| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/9/2008 1:12:41 PM | | She finally told me she was scared she would hurt my feelings or feel guilty if she told me to my face. Yes I would have loved to talk about it with her , but I have to do the grown up thing and except that despite how much she hurt me, that I am better off. She was unhappy becuase of the of a lot of things that had nothing to do with me and my reaction drove her to a decisin she did not want to make and to do it the way she did. I am not happy about it but I am still gonna love her and wish the best for her. I am just too hurt by women to trust them with my heart again. I only have love for myself right now. | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/9/2008 9:26:55 PM | | There seems to have been a "break up" virus cirulating during the holiday season, because I too recently received the same type of email. This method of notification made the whole situation even more painful - and all of this after he declared we had said "yes" to each other, were in a relationship and he didn't want to date other women. Amazingly, in the first sentence of his Dear Jane note, he proceeds to tell me that a woman from his past came back into his life - during those same holidays he was sharing with me! To say that I am puzzled and hurt is an understatement. On the other hand, there were warning signs I chose not to see. Both he and I are culpable in this sad scenario, and I've learned a difficult but valuable lesson about trusting my intuition. | |
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tendu
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Joined: 12/20/2007
Msg: 103 | |
| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/9/2008 11:57:03 PM | | What is it - tis the season for break ups ??? I get a call and am told that "he didn't see a future because my kids are so young, and they would be around for at least 10 more years, and he needed to think about retirement ! Be glad that you found out that your idea about the depth and caring in the relationship was alot deeper then hers, before you added the wedding band to that engagment ring. As for just looking for sex buddies - use proctection, be upfront and enjoy. Not my scene - I had waited 5 yrs after divorce to even date, and I do have a son and daughter that are 10 and 11, so parading men in and out of my room is just not my scene- but I'm going to mourn for 5 yrs either. And yes - that was right there with yellow bellied, lily livered coward. | |
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tendu
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Joined: 12/20/2007
Msg: 104 | |
| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/9/2008 11:59:27 PM | | Correction - I am not going to waste 5 yrs mourning what if, what could have been - just wish him the best , and then go learn how to do a mean tango in a black dress at the Tango Center ! | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/10/2008 1:14:03 AM | | I think it's sad that at 35 she still listens to what her parents want her to do and doesn't do what she wants. At 35 you should be able to make your own decisions about who you date. Also, since she is noticing that she has to do all of this and she's ending it because she knows it would hurt you to stay in the relationship, then at least it shows that she cares about you and your feelings. I know that you may not see it that way but she was dating you for a reason. It is a horrible way of being broken up with, but some people express themselves and their feelings better by writing them down. It could always be worse. Just like the second person, I was in love with my ex and thought with everything that I have that he was the one...but then he just disappeared and I have no idea where he went, what went wrong, what happened to him...nothing. It's good that you're not looking for anything long term. Take time to deal with it and to heal. It's always good to move on and the sooner you do that, the better. I hope you find someone who is truly worthy of your time, effort and love. | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/10/2008 10:29:38 AM |
I think it's sad that at 35 she still listens to what her parents want her to do and doesn't do what she wants. At 35 you should be able to make your own decisions about who you date. Also, since she is noticing that she has to do all of this and she's ending it because she knows it would hurt you to stay in the relationship, then at least it shows that she cares about you and your feelings. I know that you may not see it that way but she was dating you for a reason. It is a horrible way of being broken up with, but some people express themselves and their feelings better by writing them down. It could always be worse. Just like the second person, I was in love with my ex and thought with everything that I have that he was the one...but then he just disappeared and I have no idea where he went, what went wrong, what happened to him...nothing. It's good that you're not looking for anything long term. Take time to deal with it and to heal. It's always good to move on and the sooner you do that, the better. I hope you find someone who is truly worthy of your time, effort and love.
Thanks K_liegh. You are very right and mature for someone as young as you are. There are so few people at your age that can understand that. I know it will be hard for me to recover from this. I honestly did try to put my best foot forward and move on. I did have a little bit of a meltdown when I passed by the restraunt we first ate at together. I will miss quite a bit about her. Yes it is sad she is probably more imature than you, but I am glad she is trying to rectify this. I hate the fact that it meant that she had to push me aside. In the email she said she wanted to make me happy, but it would not make her happy to do so. She never needed to do anything to make me happy. I was happy. However, I can understand her frustration with her living at home, not making enough money, hiding in relationships for her own validation. She wants to have her own life, I cant fault for that. | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/10/2008 10:41:29 AM | Old ways of Communicating: Tell A Woman, Telegraph, Telephone, Postal Mail, Smoke Signals, Verbal - up close and personal.
Modern Ways of Comunicating: Tell A Woman, Telephone, Postal Mail, Email, Fax, Voice Mail, Text Messaging, IM and flying a plane across the sky with a banner attached.
These are ways for the Messenger bearing bad news (In this case - the message) to avoid being KILLED or harmed while allowing the message to get through. These are all the ways to tell a person that it is over. Adults - suck it up. | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/10/2008 11:06:01 AM |
These are ways for the Messenger bearing bad news (In this case - the message) to avoid being KILLED or harmed while allowing the message to get through. These are all the ways to tell a person that it is over. Adults - suck it up
You obviously missed the point. I am not talking about some light hearted fling gone sour, but rather a long relationship with friends and family involved. We were freinds. I honestly can not be her friend anymore, not just her lover. | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/10/2008 12:06:23 PM |
I did have a little bit of a meltdown when I passed by the restraunt we first ate at together.
I understand that completely, and it's normal. My ex sent me songs and now I can't listen to them anymore because it hurts so much. He sent me Sorry - Buckcherry (after an argument), At Last - Ella Fitzgerald, Bed of Roses - Bon Jovi and I Wanna Grow Old With You - Adam Sandler. If I even see any of those song titles I just can't deal with it. And periodically his voice will pop into my head when I'm not doing anything and it'll hurt, but the hurting is normal and something that we all deal with at one time or another in our lives.
Who knows though, if you two remain friends and once she finally grows up and does what she wants to do instead of what her parents want her to do, maybe you'll both still have feelings for each other and get back together. You never know. Just remember, everything happens for a reason. Maybe there's another girl out there who's going to be everything you ever wanted and more. | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/10/2008 1:40:42 PM | | If someone walks away from you let them walk, your destiny is never found with someone who left. And your hair rocks! best of luck to ya! | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/10/2008 1:55:58 PM | Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/10/2008 4 06 PM
I cant call my situation a breakup; I mean, we only had one date?!!? But, I have been single for 7 years now -- done the online dating thing many times, and now I am thinking perhaps I should just give up on the hope of falling in love. Should I?
I met a guy on new years eve, and we seemed to really hit it off, but 2
days later I get this email :
chelle, it's a man who takes care of a woman. no matter how dependent, or independent / modern day women, you see going around, it's always
the men's responsibility to take care of a woman. A man must really be
sure, that he can take care of business, before he enters into an
agreement with her, in fair games that is. fools who plays around with their words, and hurt women in the process are not included in this. they are nobodies!however, I must be sure that I can follow through, and not stop half
way, so this way, no one suffers. some men would just come in, take the
vagina, even though, they know, they would not be able to handle total
responsibility, and run away. but I am not like that. I have a
conscience!
My reply: ouch. well, ty for being honest.
But truly, I am not as fragile as you seem to think, though your
kindness was appreciated. You seem to think I am more of a burden for you than what is actually the case, and I need to be accepted regardless of what the future may hold.... I intend on living MY life to the fullest.Perhaps its for the best to nip this in the bud, and not see each other again... I liked you a great deal, and a little ouch now is
better than a broken heart down the road.
I am independent, self supportung w/assistance from
uncle sam woman; I live alone, and in no way am I lookin for a sugar
daddy. My girlfriends think I should leave out (of my profile) that I
have M.S. to at least get more bites here, but in my opinion it would
be MORE awkward to explain on the first date why I sometimes use a
cane. I know , for me, gaps in a profile with 'rather not say' filled in the
blanks are a red flag, and those are the people I avoid. I dont think in my case leaving stuff blank would work.
MiChelle | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/10/2008 1:59:34 PM | | I am NOT calling this man a coward... Actually, I respect his honesty... I still dont feel better about it though. | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/10/2008 9:21:59 PM | | I'm still baffled by the people who just disappear without even saying anything. How the hell are you supposed to get closure from that?! | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/10/2008 10:22:52 PM | | im with u on that one. they don't even say bye or why and expect that to be ok. and they act like u never existed. i mean at least good bye might be something to let u know not to hope. | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/10/2008 11:39:27 PM |
If someone walks away from you let them walk, your destiny is never found with someone who left. And your hair rocks! best of luck to ya!
Thanks Valkerie and K_liegh for your coments. I am gonna be radio silent with the ex for 90 days or so before I decide anything. I am gonna work on my self maybe go ojn a date or two and see what happens. i doubt I will ever want to be friends with my ex after this though. Not so much for the hurting but it is unfair to me, her and anyone else that comes into our lifes. I want her to be happy and I hope she wisheds the same, I just do not want to give her a shot at my firndship. My issues not hers. She is a wonderful person and i love her, but she doesnt love me no more, and I have to let her go. If I remain her friend it will be unfair to her because she hurt me, wether that was her intention or not. It would be unfair to me for if I remain her friend I can not move on. It would be unfair to the next woman I meet or date if I am harboring anychance at reconciliation or I comapare her with my ex. I just feel as if I was punnished for doing nothing wrong. | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/11/2008 12:11:48 AM |
p.s.
seriously let go of the fact that you bought her books.
did you bring up all the things that you did for her all the time? maybe that got to be a little much.
Um, but anyway- good luck getting laid...
I never did bring that up at anytime. I think that would be insensitive to do. However, I wont deny that she seemed ungrateful. As for geting laid, That is not as important as it seemed a few days ago. Having fun in all its splender in what ever form it takes is more important than anything. | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/11/2008 12:21:07 AM | | My partner of 11yrs went to work one day and didnt come back,no explanation given, he rang 3 days later, said "'ive not missed you or the kids, can i come get my stuff'" i told him he'd got 5 minutes, what he couldnt carry i would chuck in the bin.And I did....... just as he'd done with me and the kids! Obviously he'd got someone else lined up but never actually had the guts to own up or finish it with us face to face...... I didnt cry or beg him to come back, and when he eventually asked to, i laughed......... It hurt like nothing ive ever known, but he never knew that. If going out sleeping around helps you, do it.!!!!......I took over 2years before i dated or even looked at a man. | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/11/2008 12:31:48 AM | .
........ It hurt like nothing ive ever known, but he never knew that. If going out sleeping around helps you, do it.!!!!......I took over 2years before i dated or even looked at a man.
In the last post I made I recanted that and said that fun in general was more important, in whatever form. That could include sex it may not. I was a tad more upste a few days ago than I am today thanks to sharing and reading posts. | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/11/2008 1:12:29 AM | This is going to become normal due to the technology we have.Not that it's going to make an easier pill to swallow.
I'm sorry for your situation nortatem,but at least you know what happened to you!
Some people just quit talking to you altogether,and leave you in the dark.
Some of her reasonings may be true,but she could have told you face to face.
And once again she could have left you,standing in the dark.With no reason or ryme.
One night your bathed in light,one day carried away in storms,that's the way it can move.But,she seemed more concerned about what her parents thought,than how you would feel about it.JMO. | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/11/2008 1:40:42 AM | | I think that was just wrong.If anything a face to face is whats called for.but like what the first poster said atleast you know. good luck and I am sure you will find the right one. | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/11/2008 7:43:31 AM |
In the last post I made I recanted that and said that fun in general was more important, in whatever form. That could include sex it may not. I was a tad more upste a few days ago than I am today thanks to sharing and reading posts
Good Morning, nortatem,
No advice here, it seems you are doing really well with all this and have come a long ways in just a few days. Darn, sometimes I wish I were twenty years younger. You are such a sweet man with many great qualities including depth and maturity of heart. Stay sweet and true to yourself, when the time is right the partner that you are meant to be with and who you are preparing to be with through this experience will come into your life. She will appreciate you the way you deserve to be appreciated. And, you will appreciate her.
Happy healing, seems you are doing all the right things for yourself.
prettyladyfisherman | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/11/2008 7:02:21 PM |
Good Morning, nortatem,
No advice here, it seems you are doing really well with all this and have come a long ways in just a few days. Darn, sometimes I wish I were twenty years younger. You are such a sweet man with many great qualities including depth and maturity of heart. Stay sweet and true to yourself, when the time is right the partner that you are meant to be with and who you are preparing to be with through this experience will come into your life. She will appreciate you the way you deserve to be appreciated. And, you will appreciate her.
Happy healing, seems you are doing all the right things for yourself.
prettyladyfisherman
Thank you for the kind words. One thing I did not mention is that this has not only effected me but firndships with mutual firnds. I now have my bestfriend and his wife bickering because my ex was best friends with my bestfirnds wife(try saying that 3 times fast).He has my side she has her side. it is not abbout sides and I would hate for it keep me from hangin out with my buddy. | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/11/2008 8:55:12 PM | Better that than not getting any communication at all. The guy I was dating broke up with me by never showing up on New Year's Eve, never called again, emailed or showed up. Just up and dissapeared.
Hey that wasn't thickmanfortrulove was it, cause he pulled a similar stunt on me. We have dated for a few months. One night we went out, had a nice time while he convinced me that he really was into me and that I shouldn't be scared of my feelings for him. He promised he wouldn't break me heart. He felt my booty then left. Over a week later the only contact that I have had with him was one Im where he said I didn't respond when he messaged me ( which wasn't true)
I am still waiting for him to officially break up with me! Be happy with getting an email. At least she respected you enough to take a minute to type you an email. I wonder does my now ex think that I am actually waiting for him to call me. lol Nuts | |
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| Broken up via Email: How cowardly!
Posted: 1/18/2008 12:09:23 AM | i know ive posted something about this on another thread somewhere,
my best friend was dating this girl and it hit a rocky patch over the christmas before last when she told him that she was thinking of dumping him(new years eve) my reply was"you should of gotten in there before here and dumped her" but anyway the relationship continued and he receves a text from her saying have you checked your email?
needless to say it was a email breaking up explianing the reasons why etc blah blah..having read over it several times WE BOTH came to the conclusion that it was not even typed by her!.
She was friends with my other friends gf and she wrote the email(having my other friend read the email) he agreed.
Im divided on the whole thiong of weather breaking up is done best face to face or take the cowards way out..my ex didnt even tell me she broke up with me i was told by my friends. I think if it was me doing the breaking up then i would do it face to face the least they deserve | |
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