| how do i improve myself?
Posted: 1/8/2008 9:17:32 AM | | I don't think you need to prove anything to him. You guys weren't in a committed relationship at that time. Back off and let him go through the hurt, anger, and jealousy before you move any further. | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/8/2008 9:21:02 AM | tigger... put the shoe on the other foot
a number of guys in three months and contacted a std
would you want you??? | |
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| how do i improve myself?
Posted: 1/8/2008 9:28:41 AM | Girl you have nothing to appologise for, you were single at the time and could and can do as you like.
If your ex can not handle that, then what he is after is a virgin, some one who ain`t gonna say " I should have stuck with A,Bor C because they had bigger d*ck"
How you gonna feel when after spending time crawling at his feet you find out he had a different woman for every night you were split up. If he was not pulling this stunt, you might forgive him, but any sane woman I know would rip his nuts off and feed them to him.
It like saying to someone you just met I can not trust you because you have experienced sex with some one else other than me, DOH that is a great chat up line that will have the opposite sex just falling at your feet NOT!!!!
So back to beginning you were single have nothing to appologise for, if it was not for STD you had no need to say anything, it is his place to prove him self worthy of you. | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/8/2008 9:32:13 AM | You can't...
If you have to prove anything in a relationship, it's already over.
Just my experience and my opinion...I might me wrong my friend, but probably not.
Ask yourself this? If the tables were turned, how could he prove it to you? Then this...
Would you want him to prove it?
Please don't take me wrong, I'm not bashing you for the sex, the STD or trying...
I'm actually stunned and proud of your honesty with your man. But I have a gut feeling the reason you separated in the first place is the real problem and what happened afterwords will not help the situation a bit.
Counciling? maybe...
Is long term really possible?
As a man, I wouldn't take you back.
Good luck Girl... there's plentyoffish in the sea... | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/8/2008 9:55:02 AM | | What did you expect 3/4 of the men would have done the same thing droped you as used goods. | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/8/2008 10:34:25 AM | ha! as a woman, i would never take a man back as used goods
but the BIG difference is the man would never fully enclose how many he has been with during the seperation | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/8/2008 10:37:41 AM | Hun, you did nothing wrong...
He feels the way he does, and that is NOT your responsibility.
Leave him alone, let him sulk, and get all mad that you would have the nerve to go out and have a good time, or enjoy being female... Men do this very thing allllll the time, and it is perfectly fine... Heck he didn't have a problem in one week to be in someone else's bed... Yet he was happy to have you forgive him... If you added the totals up on that, he'd be in a lot of people's bed's had it been three months back then...
YES, at the age you are at, you will grow and mature, and learn a ton of things... When you are 40 something, you will laugh, cause it was a hoot, and sometimes it was really fun...
Catching something has taught you a HECK of a lot about respecting yourself, and being part of the condom nation...
As for the guy, he is THINKING of you as property, even when you were NOT together... Ask yourself, do you really want to be someone's property?
And yes, you will get to make more mistakes, have more moments of learning... Isn't adulthood great?
However as YOU said, you have learned how independent you can be, how to give space, how to stand on your own... You are on schedule, let him be... Perhaps he isn't the one... | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/8/2008 10:45:21 AM |
but the BIG difference is the man would never fully enclose how many he has been with during the seperation
What?? In a dating resume you mean? Something like this perhaps.
Dear whitetigeress. Not only am I dreamy but I ENCLOSE the names, pictures and contact info for all the used goods prior to wishing to wade in your kiddy pool. :)
Power to the penis. | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/8/2008 11:02:26 AM | | Listen to these women, they have a answer or a excuse for any behavior. Just go by what they say. Anything you do is justified. | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/8/2008 11:37:50 AM |
well considering that my ex and i had slept together i thought it was best that i tell him about the std. I would rather be honest with him and tell him the truth than lie to him. If i had of lied, he would have found out later and i imagine it would have been a hell of a lot worse.
Unlike the other women here, who think that telling him about the STD would be too much, I commend you for telling him. However, let me ask you, since you slept together, does that mean you also gave him your STD? | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/8/2008 11:54:19 AM | first of all..you shouldnt have to prove anything to anyone..
You made bad choices, you arent the first to do that and you certainly wont be the last!!
I think it shows alot of character on your part to be 100% honest with him. You owe that to him..especially if you decide to renew your sexual relationship.
Now the trust issues are up to him to get over, and deal with..
All I can say is .....just try your best to show him that it is him that you want to be with.
If you both can work on your relationship and rebuild what you lost that thats wonderful.....
but you also have to relaize that it doesnt make him a bad person if he cant let go of this and move on with you in his life..
and if he keeps throwing these things in your face..that wont be healthy for anyone.
You have a very long emotional road ahead of you...... You put the ball in his court, and now you just have to wait to see what happens. | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/8/2008 11:57:05 AM |
ha! as a woman, i would never take a man back as used goods
whitetigeress....
Unless you date only virgins....wouldnt anyone that has had a sexual relationship prior to having one with you be classified "used goods"?? | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/8/2008 1:53:29 PM | Outmind, I don't know to many women that SUGGEST her not to tell him about her ummm problem...1 maybe 2, because it didn't APPEAR she had been intimate with him?
Seems she found out after the slept together fact, and felt it VERY important to tell him... Who wouldn't want that kind of information, even we women appreciate that information.
Someone gave HER the STD in the first place, and she just found out about it... Bareback is NOT a good idea for anyone, especially when there has been a parting of ways.... | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/8/2008 2:08:32 PM | Rain
anyoneoutthier said the following "What did you expect 3/4 of the men would have done the same thing droped you as used goods. "
do i not have the right to turn the tables on men? do i not have the right to say... sorry, you've slept with too many people like OP did and even went 'bareback' which unflrtunately contracted a std in such a short amount of time..?
the OP stated.. I have slept aith a number of guys
do i not have the right to have qualms if this statement came from my ex? damn right i do! hence my used goods comment which men LOOOOOVE to throw in our faces because in fact ... there are some men out there who are just as promiscious !
I'm just turning the table and in the meanwhile being bluntly honest about the fact that i, myself, is uncomfortable with my ex sleeping around in a short amount of time therefore would not desire to take him back.. i'd move on.. i have a right to that opinion
nevermind her being honest which is always the best policy but there is a bigger picture here! her bf is uncomfortable with her promiscuity and he has that right unless of course he was just as much during their time apart... but that's their business to discuss
all i can say is there is nothing for her to prove.. if he has made an opinion.. i highly doubt she can change it... just learn from this experience, make positive changes and move on... if he wants her.. he will seek her | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/8/2008 2:21:51 PM | Move on, OP.
The relationship didn't work when you were together. The STD you could get from one fella alone so that's a lottery ticket but the sleeping with several guys in a short period would put me off completely and I have to say I'd be wondering if you had the ability to even commit to a personal sense of morality not just to a relationship with the main man-to-be in your life.
They say when you have sex with someone you also have sex with all the others they've ever had sex with - I couldn't see me touching a woman at all, not even kissing her passionately, if she'd confessed to sleeping with multiple partners within the past couple of months.
I'd have serious doubts you have the ability to attach emotionally too.
I would imagine if I broke up with a woman for a couple of months and then told her when we were thinking about getting back together again I'd slept with 5 women and caught an STD off one of them she'd dump me on the spot and never speak to me again.
Learn some self-restraint, that's my advice. | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/8/2008 2:24:15 PM | Ok, so she found out she had an STD AFTER she had sex with him..........
But I have a couple of questions...........
How long after she had sex with her ex did she find out she had an STD?
and
Is it possible that HE was the one who gave her the STD in the first place?
There are a couple of STDs that I can think of that give few if no symptoms in men, but show more obviously in females (and before anyone asks, I used to work with teenagers and sexual health was a regular topic of conversation within discussion groups).
I'm not trying to turn it onto him AT ALL, but to find an STD AFTER the event with her ex, just urges me to ask these questions. | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/8/2008 2:32:06 PM | Tinky2, i found out about a week and a half later.
Its an STD that my ex used to have but was treated for. | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/8/2008 2:48:35 PM | | just help me out here. you have a big long chat to straighten everything out and then give him a sexually transmitted disease. sounds like love all right to me. or is it just REVENGE AND SPITE caused he wanted to get away frm you in the first place. me fein. | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/8/2008 3:08:42 PM | First and foremost: read most of responses on 1st page - many women offering that you were "too honest" - HUH? Didn't check those particular profiles, yet just about every female profile I check out states, very clearly: "Looking for an honest man".
Am I missing something here ... ?
Honest is the best policy - but be prepared for repercussions.
Besides, imagine if he found out later in relationship ... ouch.
Best to you.
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/8/2008 3:19:43 PM | Read How to get your lover back by Blase Harris MD its great will help you.
It does not matter what others say, just takes time to build trust. Good you are honest and take it easy. Improve yourself and don't make the same mistakes, learn from them. There is hope, be patient. | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/8/2008 3:34:03 PM | I'm stunned at the number of people that thinking lying is best. That is truly sad. You did the right thing by telling him and if he can't handle it, then he is simply not the right one. Also, if you have an STD, your partner deserves to know if you slept together OR if you are going to.
Just my two cents. | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/8/2008 3:41:20 PM | AS you found out about the STD after sleeping with your ex, it might be he is making you feel guilty for something that he is responsible for. As a result he has you back under his thumb if you bow down to him, it could be your new found independence he is not happy about.
Just food for thought, if your expected to give up this new you, move on and find some one who appreciates you for you. | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/8/2008 3:56:36 PM | So where do i go from here?
Is it best i stop contact with him and wait until he is ready to contact me?
Or should i ask to talk to him again in a few days?
...i was thinking of talking to him on saturday night...there's a lot of talking that needs to be done. | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/8/2008 3:58:44 PM | To Funguyinfla: MSG#11
Holy, fella, what's your problem?
To the OP:
As others have said, you shouldn't have to "prove yourself" to anyone.
Knowing that you've done the right thing ('fessed up about the STD) is a HUGE thing to carry away with you. Hold your head up high for that one...frankly, I find it suspicious (on his part) that the STD was the same one he'd had before. Perhaps he got treated for it, but was re-infected while you were split up. There's no way of knowing 100% who contracted it first - he could be being untruthful with you, and manipulating you. | |
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