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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 7/25/2008 12:56:42 PM | I do not want to take care of my boyfriend financialy, if it is not necessary. I want him have enough money for himself and share bills.
If we can not have time together, there is no point. So number of hour do matter.
Ambition or following a dream is attrctive. Small jobs are common at my age. If he is 25 and still work at McDonald becuase he have no passion to follow, I am not attracted. | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 7/25/2008 1:50:42 PM | Falling Ember said:
Right, so the fact I could work as a distributor of blood diamonds knowing what it took to get them isn't a reflection of who I am? Sorry, gotta love opinions but I disagree with that one.
You're attempting to ascribe a moral value to something that by its very nature is immoral. If someone's conscience is affected by what they do for a living, that's something endemic to them, not endemic to the position. Distributing blood diamonds has no reflection on who you are as a person. The things you may have done to acquire those diamonds might. It's a fine distinction, but a perfectly valid one.
I don't understand those who attempt to equivocate a person's identity with the person's method of money acquisition. Even if someone chooses a job based on who they are, it's still pitiful, because they're then doing nothing more than seeking validation for their already-chosen path. Knowing oneself, and all the benefits that come with it, is reward enough, and doesn't require validation or support from choosing a job that goes with it. Jobs are a method of acquiring money. They're nothing more. We need money because there are things we have to have for survival that can't be gotten for free. There's nothing wrong with needing money, and doing something necessary to obtain it. It becomes wrong the instant one either does something to obtain money that they also use as a means to identify themselves, or if they then tie up their identity in what they do, even if said identity wasn't sourced in the job to begin with. | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 7/25/2008 2:09:57 PM | It shouldn't. I purposefully avoid talking about my occupation when I meet someone and I don't ask about theirs. I want to know what kind of a person they are without knowing about the things that I think prejudice people - occupation, religion, income, education, kids, all kinds of things. It isn't that I don't want to know those eventually, but initially I'd like to just see what they are like as a person without any of those trappings.
A person's occupation can reflect a lot about what kind of a person they are but not entirely. Also, women will look at a man as either a potential lover or a potential provider. If she's looking for a provider, then yeah, your occupation if going to affect her interest in you. Seems mercenary but if you're looking for someone to have kids with, it seems reasonable to evaluate whether they will be capable of providing for you & your children.
I'm with you, although I have to admit that, after working in construction for 13 years, I wouldn't go with a roofer. They've all had their brains fried working on those hot tar roofs in the summer sun. | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 7/25/2008 2:25:52 PM |
Distributing blood diamonds has no reflection on who you are as a person
I'll have to disagree with that assessment. I believe fervently that each action we willingly enact is a reflection of who we are. We don't go on hold just because we've clocked in and become ourselves again once we clock out. How I choose to live my life is firmly tied in with my ethics. I chose to make 50% less than I could in the private sector because it was more important for me to work for a company I believed in than one that I didn't. This doesn't make me anything more than who I am, but it does say something about my character. I care more about my beliefs than I do about how much I make. Do I care about money? Heck yeah. Try and eat without it. My point is that what I chose to do for my livelihood does reflect an element of my personality.
because they're then doing nothing more than seeking validation for their already-chosen path
I don't fully understand your point here. How is working a job that you feel comfortable doing a way of seeking validation? There are jobs that are easy for me, difficult for me, impossible for me, too boring for me, etc. I don't feel I'm seeking validation, so much as choosing the path that is the easiest for me. Which in itself is a reflection of who I am. | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 7/25/2008 8:03:08 PM | Op you post your job on your profile...so why the question?
If a man doesn't list a job it gets my curisioty up...I wonder if he's a thief, drug dealer, or has been in and out of prison and can't get a job. I really don't think that but you get the point, I hope. If a man or a woman won't share something as trivial as their job, what else won't they share? | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 7/25/2008 9:21:29 PM | When I respond to someone's email on POF, I never ask them what they do for a living. It is much more fun trying to figure it out. I am usually pretty close.
Sherry | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 7/26/2008 4:13:31 AM |
And if you're not working, I'm gonna wanna know why. Are you taking a break? Are you independently wealthy? Have you retired? See, a retired man is gonna have way too much time on his hands and possibly want to travel with someone. I don't have the time to do that. Same with the independently wealthy chap.... though that would be niiiiiice. lol
In today's recession, there's thousands of lay offs occuring, a friend of mine worked for the big GM Corporation...andyou know what happened to them, right? He wound up moving back in with his mom to get back on his feet. | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 7/26/2008 7:20:25 AM | OP: You can be attracted to a coconut in the produce section, but that doesn't necessarily mean they'll be material for a long term relationship. It isn't a man's job that may repel me from dating him, it's his lack of ambition and motivation for the future that would be a deciding factor on whether I wanted to date him long term or not. I want to maintain the lifestyle that I have now, but I've worked long and hard for it as well as sought out the proper education for myself in order to keep it. I would expect my partner to want to continue to improve himself so we both could enjoy our lifestyle without having to worry about paying the bills, etc. If he's just happy delivering pizza's for a living without wanting more for himself, then he'll also be happy living out his life in mom and dad's basement. I'm very driven on improving my lifestyle on a yearly basis with hard work and continuing education, so animal attraction means nothing to me if the guy hasn't the perseverance nor ambition to strive for a better life for himself and his partner.
Sans | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 7/26/2008 10:38:03 AM | "And if who you are is informed by the work you do, you need to learn to be who you are outside of your job. No one's sense of self definition should ever come from external criteria."
This is actually a flawed argument. Yes, no one should define themselves by their jobs, but those jobs play a part in a person's definition. Can anyone mention Pablo Picasso without saying he was an artist? He was a lover, husband, philosopher, and father yet no one would NOT mention he was an artist. Could someone speak of John F. Kennedy without mentioning he was a president of the United States? I don't think so. For better or worse, what we choose to do with our time does define us a great deal. We spend a huge amount of our time working.
Doing a job "just to pay the bills" says a lot about someone in my view.
I have had many "jobs" to pay the bills, but I have ALWAYS been a storyteller/writer/teacher. I wrote at ALL of my jobs or had some interaction with books and transfering of knowledge. I am passionate about words, myth, storytelling, learning, and art. My life and job choices reflect this in a myriad of ways. To say someone’s “job" says nothing about them is actually a disservice to the person who holds that job. | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 7/26/2008 11:23:47 AM | no one says we are "defining ourselves by our jobs". you are the first to make that statement that I have read.
The question for me is why don't people post their jobs? I just read two profiles and one was blank and one said "I'll tell you later". AGAIN WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL?????
I have talked to several men on this site who didn't list an occupation and two were disabled. Nothing wrong with that and what happens happens, but I am not looking for this, and would appreciate knowing that upfront before I make contact or before contact is made.
AGAIN WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL???? As others have said no one is defined by their job/perfession, but if they choose to be defined by that so be it. I'm not defined by that but if someone else wants to be defined by their job...more power to them. We definitely aren't a match. | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 7/26/2008 12:17:59 PM | To say we are not defined by what we do for one-half of our waking hours is ridiculous. You definitely have your "off" time that you are also defined by, but, by and large, most of our time is spent at work. Especially if you have done the same job for many years. If you are in, say, construction, I would expect you to be a rather physical person. If you are accounting, you are probably more of a head trip. Does that mean the construction worker does not read, or the accountant does not play tennis? No, it just means that you have chosen for yourself something that uses the best skills that you think you have. If a construction worker does not like being physical, he goes and gets a job in clerical or goes to ITT Tech. If an accountant does not like the confines of the office, he will go to trucking school or become a swim instructor. These Choices define us. As a pizza delivery boy, my off time means more to me than money. I worked as a legal secretary all my life. I now seem to have grown "allergic" to offices. I prefer something more physical, like working in a nursery or something. My body now loves the oxygenation that comes from being physically active and closer to Mother Earth. Does that define me? Yes, I believe it does a little.
Sherry | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 7/26/2008 11:28:01 PM | When someone asks you "What do you do?" or "So...what do you do with your life?" you immediately know what they are asking. How can you possibly assert that we are not defined by "what we do"?
I happen to feel that how a person spends half of their waking life is a pretty darn important facet of who they are. After all, the person chose this particular job out of all the millions and millions of jobs that exist in the world. (Beekeeper? Designer of incontinence products? History professor and expert on the year 1722?) Of course there will always be a few jobs a particular person cannot do, at 5'2, I could never be in the WNBA, for example, and someone with an IQ of 75 could not be an astrophysicist. Other than innate issues like those, our careers are limited only by our ambition, drive, and imagination. If someone weighs the pros and cons of all these careers and still decides to devote their lives to stocking shelves at Wal-Mart, I have to seriously question whether out personalities will jibe long term. It is even worse if the person wanted to be more than they have become. People who slave away at jobs they do not like are, to quote a previous poster, "worthy of excessive pity. What sad, sad people such individuals are." They lack the gumption to pursue their goals.
They wouldn't have to pay you to do it if it was something you'd enjoy.
I have to disagree very strongly with this statement. My current job came directly from volunteer work I have been doing for years. I was basically doing something very similar with the organization previously, and this summer I get paid for it. I turned down higher-paying jobs to take this position because it relates directly to one of my passions in life. For another example, the part time job I worked in my college town was at a nonprofit arts association. They could only afford to hire me for a certain number of hours each term, but once I burned through these paid hours I kept going the same number of hours each week on a volunteer basis. If you go to work and painfully watch the clock, waiting for the day to end, I have to feel terribly sorry for you.
Even those who have jobs doing something they personally enjoy doing ultimately have bad days, and on those days, it isn't their "love" of the job that keeps them there, it's the paycheck.
It is true that not every moment of your working life is going to be thrilling or fulfilling. The same is true in every facet of our lives. Sometimes things are tough with relationships. This doesn't mean we should resign ourselves to a domestic situation where we can't wait for the clock to tell us we can stop interacting with our SOs. Although the paycheck is an important part of a job, (we need the money for food, clothing, shelter, etc.) it is not the money that keeps keeps me working on a bad day. Instead, it is the knowledge that I will enjoy myself doing this tomorrow, as well as my own sense of integrity that tells me how dishonorable it would be to walk off a job where people are depending on me. | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 7/27/2008 12:32:36 AM | | It doesn't matter what you do for a living. So long as you like what you do, you can support yourself , it's legal and you are happy then really that's all that matters. | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 7/27/2008 12:33:04 AM | Hmmm...
When women ask me what I do for a living I can sometimes see the spark go out of their eyes when I answer. I think it's because they don't understand it nor know what the going pay rates are. Or maybe they do know what the going pay rates are and that's not enough for them? :)
I ended up where I am due to a lot of my interests. Trouble is I found the creative part of it was not the biggest part of the work. So I alternate between being bored with it to being excited about it. So part of it is a reflection of me. The other part... well paper pushing puts me in a bad mood. :) Trouble is the interpretation others might have... they might get things reversed!
But like I said, most women don't have a clue what I do even after I attempt to explain it. I really do think a large percentage of people think the products they buy are created by magic :) That aside it's outside people's reference frame.
I should come up with some clever story about what I do... :)
I guess it should matter, but I have to agree with others that it might be a question to avoid. I should keep them guessing. Maybe do what a guy I know does when he has to explain away the years he was getting a physics degree... he says he was in prison ;) | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 8/28/2008 8:42:21 PM | | i had a msg from a guy who for some reason found it neccessary to tell me he has his own home makes great $ with his career and is very financally stable owns 2 cars etc...i responded with i dont care if he lives in a cardboard box works at macdonalds for his career or has 2 cents, that stuff doesnt matter to me....i think i offended him cause he never msgd back. was i too harsh? lol | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 8/28/2008 9:20:02 PM | "They wouldn't have to pay you to do it if it was something you'd enjoy." Even those who have jobs doing something they personally enjoy doing ultimately have bad days, and on those days, it isn't their "love" of the job that keeps them there, it's the paycheck. If everything was free, sure. We gotta pay the bills, and since we do... why not do something we love? Sure, there are people who hate their jobs; but why aren't they looking for something bigger and better? It can't suck that much if they keep doing it. I went into my career for the money and ended up loving it. I know many aren't as fortunate as myself. Although I may bitch or moan on a bad day, when it comes down to it I still love my job. I look at it as I would a partner. You can love them and want to be there, but some days you're still going to want to stab them in the face with a fork. | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 8/28/2008 10:41:24 PM |
What a person does for a living is indicative of who they are.
If you are a dustbin man, or Garbage man, then chances are when you were younger you didn't want to be a garbage man. Chances are right NOW you don't want to be a garbage man. It doesn't matter that you are one, but it suggests you arn't the type of person to follow their dreams, and achieve them. On top of that, someone who is content being a garbage man, can't be the most interesting person in the world. I mean, how can you be content with a repetative job?
I think THAT is what matters.
I disagree. What a person does isnt always indicative of who they are. There can sometimes be obstacles that get in the way of what you want to be in life. Most jobs are repetitive anyway..so most likely we'll meet someone who has a repetitive job. I just dont think you can say what a person does is always indicative of who they are. I mean a person can have a "good job". or whatever, but thats not necessarily an indication that he/she worked hard to get into that position or that job..maybe they got a lot of help through contacts or whatever....its silly to judge a person based on the job that they do and how they would be in a relationship..that is why its important to get to know a person before you say "oh he/she is not my type" or "things wouldnt work out for us" etc... | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 8/28/2008 10:50:59 PM | I'll answer for me because really there are dozens of answers to this question. Simple ones like how many hours you have to put in and how unavailable you are to a relationship - or maybe it's a risky job and the woman doesn't want to worry.
For myself, after 15 years with a man who never rose above entry level positions and never could contribute to the financial care of our children - it matters. I was rather tired of being broke and in debt all the time.
Now though it doesn't matter the same it did then. I decided to just go out and do this myself - going for my degree, got a better paying job and in 8 weeks I get a promotion when I graduate. Now when I meet a man, honestly my preference is not about the amount of money but instead how does he manage his money? There is only so much you can manage on $8 an hour in California. If you pay your bills on time, aren't in debt and have a little extra money for occasional fun - thats enough for me.
It matters depending on the individual. | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 8/28/2008 11:03:01 PM | shad0wz wrote
had a msg from a guy who for some reason found it neccessary to tell me he has his own home makes great $ with his career and is very financally stable owns 2 cars etc...i responded with i dont care if he lives in a cardboard box works at macdonalds for his career or has 2 cents, that stuff doesnt matter to me....i think i offended him cause he never msgd back. was i too harsh? lol
I think you were a little bit too harsh. This guy did sound like he was bragging too much but one thing I have learned about guys that are real successful is that they define themselves by their careers and their successes. He probably was real proud of his accomplishments and he probably worked his ass off getting where he is and you blew his accomplishments off like they meant nothing.
What would you do if you worked real hard at something you loved and some guy said..." I do not care...that does not matter to me" ?
I can understand why you did not like his bragging because it appears he was trying to "buy" you. I probably would have ignored him or said "no thanks" but I would not have told him his life work does not matter. Not unless he was a real jerk and I wanted to hurt him.
edited for this p.s. shad0wz I know you said... "that stuff doesn't matter to me" ...and you meant you are not influenced by material wealth but in my experience what the guy hears is....."your life work does not matter" ...I did not mean to imply you were harsh on purpose. What we women say and what guys hear are often not the same. I am sure you already know that. | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 8/28/2008 11:11:24 PM | | I used to think what someone did for a living didn't matter until I started to keep a correspondance with a very intelligent,extremely well spoken 45 year old man.We had lots in common.The red flag for me was he seemed to be grossly underemployed.When we first started corresponding,he worked as a stocker in a warehouse.No problem.That job however lasted only about a month.He went looking for work.Motel janitor,cashier in a music store etc.He finally found a job working as a cashier in a Japanese resturant making minimum wage.I didn't get this.He was so intelligent,well spoken and educated even!Then I found out he shared an apartment with a roommate,owned 2 pairs of jeans and 3 t shirts...Please don't misunderstand,it wasn't his lack of "things"that was a turnoff,it was his lack of motivation to aspire to,well,anything.I'm not looking down my nose at Japanese resturant cashiers either,but when one is 45,has had the benefit of full college education it just sent up warning bells that he didn't seem to care about earning a better living.I just got the feeling that whoever he dates will end up carrying him more often than not.I did ask(rather bluntly)why he chose the jobs he did,but all I got was re-directed.This happened a few conversations.Always re-direction.I re-directed myself away from his company. | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 8/29/2008 12:12:15 AM | OP
There are a lot of interesting replies on this thread. I have been a dishwasher, carried trash, a machinist, welder, chemical processor, cleaned toilets, thermaformer (bet you do not know what that one is!) ,worked in shipping and receiving, been a supervisor, water and waste water and currently work in the parks and recreation business. Most of the jobs I have had paid pretty good, most had medical and retirement benefits included.
Have any of these positions defined who I am or was? These jobs were just a means to a end, something I did so I could do what I wanted. If I was not happy were I was at, I found a new job.
If someone is wanting to maintain a certain lifestyle, weather it is the finer things in life,or they figure they can not live at a blue collar income or ? K a year, right or wrong,that is their right. We all have to decide what we can live with or without.
A free loader,live at Moma's,welfare, looking for a handout kind of guy needs to grow up and stand on his own to feet. If you see him smack him upside the head and tell him he is not five years old anymore.
Am I starting to ramble? Still can not believe people actually sleep eight hours at a time, (a trick I could never pull off.) | |
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| Why Should It Matter What I Do For A Living?
Posted: 8/29/2008 2:06:04 AM | I find it surprising that someone would NOT be interested in what someone else does 40+ hours a week, has done in the past, is thinking about doing in the future, thinks would be a fun or awful job. I very much enjoy talking about what I have done, am doing, and hope to do, and I enjoy hearing about the same from others. It does not "define" you or me, any more than our hobbies do. It's just another interesting part of the picture.
For most people, a good chunk of their life experience comes from the work world. I find it very natural to be interested in that. Call me predictable, shallow, unimaginitive, whatever, but "what do you do?" is normally high on my list of questions. Right after "what's your sign?" lol. :-) | |
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