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Posted: 1/7/2008 1:18:57 PM | ]Why is it they are here looking for companionship from a complete stranger, when surely there must be some compatible offerings in and around the circle they have made their life .
You know OP, sometimes life can sweep a person miles away from their close family and friends one was growing up with. Circle of my friends here consists more of married couples and singletons like me have to 'fit many shoes' in 24/7 to keep the household going, bills to be paid, youngster at home is happy ... and even being able to scrape a bit of time for ourselves.
Stranger in the street just like the one on here has the same starting point. If person wants to open up, great, we can have conversation and eventually even build the bridge for meeting up (or again) if that's how two people feel about each other.
the circle they have made their life provides no guarantee for meeting the one ... unless good Cilla Black/Blind Date steps in LOL. | |
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Posted: 1/7/2008 1:48:02 PM | OP, aren't you the 'lucky' one!
In my particular 'circle' of friends they all happen to be married.... the 'single' ones are women and I happen to prefer the opposite sex as a partner!
Along the way in my journey of life.... I have formed great friendships which have truly lasted to the 'end of the line'.... married 25 years and death did us part!
....as far as a life built on emotions being more insecure than one built on common sense.... I'm guessing you mean a relationship?
I'd say you need a deal of each!!!!!
after all, I'm hardly going to hop on the roller coaster without fastening my safety belt !!!! | |
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Posted: 1/7/2008 6:51:22 PM | I'm not looking for a relationship having just left one. Plan to be single for awhile. But I really enjoy POF for many, many reasons other than I can't find a date anywhere else.
These forums are an absolute kick and I can't believe the number of quality freinds I've met and chat with. And of course I can't wait to check my inbox to see who has something to say to or about me. I rarely make first contact with a lady the exception being that I really liked something they said in their profile. But I always answer every body that contacts me. Some are looking for the same thing I am, friendship and intelligent, spirited chat and I let those know how to contact me on messenger if they fancy some back and forth. Others question my ententions and begin to persue what they think I'm really here for. Those I thank for contacting me an wish them luck finding what they are looking for. [hidden message: I ain't it]. And then there are those who viewed my profile and when they don't contact me I say to myself, "Hey, what's not to like here gal?" Then someone views me, never contacts me and then chooses me as her favorite. Yikes, I don't understand women much but in this case who cares. I'm a favorite. And finally I love to keep changing the primary image on my profile. The gals and the guys rate my picture and what a trip. I can put a picture up for a week and be rated a six by the gals and a two by the guys. LOL. Who'd want it the other way around. Then change the pic after a week or so and now I'm an eight point five for both the boys and girls. Three weeks later I again post the original pic and my six from the gals three weeks earlier damn near hits ten now. Go figure. Of course I've long since stopped giving a crap about what the guys think. Eat yer hearts out suckers. lol.
So imagine when I do decide its time to find that special somebody. Hell, most likely she's on my messenger friends list already. And when we finally do hook up for the long run, she'll never question my motives when we both agree to be members here forever. Happy fishing folks. | |
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Tramp
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Joined: 2/8/2007
Msg: 41 | |
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Posted: 1/7/2008 7:05:45 PM | Yes, Barra, a long lasting relationship can only be had with a person you see often, if not on a daily basis; this, in here, is only an illusion of what could be.
Many times I do not write nor keep an Email friendship on the Web for that reason: I do not feel the closeness I do with women I meet in person. After a while I do not have much to write about.
Should I lie? | |
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Posted: 1/8/2008 2:01:26 AM | ^^^^^^
msg 41 ,, tramp ..
The only problem with lieing is you have to always remember what you said .
For me , at 57 , I don't like to take those chances ......lol. ...... I have enough trouble remembering the truth ...............   | |
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Tramp
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Joined: 2/8/2007
Msg: 44 | |
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Posted: 1/8/2008 7:16:42 AM | Have you seen my shoes?
Right....The other helps with the memory; used to be that way for me. | |
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Posted: 1/8/2008 12:04:24 PM | I have an occupation that keeps me quite isolated. My clients are ethically out of bounds. In the years that I have been single I have met lots of fellows on various dating services. As I see it dating services are more introduction services. Meeting someone is just one small step to finding " the one." Of course I am open to meeting fellows any where not just on a dating service. Having said that so far I have not had much luck anywhere so why not POF or any of the other dating services. To me that is also common sense.
Emotions are a big part to finding "the one" because our hearts get involved. Trust, laughter, joy, insecurity, pain and anger and sexuality are all part of the mix that makes up a loving relationship. That also has to be part of finding " the one" for me.
other things that are common sense are compatibility. Similar values, similar lifestyles and a good dose of friendship.
it is my belief that any relationship will break down if the couple involved are not willing to be committed to working on the relationship spiced with a good dose of- good communication and laughter. | |
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Posted: 1/8/2008 2:28:49 PM |
"The one" can be anywhere, the key is to have our hearts open.
Well put Suecat, a canadian sweet and simple, good girl. | |
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Posted: 1/9/2008 10:42:31 AM | I'm in Newport Beach, CA -- not a problem to meet people, but it is to get to know them. I find that e-mail connecting and then meeting lets me understand them a little before we meet. It also lets me know if they like communication (number of times they e-mail before calling); and if they can put their thoughts together in ways that make sense to me.
Made friends, still looking .... | |
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Posted: 1/9/2008 4:06:28 PM | Unless you have a huge network of friends and friends of friends that share common interests and values, meeting compatible singles IRL isn't easy.
BTW, I work in a library with many nice gentlemen, most of which are gay and married, and the others are straight and married. One of my colleagues did meet her SO at the library - he was a researcher there. I keep hoping that this would happen to me but it never does, alas! And I have yet to meet a friend who has ever introduced me to an eligible, straight male acquaintance of theirs. Why? There are none!
I would prefer meeting someone IRL but it's easier said than done, especially when you're too picky to date lower on the food chain. | |
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Posted: 1/9/2008 10:10:42 PM | Barra, perhaps one person and only one person only is not enough.
I think we've been brainwashed by society to holdout for that special someone, but you are right, it eventually fades.
Then there is that very nice kind person in our lives that makes us laugh, is that the one, perhaps, but were is the passion?
Perhaps both exist in one, but that's very rare.
Personally, I would chose the second choice, because, passion can develop, that is if , there is some level of respect there.
Darwinianism really screws us up, because when two people are having intense passion for each other, it usually leads down one road, and that is, procreation(baby). | |
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Posted: 1/20/2008 1:55:38 PM | This is an interesting question, OP. What you’re asking is why don’t people look for relationships in their own circle of friends and acquaintances, rather than looking in some place on-line, for example, POF?
I would think that most people, by the time they get to the point of posting on the Over 45 forum, have exhausted most of the relationship possibilities amongst their own circle of people. Had they not, they would already be with someone. Still others (like myself) shy away from trying to form uncertain relationships with those they know for fear of harming established friendships. Many don’t date those that they work with. Many don’t date friends of friends. I’d be one who doesn’t do either of those. There seems to be too much opportunity for ‘loss’ in those situations.
So that leaves meeting strangers, people you don’t already know, who are outside your social circle. But I’ve found perfect strangers are only strangers until you begin to get to know them. Stepping outside the comfortable box of the familiar can often lead to very rewarding results. And I don’t see how any of this relates to emotional vs. common sense decision-making.
cdn guy | |
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Posted: 1/20/2008 2:11:26 PM |
Most people seem to be looking for the same type of person on here. Someone that is honest, loyal, intelligent, stable and has a sense of humor. Most put their children 1st, like walks on a beach, blah blah blah. With so many people looking for the same things why are any of us on a dating site?
John; I've wondered that so many times myself. Are people asking for things they themself don't have? Is there a set of basic 'things' that have to be in place before a good relationship can happen? Mutual respect, common values and lifestyle, honesty, willingness to open up and be physically and emotionally involved, etc? Why do people bother entering into a relationship if they aren't willing to meet the minimum requirements? | |
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Posted: 1/20/2008 2:20:32 PM |
Why do people bother entering into a relationship if they aren't willing to meet the minimum requirements?
Here's a better question.
I threw out "honest, loyal, intelligent and stable", reducing my minimum requirements to SEX and FUN! And yet I got even fewer replies.
Coincidence?
Or Conspiracy?! | |
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Posted: 1/20/2008 2:38:47 PM | I know I felt it necessary to put definitions on my profile..how sad is that?
Anyway..are we going on the assumption that we aren't meeting people in real life..after e-mailing/IMing here in POF? isn't that then somewhat better than meeting just in real life? I mean..we do know what our agendas are meeting on a dating site. I think it just takes out the guesswork. Is he looking at me? Was that a wink? Does he wanna be my firend..my brother? Is it the woman next to me even????
I know it's not going very well for me..yet.. on pof. I think it's because I keep getting the same old..rush..rush..rush to meet..and he seems totally nerve-wracked and unprepared..as to what to say or..when. I don't think my "not" being at all nervous helps..and appears more of a look of over-confidence on my part. He doesn't seem to have any confidence..and looks like he may in-fact pee his pants at any minute. Then..it's over. NEXT!! | |
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Posted: 1/20/2008 3:06:51 PM | | I am a teacher and live in a small town and rarely meet anyone in real life. However, most that I have met on POF were either looking for casual sex (not for me), or casual sex with a beauty queen. I get email saying that my profile shows how conceited I am (someone might need to get a life i.e. they have nothing better to do than send email to women they are not interested in? I am not the norm in that I have not been married, do not have children and am not tall, of average weight and whatever else it is that 99.9% of the men seem to seek. Men seem to either ignore women or want to meet so soon, they seem to be looking for some instant connection, or they are meeting 30000 women one time looking for perfection. | |
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Posted: 1/20/2008 3:14:15 PM | fifi..
I hear ya on that one. It's exactly what my son said to me. I look like someone that's a no nonesense type of woman..confident in myself and my convictions. I'm not a player but..I get who the players are..and maybe I make them nervous because of this very reason. They came to play..and found someone that wasn't in their game. Maybe we're both in that same boat?
This is what makes online dating so  to me! | |
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Posted: 1/20/2008 3:26:45 PM | | You are probably right, there are some real gentlemen here, once in a while I encounter some, lately I have met a few so we will see what happens....Yep, I can usually spot the bs players a mile away and they know it and leave me alone... | |
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Posted: 1/20/2008 3:37:03 PM |
Surely as adults we must realise that a life built on emotions , is a far , far more insecure life than one built on common sense...... No???
I have to challenge the term 'adults' as there are lots of old people that haven't reached adult behaviors yet.
Then there's 'common sense' which is usually an euphemism for "my common sense"
And I have to say I am enjoying the emotions I have for the woman I'm with and will continue to build on them.
Seems to me practical relationships built on 'common sense' go awry when some emotional content disrupts the practicality.
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Posted: 1/20/2008 10:56:43 PM |
Why is it they are here looking for companionship from a complete stranger, when surely there must be some compatible offerings in and around the circle they have made their life .
I live in a pretty small town, go to a church where the average age is 65. I work with all married men. I don't do the bar stuff. My circle of of friends is really my kids friends. I hang out with them. I LOVE it, but I want a relationship. I'm an adult. This is just one way I can meet other adults. You can only spend so much time at Barnes & Nobles.
And that "Companionship from a complete stranger" comment.. People are only complete strangers until you get to know them. Heck, all my children were strangers till about a month or so.  Kind of joking, but you catch my drift. Once I got to know them, know what they wanted, and they got to understand me .... We formed a bond.
I/we just need to use our heads!! All that glitters is NOT gold. If the profile says the following RUN!!!
I'm a Consultant. I have no money worries. I have 3 homes, A summer home in Florida, A winter home in Montana, and A small Villa in the south of France. My children are all Doctors and partners in a hospital I built. My X, (God bless her sole) passed from birthing our last child. Thank the Good Lord for Mary, the woman from Guam, I bought to the Grand ole USA from one of my Missionary trips. She helped me raise the children, while her own children attended Pen State. Of course I paid, I am a gentleman, we do those things.
I'm just looking for my Princess, Someone who wouldn't mind sharing my life, and the little things in it.
Our first date: I'd Love to show you, MY France.
OK.. Maybe I took poetic licence here... but we've all read those profiles...And if ANY red flag EVER goes off reading a profile......Even Just a slight one...
STOP... BREATH ... and ... THINK...
Three words that might save you heart ache.
This can work, if We keep grounded. | |
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Posted: 1/21/2008 12:08:32 PM | ***The above written profile was NOT taken off of POF***
stop with the emails....LOL... It's FAKE!! | |
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Posted: 1/21/2008 2:36:15 PM | As for myself, I just moved 3000 miles for my job. Pretty much EVERYONE here is a complete stranger to me. (I knew ONE person in town before I moved. ) I'm sure there are plenty of others on here that, like me, relocated to an area where they don't know anyone.
Plus, reading these forums is more interesting than going through "Will you talk to me if I buy you a drink?" ten times a night.  | |
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Posted: 1/21/2008 2:46:11 PM |
After all , isn't it better ( or at least more possible ) to find someone who lives a similar life to yourself . Isn't it more practical to form a life with someone with similar interests, living a similar lifestyle , with similar goals , interests etc, etc., than trying to form a realationship with someone you don't even know ?
Think you're getting confused about similar LOCATION equaling "similar interests, living a similar lifestyle , with similar goals , interests etc, etc." None of *those* peeps live anywhere NEAR me.
So PoF has enabled me to find THE ONE who has interests, lifestyle, goals, and a personality that matched mine. Would have been a damn fool not to fall in love, lol! And I'm *not* a damn fool. . . .
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Posted: 1/21/2008 8:40:37 PM | | I work with only 3-4 guys and they are married. Hence, here i be. | |
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