| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 2/13/2008 10:30:21 PM | my personal opinion is a job is a job just as a career is a career...we may not all actually like what we're doing but we keep it because it brings in some sort of income. even if you like what you do and your s.o. doesn't actually like what you do because you don't make an equal amount of money as he or she does, again, that shouldn't matter...the point is you're working, you're making an attempt to support your livelihood and not being some drug dealer on the corner or an alcoholic that keeps a seat warm in the neighborhood bar.
you can work in at the horse farm cleaning the stalls and getting rid of the horse shyt and i won't care....it's a job! | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 2/14/2008 12:31:56 PM | I should clarify my earlier point. It isn't about what you do, or how much you make. If you are happy picking up trash, great! If not, do something else.
That said, a person who picks up trash, and is happy doing it, has certain personality traits, and a person who makes TV ads has certain personality traits, and people who work retail have certain personality traits!
Assuming they are happy, these traits do help to define that person. It is THAT definition that helps me to find them attractive or not.
Personally I doubt someone willing to work in an ultra repetitive, non-mentally challenging position, would be interesting to me. Their personality is a comfort personality, one who likely wants normalcy, knowing every day they are done when the bell rings, and are happy to go do the same things night after night at home.
Temporary employment in a job not really suited to a person for the purpose of an income while working towards a larger goal (book, new business, college, etc.) is a different animal!
Jim | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 2/14/2008 12:44:38 PM | Your job would only matter to me based on what field you're in (you being a vet would be a great thing for me to learn, because I love animals) and how happy you are to do what you do.
Love and money don't mix, so what we make individually doesn't matter or have much to do with anything, but I would want to know if you're doing something that was a dream for you. I don't want to date someone who hates what they do to the point they complain about it constantly. I'd rather have someone who likes their job - they tend to be much happier, peaceful people. | |
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smd83
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Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 54 | |
| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 2/14/2008 1:43:28 PM | wrong wrong wrong wrong...
Here is why...
The reason I do ask that is due to me needing an insight into what type of lifestyle they tend to lead.. and how our relationship would adjust to that... Meaning....
is it mon-friday 9 to 5, or night shifts or is it shift work... How often will we see each other, does he work weekends... how long are his shifts... I hope you understand now...
Being a shift worker myself... I can tell you that it is very difficult arranging time for me to fit the things in that i love to do... so now you add a relationship.. ohhh dear god... hell would break loose... It is very hard... when someone might not understand the working schedule hence it comes in the way of "relationship" ...
As for animal magnetism... Yes it would be there.. and Im sure sooner or later the "lifestyle" might put some strains on it... | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 2/14/2008 2:37:44 PM | | The way I look at it is if you're embarrassed about what you do for a living, why aren't you looking for something better that you can be proud of? If you're embarrassed about where you are, you sure as hell aren't happy there. | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 2/18/2008 10:12:53 AM | What someone does for a living is a good indication of where they are in their lives. Having a good paying job and staying on top of things means that there is financial stability in their lives and they know where they are headed.
When I look at the opposite sex, I like to know what they do for a living and why they chose that job. There is a difference between working as a cashier in a store and working as a manager in that same store. Judging by the persons age... say they are 26 and they still work as a cashier at McDonalds and have no aspirations of moving up the rat-race food chain, then more than likely its going to affect the relationship.
I have goals. I achieve my goals. I set those goals for myself and put effort into achieveing them. I want to make something of myself and become proficient in the career of my choice. I cannot and will not be stuck in a second rate job making minimum wage and have to force myself to be happy with it; I dont expect anyone else to do the same. | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 2/18/2008 10:33:41 AM | I haven't waded through the other responses so I may be original or not. The attraction thing is the first step in being with someone, so this is a common question for many reasons.
For me, it isn't about what you do for a living. The questions are much deeper than that. Does what you do support you? Are you happy doing it? Is it the rest of your life or a stepping stone?
Does what you do support yourself? I have been in a position where I supported my man financially before. It wasn't easy as I'm not making big bucks either but it wasn't the defining part of our relationship or the end of it. I don't want to be a sugar momma and I'm not looking for a sugar daddy. But if I'm doing the financial supporting, I don't want to be the one doing all the work around the house and with the kids while paying all the bills. I have that now without a man. I'm looking for an equation that says something about fair play on both sides, not an one sided situation.
Are you happy doing it? Because I really don't want to listen to someone every night complain about his job and yet never do anything to make it better. A person (man or woman) who is happy with their work situation, whatever it is, tends to be happier with life.
Is it the rest of your life job or a stepping stone? I'm all for improving yourself but I also don't want to go through life with someone who changes jobs/careers like underwear. I like consistency with the occasionally detour.
So what you do for a living is a simple question that starts a conversation about many other things that feed off it. Many people spend more of their waking moments at the job than with anywhere else so it does matter. But not just for the $$$s. | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 2/18/2008 11:04:45 AM | There's a big difference between what you do in your job, and whether you have a passion for something.
It's entirely possible that a job is there to raise money to do things you like in your spare time. People Are Not Their Jobs.
I find the idea that your interests are related to your job laughable. Even if your interests are directly related to your job, it is entirely possible to love what you do in your spare time whilst hating your job - after all, anyone who says they love their work all the time is a liar.
Sometimes work is a hard, dull, relentless slog to get through necessary drudgery to move on to more interesting work - the fact you're paid to do this necessary but dull work is a useful motivator.
Compromises usually have to be made to follow your passion. Either you compromise on your job in order to fund another passion of yours, or you compromise on your out of work time in order to follow a worthy career.
I suppose the real issue is which sort of person you are looking for when dating, or if you're simply looking for a certain standard of living.
Far better to follow a boring but lucrative career to fund something you love that isn't economically viable or that you wouldn't enjoy full time. Far better to reduce your standard of living if your career is completely fulfilling. | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 7/24/2008 7:58:32 PM | if someone is about the money, that sux, they are probably not worth bothering with.
for me, its about having a common interest. common goals.
or at least, common ambition.
friend of mine is perfectly content to be a bar waitress the rest of her life.
lack of ambition/education? maybe, but she makes more money than her sister
who work a "career job" at a bank. probably works harder too.
personally, i'd love to be a garbage man, no stress, no great responsibility.
beats the hell out of the internet job i have now.
my dad retired from a fairly good job and went driving cab for something to do.
my mom gave up being a nurse to be a full time mom.
it doesnt matter what you do, it matters that you do it.
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all that said, i usually just ask as a conversation starter.
if you can't talk about something that occupies a third of your day
then what is there! | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 7/24/2008 8:06:48 PM | OP:
What you do for a living matters to many women for one simple reason: they want to know what your ability to spend lots of money on them is going to be like.
Hold out on the employment question for as long as you can. You should never be defined by your job (talk about shallow...), so what you do for a living (so long as it isn't illegal) should matter significantly less than the fact that you're employed. If you're asked, just let them know you're employed, and leave it at that. If they're pressing on it, ask them why it's so important to them, since who you are isn't informed by the work you do.
And if who you are is informed by the work you do, you need to learn to be who you are outside of your job. No one's sense of self definition should ever come from external criteria. | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 7/24/2008 8:15:26 PM | The job doesn't matter to me. Although I will say I tend to lean towards men that work with their hands...it is what is familiar to me. All the men in my family do. Blue collar to the core.
If the woman you are interested in doesn't like your job and refuses to date you because of it, thank your lucky stars you found out early. | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 7/24/2008 8:38:59 PM | I think if a woman is considering having a long term relationship with a man, she deserves to know what lifestyle she will be living. Is it going to be beers and barbecue, steak and wine, duck underglass and Fine Wine. THose are lifestyles. And it is very relevant to a relationship. Just as her job will be relevant. Does she make enough to truly help out the household. Should she quit and stay at home when the kids are young, Are your hours and her hours going to not work out right together.
Sherry | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 7/24/2008 8:43:44 PM | | It's not about the money - it's about your education level and ambition in life. Chemistry is nice, but when the lovin's done I want to be able to have a conversation. It's nice to find someone in the same field of work, or who can appreciate what I do for a living and for me to admire what he does for a living. I just don't have much in common with most blue collar guys. It's not about money - I make my own! | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 7/24/2008 9:24:08 PM | Sorry MissMewsic, but some of the most intelligent men I have ever met are blue collar guys.
You can have all the book learning, and expensive education in the world, and still be dumb as a stump when it comes to common sense and real life situations.
I was raised in a blue collar family, and continue to live that lifestyle. I am very intelligent. I don't need a college to make me smart (although I did go when I was younger), I continue to learn on my own, just as most of the people in my family have done since they came to this country.
Your comment reminded me of a professor I had in college who made a comment that I challenged him on..."High School dropouts don't read the daily paper, they don't know what is going on in the world". I challenged it because both of my parents were high school drop outs. And the biggest point they made to all of us children was education. They had 3 daily newspapers delivered to our home every single day of the week, we had numerous magazine subscriptions (Time, National Geographic, History). Now they did go back to get their GEDs in their mid 40's, and to me that shows more courage than a person who spends 12 yrs in college.
Education is just like everything else in life....it is what you make it. | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 7/25/2008 3:29:19 AM |
I think if a woman is considering having a long term relationship with a man, she deserves to know what lifestyle she will be living
Ah, there it is, someone who will be open about the truth. For a woman, much of the time it's primarily all about 'resources'. Thanks, whitefether. You won't find many men who care one way or another what the woman does for a living, as long as she's not going to spend all of his money foolishly. Thousands of years, nothing has changed. Women want a mate with resources, men want young, healthy and sexy: The primary qualifications for finding a mate who will be the best bet to pass on our dna. | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 7/25/2008 4:51:33 AM | You can have all the book learning, and expensive education in the world, and still be dumb as a stump when it comes to common sense and real life situations.
A majority of the blue collars in Michigan hunt, listen to country music, and wouldn't know Bach from Beethoven. I want a man that would appreciate the hard work, patience, education, and practice that goes into my career, and that I'm not just here to cook and make babies.
For example - I invited a man I met here that does maintenance to a concert and gave him my number to call so he could find me in about a crowd of 300. He didn't call, sat back and watched the WRONG woman all night without saying hello to her, and then sent an email saying he wasn't interested. If he had any common sense he would have called to see where I was sitting or what I was wearing.
Blue collars do not have a leg up on common sense either. If you watch your local news, 95 percent of the people doing stupid stuff have never tried to do anything with their lives. It's not about college, or how many books one reads either - it's about the life a guy chooses to live. I enjoy the finer things in life - I want someone who enjoys those things too.
My mother used to make comments about "education and no common sense" - she left school in the 8th grade, was married and divorced twice with 5 kids. She was ignorant even about her own body and sex. Her entire life was a struggle because she didn't have an education, had very low self esteem, and the only jobs she could get were waitressing or babysitting. Her life could have been a lot better with an education - isn't that common sense? | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 7/25/2008 4:52:07 AM | | Yes a career is a career.But what you are going to have to except,Is that some women are looking for a man with goals.You may be very happy with what you are doing and it may be satisfying to you.However some women are looking for a man who can change and adapt as they are always changing.I guess finding someone in todays day and age who is going to be there no matter what,Is well...A pipe dream at best.Anyways that is my take on it. | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 7/25/2008 5:45:29 AM | Well, my words have been twisted, as I knew they would be. I was married to a suit for 15 years. I was married to a blue collar worker for 15 years. I did not want to marry another suit. I was tired of the pseudo-yuppy lifestyle. You make it sound as though women only find men acceptable who make a lot of money. I do not think this is true, and it certainly was not true in my case. But, we do deserve to know if we will be living and bringing up our children in poverty. Which is most important? Whether a mate is pretty, or whether a mate is able to choose and pursue goals. Whether a mate will a 9 t0 5er or an airline pilot who will be gone a significant portion of the time. Anyone who says these things are not important when choosing our mate is speaking ridiculously.
And as I stated in another post, a man's sperm count goes down 22% between his twenties and thirties, due to age. Doesn't a young woman deserve a young man who has a much better chance of impregnating them than an older man? I mean, IF we are simply talking about carrying on her DNA>
Sherry | |
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isoU
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Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 71 | |
| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 7/25/2008 9:45:43 AM | Because IF U DON"T have the LOOKS U BETTER HAVE THE MONEY !!!!!!!!
Why is it so difficult for men to accept that women work on 2 premises.
1. LOOKS
2. MONEY
NOTHING ELSE MATTERS !!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 7/25/2008 10:03:02 AM | There are 24 hours in a day. Most people sleep 8 hours, which leaves 16 hours left. Most people work 8 hours, which is half of 16. The other 8 hours are used to keep your life running (errands, bill paying, etc) and what you do for fun.
So how is half of the time left in a day an indicator of who you are (what you do during your free time) yet what you do for the other half of the time left in a day (your career) isn't? Sure, you've got the weekends for free time (if you're lucky), so maybe that's the difference? I don't know, it just doesn't make sense to me unless you're a person who works at a "job" that just pays the bills.
I'm not in my dream career, but it is definitely indicative of a portion of my personality. It's not like I have a list of careers I'll only consider, but I do like to know what he has chosen to do as a career eventually. I never ask because men always assume it's about money. So I just let them tell me in their own time.
Frankly, whether you're working your dream job, chose to make tons of money rather than be a starving artist, gave up a high paying job to take care of your ailing parents and now work more hours for less money or just remain unemployed and mooch off your wealthy parents says something about you. Whether people like to accept it or not, your career is a part of who you are. | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 7/25/2008 10:10:40 AM | The job does reflect on the person. What someone spends most of their time doing says a lot about them. I have gone out with guys who had federal and state paper pusher jobs who bored me to tears. All they wanted to do was retire on the taxpayers' dime. They had no goals beyond that paycheck and finding a nice lady to watch television with them. BORING! They found me, a self-employed writer, dangerous and unreliable due to my career. Maybe they were right, because I am passionate about what I do and I am not always sure of my next paycheck.
Jobs due reflect on the person. | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 7/25/2008 12:34:47 PM | A job is just that: a job. You can call it a "career" if it's something you see yourself doing for the large bulk of your employable life (up to whatever age you choose to retire), but in the end, it remains one simple thing: a job.
Those who attempt to derive some sense of identity from their job are pitiful people, because they have to rely on external criteria in order to define who they are as a person. Logically speaking, then, if this is the way they do things, they either a) don't know who they are when they aren't working, or b) are constantly in a working frame of mind even when they aren't on the clock. To me, neither option is acceptable. To me, you should know yourself before you get a job, because only from that position of internal, uncompromisable (by any save yourself) strength can you draw forth what's needed to excel at the job.
A job is there to pay the bills. As a talk radio show host puts it frequently, "They wouldn't have to pay you to do it if it was something you'd enjoy." Even those who have jobs doing something they personally enjoy doing ultimately have bad days, and on those days, it isn't their "love" of the job that keeps them there, it's the paycheck.
More to the point, if they truly "love" it, one has to question whether they would be doing it for a minimum of 40 hours a week (minimum, not counting time taken off for vacation, sick leave, or holidays) with the same dedication and verve. I would hazard a guess that most wouldn't. The person who graduated with the degree that lets them work in the corporate job "of their dreams" wouldn't be putting in the corporate hours, the political maneuvering to stay ahead, and the sacrifices in their personal life if they weren't being paid the big bucks to do it.
What someone does for a living doesn't matter if the person knows who they are outside of their job. At that point, the onus falls on someone who's considering them as a potential romantic partner to either be socially evolved enough to acknowledge this, and let the person show who they are, or to fall in like all the other lemmings under the highly false consideration that "what you do points to who you are".
What sad, sad people such individuals are. They are worthy of excessive pity. | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 7/25/2008 12:47:10 PM |
Those who attempt to derive some sense of identity from their job are pitiful people, because they have to rely on external criteria in order to define who they are as a person.
Or the job they chose is a reflection of who they are as a person. Similar to what you choose to spend your time doing is a reflection of who you are. Chicken vs. Egg.
The person who graduated with the degree that lets them work in the corporate job "of their dreams" wouldn't be putting in the corporate hours, the political maneuvering to stay ahead, and the sacrifices in their personal life if they weren't being paid the big bucks to do it.
That's an assumption. I know someone personally who works excessively because they don't know how to live any other way. I used to be paid half what I do now and worked twice as long as I do now out of love. Would I work if I didn't have to to survive? Hmm, I'd work in some capacity but the pressure to have a job that pays well would abate. I get a lot of pleasure out of achieving goals and seeing an end product at the end of my work day.
To me, you should know yourself before you get a job, because only from that position of internal, uncompromisable (by any save yourself) strength can you draw forth what's needed to excel at the job.
Exactly.
What someone does for a living doesn't matter if the person knows who they are outside of their job.
Right, so the fact I could work as a distributor of blood diamonds knowing what it took to get them isn't a reflection of who I am? Sorry, gotta love opinions but I disagree with that one.
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