. Then I disabled my IM capability. I'm sure other people have had similar experiences.
Stick with some clever, insightful emails that take note of the girl's profile. That, along with some decent pictures and a well-written, descriptive profile will work wonders. | |
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| Why dont instant messages get a reply?
Posted: 4/17/2008 10:29:37 PM | It is intrusive. It's the online equivalent of walking into someone's front door without knocking.
If you want to use that feature, try inviting them. | |
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| Why dont instant messages get a reply?
Posted: 4/17/2008 11:05:17 PM | To be honest, I've turned my IM off. I didn't like the fact that I kept getting IM requests coming in all the time from people I'd never had prior contact with before. And then, I'd feel obligated to 'talk' with them. I just don't like doing that.
I guess I had my own idea of how IM on this site would progress/work. Initially, there would have been some prior conversation through messages and then asking first, if I wanted to use the IM when we were on POF at the same time. It would be more of a mutual "sure, let's IM each other!" than what I experienced. | |
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| Why dont instant messages get a reply?
Posted: 4/17/2008 11:23:17 PM | | well did they just not get the messages? are there computers slow? did it say they opened the IM's and ignored you? either way they ignored you so either sent em an regualr message or move on | |
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| Why dont instant messages get a reply?
Posted: 4/18/2008 8:01:04 PM | Yeah I don't turn mine on very much , If I get brave I do . I've never had a good experience with it yet , first I don't like chatting to ppl without a picture, not that I've ignored every guy that has messaged me without a picture I will usually say Hi make a little chit chat but nothing serious., then request a picture,and they give you the famous "I have one on MSN"..uh huh.... and technology wont let you upload a pic for even Private use on POF?? lmao..
Plus,some have just got really rude on there,asking me to cam or dirty questions and that stuff , makes me very uncomfortable, they get "nice chatting to ya , I gotta go " very fast....so yeah anytime I do turn it on I cringe every time I see that little window popping up ...*sighs* | |
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| Why dont instant messages get a reply?
Posted: 4/18/2008 8:28:40 PM | Maybe she was talking to someone else. It would be rude to interrupt an ongoing conversation to go "be polite" and say no thanks to someone else - especially if it happens repeatedly. You really can't win sometimes no matter what you do so you have to just do what seems right to you.
Don't assume someone is rude if they don't respond. If you insist on thinking they are rude I suggest not using IM at all. You will only be offended as it's likely to happen that you are ignored - especially by those in the forums as already mentioned.
Approach, if they don't respond, shrug and move on but don't judge them. You just don't know their reasons. | |
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| Why dont instant messages get a reply?
Posted: 4/19/2008 3:02:55 AM | Because most IMs start with "Hey baby lookin good"
And we all (all of us with functioning ovaries at least) know where that's going.
See, Ideally he wants this to happen.
"Hey baby"
"Oh hey big man, oh your pics make me so hot, you got a cam?"
"Yeah"
"oh let me show you my flange mmmmmm yeah just sit back and rub one off in a sock while you watch the lovely free tailor made porn"
And that's usually not what she wants. But if she replies, what can she say to indicate she doesn't want to talk dirt to him without 'being mean'?
It could go "Hey baby"
"Hi there, you look nice but just want you to know I don't talk about sex online and I haven't got a camera!"
And he thinks *bunny boiler!* "OK no worries!" *phew lucky escape there!*
And moves on.
Thus reinforcing the notions that all women are bunny boiling sex phobics, and all men are only after one thing. | |
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| Why dont instant messages get a reply?
Posted: 6/20/2008 7:13:43 PM | | mostly cause it's from someone I don' t yet know, (ask permission?) and because it's invasive, and disrupts when typing other messages....oh, and because it's turned 'off' most of the time | |
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| Why dont instant messages get a reply?
Posted: 6/20/2008 7:51:15 PM | | If I don´t know you and you didn´t even bother writing me an email to first introduce yourself and say HI..........I´m not answering your IM........... | |
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| Why dont instant messages get a reply?
Posted: 6/20/2008 7:55:46 PM | If you're doing a cold IM, why should she respond to "Hi, let's chat" or some other generic line? Also just because she's online doens't mean she's free to chat. She might be reading an article, watching a movie, engaging in chat with somebody else, writing an email, or any number of things.
I'd recommend something specific with an "Are you free?" Such as:
"Hi! I noticed we both love Star Trek and Weird Al. Are you free to chat?" If she says no, follow up with an email saying sorry you caught her at a bad time with your IM attempt, but her profile just struck you as so interesting because of Star Trek, Weird Al, and gourmet olives or whatever. | |
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| Why dont instant messages get a reply?
Posted: 6/20/2008 8:01:09 PM |
cause most women are really only looking for compliments and the thrill of how many guys want them.
I'm not here fishing for compliments. They tend to creep me out coming from somebody I don't even know. I want conversation: "So, why Korea? I got stationed there with the Army myself so I had no choice in the matter." or "I see you like backpacking. Have you hiked much of the AT?"
(Actually, come to think of it, I'm not too keen on complements in general. I don't mind a specific complement like "That's a cute outfit" or "These devilled eggs are great!" but I really am not comfortable with general compliments such as "You're beautiful" or "You're such a kind person." I know I am a plain Jane, and while I might do kind things I also have times when I am short-tempered or cranky or just not as considerate as I ought to be. Being told I'm kind or good or whatever just makes me feel like a phony.
If a guy showers me with "You're so beautiful" I wonder which he needs examined: his eyes or his head. | |
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| Why dont instant messages get a reply?
Posted: 6/20/2008 8:04:30 PM | It does seem invasive to me somehow. The couple that I've actually responded too just wanted to 'meet up' and have a 'good time'. No Thanks!! Send me an e-mail and warm me up first... | |
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| Why dont instant messages get a reply?
Posted: 6/20/2008 9:13:12 PM | | IM messages do seem to turn tawdry as noted above, it also seems to be favoured by people of lower intelligence. If you want a decent meaningful exchange, IM really isn't the medium. So how do you turn it off? | |
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