| One date then nothing!!!
Posted: 1/6/2008 1:42:11 PM | Fifi47 /others:
Hi!
I am in the same boat I am in now. I haven't meet anybody in REAL life, friends of friends that I would want to date. Not that I don't have opportunities. So, that is one of the reasons I am on a date sight. I can't find the right chemistry in the real world or in cyperspace. Like I said earlier, I think some of us girls are at the mercy of the gods... just waiting by the river of life for the right fish to arrive. lol...Sitting at the great pond with our fishing poles, waiting patiently...lol..
Cheers!
Chela  | |
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| One date then nothing!!!
Posted: 1/6/2008 1:58:45 PM | You can thank the internet for that. When they got home, the chick who looks just a TINY bit better than you had answered their mail. Or appeared at the top of their screen. Or someone (ANYONE) sent them an email promising a BJ.
So much for YOU. | |
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| One date then nothing!!!
Posted: 1/6/2008 2:21:10 PM | | I agree with you that it is rude and not very nice to lead someone into believing you are interested in a second date with them when you are in fact not. However, it is the nature of the beast of dating. I too have gone out with a few guys that seem very interested on our first date and I may have received 1, maybe 2 emails following the date but we never had a second date. Most guys on dating sites are too immature to actually admit to someone that they don't think it's a possible match. So they tell you what you want to hear and then just ignore the situation. It's not right, but it is what it is. You just have to keep your eyes open going forward and don't put too much emphasis on the first date. A truly nice guy would have the decency to tell you the truth and not lead you on. | |
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| One date then nothing!!!
Posted: 1/6/2008 2:23:24 PM | Yes bethlett there are blowhole fishes out there Ha,ha... I think you got it all figured out... the funny thing is when that happens and they meet up with those kind, then they come running back to us nice fishes because we didn't do them or their spawning kind, then we become the chased and it's really gets on my nerves. They should have thought about what was right instead of what felt so good....lol... I don't look back, I fish in other ponds. lol..
and the river bends...
Chela. | |
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| One date then nothing!!!
Posted: 1/6/2008 2:26:47 PM |
Sounds to me like you are too eager... smacks of desperation... Next time a man says... he'll call and "maybe" you can get together again soon... respond with a "Maybe" back!... Men need to know you are valueable and worth pursueing.... not ready to just drop everything from the get go.... for him.. scares them off in a flash!
It doesn't sound as if the OP is TOO eager or desperate--she just likes it spelled out, as do many of us.
Men say they hate the game playing--so why should or why do they put women into positions of "having" to play the game? Why should women have to act coy and say "maybe"?
I am valuable, but I don't need to be pursued. I make up my mind about the men whom I will see . . . and the ones whom I will see again. No amount of "pursuit" will persuade me to like someone whom I just don't like. On the other hand, if I like someone, that "like" will soon go downhill if he wants me to pursue him or if he doesn't let me know that he is interested.
I have heard of many women/men who get dropped after being pursued because the chase is more exciting than the "capture."
I am too old and life is too short to play those games or to waste time on a man who is indifferent or insecure. | |
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| One date then nothing!!!
Posted: 1/6/2008 2:35:37 PM | Concsider this. A person telling you that you are nice is not the same as telling you that they share common interests or that common ground exists that you both agree upon. Perhaps the male in question was raised to be polite and say nice things. Many people are raised this way.  | |
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| One date then nothing!!!
Posted: 1/6/2008 2:37:01 PM | OP,
I have had that happen to me. They even went as far as to kiss me and say they want to see me again and then vanish. It sucks and it does seem deceptive, but I dont think it is uasually purposely done.
I just assume one of two things: 1) They met another person right away they prefered, or 2) they got home, thought it over, and decided I really wasnt that great. I figure eventually I will meet someone who likes me enough to follow through with a second date. Hang in there! | |
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| One date then nothing!!!
Posted: 1/6/2008 2:49:55 PM | I think sometimes people mix up the differences with being polite and simply stating the truth. I think most people would want the truth rather then no truth and being polite. Because being polite can make you fast friends, but being untruthful and polite can make you misunderstood by many, especially after the fact.
Just something to think about. I still believe there is kindness and truthfulness that overrides politeness. If you have kindness and truthfulness that automatically makes a person polite in a real and true way.
Cheers!
Chela | |
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| One date then nothing!!!
Posted: 1/6/2008 3:46:07 PM |
They lack the basic manners and social skills to say "nice to meet you, I don't think we are a match", they are just dating a million women once always looking for a perfect fish, they are looking for a friend with benefits and realized you aren't, they are still in love with someone from their past and cannot move on, these kind of men scream self absorbed and selfish to me, just chalk it up to experience and hey, men are like buses, a new one comes by every 15 minutes on POF.....however women might be like buses too in that a new one comes by every 5 minutes.....
Well said Fifi!!
OP, it has happened to me more times than I care to mention... I am one of those people that does have manners and at the end of the meeting, if they ask to see me again and I do not want to see them, I do not lead them on, it is rude!! I say, Thank you for coming out, but we are not a match."
Most of them appreciate that, not waiting by a phone etc.
I have learned though OP, just move on, and the other person was right, take nothing for granted until you actually hear from them to ask you on a second date.
If they take too long in doing that.. tell them, sorry too late I am seeing someone else. That has happened to me as well, he waited like 3 weeks to plan the second date... woah way too long.
keep Fishing
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| One date then nothing!!!
Posted: 1/6/2008 4:19:29 PM | | Maybe you should select your dates more carefully. Don't be so quick to say yes. Talk to them a bit first and see if you think you will be compatible before agreeing to a date. I hope this helps. | |
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| One date then nothing!!!
Posted: 1/6/2008 4:22:34 PM | | I Can sympathise with your situation, i recently spent a number of weeks conversing with a man with whom i thought was honest sincere and adorable, he rang me up to 3 times a day, we finally meet and had an amazing time where he sang for me (he is a musician) had dinner together and he treated me beautifully then he kisses me goodbye calls me on xmas eve to wish me merry xmas, then nothing ever since, doesnt answer an email or a txt....go figure....why lie ?? i was very honest with what i was looking for and all i expected was honesty and respect, it takes nothing to be polite and call and say im sorry but i dont want to see you again, How hard is that...At least the guys who put down that all they want is an intimate encounter are being honest... | |
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| One date then nothing!!!
Posted: 1/6/2008 4:24:23 PM | They said all those nice things not to hurt your feelings. They just weren't into you. Maybe they had met someone else that they were going to go out with and hit it off better with that person. If it seems like it's going well then you make the plans for the second date. Make alternate plans in case this person doesn't show up. Don't take it personal
Remember that many people in this day and age don't use the manners their mothers taught them. Maybe she didn't teach them? I agree it was rude not to inform you at some point that there wasn't going to be a second date. The men should not bring up a second date if they have no intentions of following thru. | |
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| One date then nothing!!!
Posted: 1/6/2008 6:07:30 PM | Whoah, OP, I said that wasn't a judgement on my part -- I am just brainstorming here with ya! The other thing I thought of is maybe the guys just wanted your acceptance to know they could get that second date. Then once they had it they felt fulfilled. In this world who knows these days!?
BTW, I read minds. I get one out of every 10,000 right.
Rather than wasting my time stringing me along...I then keep the evening free they said they wanted 2nd date on...and turn down other guys thinking i am going on a second date.
At least you got to the first date! The last one I asked out strung me along for a month. Told me she was very busy temporarily but had every intention to get to know me. No babysitter, can we do it next week? Sure, I say, after I cleared that evening open for her. A week later I quote her, no response. Later she says I am "asserting myself into her life as an authority figure" and I am left scratching my head where she got that imaginary hogwash from. All I did was ask her out!
Why say yes to a date you never intend to go on? I have never felt so much like I was trying to romance a stone than her but I figured out it is for the best anyway. She invited me to her music blog. There I found out: She'll spend $400 on a pair of second classes to avoid "old lady bifocals" yet gives her brother used presents from the thrift store. I told her my sister would skin me alive if I gave her a used present!
Maybe its better its one date I did not go on! Wish you luck with yours!  | |
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| One date then nothing!!!
Posted: 1/6/2008 6:22:43 PM | Ooooh. I haven't read all of the posts, but... I've been guilty of this, so maybe it will help. It was when I was younger so I'm going to put it down to immaturity and a complete lack of balls, but this is only based on the reason *I* didn't call etc. I could get along with someone throughout the duration of the date, but I'd know fairly early on whether there was a spark or not. When the date finished it would feel odd just saying "Thanks, bye!" so the almost automatic and obligatory "I'll call you" "Let's do it again sometime" "A second date would be great" would come out of my mouth and then I'd run away and cringe for being such a loser. I've only recently learned how to say I'm not interested without it sounding sarcastic and insincere.  | |
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| One date then nothing!!!
Posted: 1/6/2008 6:24:23 PM | | OP..I have been through this a few times myself.Pretty amazing how some rationalize this type of deceitful behavior. | |
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| One date then nothing!!!
Posted: 1/6/2008 6:26:21 PM | Eh, I went on two seemingly good dates with a girl at the beginning of December...and though we were supposed to see each other again she never replied to my messages.
Oh well. I'd rather people be up front about things...it sucks being left to wonder what's going on. | |
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| One date then nothing!!!
Posted: 1/6/2008 6:36:34 PM | | Maybe you should start picking your dates a little more carefully. Good luck. | |
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| One date then nothing!!!
Posted: 1/6/2008 7:43:53 PM | Glad to read that you do have a follow-up date.
Guys do like the chase. Guys do like to have their egos stroked. He asks you out for the second date to make sure that he is that good on your first date. He doesn't think he is dishonest by not taking you out the second time, he really was just making sure he is that good. He chased you caught you, ego stroked, release. (I know not all men are like this, but I know that there are men exactly like this.)
Seems like there are guys on here that can't stop that desire to keep meeting new women and the grass might be greener. I don't know if they ever did a study on how many men who do internet dating got into a relationship and stopped looking. I think it would be interesting to find out how many men that have been looking for over will stop looking.
I hope that you don't do anything more than look at your second date as a good time. Don't think that a second date makes a relationship. That way if you don't have a third date it isn't going to crush you. If you met him on here, well you know that he will read this post and that will add pressure on him too.
Have a great 2008 and good luck meeting your special one, if you haven't already. | |
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| One date then nothing!!!
Posted: 1/6/2008 9:32:23 PM | Its not "leading on"
Its called , "it didnt work, stranger no want confrontation".
Cowardly? Yes.
Rather Mean? Yes.
Understandable? Yes.
Usually when we never hear from people again something didint "click". It hurts the Ego (not heart) a bit when someone doesnt call and say so plainly, but think about it....Would you want confrontation? I know I dont.
Havent you ever been in the same situation? It didnt click on your end, you bowed out gracefully.
Look, there are tons of threads on this topic already, and tons more will be started.
Dont take it personally and stop trying to analyze it. | |
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| One date then nothing!!!
Posted: 1/6/2008 9:37:34 PM | Hey I know exactly what you mean! This has happened quite a bit to me over the past year with online dates. I just came to the realization that most people are flakes both men and women and not to even have expectations anymore with meeting people. Heck it took 2 years before my neighbors even said hello to me. Just a sad state of human relations these days. And its not you because you seem like a decent pretty lady  | |
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| One date then nothing!!!
Posted: 1/7/2008 1:35:49 AM | ahh but here is one for you... Not from this site but still...
I met a nice lady, everything seemed okay. She gave me a HUGE hug at the end and bounced off.
I asked her out again and she had an excuse. THEN I read a new post she put up on her page. She wrote about the guy she would like to meet and it was not me or my type at all!!!
She wants tall and skinny... I'm a brick house with a V cut. Cars don't hit me, I hit cars!
She knew for months, everything about me, what I looked like head to toe.. everything.
And not only poof... but a nice stab in the butt on her page and did not have the courage to say that she was not interested.
Complete loser in my books. | |
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| One date then nothing!!!
Posted: 1/7/2008 8:49:52 AM | People shouldn't put they are looking for a relationship...if they don't mean it.
I beg to differ here. You are right OP that people stating 'relationship' mean finding/ending up in a relationship but the first date could hardly be an indicator if we on the road to a relationship. We could but firstly we would have to feel comfortable with each other on a friendly basis, later companionship would hopefully take a place, hmmm ... we might would even feel 'hot to trot' at some point knowing each other better ... and when we would both feel being on the same page then a relationship could be on cards. | |
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| One date then nothing!!!
Posted: 1/7/2008 9:21:33 AM | I wonder if the internet was not available and if people met through friends, etc. if people would date longer before deciding that the other person did not have the right chemistry, etc.
My self I have learnt not to judge a relationship on a first date unless it is with someone you couldn't see meeting with again.
So often we sweep some one under the carpet and hey maybe there could be something there.
If the two of you have some things in common, which is likely why you are meeting in the first place and want some of the same things, I give it a second date or more if we are on the same page and heck who knows you just might find that magic you never thought was there.
I like to give it my best try anyway,,,, | |
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