| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/6/2008 6:47:23 PM | That is ridiculous. They're obviously not mature enough for a relationship if they can't even say something. I never knew there were jerks who did that.  | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/6/2008 6:47:29 PM | funny.. i don't recall stating it was limited to men. However, being I don't mingle with same sex, I referred to men.
Eeesshhhhhh so literal. | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/6/2008 6:51:37 PM | bad cowardly way to do it. Any time that you have been intimate with a person, that entitles them to a face to face confrontation that will allow them to get their side aired and a little bit of closure set in motion.
Honestly tho OP.. your ex sounds like an extremely immature person who hasnt even found herself yet much less is mature enough to handle a relationship that is approaching marriage. IMHO you caught a lucky break by getting out of this one before it was too late. Just imagine how much grief her very influential mommy and daddy could have loaded on your marriage, which is stressful enough already thank you very much! | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/6/2008 6:59:05 PM |
Second, I have a bad habit of distracting myself by getting into relationships. I don't know who I am and I need to find out. I'm 35 and it's time for me to grow up.
At least she admitted that she needs to 'grow up'.
The 'distracting' part sounds like a bunch of horsesh*t though. But whatever. She's gone... go back out and catch another fish.
I never fail to be amazed at just how fast a man can put himself back on the market after being " happy and in love".
I'm more amazed at how many put their whole life on pause just to mope and wallow in the mire over a measly date.
I hope OP doesn't do that. | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/6/2008 7:08:38 PM | he stated he was in love... LOVE... not a measely date, no?
I would ASSume that when someone is in love... that it would take some time to throw yourself back into the pond, is all I'm saying | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/6/2008 7:27:21 PM |
That is ridiculous. They're obviously not mature enough for a relationship if they can't even say something. I never knew there were jerks who did that.
No she was the only imature person in the relationship and she is older than me. At least i tried to keep the communication lines open. It is her loss. I was the best thing to happen too her. | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/6/2008 7:34:09 PM | Been there ,done that,wrote the book, now directing the movie. My experience was sorta similiar, sorta not. (is that good English?) . I had been corresponding with a man for 2 months via emails, phone calls daily or every couple days for the whole time. We were supposed to meet up after he got back from a trip to Conneticutor Rhode Island-- and i didnt hear from him for 3 weeks. I wrote and called to see if he was back and what i got was the following statement: "Sorry, met someone on the trip to Conneticut and i have moved her in. Don't call here anymore." There are a lot more details to the story i won't go into but we lived 2 1/2 hours away from each other as well. Well, it was a very painful learning experience needless to say, and I as well thought it was a big bucket of cowardly S--IT that he couldnt call on his own and explain the circumstances. And of course , I had stupidly made an agreement not to see others. "stupid is as stupid does , Forrest" and I'm refering to myself here not you. I't was a very painful learning curve in DATING 101 | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/6/2008 7:40:19 PM |
he stated he was in love... LOVE... not a measely date, no?
oops. my bad.
here let me re-phrase my quote :
I'm more amazed at how many put their whole life on pause just to mope and wallow in the mire over a measly EX-GF.
I hope OP doesn't do that.
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/6/2008 7:41:02 PM |
I would ASSume that when someone is in love... that it would take some time to throw yourself back into the pond, is all I'm saying
Ever had your heart ripped out and stommped on after having the time of your life. That is how I can jump back in the water. I was very much in love. never cheated or lied, never strayed spent money on her college books. I helpped her and was willing to be ther for the long hall. Now I am free. | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/7/2008 8:01:13 AM | I was raised in the "old school" style that when you break up, it must be always eye to eye. I believe in that 100%. | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/7/2008 8:06:38 AM |  I like your confidence. the trouble is, she didn't understand that. possibly it could be true, but you cannot replace her brain and her way of thinking, feeling about the relationship...
It is her loss. I was the best thing to happen too her.
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/7/2008 8:22:53 AM | Not knowing you.. she may have been afraid of telling you in person... as for breaking it off in writing.. well at least she took the time to do that. I see so many posts where the person just disappears without an explanation and they are wondering what they did wrong... she never blamed you for the break-up... Even the right love interest at the wrong time.. is the wrong love interest... timing can be everything.... better to know now than later...
Girlflower | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/7/2008 9:24:16 AM | | She was saying she couldn't take care of herself while being in a relationship with you and you are angry she left? Love means you are supportive of someone being who they want to be. Your profile paints the picture of an overweight guy who doesn't cut his hair or dress well that gets low paying low skilled jobs and who drifts through life. You say you didn't do anything to deserve her leaving? Doesn't sound like you did anything to deserve her staying either. That the relationship made you happy is almost irrelevant. What you need to be concerned with is whether your partner is happy. | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/7/2008 10:04:39 AM | I have a good one!Went out with a guy for 2 months we got along great!We made plans to go to a bar with friends and family on new years eve,we danced and kissed alnight!After the kiss after the ball dropped he dropped the bomb on me,he told me he didnt want to see me anymore because I was into him more than he was into me!What the hell ,he couldnt wait till we left  He made me feel bad infront of friens and family What a jerk | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/7/2008 10:14:28 AM | I know exactly how you feel....
I didn't get the email though....I got it in a cell phone TEXT MESSAGE!!
I mean, I spent weeks talking to her before we met, when we did meet I felt as if I had met the one woman who would be true to her word, she told me to my face she wanted to see me....then silence. I kept emailing and sending her messages letting her know I knew she was busy but that I was still here and still looking forward to seeing her again...
Then 5 minutes after I left her a voice mail asking if she would like to go out, here comes a text message that just said "I met someone from POF, we are engaged. Please try to understand"
ENGAGED?! WTF?! Why would someone you were seeing, who told you in person that they wanted to see you all of a sudden go and do that!? Needless to say...I was shocked at first, then just came to realize apparently I wasn't the only guy she was seeing at the time and that it was nieve of me to assume that as I was only seeing her, that I was being given the same courtesy.
Do I regret not having her in my life.....yes, I even still have the occassional dream about her for some reason. thats the impact she made on me. However, do I regret not having someone in my life who wasn't 100% honest and upfront with me about where I stood with her.....absolutely not. So if someone you cared for deeply had it in them to just go and toss you aside like you were basically nothign to them, then in my humble opinion, you get the better end of the deal. You may be hurt now, but in the long run, she hurt herself worse by doing so. | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/7/2008 10:20:26 AM | | I have so much more respect for someone who will tell me something to my face, or at least over the phone. Seems the email letter is truly the convenient, cowardly way out indeed! | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/7/2008 10:28:49 AM | Don't know what is worse a public breakup , email or a text message they all hurt... we've all been the breaker upper and the one broken up with... It hurts on both sides no one immune to the feeling of loss of someone we have developed caring feelings for.. the death of the friendship is one of those very hard to adjust to things.. not so much the lover.. but the friend you have come to enjoy being yourself with... better to know the person was not,, is not the person we thought they were and to move on without prejudging the next person we open our hearts to.... if we loose faith then the other person has won.. and guess what they don't care.. lol... since they are not there to see the damage done...
Girlflower | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/7/2008 10:37:16 AM | Interesting that Call me JJ's first reply was to attack you, and ignore the subject of your post...that Dear John Email is wrong. Here we have proof "Sisterhood is powerful" If she treated you so cold, so cowardly and so disrespectfully, then it's your fault! Boy they stick together, don't they?
Again she missed the second point. If investing all your heart and soul, willing to fall totally and completely in love gets you treated this way...then why bother?
I had same thing, except after 18 months and the day after I moved her sister into her house...only it was her son, not her parents. Mine's a long story but my email was much shorter and more cold than yours.
When a person knows they're doing something wrong, they cannot do it in person. I too feel like part of me was killed and it will never come back again. | |
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| Still Hurts Even in Person
Posted: 1/7/2008 10:52:48 AM | OP, Yes an email was cowardly, but I don't think thats the real issue that you face. When you have reached the point of loving someone, getting dumped in person still leaves you beaten and bruised. You are hurting because your love was rejected and that would have been the same in either case. There are no arguments to be made and no answers will make it better. Many of us have been through this. And I don't believe age/maturity has much to do with it. Its a human condition. When one person is truly in love and the other isn't , someone gets hurt. Feelings are what they are. We can't control them. Maybe she couldn't face herself while hurting you. Maybe she was just weak.
I think you are right to get on with meeting other people, when it makes sense for you. Some people go into depression, some drink their sorrow away. Some get relief from writing. Some surround themselves with friends, some get back into dating.
Take it slow. Don't let your pain harden you. Remember their feelings are like yours. Try never to hurt them like you were hurt. Good luck. Days will get better...memories will fade...pain will subside. | |
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| Still Hurts Even in Person
Posted: 1/7/2008 11:01:20 AM | Listen to Bigksbear ... he's eaten more meals than you, lol...
means wisdom comes from age and experience.
Girlflower | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/7/2008 12:25:16 PM | Okay lets sift through the BS, and I'll try to translate this for you bro.........
I don't know what's going on with me and I don't know why my feelings have changed. I wasn't planning on feeling different, it just happened.
I've found somebody I like better and I lack the balls to tell you, so I'll just hide behind the e-mail, and typical female rants designed to confuse you. I really crapped on your feelings, and please dont be mad..............
One thing I realized is that it is important for my family to like whoever it is that I am dating. I've had some hard times with my parent's but I love them both and I do respect their feelings. Both of them just want the best for me.
My folks like my new beau. In my heart I know I've done you wrong, hiding behind my my parents at 35 years old( hey aren't I soooo mature)??? is a great excuse, so great that you won't dare question me about it,
Second, I have a bad habit of distracting myself by getting into relationships. I don't know who I am and I need to find out. I'm 35 and it's time for me to grow up. I need to get serious about my career so I can have a stable future.
my past relationships have been a disaster and I have been clingy and needy I loose myself in love, and therefore I do not know who I am. I am frightened.
I can't keep running after something that I now know is inside of me.
I want love, and then I don't. I want to play the field.
I don't know what else to say. I never meant to hurt you or jerk your feelings around. I'm sure after this there are going to be several people who are going to hate me and I'm sorry that, that has to happen. I wish I could make you happy but if I did that I wouldn't be happy in the long run.
I know what I did to you was wrong, very wrong. even though I really don't give a rats azz if I hurt you, I am now going to go into damage control mode to save face. I don't want to be judged by my friends. I don't want to ever be held accountable for my actions because i'm very immature..
I need to get ready to go to class.
I don't want to make an effort to explain this properly. I only e-mailed you to make ME feel better,
forget her. Do you honestly want someone this immature and dishonest for a mate?? lets see She wants to find herself, but yet she hides behind her parents at 35??? GROW UP !!!
Tom | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/7/2008 12:40:53 PM | Not that its right or anything..
but I think people tend to do this..only because it is better then sitting across from the other person and being interupted by the question "why!"..and then.."but why!",..and then "I can change!"..then "why"..
it gets drawn out and annoying and you cant get your point across that you are doing this because you think it is best for both of you.
There is less drama and guilt trips. No outbursts..(no one likes outbursts)
Dont judge the girl because she chose this method of saying goodbye. Just accept it and move on to be the best you can be..
endings happen for a reason... best to save your pride and dignity and just look ahead.
You cant show feelings on a onesided Dear John. JMO
EXACTLY!!!!! | |
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