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icartb
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Joined: 10/30/2006
Msg: 27 | |
| How long do you chat/talk before meeting someone?
Posted: 1/13/2008 7:17:10 PM | I never would talk to people unless they have a picture posted on their profile. It's a rule of mine. But by no means will I meet someone. No way, no how. It's not safe.
I'd stop all talking until he sends you more than one picture of himself. Of him in the same outfit. Why? He could easily go to another profile and grab other pictures. If he has access to no pictures unless he takes recent ones, he should take them in one setting to prove who he is.
As far as everyone making comments about you being attracted to him physically. Dear, that is the LEAST of my worries. Your safety is the most important thing. Online dating is not the safest in the world and I've been doing it for several years.
I ended up meeting someone on POF who didnt have a pic and didnt care to send me one. I didnt mind as we did meet very soon after writing each other and he was decent looking. We went on 3 dates including a 48- hr first date up north and on my third date, he raped me in his house. Stupid as I was, I forgave him and continued seeing him. Now 4 months later I finally ended it as he was seeing other women when I wasnt around (it was easy as he lived an hour away from me).
^^^^^ goes to show you, picture or not we never know what can and sometimes does happen. I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry for what happened to you.
I hate to be mean, but why? The person alleges that she was raped on a date but then continued dating the rapist??? Uh...well...hmmmm. She broke every safety rule not to mention didn't use any common sense. She hadn't seen any picture. Went on a 48 hour date very soon after meeting this person (It was the first date!) then, should I repeat, kept dating someone she says raped her!!!! Something smells fishy. Tuna anyone?
Like I said above...I've been doing the online scene for a very long time and it amazes me when I read how foolish some people are. They talk for months before meeting, which I consider to be a waste of time because you really don't know if you connect until you meet. Then, if you do decide to meet, you have him pick you up at home or go somewhere that isn't in public or, worse yet, invite him back to your house or go to his house. (Heck even if I was having sex with him I'd do it somewhere other than my house!) I won't even tell a guy my last name! There are public records of property out there! I do everything I can to protect myself and I have yet to have a situation that caused any safety concerns.
People..use your brains! | |
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| How long do you chat/talk before meeting someone?
Posted: 6/15/2008 4:25:46 PM | | Fantasy can take hold quickly in these sort of things, therefore, the sooner you meet in person, the better. No matter how good a photo is, everyone is a little different in person~ mannerisms, scent which, we know, is a big part of "chemistry".......and that elusive quality, whatever that is. I do not have the words for it, but I ure know what it is when I feel is. | |
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| How long do you chat/talk before meeting someone?re: 48-hr 1st date
Posted: 6/15/2008 4:31:19 PM |
Let me see if I understand what you said: Your first "date" with this guy lasted 48 hours and you traveled with him "up north". What was your second date? Are you sure that he "raped" you? Could it have been consensual? Did you say no? Did you call the police? What about the married guy with whom you're having sex? It sounds as if you might to define some boundaries in your life. Good luck! | |
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| How long do you chat/talk before meeting someone?
Posted: 7/21/2008 8:43:52 AM | OP I've been chatting and talking with a guy for a couple weeks. He claims he has no photo of himself. Our conversations have gotten fairly intense, and I'm sensing this may be his thing. Is he playing me?
Give him an ultimatum, OP -- either meet or you're moving on.
I'll tell you the experiences one woman relayed to me.
She had just started on an Internet dating site and read all the "do's and don'ts" by the so-called experts. She absolutely believed one must email and talk on the phone for days before meeting.
Well, she did this early on with a man she thought was her perfect dream. He apparently sent her long, romantic, intelligent, well-written letters and just silky-smooth over the phone -- a real charmer.
But he didn't have a pic on his profile, and professed ignorance about how to put one on or send one via email.
At first she thought nothing of it, but the more they communicated the more she fell in love with the "fantasy" of what he must be like in person, so much so she got to be desperate. She tried to "trick" him into meeting by telling him if couldn't meet her, she was going to block him and move on. She told me it was all a bluff, of course, because by this time she was so ga-ga over him he could do no wrong. However, the guy took her seriously and finally, reluctantly, agreed to see her.
They settled on a public meeting in a bar/restaurant. She got there first, and was all dolled up in a nice dress, sheer panty hose, and high heels, almost giddy with the excitement of meeting her "Wonder Man"…lol.
Well, the guy shows up looking like Don Knotts wearing a shiny, powder blue leisure suit from the 70's, with his pants tucked "into" cowboy boots and a huge belt buckle that said "I Luv TX" or something.
She was totally devastated (to say the least...lol). I asked her, but what about all the things that she liked about him before that? -- the amazing emails; the drop dead phone voice? She replied even though she never considered herself shallow and judgmental up to then, his "real" appearance and demeanor was a big turn-off, and fell far short of her expectations.
She vowed to NEVER do it again; that if there's mutual interest she demands not only pics upfront, but meeting quickly. A complete 180 degree shift in behavior.
To tell you the truth, I see nothing wrong with her stance. I just felt bad she had to learn the hard way. | |
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| How long do you chat/talk before meeting someone?
Posted: 7/21/2008 9:04:22 AM | | Sweetheart. He has no need to meet you. He's 12 and his parents left him with his 18 year old gay brother for a couple of weeks and he's got no other way to pitch a tent. If he meets you knowing you know you could kick his arse with a hangnail would ruin the dream for him. | |
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| How long do you chat/talk before meeting someone?
Posted: 7/21/2008 9:41:08 AM | OP,
He might be playing you but I would have no way of knowing.
If he hasn't sent you a picture yet he might be insecure about the way he looks that's why he never posted a picture on his profile. | |
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| How long do you chat/talk before meeting someone?
Posted: 7/21/2008 9:46:28 AM | motownmaniax wrote:
Well, the guy shows up looking like Don Knotts wearing a shiny, powder blue leisure suit from the 70's, with his pants tucked "into" cowboy boots and a huge belt buckle that said "I Luv TX" or something.
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| How long do you chat/talk before meeting someone?
Posted: 7/21/2008 9:48:23 AM | I usual email for 4 or 5 exchanges. If we exhaust all topics it does not go further.
If the email is enjoyable I get his phone number and call him. If that goes well and I enjoy what he sounds like and we find interesting things to talk and laugh about we set up a meeting. I have been stood up one. Had a very enjoyable breakfest meeting then dead silence. A couple of delightful walks around a lake. Nothing really lasting so far.
Not in a hurry I usually would like to see a few pictures after the first few email exchanges. If they don't post a picture I ask them to send it to me via email. Only had one person refuse..... said he was too well known....
Then I would like to talk on the phone to get a better feel for them. It is at that stage we set up a time to meet. In a public place and in a way that doen't cost lots of $$ for either one of us. | |
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| How long do you chat/talk before meeting someone?
Posted: 7/21/2008 9:53:43 AM | I think it just comes down to respect ~ he's seen your photo, therefore it's only fair you see his. There's no excuse in this day and age for not being able to send a photo, it's not hard. He obviously has a computer, so where's the issue??
If he won't send you one, just call him on it, ask him why not and if you still want to pursue something, ask to meet asap. I'll bet you anything he's nothing like he says he is (sorry). | |
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| How long do you chat/talk before meeting someone?
Posted: 7/21/2008 9:55:39 AM | | So many red flags. He could be married. He could be in a relationship living with someone. He could be butt ugly. It starts to become apparent that whatever the game is, it will be over if you see him or actually meet and start dating. | |
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| How long do you chat/talk before meeting someone?
Posted: 7/21/2008 11:42:00 AM | last summer i chatted for quite a few weeks with this fella, and never saw a pic. decided to meet him and he was quite handsome. we went out a few times. i saw no red flags. he even invited me over to his apartment, and he would make dinner. his 8 year old son was there, so it seemed okay. ate dinner, watched a movie, came home. we talked daily. he was divorced. then about a week after that visit to his apartment i get a phone call from an IRATE woman claiming to be his wife. she called from his cell phone. he forgot it at home that day when he left for work. i said, what are you talking about, he is divorced, and i've been to his apartment with his son!!
well, this woman was exploding with anger. turns out, she was his third wife. they'd only been married for 5-6 months. the apartment i was at was his ex-wife #2. seems there was some sort of issue with the new wife, and the second wife would not allow her son over the new wife's house, so she would leave every other weekend and go to her mother's, and the ex-husband would go there for the weekend to spend time with his son!!!!!
well, when i told this woman i was at the apartment, holy smokes!!!! she's like, oh, so that's what he's been doing all along? that ended that relationship real quick!!
HERE'S AN UPDATE: this particular person called me two weeks ago today, LOL, LOL, and of course i still had his number in my phone in case his wife tried to call me. i gave it a silent ring tone so as to never answer. well, i saw the phone light up and decided to answer. he's like, hey, remember me? i was like, steve, you fool, what do you want, LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
awwwwww, seems steve's third divorce was finally final. he was actually laughing at getting busted. i said, oh, steve, please never call me again. you are a poor excuse for a man. >sigh< | |
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| How long do you chat/talk before meeting someone?
Posted: 7/21/2008 12:12:55 PM | I think a couple times (of net chat) is more than sufficient before meeting.
I can't speak for why men don't post picks, but I can tell you in meeting some ladies that the girls who don't post pics generally fall into two categories: full figured and/or in a public type of profession and don't wnat people to know they've turned to internet dating as an alternative to bars and what have you. | |
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| How long do you chat/talk before meeting someone?
Posted: 7/21/2008 12:35:58 PM | When we chat and email with someone we don't know, we build up a little model in our mind of what the person is like. The more emails sent back and forth, the more complex the model we build up, the more likely we are to be upset the person doesn't match the model we built, the more likely complaints of being mislead.
And why waste time?
So I feel it is better to meet fairly quickly, after no more than 5 pairs of emails back and forth and a phone call. And I always get a couple of photos before I meet.
In addition to:
1. Disfigured, and
2. Well known axe murderer.
I'll add,
3. Just here to chat, and
4. Waiting to decide whether to separate from spouse. | |
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| How long do you chat/talk before meeting someone?
Posted: 7/21/2008 3:50:56 PM | | i don't understand why people don't think someone will notice you're 50 pounds more than you intimated, LOL. i'm chubby. you have to let people know this and they can decide if they would like someone like you. WHY would you want to waste your time and deceive someone? we all have different preferences. if someone does not prefer a fuller figure woman, i can't get mad at them. that is immature. i think some people figure if you've talked enough and shared enough emails that you'll overlook that because you are so enthralled with them. but it is clearly a deception!!! and the more you talk with someone on the phone, without meeting, you do build up an image of what you think the person is like. and the things you don't know, your mind adds them for you!! by the time you finally meet, you think you're going to meet mel gibson, and you see the guy and he looks like mel gibson's st. bernard. | |
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| How long do you chat/talk before meeting someone?
Posted: 7/22/2008 8:30:51 AM | As soon as possible, then you know whether to move on or meet again, ya can't get chemistry from an e-mail or talking or even a picture... cause it all flies out the window when you meet! and seriously... looks aren't everything, but there has to be something attractive YOU like about them, cause you may look at them for the rest of your life. Don't get hung up on creating your virtual dream guy in your head without a pic, cause they don't exist or they wouldn't be here. OH and no photo? Are you freaking crazy to meet someone... no photo in todays technological age... give me a break.. they are 1) Married 2) hoping you'll fall in love/lust with their witty "on -line" personality and over look the physical attraction 3) are just plain NOT appealing. 3) Looking for a fling ( see #1) 4) from another country professing love and passion to you eternally because you are the angel fallen from the sky... gotten a few of those myself! LOL and then they just want you to send money! 5) hoping you'll have cyber sex or sex talk anyway 6) reread numbers 1 & 3 and 5 too... just read them all again.
Always meet in a public place and don't leave your drink unattended! There really are some nice guys or here, but there are some sickos too! BEWARE...hey guys this advice is mutual! | |
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| How long do you chat/talk before meeting someone?
Posted: 7/22/2008 9:00:21 AM |
Oddly, I have his home number, his address, his work email address and personal email address. We've talked several times, so I know his voice, his family history, and more. Is this a game of anonymous intimacy?
Some simple investigating would sure ease your mind OP.
You have the resources to go and park on the corner and wait to see who IS at that address, and therein, you'll have your "picture".
Or, go to his job and scan the faces...Then set up a meet in a very public, yet, specific place.
Who's to say why he has no pic?
When talking to folks in the town where I work, I just tell em if they're ever out for a bite to eat, then come to my job, and they can see me working from the dining room. If they'd like, then ask for me, I'll come out to there table for a quick hello. I believe it is ones duty to make the situation as comfortable, and safe as possible. There should be no doubts, or fears in meeting someone, for if there is, then follow your tummy and wait!! 
Be careful OP, and God Bless,
Scott. | |
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| How long do you chat/talk before meeting someone?
Posted: 7/23/2008 8:33:10 AM | Even WITH a pic, I reckon that if they dont arrange to see you within a week of first contact, they really dont want to anyway.
Someone says "next weekend" without a time or date, by then MY plans really will be filled up with other things. Think I'm going to hold out my whole weekend for someone who wont give the TOD? Think again. | |
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| How long do you chat/talk before meeting someone?
Posted: 7/23/2008 10:21:08 AM | No photo...no chat.
My mail settings specify that a first message must be accompanied by a photo.
Fair is fair. Its' nice to know who you are talking too. Quite frankly, I believe that many profiles without photos are married men. I've had a few contact me and provide a picture with the first message but there are none on their profile. So...my assumption is they have no friends or family because someone they know must have e a digital camera...or they have something to hide. | |
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| How long do you chat/talk before meeting someone?
Posted: 7/23/2008 11:42:59 AM | | hes probably either too shy or completly lying about himself, playing im thinknig yes, heck its not hard to take a picture with a mobile and clcik send now is it? dont let it get any further before you get hurt | |
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| How long do you chat/talk before meeting someone?
Posted: 7/23/2008 12:39:22 PM | If he doesn't supply a photo then I wouldn't meet him. You may be setting yourself up for disappointment and maybe not, who knows. Let's face it, there has to be SOME type of physical attraction to go along with all the other attributes you like/love about a person. It doesn't mean that they are or have to be beautiful/pretty or handsome/good looking, just attractive to you. I wish so many people would stop saying that it's shallow. (What you hear all the time in these types of threads) It's not.
Well, the guy shows up looking like Don Knotts wearing a shiny, powder blue leisure suit from the 70's, with his pants tucked "into" cowboy boots and a huge belt buckle that said "I Luv TX" or something. Just like *motownmaniax*'s story here. This woman's interest went from 60 to 0 in a split second, not to mention the time she wasted. For her, knowing what he looked like would have been beneficial to her AND this man she met. Could have all been avoided with a simple photograph.
That being said, I'm pretty sure there is someone out there who's attracted to this man who looks like Don Knotts. | |
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