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Posted: 1/7/2008 4:35:01 PM | | yeah PI's do it for a living, but they need a license to stalk. | |
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Posted: 1/7/2008 5:01:31 PM | And you spoke with the guy several times before he layed this, this twisted bit of inapporiate behavior on you ~~ and you had "No" clue that his "Right & Wrong" was so far off center?
Not a hint or clue? ~ not one? ~ Overview here, what you two talk about?
I'd suggest for anyone ~ to consider ~ a light hearted battery of simple question before ever meeting someone. ~ questions that might reveil feeling about one's personal space. ~ attempt to find space offenders. ~ dar | |
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Posted: 1/7/2008 5:01:38 PM | I am so glad you are safe kitty!!!
This is a good reason for me to be thankful that I not only have a great relationship with most of my neighbors, but that one of them is very nosy!! My sister lives on the same street too. From now on, if I ever go on a date with someone new, I will let both my sister and my neighbor know the who, what, and where, along with a plan for one of them to call me at the date location. | |
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Posted: 1/7/2008 5:03:17 PM | Rightwaysam, YES, we women do have to deal with this stuff on one level or another.
I had one that started hassling me 7 yrs ago... Moved from one major city to another, and he really upped the anty. I wrote him he had better leave me alone or I would get a restraining order against him. Since he had a fairly hi profile job where he worked, it would be a really bad thing.
I still see him on different sites, and wouldn't you know it he still writes wondering if I am interested... HELLLO HELL NO!!!!!!! I just block him, and pretend I didn't even receive an e....
Sam, women have been victims of male aggression for ohhh since the beginning of time. When you take into consideration all the serial killers, there is like one, two that are female?
AND YES, women have been known to stalk as well.
I can remember several times giving a man my e mail address, only to have them send me a pic of their pee pee... WTH???
That is why women have to work so hard to learn to date safe, live safe, and not do anything that leaves them open to being a victim... Just living a lone for a female ups her chances of being a victim.
Guess you didn't notice that because ummmm your mum didn't feel the need to tell you the dangers of the world out there... | |
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Posted: 1/7/2008 5:05:55 PM | Ha well first of all thanks for not thinking I'm a stalker for my expressing any doubt whatsoever about the situation... 
You do sound very sensible, and I do now believe the story entirely as you relate it. I have seen a few fake threads lately, and I guess I am getting a little wary. Nothing is more annoying than getting to page 6 only to find out it was all fake from the start.
So yeah it makes sense to me now in the context of him just not being all there, and simply not 'getting it' to an extreme degree.
An old apartment neighbour decades ago was kind of like that, he would talk anyone to absolute death, or until they just got rude or faked appendicitis or something lol. Talking about it later, he would question briefly about maybe what was wrong with the victim's attitude, and then simply carry on and not learn a darn thing.
Ha, during my separation, the ex used to get into a state every so often and phone 25 times and email repeatedly in an evening. After long enough, I finally mentioned that 'Look, I am starting to feel a LITTLE stalked here!' and it really frightened her I think, she sure behaved fast, end of problem for good.
So this guy has an impaired sense of right and wrong. And, if this guy is oblivious to right and wrong with surveilling you, a person has got to wonder what else he is oblivious to, such as the notion of right and wrong with regards to hurting others, for example. Hopefully the cops interviewed him well in order to determine that , and were willing to advise you of the results. And hopefully he is 'harmless', which would provide great relief no doubt. I would be very curious to know how many of these types are indeed harmless or not, statistically, and also what, if any diagnosable disorder is responsible for this kind of behaviour.
Whenever I make friends with someone from here and we talk about the funny ones on this site, I sometimes mention that they should feel free to let me know if they feel bothered by anyone they met so I can chat with them if need be. Sometimes one guy talking to another is all that is needed. I think that there are many good natured and righteous minded guys out there who would want to do that, so that the women they know can feel as safe and secure in society as the average man does. | |
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Posted: 1/7/2008 5:15:25 PM | | Please dont confuse ignorance with compassion NEXTYME. I am well aware of the injustices in the world, but didnt realize how rampant it may have become. | |
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Posted: 1/7/2008 5:25:28 PM | *checking the New Year's Resolution List*
Buy a gun
Take shooting lessons
Be really nice to big tall huge 23 year old son that currently lives with me so he does not move out until I'm firmly involved with Mr. Last.
lol, the last two "meets", I've taken my son with me. It somewhat probably is a deterrent to the guy, but hey...no one followed me home. LOL | |
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Posted: 1/7/2008 6:57:58 PM | | Tell u what, thats why I am glad I love across from a cemetary....can always find a empty plot....lol j/k ya'll I know what u mean about psycho....been there done that, and ur right good thing for nosy neighbors....I hope all turns out well with the TRO. | |
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Posted: 1/7/2008 7:17:44 PM | Did you get the restraining order yet?
Edited after Nexthyme's post:
This guy would be a nut job with or without the computer age.... This is the kind of guy who owns telescopes to look through windows and cameras with 1000mm lenses....
A real wing nut. | |
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Posted: 1/7/2008 7:28:17 PM | Rightway, please don't think I am not aware of you not realizing... However after reading several other threads with men asking why are women so paranoid, I find myself wondering how they can really ask that.
However I do understand that men generally don't have to worry if they are working late that they will be assaulted in the parking lot... I SAID GENERALLY.
The age of the computer has given people a sense of knowing someone more than they really do. | |
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Posted: 1/7/2008 10:48:15 PM | | damned if you do, and damned if you dont. Man, this is a scary scenario. But it does happen. So, how many chats, or phone conversations before you actually meet.? I was reading another post, where they seem to think, the quicker the better. NOT SO. Too many freaks floating around our pools to take a chance like that. I never meet a stranger, I have talked to some for weeks and decide not to meet. I did have one guy, I thought followed me after we met for coffee. I stopped in walmarts, and went in for a while. then was paranoid looking for his vehicle. You just never know about some people. Thank goodness you have neighbors. | |
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Posted: 1/7/2008 11:00:25 PM | | The number of times I could have been dead already...I've done some really stupid things in my life, gone to secluded places with strangers, to their homes, whatever and nothing bad has ever happened to me...but then I'm a big girl they might be scared to mess with me LOL | |
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Posted: 1/8/2008 6:03:41 AM | I'm so glad you're alright xX:
This is why I take defense training; you truly never know what type of humans are out and about around ya. | |
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Posted: 1/8/2008 2:06:17 PM | It is scary what a woman has to deal with these days. It sucks that there's still scary men out there doing this kind of thing and thinking for one reason or another that it is ok, you know?
I sort of had a situation like that BEFORE I met the guy. We started chatting through a website and things were ok at first. Somehow he found me on Facebook (my profile back then was public) then told me my EXACT address just with my postal code. I was freaked and told him how uncomfortable doing that made me feel. His excuse was "I did it to see if it worked, cause bad guys could come find you."
Yeah that didn't sit well with me at all and I told him I was done with him and that we'd never meet. Fortunately that was 2 weeks before I planned to move out of the current place so he can't find me now if he was serious. Hahaha.
It did teach me though about being careful with other social sites too. | |
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Posted: 1/8/2008 7:39:58 PM | On the one date I had where the guy had misrepresented himself (lied) to me, I was careful that he didn't see my license plate. I had had misgivings prior to meeting him, though, and should have listened to my gut.
Yes, everyone needs to be careful and cautious, male and female. And don't give out too much information until you know for sure the person is trustworthy. The truth is that most people are! And whatever happens on-line can also happen if you meet someone through a friend or in a bar, etc.
My best friend is a deputy so, on my way to meeting a new man or even one I've seen before, I always text message Mike where we're going, about how long I should be there, and then send him everything I know about the person I'm going to meet. His full name, where he lives (as much as I know), where he works, what his job is there, anyone we know in common, what kind of vehicle he drives, and anything else I know about him, e.g., has two brothers and one lives in blah, blah, etc. If we meet somewhere and I can see his tag, I text it to my friend, too. If Mike doesn't hear from me in what he considers a reasonable time, he calls me and I take the call. I call him again when the date's over and he deletes the information I've sent. Based on the scenario on this thread, I think I'll have him hold on to it for a few days from now now.
You know, I was thinking...as a rule, my date will walk me to my car and then I usually piddle a few seconds just to make sure he gets in safely and that his car starts (Memphis is the new crime capital of the U.S.). I think from now on, I'll check on him after I get out in traffic and he can't catch up. Sad, though, isn't it? | |
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Posted: 1/8/2008 7:53:36 PM | Very Creepyyyy indeed! I usually meet people right across where I live. I just walk and meet them at their car and we walked back to the pub that is also close to where I live. I see people who knows me everywhere at the pub... I wonder if that is a good idea or not if someone is a stalker.
Thank you so telling us your scary experience.. | |
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Posted: 1/8/2008 8:05:10 PM | Just have to add this advice with the other great pieces of information being shared about being safe.
I do the license picture also.... It has a more recent picture and address for the State you are in...
Course I have been amazed that men cheat to in the PHOTO Category using PICS from 20 years ago to get our interest!!!
And I also do the Private Investigator thing on the web. I suggest all women join a site such as that or Intellius so we can check there records before we even decide to DATE them. For 29.95 you have a whole year of previewing the man you are interested in and
a quick click on Prison Records will actually let you know if they have been there in the last 15 years. AND what they were there for also. We were amazed at the information we discovered about my Grand daughters attacker...
Please be careful---It is better to be alone than to end up DEAD......... | |
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Posted: 1/9/2008 6:22:42 AM | I could be lying in my driveway DEAD with an axe sticking out of my skull for DAYS before my neighbors would take notice -- and then they would call the city to have them haul off my carcass because of the odor.
I am fortunate in that most of my women love me, but it's a good thing they don't know about each other. | |
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Posted: 1/9/2008 7:39:16 AM | Wow..I knew there were freaks out there but thats just pathetic. I guess this would explain why it's hard to get people out of the house to hang out sometimes even if it is innocent in intention.
Glad it didnt turn out to be an episode on court tv. | |
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Posted: 1/9/2008 9:04:21 AM | I am certainly glad that the OP KittyGotClaws is safe and sound, albeit a tad shaken up, but this is a prime example that we as a complacent society need to take a more proactive role in our own self-defense. 
I am not talking about lengthy online interviews, or choosing neutral locations, or not giving out personal information... I am talking about being AWARE of one's surroundings, most specifically, looking BEHIND you from time to time!
Perhaps it is just my naturally-militaristic nature, general ill-will towards men, or my martial-arts induced paranoia, but how could you NOT notice someone driving behind you making all the same turns and exits? The same thing goes for someone walking behind you... Yes the OP was stalked by some creep she met online, but it could have just as easily been any demented freak that saw her in the bar where they met.
The inattentive are one bad day away from becoming another depressing statistic. Sure it sucks that we have to remain so vigilant/guarded in our own communities, but better that than the alternative in my books! 
I sincerely hope the OP and anyone else that has had a similar bad experience will learn to be a tad more cautious of their surroundings/approachers whenever possible. I concoct plans of attack instantaneously whenever anyone even walks ten feet behind me - I watch for their reflection, listen for the cadence of their footsteps compared to mine, and I'm pretty much ready to swing full force before they've even closed the gap if need be. Naturally I have learned to look before I swing, but the state of READINESS is the important aspect of self-defense, and where it all begins in my books. I do the same thing when I drive, as I've had a few road-ragers chase me after a cut-off/bad lane change on my part...
Take care all and be safe, no one is trustworthy!  | |
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Posted: 1/9/2008 9:42:36 AM | Ok, so now I have to request a note from their mother.
Two references from close friends.
Of course there was the background check I already had to run, guess maybe a finger printing on top of that now.
Seriously, it is getting scary out there. "They" say that the people you meet through friends are the safest and work out better. Kind of makes you want to make tons of friends so that they can do all the screening for ya.
OP, carry one those noise makers, people always look to see what that is. I was always taught not to carry anything that could be used against you like a gun that a 200 lb. man could grab from me when I was reaching for it. A noisemaker is easier to use, you don't even have to take it out of your purse and it can be safely kept by your doors.
I am really glad to hear the angels were on your side! | |
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Posted: 1/9/2008 10:11:08 AM | HOLY CATS!
good thing for nosey neighbors. i am curious what this guy is going to say in court about the whole matter.
along with all the other advise for personal safety here,, i would look thru the peep hole in the door first, or if you dont have one, get one istalled. I never open the door without knowing who is on the other side of it first. Im surprized he didnt bolt when you told your neighbor to call the cops. | |
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Posted: 1/9/2008 10:15:49 AM | | you wasted your time at walmart??once i saw he was following me, i would have driven straight to the police station and had the desk seargent on the phone as i was pulling up. | |
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