| Are there alarm bells or I am wasting a chance
Posted: 1/7/2008 12:53:04 PM | | Biggest mistake people make is not observing red flags. This guy is loaded with them. Listen to your inner voice. People show us who they are often very early in the relationship and sometimes we are just too damn smitten to notice or if we DO notice, we consider it a small issue. We then spend the rest of the relationship paying for not noticing the problem in the first place. Whack whack, here is some common sense....lol | |
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| Are there alarm bells or I am wasting a chance
Posted: 1/7/2008 1:26:57 PM | | There is a big difference between dominant and controling, and from what you've said, I get the impression that he is a control freak. Why would he get snappy when plans need to change? And to refer to you as having, 'social and sexual ignorance', is VERY rude and insulting! He's trying to undermine your self-esteem. Big alarm bells! It's too easy to pretend to be something your not online, but it sounds like his true colors are starting to show. Trust your instincts. | |
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| Are there alarm bells or I am wasting a chance
Posted: 1/7/2008 2:27:11 PM | | OP: He's going to enlighten you by reducing your "social and sexual ingnorance" -- he sounds like a frickin psycho control freak with issues - and he's broke... What a moron.. Cut your losses and run girl... Run baby run.... | |
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| Are there alarm bells or I am wasting a chance
Posted: 1/7/2008 2:53:25 PM | Oh my!!!!!!!Do you need a parade with bugles? The guy is an abusive freak. Block him.
This is the oldest line of bull crap these jerks use. And just him telling you that you need to be reduced in your ignorance , and things have to go his way----WOW----
Do yourself a favor, stay home, and stick yourself with a kitchen fork. I guarantee that would make much more sense and less painful than spending one minute with this creep. It`s hard to believe that anyone like this would even get any kind of response at all. This is dating site, not an abuse site. | |
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| Are there alarm bells or I am wasting a chance
Posted: 1/7/2008 2:58:40 PM | | OP, any man who is as overbearing as this man is (reducing your "social and sexual ignorance") is clearly someone to avoid. Then he makes excuses for mistreating you if you don't do things his way? Scratch the avoiding bit. Run as fast as you can and block this cretin. | |
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| Are there alarm bells or I am wasting a chance
Posted: 1/7/2008 3:11:24 PM |
he became irritable and snappy...he claims he is dominant and gets frustrated if things are not done according to his stipulations.
reducing my 'social and sexual ignorance
Wow, this guy gives Dominants a bad name.
First red flag for me is that he assumes your submission before you have granted it to him or before he has earned it.
2nd red flag is he insults you. Hey, if you like that fine, but, in my mind, a Dominant nurtures and encourages, not tears down. Just my take on things.
3rd, call me old fashioned but, I feel it is the Dominant's/Man's obligation to travel first in a long distance situation like this.
None of OUR suggestions matter though. Only you know how he makes you feel.
Follow your intuition, and use some caution. Don't make any rash decisions. | |
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| Are there alarm bells or I am wasting a chance
Posted: 1/7/2008 4:03:27 PM |
What does "suss him out" mean?????
it means....
..check the person or situation out
..do your due diligence
..investigate the person or situation
Australians use that term alot.....so do New Zealanders
Us North Americans usually just say we'll "check things out" | |
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| Are there alarm bells or I am wasting a chance
Posted: 7/30/2008 2:15:21 AM | Hey that's dreadfully cynical Steve! I agree this guy sounds a numpty, but in my general opinion the assumption that guys who are making a bit of cash are dripping in women is a tad naive. Perhaps he works for himself and his dating options are limited?!
Anyway that's my two penneth worth! | |
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| Are there alarm bells or I am wasting a chance
Posted: 7/30/2008 8:06:52 AM | ALARM BELLS!
1.) He cannot afford the trip to you but wanted you to come to him.
2.) Said he would wine and dine you while you were there, with what? If he can't even afford a trip to see you?
3.) Claims he is dominant and frustated if thing sdon't go his way.
This is someone you will always be trying to please and will never be able to. Is this what you really want? Someone that wants everything HIS way and will make you miserable when it is not. | |
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| Are there alarm bells or I am wasting a chance
Posted: 7/30/2008 9:05:40 AM | 3 story mansion but can't afford the trip to see you?
nope.
reducing an ignorance he can't possibly have an knowledge or experience of?
nope.
saying anything like that in the first place?
nope.
i think you're enlightened, and i think you need to trust your guts a bit more.
time for the "thanks, but...." email.
a | |
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Pers14
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Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 40 | |
| Are there alarm bells or I am wasting a chance
Posted: 7/30/2008 9:09:28 AM | Put on your running shoes and run girl run!
My inner alarm bells went off reading your OP. There's something not quite right there - and I know your gut is screaming out the same thing. You are a great gal, you don't deserve some lying toolbox of a guy screwing with your head.
Keep fishing, it'll happen! Good luck! | |
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| Are there alarm bells or I am wasting a chance
Posted: 8/1/2008 6:41:51 PM | Alarm Bells - I would say so! You answered your own question! He was going to wine and dine you, yet can't afford to come down to where you are! Anyone can post a picture, etc., and send beautiful e-mails, etc. (Hallmark cards, etc). But when push comes to shove, sometimes that is all that they are - Talk and nothing more! The only think I think he wants to enlighten you with is "sex" plain and simple - he simply wants you on his terms up there - "no kids" etc. Sorry, but actions do speak louder than words and I think that is all he is - words! He needs to back it up with actions and truthfully he is not going to. Why would you want to be enlightened with this anyway. If anyone needs enlightening it is him - not you!Just because he claims he is educated and writes nice things doesn't mean he is a Real Person! Also, why are you willing to let him put you down at all - social and sexual ignorance - wow he is a real piece of work! Keep fishing Toplilly2 - This is not just an Alarm is an all out 4 Alarm Fire! Keep on Fishing - or anything! | |
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| Are there alarm bells or I am wasting a chance
Posted: 8/1/2008 6:45:58 PM | If it walks like a duck.. quacks like a duck.. it's a duck..
How come a guy with a 3 story mansion is broke??? maybe he ought to convert it to a bed and breakfast!!! hahaha..
Listen, if he won't come see you.. then you need to go on your merry way..
You have kids.. you need to stay in your area.. anyone who is a true gentleman would know that. | |
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| Are there alarm bells or I am wasting a chance
Posted: 8/1/2008 6:50:03 PM | | Dear OP - I posted before reading anyone else - that's how upset your post got me - Everyone is telling you RUN, RUN, RUN - DON'T WALK - This guy is a Wacko - Delete him from any contact you have - don't even look at the Creeps words - Delete, Block - and Spam the Wacko. You know in your gut that it was wrong - I sure hope you are listening to all the people here and that inner voice of your - Remember your children - I'm sure that they want their mom around - literally! Controlling little creep that he is - It is guys/people like that which put a bad name to dating, etc. RUN - RUN - RUN - AND LIKE THEY SAY - DON'T LOOK BACK! | |
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| Are there alarm bells or I am wasting a chance
Posted: 8/1/2008 6:56:12 PM | | Apparently he "claims he is dominant and gets frustrated if things are not done according to his stipulations. " And you are wondering if this is a red flag (amongst others)? Do you really want someone who is going to try to control you the whole time? I doubt if you need enlightening in the way he suggests. If you look after children and have cared for them and yourself all this time, then you are probably far more enlightened about life than he'll ever be. I'm amazed that you'll put up with his patronizing attitude, apart from his bad-tempered behaviour if you don't do as you're told. If that's what you want, then it's up to you I suppose, but bear in mind that you would be dragging your children into this scary relationship too. | |
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| Are there alarm bells or I am wasting a chance
Posted: 8/1/2008 6:56:49 PM | This guy sounds like BAD NEWS! ...and a bit of a control freak if you ask me. I'd say you're better off without this loser but if you feel you MUST meet him, try to convince him to come and see you!
If he can afford a mansion how can he not afford a trip to see you?
It doesn't make sense...I would suggest you run for the hills and find another guy to enlighten you! | |
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| Are there alarm bells or I am wasting a chance
Posted: 8/1/2008 6:57:02 PM |
I have come across this guy who has been showing a lot of interest in me for some time now. He lives more than 300km from where I live. For the first meeting he invited me to his home town, where I was going to check into a hotel if I was unconfortable to be in his 3 storey mansion. I went along with his idea, mainly to suss him out. I was going to organise childcare etc to be able to spend time with him at the weekend. Later in the week I informed him we had to embark on plan B as I had not been able to secure childcare; plan b was for him to come down to where I lived. He told me he could not afford the trip, moneywise. During our later conversations he became irritable and snappy...he claims he is dominant and gets frustrated if things are not done according to his stipulations.
This is a guy who had claimed he would wine me and dine me while I was visiting. He was going to show me a few things about life, including enlightening me and reducing my 'social and sexual ignorance'.
One mind thinks -How could he not afford the trip, and why all the frustration and snappyness. Is he a weirdo, do I hear alarm bells?
Another mind thinks - Am I missing an opportunity here, to be enlightened?
Please someone out there, give me your views. He is educated, he writes eloquently, has sent me his professional profile and resume, (that is if all that is his), he is well spoken, but there is something about him. What is he about?
Thanks all
Run, run, run as fast as you can! This is a psycho...just read what you wrote about him...run for God's sake!  | |
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AKS26
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Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 48 | |
| Are there alarm bells or I am wasting a chance
Posted: 8/1/2008 7:14:26 PM | Oh Toplilly, I can totally relate. I've run into guys on here that sound much the same as you are describing.
They seduce you with their visions of what you will do together, but aren't willing to take into account what YOU want/can do/are comfortable with.
If the guy was truly genuine, he'd understand that you had ACTUAL issues as to why you couldn't meet him like you were supposed to. He'd try to find a way to make it happen.
I also don't like the part about the "social and sexual ignorance". It seems as if he's already painting you as ignorant and putting you down w/o even meeting you!
JMHO, Adrianne | |
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| Are there alarm bells or I am wasting a chance
Posted: 8/1/2008 8:01:29 PM | Rather than assume the worst, (hell, we cant all be paranoid schitzophrenics here)
Lets play hypothetically speaking...
Have you ever considered its possible, that this man owns a mansion, 5-7 cars, lots of toys, recently divorced and his alimony and/or child support exhausts his liquid?
Which would make him rich in assets............however not necessarly cash flow friendly.......hmmmm so if his mansion is stockpiled with food and wine, he can literally fullfill all of his promises to you.
IDEA! Talk to him about his possible discrepencies as they make you uncomfortable going that far wondering............any wealthy man can prove their wealth weather or not they have liquid to spare. | |
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| Are there alarm bells or I am wasting a chance
Posted: 8/1/2008 8:44:25 PM | Well, if you want to be with a guy who will expect you to bow to his every whim and beat on you when something doesn't go his way, whether it's your fault or not, go meet him. Just do your kid(s) a favor first and give them up for adoption so that they don't have to watch their mom become some guy's slave.
Otherwise, stay away. | |
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