| how do i go on ???
Posted: 1/7/2008 12:59:37 PM | | Wow, I'm sorry about this. It does sound like she got cold feet--women tend to think decades in the future, maybe she saw something that she didn't like way out there. If you still love her, you can hang on and hope she comes around; do the part-time thing (I'm not sure what that meant--not living together, or dating other people? There's a big difference). Hope it works for you. | |
|
| how do i go on ???
Posted: 1/7/2008 2:14:19 PM | Hey Op, Just want to say I am proud of you for not calling her, yeah I called you a wuss, don't take it personally because that's just my way of getting some guys to take a look at their actions for their own good. (kind of a scared straight or tough love thing) Women hate it when I call other guys a wuss, some automatically portray me as a bully. Many of them read what I write and get all emotional and respond like a woman, and thats cool because afterall thats just their human nature. In their mind's eye, any advise given in these forums should be similar to theirs, be kind, genital, sensitive, polite, nurturing etc.... I am sure there will be one or more who will flame me which will only further vailidate my point. 
However on another note I give them credit where it is due. Most women are smart, they are very smart, they do one thing that many of us men are just now learning. They will consult each other, sharing secrets and knowledge about men and how to get what they want. But when us men do this they get all butt hurt and are usually on the offense accusing us of being male pigs, or sexists.
I really admire the fact that you're willing to reach out and ask for help.
Most guys are so caught up in themselves and their problems that they wind up suffering in silence... and, of course, are worse off because of it. I would encourage you to also post your topic in the askmen.com forums, that is if you are looking for logic and not sympathy. If you keep being strong and she does love you, she will eventually call you. At this point she knows your normally in her own words,
(the smothering type.) Once you ignore her, the curiosity will get the best of her.
"Hey, it's been three weeks, why has Mr.Smothering not called me?" If she does not call, chances are she is also seeing her other part timer and it's time to move on anyway.
If she seriously only wants a part time boyfriend, then perhaps you should consider looking for a part time girlfriend? It's possible, once she figures out that other women are interested in you, she may very well come back to claim what shes about to lose. It's natural for most women to disagree with my reasoning. They hate it when they lose control over a guy that was once chasing them, and don't want other men learning all the tried and true methods. It works, just read my testimonials. I am sure their intentions are genuine. However if you take dating advice from women who have seen John, Paul, George and Ringo perform live! Then you may have to ask yourself some real questions..........
Women test men all the time, this could very well be another test. Especially before marriage. Don't fail! I bet she will call you (within a month) if you continue to be strong. Remember, She's the one who backed off. She says she wants some space. I believe the best way to show your love for her is to respect this. Let her initiate contact with you. You pressing her is most likely gonna just drive her away faster. I know it's not easy having a 10 months investment in stocks that are risky. But this IS the BEST way to handle the situation.
Others will advise you to call her, especially women. DON'T DO IT! Wait at least a month............ There has been women in my life that when I chased them they ran to fast for me, so I gave up and stopped calling them altogether thinking it was over. Then the strangest thing happened. After a 6 weekor so period, they started calling me.
So go figure....
JMBBO
BadBoy~ | |
|
| how do i go on ???
Posted: 1/7/2008 2:50:34 PM | BadBoy, I actually do agree with you on the actions. It is important to give her space and time. The hard thing is managing your own anxiety and feelings of loss! These can drive you nuts.
So back to the cliched advice: keep yourself busy, do things you love to do, have human contact, reach out. Do things that don't reopen or irritate the wound of her taking time out. "If you love something, set it free." She'll come back if she's right for you. | |
|
| how do i go on ???
Posted: 1/7/2008 3:33:02 PM | | i have to go with sweethang the buzzard has sounded and the game is over. I WOULD NOT contact her ,the lump in your throat could get bigger and you may just end up with no job. I hope that you got your ring back also | |
|
| how do i go on ???
Posted: 1/7/2008 6:48:00 PM | Hummm I think maybe badboy is on to something.
Women don't want to be with guys who assume too much, act too needy, call them to often, or fall for them too quickly. Every time your inner wuss kicks in and tells you to call her, be strong, eat a power bar or something untill the "Act like a wuss behavior" subsides......
I could not agree more. I also don't think that women like a man who is smothering her or acts needy. Ever time I have attempted to real a woman in after she has said something like that, it has never worked out. If she was really interested she would be in better contact. I hate to say it but you should do as badboy suggested and start dating others if nothing else, just to get your mind off of her.
I suppose it's possible she could call you down the road it's up to you but I don't think I would trust her. Women change their mind as often as they do their clothes, she might call you only to say she changed her mind about calling you  | |
|
| how do i go on ???
Posted: 1/7/2008 10:18:26 PM | I'm so sorry that happened to you. I can tell you this. I felt "smothered" when my last husband asked me to marry him, and almost backed out of the wedding. Now I am torn between wishing I had, and being thankful I didn't because of our little girl. I won't go into all the details of the why's on either side...but I will tell ya, that at least she had the guts to tell you NOW....as I did my ex....before waiting for years to do it and making both of you miserable. Yes, i know you are miserable now, and I wish you weren't....can't stand to see anyone hurt. Still....give her space.
Unlike her, I do not understand the part time boyfriend thing....maybe she just meant you guys needed to take a few steps back....maybe she meant she wanted to see other people just to get a perspective on her own feelings for you...in other words, maybe she isn't sure what she's feeling is what should be there for that kind of commitment.
I think you should follow Trialsize's advice and both go to a premarital session with a good council specialist. If she's willing that is....if she isn't, then all you can do is what feels right in your heart, be that wait for her, or move on. I wish you luck and peace. | |
|
| how do i go on ???
Posted: 1/7/2008 10:47:31 PM | | I know how you feel. but time heals all wounds. try to stay busy and dont stay to your self. go out with your friends. or just go out on your own. I was married for 18 years . good luck .And remember when god takes some one from us .Its because he has some one better. | |
|
| how do i go on ???
Posted: 1/7/2008 11:04:32 PM | | You are doing the right thing by leaving her alone and in time she will hopefully tell you what happened, in my opinion. I think the best thing to do is try to say to yourself that all hurt is eased in time, I have had almost the same thing happen to me years ago, the guy literaly went out for a pack of smokes and never came back, strange, we were living together at the time. You have to get on with your life, get out of bed and force yourself to think happy thoughts and talk to other people about things that dont relate to her, you are greiving and its normal. Try to make yourself be happy, although the relationship may be over or just taking a break, you are not going to fall down dead if you enjoy yourself, life realy does go on. | |
|
| how do i go on ???
Posted: 1/8/2008 1:53:49 AM | its ok badboy no offence taken your post made me relize things about my behavoiur smutthering you know i was soo in love i didnt even relize i was smothering her??? funny that ty so much | |
|
| how do i go on ???
Posted: 1/8/2008 1:55:22 AM | | lol yes got me 270 deposit back but at the time honestly i didnt care if i got the money back! | |
|
| |
| how do i go on ???
Posted: 1/8/2008 2:01:28 AM | thank you cassago ty for your words ive deleted her numbers of my mobile i cant obtain them i did it soo i cant ring her even if i wanted too,,,i even deleted her pics of my mobile that was real hard to doooo | |
|
| how do i go on ???
Posted: 1/8/2008 2:10:56 PM | Best way m8.
When I had some trouble getting over a girl I was with for 5 years, I burnt all the photos and letters of her. It was dramatic, but I got some "closure" as I watched the whole thing go up in smoke.
Sometimes, the best way to move on, is to completely detach yourself from the one thing that is giving you pain.
Good Luck anyway! | |
|
| how do i go on ???
Posted: 1/9/2008 12:57:41 PM |  First of all DON'T BlAME YOURSELF.What you need right now is someone that is a good friend thats been there and that is willing to listen. I know how you feel trust me I was in the same boat as you several months ago. In my opinion she needs to explain to you why she feels that she is smothering and why she tells you this but then says that she loves you. Does she love you for the person you are or does she love you like the air that she breathes? I really hope things get better for you, you deserve it.In closing if you need someone to listen feel free to contact me. | |
|
| how do i go on ???
Posted: 1/9/2008 3:18:38 PM | first of all, let me just give you my opinion. I do believe that you can fall in love in 3 months. but it can also be over in a second......there is a difference between I love you and I am in love with you. She sounds like she loves you.
Give her a call, get your ring back and give her all the space that she needs....forever.
She answered your question with no hesitation she has been thinking of it....no man deserves to be a part time boyfriend, expecially after he just purchased the ring. She did you a favour....enjoy your freshstart for 2008.
You can go on without her, 7 days have already passed...soon it will be 12....one day at a time, and please don't look back. | |
|
| how do i go on ???
Posted: 1/12/2008 9:10:19 PM | TO EVERYBODY WHO POSTED WORDS OF SUPPORT ON THREAD
THANK YOU SOO MUCH GUYZ I HAVE A UPDATE !!! WE ARE BACK TOGETHER TURNS OUT SHE WAS MORE HURT THAN I WAS WE BOTH HAVE MADE ARRANGEMENTS FOR COUNCILING MEE FOR MY WUSSY INSECURITYS HER FOR HER MOODS AND COMMUNACATING SKILLS !! IM SO THANKFULL FOR THE ADVISE GIVEN I USED ALMOST ALL OF IT !!!! IM TAKEING IT ALL ON BOARD AND LEARNING FROM THIS !!!!!!!!!!!!! THANKS AGAIN MY FRIENDS FROM OTHER LANDS !!
LOVE FROM DARREN !!!!!!!! | |
|
Home
login 
thank you to all
