| Maintaining Optimism
Posted: 1/7/2008 9:44:11 AM | | Hm, maybe expand your options? Are you narrow in your searches, so you are eliminating too many women? You never know, your ideal woman and your REAL woman could be light-years apart in personality and looks. I have noticed that super-picky people are the most jaded. | |
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| Maintaining Optimism
Posted: 1/7/2008 12:35:10 PM | Just deleting that picture has made your profile look way better. Sometimes more isn't better.
My profile only has one picture and I probably need to add one or two more. Sometimes not enough isn't good either.
It is interesting that most people could put together a marketing plan for some product they know almost nothing about but when we have to make an advertisement for ourselves we get the pathetic pages that litter online dating. I have even read experts advising people write headlines like "dashing pirate seeks fair maiden". We can easily market a can of carbonated sugar water as sexy but people become "dashing pirate seeks fair maiden". But the moment a person stops being a person and we treat them like a product (like say Britney Spears) then it's no problem to market them as sexy - Even when they shave their head and have to be hospitalized for mental breakdowns. | |
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| Maintaining Optimism = )
Posted: 2/18/2008 9:26:29 AM | A key is not to get sucked in by trash like Maddoxmisery! He's on here try to find naive women to meet with and Smiling Duck is trying to help him.
Maddoxmisery will say anything to try and get the money, pity, or other things that he wants:
Maddoxmisery claimed he was collecting money for a guy with cancer - this was not true. Maddoxmisery claimed his "handicapped brother" molested him when he was a child - this is not true either. Maddoxmisery even claimed he was raped in jail - haha please! He was in county jail but how could someone get raped in county jail?
I've even heard it said that Maddoxmisery claimed he himself had cancer...a
Just steer clear of disgraceful people like Maddoxmisery & Smiling_Duck and you'll do alright! | |
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| Maintaining Optimism
Posted: 2/18/2008 3:32:15 PM | | It's very difficult to keep your head held high and muddle on through. I know what I have to offer, but I just can't seem to find the man who wants it. I'm sure he is out there somewhere, but dang, I'm tired of all the hurt and rejection it's taking to find him. I keep trying, though, and I guess that's best any of us can do. | |
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| Maintaining Optimism
Posted: 2/18/2008 3:47:05 PM | For me if its only rejection of some kind on the screen that doesnt matter, people dont know me and to them its not me theyre hurting.
In real life course its different. Just happened to me with a total liar and thats not pleasant. How do we remain confident? Its tricky. When people treat us not nicely you do look at ya self and think your a bit crap. However the nice bit is when you realise you had a lucky escape and theyre liars and or cheats or whatever and your worth more. I went on a date and what ya know, instead of a text or phone call to tell me what was goin on just left me a message on here oh soz and all that ut just found out my ex is pregnant. Either she is and what a mess or its most elaborate stupid lie ive ever heard but whatever the motives hope it all makes him miserable. I dont respect not being told properly if he bein straight up but anyway who needs the drama im lookin for a decent man!
Keep your head up in waters full of sharks xx | |
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| Maintaining Optimism
Posted: 2/18/2008 3:57:43 PM | | Well if you dont try you will never win. I do agree the negative feelings get to you after awhile, a easy lift for the spirits is going to the POF organized events. There is no pressure and the people tend to be a lot of fun and who knows you might meet someone. | |
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| Maintaining Optimism
Posted: 2/18/2008 4:00:12 PM | | You have to be joking. I read your profile and I hope its not real because if it is you will have a hard time finding someone. Stop wasting our time with wasted threads. | |
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| Maintaining Optimism
Posted: 2/18/2008 4:23:55 PM | OK, your ad and your question are a joke right?
I mean seriously.
Your ad
"blah blah blah".
And you're married and looking for an intimate encounter.
HELL YEAH you're rejected.
This aint the place to play.
My advice would be to go to some swingers/slut site.
Geez.
Some people. | |
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| Maintaining Optimism
Posted: 2/18/2008 4:27:03 PM | | I did not expect many replies due to the explicit nature of my profile so I write to only those ladies who are looking for something similar. So far, I haven't even gotten the courtesy of a response. There was even one lady who stated in her profile that she promised to get back to everyone who e-mails her. I guess she forgot to say she would get back unless she doesn't like your looks." I don't photograph well, I never have. I can't help it, it's just one of those things. I can only conclude if someone doesn't like your looks they feel you're not worthy of a response. It can't be the content of my profile because, as I stated before, I contact only those women who express a similar interest. Do I let it get me down? No. I've been through worse rejections and have suffered more humiliation than what anyone on POF can dish out. I figure it's a matter of numbers. I'll keep the POF ad running and post ads on other websites as well. If the ad is seen by enough people, sooner or later someone is going to respond favorably. There's millions of people out there. It's just a matter of time and exposure. Richard Nixon once said a man is not finished when he is defeated; he's finished when he quits. I turn 55 years old this year. I'll be d@mned if I'll quit now. So when you get rejected go to your corner, take a drink and wipe off the sweat, then come out for the next round ready to punch rejection square in the jaw. | |
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| Maintaining Optimism
Posted: 2/18/2008 4:59:21 PM | OK, so now you got two profiles.
One to ask questions and one for real?
Again, you're banging your head against a wall here in the pond.
Stubbornly doing it repeatedly will not help you.
Girls who are ONLY looking for intimate encounters are DAMN PICKY!
Unless you're a ripped 10, forget about it here.
Think about it.
Girls like that can choose from among a ton of
good looking guys(even much younger ones) who just don't care.
At 55 your player days may be behind you.
Like I said, go to a different site.
Floozies.com,hoe$4u.com or sugarbabies.com.
(i made those sites up. But you know what I mean).
Hell, try Craigslist.
I really have no good advice for the delusional.
sorry. | |
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| Maintaining Optimism
Posted: 2/18/2008 5:06:45 PM | | rejection is part of dating...dont look at it as rejection,how can you be rejected by someone who doesnt know you. And as for optomism and negativity.try reality!! | |
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| Maintaining Optimism
Posted: 2/18/2008 5:18:15 PM | | What bothers me more, and even frightens me, is women who write to you first, saying things like 'you're adorable' and offering their phone number in the opening e-mail. I have not been here long, but such behaviour is a definite warning sign of women to be avoided. I have met a few women who were wildly enthusiastic and all turned out to be...women I wish I had not met. | |
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| Maintaining Optimism
Posted: 2/18/2008 5:19:37 PM | | Read the forums alot, they will show you how many people struggle with the same things you are questioning. Don't take it as rejection, take it as saving yourself in the longrun alot of headaches from someone who really wasnt "that into you" | |
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| Maintaining Optimism
Posted: 2/18/2008 5:22:04 PM | I get rejection here but I don't let it bother me, they do not know me and it is only one of many venues for those looking - work, church, volunteer groups, library, school, even the grocery store all offer better chances of meeting someone than here. All those places the folks get to see the real smile, the body language, see the eyes -- it is much better in person than here so don't take the rejections too seriously. I like the forums here and if by chance I do meet someone from here, that's great but otherwise I do most of my looking elsewhere. Don't depend on the dating sites, get out and get involved in real life! Smile, be happy! The attitude is everything!  | |
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| Maintaining Optimism
Posted: 2/18/2008 5:24:03 PM | A dating website can't help with your optimism or self-confidence ------it may be a fun way to meet people whose path you would have never crossed but short of that you are on your own just like in face to face meetings-----and I have heard if you don't have a picture posted,,,,,well life sucks on a website.
So get busy, work on yourself by walking, then working out at the gym, then dancing at the club ---- get involved in all sorts of activities that interest you (check out this site meetup.com)........enroll in a class at the college, take up a hobby, get a 2nd job to supplement your inome, ......the posibilities are endless.........and remember, this isn't a dress rehearsal ---- you get one shot at this life of yours!!!! | |
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| Maintaining Optimism
Posted: 2/18/2008 5:44:41 PM | Flick..
You're going about it all wrong. Listing your profile in intimate encounters is code for, "too dumb to pick long term". Most of the women here can tell you the guys emailing just for sex aren't even in intimate encounters. Leave your profile exactly the same and move it to long term. It's not dishonest. You seem to clearly want a long term relationship that consists essentially of being lovers. Your contact and acceptance rate will rocket up.
If you want to stay in intimate encounters then just lie and say you're looking to have an affair. That fits there better. | |
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| Maintaining Optimism
Posted: 2/18/2008 6:11:08 PM | Dating sites require patience, although I have to admit if you know what type of people you're into (latin, white, asian, etc.) sometimes it makes sense to find a sight exclusively for that. Let's say you're a woman looking for a sugar daddy, or a millionaire.. then you're better off joining such sites such as date a sugar daddy/millionaire.com. There's a genre for everything out there.
Soemtimes just by logging in you'll get some random messaging you because they find you and your profile interesting, or perhaps your little exposure in the forums has gotten someone's attention. As long as you get out there and do something about it perhaps their's a chance.
IF online connections don't work , you could always venture out in real life and try to take your chances. Join some clubs/events/ anything to get you out there.
Remember you're the only one out there that may be having a hard time.
Dated three women on this site - can't say i didn't enjoy the activities we did after hours or prior -but nevertheless back to the drawing board. So you see, sometimes getting a date or getting laid isnt' necessarily enough .. there needs to be more there.
Good luck | |
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| Maintaining Optimism
Posted: 2/18/2008 6:19:40 PM | someone way up above said come to the forums and let them come to you. I have made a bunch of friends using this approach. and you know what? I am happier because of it. just chill out. do the forums. but only post when its real. dont just do it. people see through that. Be honest, and be yourelf and drop some insightfult sh-t here and there. Be patient. Go and ask some gals for a profile review. you might get some dates. But if you dont, and if you pay attention, you will meet some very cool people.
and there is something to be said about the whole glass half full/half empty thing. It had best be half full, or else you are screwed. | |
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| Maintaining Optimism
Posted: 2/18/2008 6:38:50 PM | A long time ago (ok, maybe not so long ago) I learned to get off the roller coaster ride of Insanity, and made some changes in my life, and adjusted my perspective. I'm much different than I was 3 months ago (at the time I was in the tail end of a relationship). I tried to jump back in, but found frustration and disappointment.
Right now I don't try to maintain optimism. I've just chosen to be optimistic. I only write to those I feel are worth my time, and if they don't respond, I don't worry about it. I've only written to one person on this profile, and apparently they changed up their profile from single/long term to married/hang out in a matter of days. Either I dodged a bullet there, or they had a weird way of showing they weren't interested 
If you want to improve your odds, look to see if there are any local PoF events. They are a great place to meet people... unfortunately I've only been to a single event (new years eve) due to schedule conflicts. I met a few people, albeit 15-25 years older than myself, but it was all right to get out there. Interestingly enough, one of them older women I was interacting with was encouraging me to talk/flirt with one of the waitresses there  . You never know what you'll find at one of these events. Depending on my schedule I'll probably make it to another event coming up.
With that said, over this weekend, I was getting good vibes from someone I've been friends with in an activity I've been involved in for quite some time, and I suspect that the changes I mentioned above have helped in that respect. I look to PoF more as an entertainment venue now. If I need to waste/spend time, the forums are a good place to be distracted/entertained. Since this past weekend, I haven't had much interest in writing to anyone. | |
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| Maintaining Optimism
Posted: 2/18/2008 6:43:18 PM | A few weeks? And you are already giving up? Hah. Just give up, dude. Be negative. Crawl under a rock. Or learn to adapt, understand the principles of online dating. Turn it into a fun game in which you get to meet people. Who gives a rat's a$s if they like you or not, just have fun. But try all kinds of wacky stuff. Different ways of communicating. Is it frustrating? Absolutely. You could be communicating with some incredible person, and out of no where she/he stops talking. She could have met someone else. She could be taking some time off from work, have PMS, gotten back with the ex. You don't know. It's not your fault. Now here are several things that worked for me. First, be original in your messages. Don't tell her that you like her, that puts you at a disadvantage in which you have to climb a mountain to prove your self. Don't prove your self. Don't validate yourself to her either. Try to learn about her, what she honestly and truthfully likes. No mass e-mails. They don't work. Then you fall into the numbers game and all you are going to get is a number. Find common points of interest. Talk about that. Never lie or invent stuff, it will come back to hunt you. Complement on the unusual. If she is hot. Don't tell her she is hot. You just said the same thing half a million duffus have said to her, so now you have become a bottom feeder in her mind. So find the angle. Do not rely on one site only. Use this one, and a few others, even a paid one.
There are more. But here is the most important advice. TABULA RASA. Whatever happens before you meet, goes out the window the moment you do so. So you want to meet as soon as possible. Safe something to say in person. Once you meet, realize that you may not be into her either, so let it flow. Meeting is not about scoring, but about finding common ground.
Good luck. | |
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| Maintaining Optimism
Posted: 2/18/2008 6:43:31 PM | The forums certainly do keep me coming back, because they are so entertaining. As for the matches, for a free site, I can't really complain.
Plus because it's free, there is no subscription end date, so I can concentrate on finding quality matches as opposed to enough quantity to justify the cost of the service. | |
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| Maintaining Optimism
Posted: 2/18/2008 6:46:39 PM | | I donno. I've talked to a few people but no one serious and I've been here for over a year. It's really annoying but you gotta keep trying. | |
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| Maintaining Optimism
Posted: 2/18/2008 9:52:31 PM | after i look at the "online" bar and it says that there are over 44 THOUSAND ppl online....don't feel so bad about the 3 ppl who just deleted my msgs..lol...
im only here for the forums (so i tell myself that)...i don't send out msgs anymore unless i see something funny, like some guys foot that read "happy foot" that cracked me right up....
anyways, don't be a shark, just wait it out and take it all in stride...
if you are constantly being rejected you might wanna reconsider the ppl you are msg'ing...or your msg's themselves... | |
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| Maintaining Optimism
Posted: 2/19/2008 1:08:00 AM | Blimey if thats how you feel after a couple of weeks I dread to think what you will be like if you are on here as long as I have been without any success.If I was you I would give it a fair bit longer before feeling downhearted.
This unfortunately is a reflection of the "Real" world.If you are left on the shelf offline it will more than likely be the same on here.I hope you get some success,just give it a bit more time and see how it goes,you never know you might stumble across someone that will respond. | |
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| Maintaining Optimism
Posted: 2/19/2008 2:31:26 AM | | yeah women get a bit of attention on any dating site really. Zack Morris would have a hard time, i'm sure! | |
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