| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/10/2008 10:57:44 PM | oh, sorry about that op
well, he already took you out of even his friends list. He respected you, but it looks like not as a friend, more of as a living person kind of thing.
reason why he respected you enough to give you a few words of encouragement.
oh well, keep on going then ^_^
like the lady above said
"you are still beautiful and young"
whatever that means
just be your nice self and be honest, well you are already honest. so no problem there, good luck | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/10/2008 10:58:40 PM | tigger000 wrote:
I can't keep playing this waiting game when i don't know what's going to happen between us in future.
Here is the problem with being 21.... we feel we are immortal... like we have
all the time in the world. As such, we tend to waste so much time doing thing
like playing waiting games for some guy (or gal) who may or may not really
be interested in us any more.
But here's a fact: even if we live to be 80 years old, or 90, or whatever, our
days of live are limited, finite, individually our most valuable non-renewable
resource.
The name of the website here is PLENTY OF FISH. And it's a most excellent
name if only to be a constant reminder to us that there are plenty of fish in
the sea, as it were.
You want to be wise beyond your years? Then really wrap this idea around
your head: even if you've got decades and decades to live, our total days
of life are finite, and each day of life you have is a non-renewable resource.
Also, consider this: world population right now is about 6.6 billion.
If half our men, that's 3.3 billion. If we take out the extremes at
either end, that still leave about a billion guys out there. So even if you're
looking for that "one guy in a million" special fellow who's just right for
you, then world wide you probably have a choice of about 1,000 of them
there for you.
Yeah, the numbers are debatable. But the point is this: if there's some fellow
out there who's just not into you, or otherwise seems too busy for you, or
just needs his "space" (or whatever), then don't be wasting this most precious
non-renewable resource of your time, and otherwise move on.
And why do this? Because there's some guy out there (indeed perhaps closer
or more accessible than you think) who would just love being with you, enjoying
you for who you are, and spending time with you.
Search for him. Find him ! Do it for yourself.
And that's about the best counsel this old man can offer you.
Hope that perspective is of some help,
CJ | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/11/2008 3:53:37 AM | I dont care what anybody will say about this but I really think the OP is mental........
I have looked at all her posts and all the post of others and she does not hear (or see) a word that her mind is blocked to and all she is about is her obsession with this guy..... If I were him, I would be running at a fast clip in a direction away from her............
She is a crack-pot...............I know she is hurting, but.... (they did break up for over three months and she move on......so how is it that she cannot or is not willing to accept that the guy wants it over again already???).........she has mental issues that she needs to have addressed.........
I edited a little but why does she think and insist people advise her in something they dont agree with.......... It's like someone asking you to tell them the best way on how to get away with robbing a bank..........but will not listen when you tell them that is highly unlikely they will................ | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/11/2008 7:27:50 AM | I can't keep playing this waiting game when i don't know what's going to happen between us in future.
It seams like you are the only one playing the waiting game and that he just wants to be friends, and you say you have learned from your mistakes so that is one step forward , he is getting on with his life with out you and you need to do the same.
Some of the people here did not like my remark but i have my standers like every one else does, I have been widowed 2 years now and i have have went out with 5 ladys and thier has not been any sex between us and wont be as i feel realtionship are about alot more than sex. | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/11/2008 8:07:53 AM | I can't keep playing this waiting game when i don't know what's going to happen between us in future. I don't know if i can be friends with him at the moment either. It's over. Move on. The let's be friends is a polite way to close things. So the best thing to do is forget about it. And you don't need a time machine, this would have happened even without the STD. He just found the right excuse.
Hey, Apolinari, well said dude. | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/11/2008 10:52:23 AM | | It's over. Stop calling and texting. There is no future with this man, he is being as honest as he can be. | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/19/2008 7:36:58 AM | How can you say she was too honest? Telling a man she wants to be with that she has an std was about the most honorable and responsible thing she did here! It was her responsibilty as a citizen of the human race to tell him,don't you think? Should she have waited till they were "hot and heavy" and back together?
Not only that but she doesn't have to prove anything to him....they were broke up! Sure she may have acted irresponsible but she did nothing to him,she only hurt herself....Her choice to do so,what freedom is all about:choices...decisions and consequences. | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 1/27/2008 1:32:23 AM | | I think you need to do some work on your self-respect and self-esteem issues. You've allowed yourself to be treated badly by someone for quite a long time emotionally and you also haven't really respected yourself by trying to solve feelings of pain and guilt by sleeping with different men and not having protected sex (which has placed your physical health at risk). Try to work on these first before getting involved with other men emotionally or physically. It might also be a good idea to seek counselling over your relationship and other issues. | |
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Jet7
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Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 135 | |
| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 2/6/2008 5:37:15 AM | | We can make all the excuses we want. The reason people break up and move on is INTEREST LEVEL. For some reason or another his interest level in you has dipped below 50 percent. Probably lower. It's almost impossible to raise it again. Just move on to the next adventure... | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 2/6/2008 6:19:32 AM | you can't. pretty sure thats just a way for him to say "you've hurt me, now i want you to hurt too by trying to change the past" which is impossible. what was in the past should stay there, you were honest about it from the beginning (i assume) and he didnt mind then.
maybe you were a little more promiscuous than you would like to see yourself as being, but you guys were broken up and free to see other people so it's not like you were cheating on him. you don't have anything to prove or make up for.
if he really understood then he would look at how you are now and judge you on that, which is honest. for him to judge you on things that you did while you guys were broken up is just ridiculous. | |
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| how do i improve myself?
Posted: 2/6/2008 6:36:11 AM |
AS FOR HIM, it is a manipulation of him to say you have to prove to me
Agreed. Having to PROVE yourself is a waste of your time.
You were broken up at the time so you did nothing wrong. If he can't deal with that then you are better off with out him. | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 2/6/2008 6:37:49 AM | Hmmm ` how to be a better person? ~ sound like to me ~ you are on your way ~ with you Ex ~ or without him.
You need to understand that being a good person has little to do with others.
For a young woman ~to want to taste lifes pleasures ~ in and of it's self does not make one a bad person. So don't go a beating yourself up. ~ The world will do that for you without you adding to it.
You have many miles and men to go ~ many decisions to make ~ many disappointment ~before you kiss your first grandchild.
Alot depends on what you were brought up in ~ from 2 till you were 6 are very important years ~ in these years you form some ideas and understanding about love ~ for the most part ~ so if you were like most of us ~ things were not exactly perfect.
Each of us must learn to grow beyond our raising ~ We attempt to keep the good things and learn to get rid of the bad things ~ the hurtful things ~ the thing that prevent one from growing emotionally and spiritally. That right ` spiritally ~ that deep down part of you thats always been there. The part of you ~ that was there at birth.
The, I am ~ "me" part of you ~ for most 21 year olds ~ this is a stranger ~ yet you have felt it ~inside of you ~ many times.
Find and feed this part of youself . ~ for it is "you" and it is good
There are many guidelines one can follow to keep your feet on the right path.
I'll offer just a few;
Keep "ALL" of your thoughts sweet and your words kind
Look for the best in everyone
Learn to enjoy your minutes ~ for that is what life is made of
Avoid self importantance ~ and vanity
but temper it with respect for youself and others
when you do encounter people that don't offer you respect without just cause
leave them where you found them. ~ distant yourself as quick as possible.
and lastly ~ Feeling sorry for other's should send alarms ~ beware and proceed carefully ~ there are many people that will prey on you and drag you down with their pittifulness. ~ they are often a victim of their own follies and will never change but like leaches, suck off others. They will only take you down
Good Luck ~and remember ~ life is handed out by the minute ~ in the next minute, will you go forward ~~ or backward ? ~~ dar | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 3/10/2008 11:11:01 PM | You cant. He has made his mind up and he isn't going to change it. Put yourself in his shoes. If he ****ed around and gave you an STD would you tell yourself that he really didn't mean it and he's probably a great guy at heart? Pleeeease. | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 4/29/2008 7:39:35 PM | | tigger, sweetie - be a good person for yourself. You can't be a good person for someone else if it's not who you are and what you want to be. If you want to be a good person, be a good person. And if you are a good person, good things will eventually happen to you. You can't prove anything to anyone else, you can only be you. | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 4/29/2008 7:45:40 PM | Nextyme was right in that he is behaving bad toward you about your revelation the next day. For whatever his real reason is that or some other thing that you provided an easy out for him. Whatever, dosent matter, at face he is being poor to you. Good Luck.  | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 4/29/2008 7:51:51 PM | | Yuo are horrible, So you break up and you slut around what kind of dirty guys were you with? What STD did you get? And for the future I think you should stay away from rough areas where they have unrprtected sex and don;t wash. That is truly disgusting. This guy will probably not tkae you back becuase you did something incredibly stupid how many guys were you with int he 3 months after you bnroke up? I have been with lots of women but never got a disease. Guess I am either lucky or smart ebcuase I always wear a condom and like to inspect my partner's vag before I dive in. | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 4/30/2008 4:32:26 PM | LOL; this is your second post that I've seen in this situation. It sounds like you both have issues and this is getting very dysfunctional.
I hope that all of the ultra liberal people read your post; I've been telling people how destructive this behavior is; having unprotected sex or sex with multiple people in todays world is ridiculous and stupid.
You can teach character in a forum. You spilled your guts out on the last post like you were a semi victim wanting to be with these guys, then you act like Paris Hilton in heat and ask for more answers.
If I were talking to him, I'd tell him to drop you like a rock. If he sleeps with you again, he will be exposed to every partner you have ever been with, and their partners.
Tell him if he stays, send me his address because I want to pick up his man card. You have no trust in this relationship and its doomed IMHO. train wreck. | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 4/30/2008 4:44:26 PM | It's our actions that prove who we are, and not our words or intentions.
sorry highdrol but your wrong IMHO and you're way of thinking is why this behavior happens. People do things that may affect them and others for the rest of their lives (by the way, some of the diseases can be treated but NEVER cured and will be in a persons body for life), and they are supposed to get passes. No this isn't a spoiled child we're talking about that can get bailed out by a parent, this is the real world. Do overs dont happen. We are accountable for what we do.
Just because your broken up with someone doesn't mean you act the fool and make the girls gone wild hall of fame and get an STD from someone she probably will never see again. Character is not like a light switch; You either have it or you dont. We all make mistakes but some are much worse than others. If he would have done the same thing I would have been on him too and women would be ripping him to shreds. It went on for 3 months when she was thinking of making it work. sorry, no dice. It also proves women; especially young ones; are as sleazy as men. How empowering.
Chocolate and Virgo girl are right; be Paris Hilton for 3 months, get a disease , and then come back and all is forgiven. This is immature and mental behavior.
The past should be forgotten? Then why can't sex offenders watch kids, or rapists work at high schools, or embezzlers work with money, or cheaters be trusted. Why? I mean that's all in the past. Because they have a pattern of screwing up.
Neither one of these people have the maturity to be with someone. No self control, mind games, terrible decisions. Sounds magical. People need to grow up. IMHO move on, realize what you've done, hope you dont have a disease for life, and dont make the same mistakes. good luck. | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 5/1/2008 5:07:50 AM | | Everyone makes mistakes. Telling him the truth about the std was right. However the rest was none of his business and although honesty is the best policy, I think it would be better to move on. If he wasn't deeply disturbed by the information he wouldn't need to do so much thinking. You have nothing to prove. You made decisions which made you feel guilty, we all do in one way or another. You need to forgive yourself for being human instead of depending on him to make you feel better. Honestly I don't see your actions as making you a bad person. It's just drilled in our heads that good girls don't do things like that. Maybe you needed to explore that side of yourself. Every experience in life is a learning experience and will make us who we are in the long run. I've went wild before after a break up and I have no regrets. I had fun and then I moved on. Some guys can't bare the thought of someone they are with with someone else and he may never be able to get it out of his head. If you actually cheated before the break up (not saying that's the case) then it's time to move on. He'll probably punish you emotionally forever. So if you truly learned that your ready to settle down, find someone who won't hold your mistakes against you. Be true to yourself. If conscentual sex makes you a bad person then there's a whole lot of bad people in the world. There are alot of good men out there who would be impressed by your honesty instead of intimidated by it. And if you ever decide to explore again remember to use protection. Life is a journey. Enjoy it. | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 5/1/2008 5:26:07 AM | How do you prove yourself? Why should you have to? You were broken up for 3 months and you had every right to see other men. Don't you think he was out dating too? Of course he was and he was also having sex, no matter what he tells you. The only mistakes you made were (1) you had unprotected sex - good God woman it could have been AIDS! Protect yourself (2) You told him! Its none of his damned business unless the two of you engage in intercourse while you are still infected, something you don't have to do. If he wants to be judgmental so be it. There are POF in the sea, that's why you're on here. The hell with him. | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 5/1/2008 5:28:38 AM | | I didn't write the answer about You cant and he has made his mind up and he isn't going to change it...etc Could someone please erase this posting? I don't even know how it got entered. My answer is below about not worrying how to prove yourself to this man!!!! | |
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| how do i prove myself?
Posted: 5/1/2008 5:29:16 AM | | I didn't write the answer about You cant and he has made his mind up and he isn't going to change it...etc Could someone please erase this posting? I don't even know how it got entered. My answer is below about not worrying how to prove yourself to this man!!!! | |
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| how do i prove myself? Too Late
Posted: 5/1/2008 5:51:20 AM | hello;
I understand a great amount of this situation and there are definate road signs that when passed, there is no going back on. This is why I absolutely practice abstinence.
First, I do nto know the reason for your separating in the first place, but sharing your body with other men (even at their own desire) is definately waay out of the question. First thing you need to do now is to follow the title of a book .."To thy own self be true". Stop lying to yourself over some issues, especilly sexual ones.
Here is an understanding (mine) of sexual matters, and it is scriptural (from the Bible). Here is a given, 'When God judges, there is no escape.' 'While God loved a nation, he also destroyed them over the very issue of sexual issues until they turned back to him' 'God is GOD, using both good and evil at his descretion for both judgment and glory'
Considering these thoughts, and the rampant negligence of his moral standards, he has a way of a surgical strike, so to speak AIDS and STDs. Neither have a known cure, both go to the death of the individual affected. Medication can help, and prevent some of the nastier effects, but you cannot have intercourse now without directly passing it to the recipient, where they are also infected.
Now if you show your ex that you understand this, and YOU refuse intercourse with him as a result, you may gain a lot of ground with him. As far as marriage and a future with one other is concerned, he (or she) ought to be also infected, which also depicts their own past, doesn't it?
By illustration, I wear a b/k prostesis on my lower right leg from a motorcycle accident. After the accident I wished that I had not ridden that day, I got rid of all or my bikes, have been tempted for years to get one again and refused, still lust fo the taste of bugs in my teeth, and still have a missing lower natural leg althogh it rately hinders me from what I like to do otherwise. I asked for forgiveness, and received it, I have several legs now, or specifically several prostesis over the years, but my lesson will likely go to the grave with me. The lesson was permanent about me on motorcycles, a daily reminder of my disobedience for my lust in the mid 80's.
AIDS, STD's and such diseases are specific against both the lust of the flesh and the illegal use of contraband drugs, and also are permanent. Those that risk it eventually die from it.
Tell y0ur significant friends that you still enjoy it, practice that area between your mid thighs and waist as really "no MAN'S land" and enjoy the cuddling, touching, holding and friendship accordingly. Steer clear of contraband drugs equally as either is a down hill slope to complicate what you have learned.
Finally, and perhaps the most important habit to get into is to have integrity. What means is to say what you mean and do and visa versa. Be open and honest to those whom you are with. THIS IS NEITHER EASY OR QUICK AS habits do not change overnight, nor does desire, nor does what you are known for or as. You have to develop new "standards", and by defination a standard is not what you say or do, but what is known of you be third parties. What do others believe about you, not just what they say to still other parties.
I hope that this is helpful as it does not offer a bandage answer, but a healing and growth opportunity for both you and those who you associate with. | |
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