| New relationship with great guy but sex is not great -now what?
Posted: 1/7/2008 8:19:50 PM | I don't know why no one touched upon this in their answers but some people are inherently dominant and some submissive. It's not just a game people play. It's a personality trait that filters down into the sexual department. I'm no Dr. Ruth - but it sounds like you're both submissive. You're having to be dominant, which you don't feel comfortable with and he's just being himself - submissive. Unfortunately, this just doesn't work too well in the bedroom - no matter how hard you try, and some people just keep wondering why.
Because he is new at this, you can give him some more time, and you never know - he could be a latent dominant and this will surface in time. If not, you'll have to rate how important this department is in your relationship and if it's going to be a deal breaker or not. Unfortunately, you could leave him and end up with someone who you do make that great connection with but who treats you like crap. Finding that perfect person is pretty tough! Your call ... | |
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| New relationship with great guy but sex is not great -now what?
Posted: 1/7/2008 8:50:33 PM | Thank you everyone for all your responses! I appreciate all your advice and thoughts with this. Some of you were very good responses -- thank you:)
Especially Kabooz - you really write very interesting and I think this exactly the situation.
I will think now on what I will do -- most likely talk about it. I hoping he need more time to be more confident. I hope when talking he doesn't feel more insecure and make the situation worse. I'll have to think about how to approach it.
But it's true -- if woman have to always make the first move or the more aggressive it really kills the passion.
I always turn on more and when guy has been a little forward, confident and you can feel he knows what he doing and goes for it.
I think I noticed before with ex-boyfriend's: the ones who are more confident are more confident in bedroom, for one more passive are more passive in bedroom.
Anyone else agree? | |
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| New relationship with great guy but sex is not great -now what?
Posted: 1/7/2008 10:28:35 PM |
What do I do now? I want to hear some advice before I decide to talk about it.
Anyone have some advice on this?
Well..first off, if you care about him, you need to be more patient with him.
Communicate with him, what he's doing and what he's not doing. Communication is always the key to a relationship. You need to be completely honest, even if it hurts him a lil because it will hurt much more..if you don't.
Relationships, love..takes work..hard work...when you love someone enough, eventually things will work out for both of you. I don't think you are being completely honest w/ him or yourself. If he's a good guy (which it's hard to find good people) I would be more patient and talk to him, openly and honestly.
Good luck!  | |
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| New relationship with great guy but sex is not great -now what?
Posted: 1/7/2008 10:44:42 PM | | You can't change someone by requesting changes. All you can do is tell him what you enjoy. If he doesn't follow the plan, so to speak...move on because he's already developed a pattern for himself. Don't hint, because men can't read 'hints' like women do, on a day to day basis. Their brains don't work the same way, nor do they receive the same messages. | |
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| New relationship with great guy but sex is not great -now what?
Posted: 1/7/2008 10:58:36 PM |
I'd say bye bye....sex is too important!
New relationship with great guy but sex is not great
it's your call , pretty simple choice really ........either keep dating him or move on.
but I have a feeling you are not in to him.........move on. | |
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| New relationship with great guy but sex is not great -now what?
Posted: 1/8/2008 9:01:41 PM | | I totally agree with the people who advised you to role play and introduce some soft porn into your relationship before you call it a wash. If he is teachable (and only you know that) then you have much to gain here since the rest of your relationship is solid. I dated a guy who was very similar and at first the sex was ........not so good, but let me tell you after a little time and telling him what really turned me on it was fantastic. It is probably just his personality not to be aggressive but trust me when I say that it is there just under the surface and you can release it. If you like domination then dominate him, he needs to see that you aren't going to laugh at him when he trys it, and don't forget to set the mood! If you are in the mood for a little rough sex then don't play Celine Dion! Maybe try AC/DC. Good luck! | |
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| New relationship with great guy but sex is not great -now what?
Posted: 1/8/2008 9:33:19 PM | | All aspects of a relationship should be equal. I have had amazing sex with women who were complete morons. And I have had terrible sex with women who had a great personality. All things must balance out and be equal for it to work. If they don't balance I bail. | |
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| New relationship with great guy but sex is not great -now what?
Posted: 1/8/2008 9:51:07 PM | Talk to him and tell him that he is the lion and better start acting like it. For starters, he can hunt down his prey and "take it"... don't say like a man... but like a tiger... Tell him that you love it, need more of it and he is *your* tiger.....period.
When he does what you want, praise him and give him a treat like you would your dog. That reinforces the behavior that you want.
If he does not "Take it like a tiger", then I'm sorry but you have to go fishing again.
Great lovers are not born, they are made. Sometimes people are so far away from being made that they just suck. They can learn new tricks and such but only when they want to. Make him want to step up to the next level.javascript:smilie(' ')
javascript:smilie('') | |
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| New relationship with great guy but sex is not great -now what?
Posted: 1/9/2008 3:39:02 PM | | Sorry, this guy is just not turned on to you. Since you've showed him alot already and he's passive and you are getting tired of it the thing to do is dump him and find someone who does meet your criteria. I don't think any amount of talking is going to cure this. | |
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| New relationship with great guy but sex is not great -now what?
Posted: 1/9/2008 5:10:37 PM | Wow !
I must say I am surprised to see many posts commenting they'd walk away, I guess it is to each their own & a matter of choice.
I can understand how frustrating it can be for you OP, & wonder if the situation was reverse, as in the woman not beind good at sex or being passionate what the responses would be, just out of curiosity.
I would do as others have stated, talk to him...perhaps even show him , guide his hands mouth & other body parts. Show him how passionate you can be, even if it's out of the ordinary for you. You may wonder..... why should you put all that into it, well simple...if he's a good catch & it's the sex that's not great, again as mentioned by previous posters, could be quite a few reasons, without sounding cold or disrespectful, maybe even you...Sorry, it honestly isn't meant to sound cold, I'm just saying
I say talk & teach him first & if all else fails, & things don't get better, as much as I hate to say this....Walk away.
I'm a firm believer at trying my best to make things work, before I walk away....
Good Luck to you OP!
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| New relationship with great guy but sex is not great -now what?
Posted: 1/9/2008 5:14:05 PM | | with all this other stuff aside... just remember that sex is a very important part of a serious dedicated relationship. Its one big peice of the chemistry pie. If your sex life is not being fulfilled then later on in the relationship problems will arise. A lot of divorces happen because one person ends up not happy with bedroom life. This could lead to cheating and a whole bunch of other crap. My suggestion is that if it doesn't get better soon then break it off. But you can always try voicing your regards to him first. Maybe he'll understand and spice things up a little. | |
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| New relationship with great guy but sex is not great -now what?
Posted: 3/19/2008 4:41:25 AM | Whew - I was getting worried that what I have learned about women over the years was simply a waste....
Then I saw what I was hoping for - 'Dump him', 'Get rid of him'.....
Whew - I was starting to think I was having a some sort of hallucinogenic episode. Wow! That was a close one.
Look - we are all people (humans). We ALL have are flaws. Yes, that includes you, me the OP alike.
You say in one of your posts... "with my ex-boyfriends....".....
HELLO!!! If they were so darn good in bed, then why are they an 'ex' ?!?!?!? 'Cause they came up short in some other characteristic.
Look. When you take someone into your life - it is 'warts and all'. If you want that, can live with that, work with that - fine - keep they guy and talk to him.
However, if you can not do that. Do the poor guy a favor and smoke him now.
This might sound heartless. That is because it is. It lacks heart.  | |
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