| how do you want to get dumped?
Posted: 1/8/2008 11:48:43 AM | Buy me an expensive sports car as a goodbye present.
Stand still while I run you over with it.  | |
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| how do you want to get dumped?
Posted: 1/8/2008 11:51:02 AM | Just don't lie.
I don't think there is much worse than to lie in a relationship because you are afraid
of telling the truth.
In the end you've wasted her time and yours...and you had no right to waste her time.
(or his time...depending on who is the dumper or the dumpee)
People sometimes lie thinking they are doing the other person a favor.
In the end you're not
You just give them something else to think about when they try to remember why
they liked you in the first place. | |
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| how do you want to get dumped?
Posted: 1/8/2008 11:53:58 AM | Seriously, I have sort of a logical/clinical personality, so a discussion over coffee highlighting the issue, the thought process and conclusion would be cool. From there we can decide to stay in touch or not. I don't do emotion when it comes to major stuff like that...I can cry privately later when it's all said and done (if it bothers me that it ended, that is).
All known is better so I can file it properly and move on more quickly.
I can deal with anything if it's put in front of me, it's the sudden drop off the face of the earth crap that I don't really take to well - the unknown bugs me, because it gives me no end point, no window, no facts to work with or learn from. | |
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| how do you want to get dumped?
Posted: 1/8/2008 3:05:10 PM | | This is good info, don't jump the gun ladies i'm not going through this situation NOW i just want to be prepared if this ever happens. | |
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| how do you want to get dumped?
Posted: 1/9/2008 2:18:00 AM | | ^^ Good idea..Ive been preparing & looking for advice just incase I ever accidentally fall into a blackhole & find myself in another dimension. | |
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Savona
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Joined: 1/28/2007
Msg: 32 | |
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| how do you want to get dumped?
Posted: 1/9/2008 4:11:16 AM | My favorite so far:
Buy me an expensive sports car as a goodbye present.
Stand still while I run you over with it. | |
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| how do you want to get dumped?
Posted: 1/9/2008 4:14:05 AM | Why would you have strong feelings for her and not want to hurt her yet still want to "dump" her?  | |
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| how do you want to get dumped?
Posted: 1/9/2008 5:47:39 AM | My brother says it's a good idea to dump them when they have a pint in their hand so that they can tip it on your head. He thinks this makes people feel a tiny bit better.
Going against the grain, personally I think email is best. The decision is made, right? So why would I want the ex-partner to see anything of my reaction? Why put each other under that kind of pressure.
Honest reasons, if you can give them, are potentially helpful, but I wouldn't agonise over it. If all you can say is that you feel it's not working for you, that's enough: reasons often aren't really clear until you can gain a bit of perspective on the situation in any case. Mostly it comes down to the recognition that the two of you aren't actually as compatible as you had thought.
Don't be vague or melodramatic or unkind. This doesn't mean you need to pretend that it isn't hurting you, but you don't need to get into emotional scenes that inflame everything for no good purpose.
If you want to continue a friendship after the break-up, this is more complicated. Because as your friend it is your job to be there for them when they are hurt, even if you are the **stard that hurt them and are wracked with guilt but still know it's the only possible course. It needn't be the end of the friendship, but it takes a strong bond and a lot of goodwill to survive such a storm.
It surprises me that people question how you can still care abut someone you are breaking up with. Sometimes people simply don't work out in a relationship together, no matter how amazing both individuals are as people or how much they admire, respect and care about each other -- they just don't mesh. It's not necessary to hate someone simply because they don' turn out to be right for you. | |
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| how do you want to get dumped?
Posted: 1/9/2008 7:47:55 AM | | as a man if a woman decided to dump me, i would prefer to be dumped at hooters. that way i have hot wings, cold beer, gorgeous waitresses and lots of big screen tv's showing sports....come to think of it i believe i will dump myself there this weekend :) pleasant day to all. | |
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| how do you want to get dumped?
Posted: 1/9/2008 3:29:09 PM | Well, from your age your 38? I would expect that if you were in a relationship for a year you had always been honest, in how you feel etc, so she would be aware youve pulled back emotionally.. If you lead her on saying I love you , want you etc, but not feeling this , then thats not honest.. so
always be honest, dont waste even 1 day of her life if you know its over for sure.. Donot lead her on. while you look for others and keep her in reserve.
It will hurt if she has feelings for you, so be honest.
Donot ignore her/respong less be in avoidance mode.... then have her start questions like why dont u ph? talk/text whatever as much etc? then turn it on her and say i cant take lack of trust. nagging etc.. I say this because it just happened to a gf..
He sent her text exclaiming his integirty should never be questioned etc etc, she felt bad like she had misjudged him, and that her instincts were wrong, then found out he was contacting other woman.
donot twist it onto her. be honest.
If you truly respect the year together. and her. then let her move on. tell her why,
Treat her how you would like to be treated
smiles/peace | |
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| how do you want to get dumped?
Posted: 1/9/2008 4:54:10 PM | Frankly, I am in agreement with rune3. People love to throw around that breaking up on the phone or in person is the only honorable way, but sometimes the person lives far away, sometimes they discount what you say and usually have been telling them(which is why you are breaking up), too often the person will try to make you feel guilty and change your mind.
Honesty is vital, but cruelty is just that - cruel. The only cowardly way to breakup is to just disappear (unless the person is physically abusive). | |
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| how do you want to get dumped?
Posted: 2/7/2008 12:31:23 PM | | Honestly sit her down and calmly explain why you don't want the relationship to go any further, if not you leave her with very self esteem about herself and contant nagging questions as to what she could have done different. Allow her that closure or she will be coming around again and again looking for it. Lies are complicated...The truth is simple. Best of luck! | |
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| how do you want to get dumped?
Posted: 2/7/2008 12:59:45 PM | Golly - let's start by not calling it being dumped.
Second, just keep it simple - I need to talk to you about how I feel about our relationship. I've given it a lot of thought, and I think we should stop seeing each other.
She doesn't need all the gory details about why - keep it simple and don't linger over it. Don't be hurtful.
Be prepared - the person will be hurt - nothing you do can change that. | |
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| how do you want to get dumped?
Posted: 2/7/2008 1:55:09 PM | How would I 'want' to get dumped?
OK. I'll bite.
'Want' dumping. Yes indeed it is possible.
'Hey babe you know I smell like a rat baked on melted plastic with a voice like a failing cam belt? Well guess what? I just won £100000,00000 on the lottery!
Sadly I have a terminal illness and must leave it all to you before I shortly die. I now confess I no longer love you and do this only out of guilt. * sob*
Tragic obviously but I think I could live with it... | |
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| how do you want to get dumped?
Posted: 2/7/2008 2:00:35 PM | | I'd wanna be dumped late at night, right after I've washed my face, brushed my teeth, taken my sleeping pill, am all tucked in, and have finished watching Bill and Greta on Fox. | |
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| how do you want to get dumped?
Posted: 2/7/2008 2:45:46 PM | I would add, too... do it at the beginning of their weekend, so they have a few days to get themselves together, before going back to work again.
And Thumper, I went through this a few months ago. I didn't love the woman any more, but I did spend the lion's share of a year with her, and cared about her. She just wasn't the one, and I knew it. We had a LOT of differences. I have been dumped on a few occasions, and this was one of the roughest things I had ever done. Hell, it took me a few days to kind of get on an even keel again. Just because you are breaking up, doesn't mean you do not care for someone. And, some of us have trouble hurting other people, even though we know it must be done. | |
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| how do you want to get dumped?
Posted: 2/7/2008 4:07:05 PM | | TELL HER YOU HAVE SOMETHING CONTAGIOUS AND NASTY DONT FORGET YOU GOT IT FROM A TOPLESS DANCER .TEXT MESSAGE BREAK UPS ARE ALWAYS FUN. | |
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| how do you want to get dumped?
Posted: 2/7/2008 8:04:26 PM |
"I think that it is important that you find someone that will always be honest with you. I don't find myself capable and have been active on a dating site and set my profile to single. If you want, I can show you how to set one up for yourself."
Nothing to add, just thought that was worth quoting. | |
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| how do you want to get dumped?
Posted: 2/7/2008 8:12:36 PM | I want to get dumped just after I've been introduced to Josh Bernstein (former "Digging for Truth" host) at the top of Machu Picchu and he has asked if I'd like a helicopter ride back down, and whether or not I'm free that night for a beer in Cusco — to which my soontobeformer partner says:
"Your timing is perfect, Josh. She's all yours... "
*Sighs dreamily*
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| how do you want to get dumped?
Posted: 2/7/2008 8:39:52 PM | ^^^^ So what yer saying is, is that yer one of those wimmins that wont leave one before steppin' into another? Literally. Good to know. ;o)
OT: Just a face to face "This isn't working" will work for me.
at Funny_Girl "Bill and Greta on Fox" ??? and hi! | |
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| how do you want to get dumped?
Posted: 2/7/2008 8:41:49 PM | So what yer saying is, is that yer one of those wimmins that wont leave one before steppin' into another?
Yeah. Last time I checked, my leap frog abilities spanned singledom of 3 years.
I have long legs.
*Notes lack of humor sensor in above poster* | |
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| how do you want to get dumped?
Posted: 2/7/2008 8:47:15 PM | I have long legs as well and ...
* notes extra serious lack of humour in HC* yeesh!
EDIT: On topic. By being true to yourself, is all I need. | |
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as~is
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Joined: 12/1/2007
Msg: 50 | |
| how do you want to get dumped?
Posted: 2/7/2008 11:28:31 PM | You gotta cut the limb off to save the body. You can't bring yourself to violently swing that sharp heavy axe and cut it fast, that'd be mean. So to soften the blow you get a small dull knife and begin cutting, sawing, slowly and gently, and that makes YOU feel so much better about yourself.
Be a hardass and it is a greater kindness. Make sure she's glad to be rid of you and will never want you back. Softening the blow is just good for your ego because they feel the fault and keep adoring you. Softening the blow is exactly what a self proclaimed nice guy would do, and it's truly low and selfish to do. Break up, call it done, change your number, move on, stop all communication, say hey civilly if you bump into each other next year, hug if you meet twenty years later, but don't hug as you go now.
JUST GO.
There must be FIFTY WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER.
But there's only one way to soften the blow- it's not really leaving, it's keeping the other on the hook and dangling them at a distance from you while you fish for others. You keep her handy in case the fishing isn't so good. How nice of you. | |
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