| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/9/2008 1:01:02 AM | RickyMonch i want the truth.
In my head i know that i did nothing wrong during those 3 months. I didn't feel bad for what i did until after i spoke to him.
I just really want to talk to him again, talk this through another time...and this time tell him that what i did wasn't wrong, that we weren't together, i was single and having fun.
The point is...i think he's angry because i was with so many guys during that 3 month period...and he think's its going to affect us in the long term...which it probably will.
I don't want to cut contact with him...and i hate the waiting game. I want to show him i still care about him...but i can't push the situation | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/9/2008 1:16:12 AM | what you did when the 2 of you were single is your business. it was never his to start with, and the only thing you should feel bad about, is that you weren't smart enough to realize that it was none of his business to begin with. he needs to pull up his big boy pants and realize this, or you 2 will never get back to having a go at it. if he is any kind of man, he should have told you shhhh...I dont need to hear this. or, if he did, then he should respect your honesty and recognize that if he finds you attractive, odds are, so will other lads. if your std was one that is non-permanent and is easily remedied by a pharmacist and a few weeks of meds, then that was none of his business either (as long as there was no risk of infecting him). hell, if it was his business, then you'd best tell him about getting chicken pox as a child too (it's the same family as the herpes virus).
what you did was kiss and tell. you were single. period. never kiss and tell. it can only cause you grief. | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/9/2008 1:27:08 AM | i didn't really kiss and tell though.
I'm going to go through this again.
My ex and i slept together. About a week later i found out i had an STD so i msg'd him to let him know. He has had this STD before...and once cured you don't get it again unless you are reinfected.
So i msg'd him to let him know...and he asked if i slept with anyone over the past 3 months, unprotected sex. I wasn't going to lie to him, so i said yes.
After talking for a bit, he said thankyou for being so honest with me...to which i replied that i still haven't been completely honest.
It was from here that i went on to tell him that i had slept with more than 1 guy. I did not specify the exact amount as i don't deem it necessary.
He deserved to know about the STD, and he deserved the truth, which is what i gave him.
The other thing...both times we broke up...he initiated it...he broke up with me..not the other way round. A lot of posters seem to be getting that confused. | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/9/2008 1:45:26 AM | thanks everyone for your advice.
Just a bit of an update. He contacted me via msn today.
I told him i was feeling guilty for my actions, and he replied saying "its ok, it was a mistake, life goes on".
He further went on to say that he already knew i had been with someone else before i told him...as he already had the symptoms of the STD.
Now i don't understand this. If he had the symptoms of the STD...he knew i had been with someone else...why did he still want to catch up with me? | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/9/2008 1:48:23 AM | | Because he's the one that probably infected you to begin with. | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/9/2008 2:58:01 AM | he told you 'it's ok, it was a mistake"? how noble of him!! he broke up with you, but you seeing other guys (unprotected or otherwise) was a mistake and life goes on?  good lord, just be thankful you didnt get aids. or something that doesnt go away with a regiment of meds. he still wanted to catch up with you...are you listening?...because he is a young guy, with a penis!! he wanted to have sex!! and poof, there you were. you can chose to be a toss pot, or you can chose to be a girlfriend, or you can want even higher and try to find someone worth keeping longterm. only you will know which it is that you want to be at this stage in your life. if you tell no one what you are up to, then no one can judge you but yourself (hence my kiss and tell comments earlier in this thread). we all have a past, and the beauty of that is...it's ours!! we only have to share it if we want to (or need to in the case of your nasty little bug). dont confuse sex with a desire to be together. it's the largest fatal mistake that is made between young men and women. when you arent around, he'll miss you (the sex). when you are around, he'll be right back where he was that made him break up with you in the first place. I do believe your search is destined to continue. the beauty of your age is, you are just now starting to live. the worst part is, you havent got a clue that this is the case, and most young 20's think it's all about here and now. enjoy your life. when it's right, you'll REALLY know it. good luck! | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/9/2008 6:36:17 AM | Off-topic; Carolann.....you're one smart lady.......your posts are always right on....would have sent email to say this, but filters limited me to this.
On-topic; OP move on..........enough said by those who know, no need to say more. | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/9/2008 6:55:45 AM | ACTIONS speak LOUDER than words or promises ever do!
Past History predicts the FUTURE...you're SUNK! Psychologically, I'd advise you to seek some mental health counseling to see why you are cheating with multiple partners when you say you CARE ABOUT HIM!
Something more lies underneath....such as a NOT SO GOOD relationship with your Dad...or something else!
Unless you CARE to find out WHY you chose to do these things? And what to do about it? You will hurt others too.....including yourself in the end!
Who wants a serial cheater? That betrays all trust, respect, in a relationship...when you lie and do things behind another's back, especially for someone who you claim to care about! | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/9/2008 6:58:03 AM | You brought up the fact HE broke up with you....like that is "mean" or "cruel"?
He was SMART...I just hope he doesn't change his mind...he deserves MUCH BETTER! | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/9/2008 6:59:49 AM | ^^^^^Oh possibly Carolann may have some smarts but her comprehension skills are just a tad off poster. She says the boyfriend cheated on this girl. WRONG. She said boyfriend probably gave std WRONG. Hopefully Carolann will message you now, you lovesick puppy. :)
Honesty is rare in this day and age. Yours is rare OP. The STD. THAT is a big one. I hope STD boy was worth it. I think it was wrong to have unprotected sex with numerous others then have sex with your ex without saying a word. Dead wrong. THAT (I feel) was your only mistake. I'm glad he forgave you for that.
In the same vein if you were broken up prior YOU have nothing to forgive him for.
Hope it all works out. I see this as a dead relationship myself. I know it would be for me.
Power to the penis. | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/9/2008 7:12:50 AM |
do i not have the right to turn the tables on men? do i not have the right to say... sorry, you've slept with too many people like OP did and even went 'bareback' which unflrtunately contracted a std in such a short amount of time..?
do i not have the right to have qualms if this statement came from my ex? damn right i do! hence my used goods comment which men LOOOOOVE to throw in our faces because in fact ... there are some men out there who are just as promiscious !
I'm just turning the table and in the meanwhile being bluntly honest about the fact that i, myself, is uncomfortable with my ex sleeping around in a short amount of time therefore would not desire to take him back.. i'd move on.. i have a right to that opinion
now after those two comments you made whitetigeress.....if you think men are sooooo wrong for doing these things...(personally I have never had this happen to me) you make it sound like it has indeed happened to you.
anyway...if they are so wrong...then why would you lower yourself to their level? Wouldnt you want to try to be a better person then that?
You do have a right to your opinion!..that is what these forums are all about..however if you are going to go stereotyping, but then do the exact same thing as the people you have put a label on, you just show how ignorant you are. | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/9/2008 7:19:05 AM | tigger....i recently got out of a 20 year marriage from a man that controlled and emotionally abused me, i see HUGE RED FLAGS here, your boyfriend is manipulative and controlling!!! he is trying to make you feel badly and is succeeding!! he's a game player (breaks up with you - which i believe was mainly, the FIRST time, to give him the 'ok' to play around with the other girl - when that didn't work out for him, probably because she couldn't be controlled - he comes back to you - then he breaks up with you again, this time, you move on and now he wants an explanation as to why you did what you did while not together?! did HE ever give you an explanation about that first break up?!) it's none of his business what you did when you two were broken up!!!
i think there are self esteem and insecurity issues at play here (for you) and you're looking for validation from men, please think things through before continuing on with this man! trust me, this advice comes from experience!!!
good luck! | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/9/2008 7:36:11 AM | I'd say adios to you if I were your ex. Your behavior has been abominable since your departure from him. I wonder what is was like before?
In any case, you don't need a new boy friends or your ex. You need to start doing some serious thinking about your life and what direction it's headed in. Frankly no one on this forum including myself can offer you any worthwhile advice. About all I can say is you should consider seeking some professional help.
The Eagle | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/9/2008 9:02:22 AM | and i quote:
I'd say adios to you if I were your ex. Your behavior has been abominable since your departure from him.
why was HER behavior worse than what HE did when they were broken up the first time???!!! HE went out and had sex with someone else...what was she supposed to do when they broke up this second time around, wait forever for him?! she owes no one an excuse for whatever she did when they were apart! the true problem here is not her behavior, it's the fact that she feels like she has to 'prove her worth' to him! THAT says that HE is controlling and manipulative and she's much, MUCH better off without him!!! | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/9/2008 9:56:08 AM | " You really need to let this go honey "
kisstheviolets80-I agree whole heartedly!
Dear OP: let me add my 2 cents worth-you did the RIGHT thing telling him you had an STD. End of story. Just because someone asks a question doesn't mean you have to give up ALL the details. "Prove yourself"? Yeah, I can see where he feels like that. Only problem, you will NEVER be able to "prove yourself" to his satisfaction, doesn't matter how many hoops you jump through. Chalk this one up to experience, babe. Move on; practice safer sex-ALWAYS; keep your chin up. You'll find the right one for you. | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/9/2008 10:43:11 AM | rain.. never said i was better.. tsk tsk.. dont be putting words
only said i was uncomfortable with a man who has multiple partners in short amount of time
the used goods stereotype is a common one used by both genders viewing them as the slut and the player
ever judged a man as a player Rain?.. um? then you've stereotyped...ohhh, how ingorant
i agree with above posts.. just like i said.. move on | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/9/2008 2:44:58 PM | Tigger, sheesh, I don't know, I would agree with Caroline, sounds like you got infected by him..
Do you really want to go through this?
AND I see a lot of nasty remarks by people towards you, telling you to grow up, and that you are some terrible person.
Personally I think you should bail on this thread. There isn't a person on here that can give you advice that someone else doesn't feel the need to bash. This is your life, and your choice. Not anybody who has posted here has a person stake in this, including me.
What you do with this person, and the last three months, really is YOUR personal business. You have been extremely open and candied to all inquires, which I have to admit I could never be that open to a bunch of strangers that are judging you.
Perhaps you have close friends you can bounce this stuff off of?
I hate to see the judgmental beating you are taking.
You seem to be a good person, and you have made choices that weren't always the best... However with the added bonus of HE had symptoms, well funny, perhaps it was his way of digging into your past three months to be judgmental...
I wish you the best of luck.... | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/9/2008 2:52:05 PM | HeartoGold50f....i DID NOT cheat on him.
It doesn't matter how many times i say this...posters still assume i cheated on him.
We broke up. I cried for the first month, then i pulled myself together and had fun.
I was wrong in not telling him about the STD before sleeping with him...i didn't know i had the STD before sleeping with him...but i should have said something anyway. That's where i went wrong.
I know its probably best for me to move on from him...and i have actually been seeing a psychologist for a couple of months now, who has also said he appears to be quite manipulative.
I guess part of me is hoping that if we can work this out together, see a relationship cousellor or something...that things will get better.
I am so stubborn and i hate giving up this easily...stupid...i know.
nexthyme....i think you're right. A lot of people on here have told me that i am a horrible person, that he deserves better and that i have cheated on him and have a lot of growing up to do. And silly me thought being honest was the best thing to do. I hope others can take a look at my honesty and learn something from it. I have learnt a very big lesson over the past 3 months and despite what everyone is telling me to do, i will make my own decisions.
thanks again nexthyme...you've been a great help | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/9/2008 3:36:21 PM | When we have pain emotional pain in our lives it's ALWAYS our problem. It never has anything to do with other people. Most of you people are too myopic to see this. In fact, very few people can do much introspection in their own souls or behavior.
When you have your own head on straight and you have your "shit" together, you'll meet other people in similar circumstances.
The Eagle | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/9/2008 5:56:20 PM |
I was wrong in not telling him about the STD before sleeping with him...i didn't know i had the STD before sleeping with him...but i should have said something anyway. That's where i went wrong.
Didn't you say earlier on that he had symptoms before you got together again?
Unlike so many post, I am not going to pass judgment on you, but two things you need to do. One is tread this thing, which means that BOTH of you need to be treated. Also remember that when you treat something like that, the next time it becomes harder to treat not easier, thus requiring stronger Antibiotics. Second, abstain from sex, him or anybody. Even with a condom. Many people get re-infected again by the same person, sometimes by one giving it to the other, one get treatment, the other one doesn't, then gives it back.
Then I would drop this guy. Anybody that can push your buttons so carelessly like that will not be good for you. | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/9/2008 6:21:51 PM | well dear I am going to be honest with you i dont know if he will forgive u ever cus I did the samething but i used PROTECTION. he shouldnt say you cheated unless u ****ed him one day then ****ed the other guy the same day or day after but. It really depends how much you guys love eachother. and if you are willing to make it work. he probably will end up throwing it in ur face when you fight you willing to deal with that? best luck to you I am not with my bf anymore but we still love eachother want to make it work but I cant tell you if it will be okay. most likely you guys have to figure it out. | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/9/2008 6:30:49 PM | Studley she mentions in one post (not the original) that he slept with another girl when they were dating just a few weeks and she forgave. She also stated that he has the same exact STD and she knew about it prior to HER first outbreak. I was only using the law of averages 2 years of occasional unprotected sex vs one night of unprotected sex. The odds are she contracted the disease from the BF.
She needs to move on and find happiness without this guy. | |
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wrobt
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Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 99 | |
| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/9/2008 6:36:11 PM | | first, i respect your honesty. but i sence that your actions were for revenge purposes only: a pitiful excuse at best. then add to that. you now have a std. you are now paying the price for being purely hateful. i hate to be so blunt. but you got exactly what you deserve | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/9/2008 6:50:04 PM | Hi TiggerOOO,
I am someone who believes that you did the right thing by telling him the truth...he
may not have wanted to hear it but at least he knows all of the facts...just a few months ago, I went on a first date where the woman admitted to me before anything could ever
happen romantically between us that she had gotten an STD from her ex-husband...I was very shocked by her admission but also very impressed that she was so honest with
me...she was crying when she told me so I knew it had to be one of the most difficult things she ever had to tell anyone...she indicated to me that I was the first man she was
interested in after her divorce which obviously made it that much more tough to do...
eventhough I had to make the decision that I would not be comfortable dating her, we
have become very good friends and I know that will always be for me to her...if he is someone who really cares about you and wants to try and make it work, at least it will happen on the foundation of truth...if it doesn't work out between both of you, at least
you will know that you did the right thing by being honest...you should be very proud!
R | |
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