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| Lies, deception and abortion not a miscarriage
Posted: 1/9/2008 11:43:29 PM | It sounds to me you had a serious relationship with a woman who didnt know wat, and who she wanted. I know you say the dates work out for the baby to be yours but it doesnt mean it ha to be, she could have been fooling around at the time. She lied she is a liar.
Sometimes we never find the truth about what goes on , even in our own lives. It sonds me mainly its just something she didnt want, afterall she couldve discussed it all wit you.
At the end of the day none of what any of us say matters. Its happened. It came down to her choice. I think all you can do is let go of her and let her get on with things.
One day you'll see it just wasn't meant to be.
x | |
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| Lies, deception and abortion not a miscarriage
Posted: 1/9/2008 11:52:24 PM | | It amazes me how anti-abortion so many men are. I seriously doubt your sperm suffers from an abortion, the way a woman's body suffers from a pregnancy. Haven't you heard that pregnancy is like a battle? It's easy to be against abortion when your body can't be abused by pregnancy. Even though I've never been pregnant, my mom told me C-section horror stories. There's no equality in the matter because men don't suffer from a pregnancy the way a woman does. | |
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| Lies, deception and abortion not a miscarriage
Posted: 1/10/2008 5:19:57 AM | Clorin
can not tell you why this woman aborted the baby. I guess she wanted to use abortion as a form or birth control.
Love and forgiveness is what is required I know Melissa, I know I want her back. What happened is horrible but I can't change that I can give unconditional love and let God deal with what has happened. I am not a Christian, Muslim or a Jew, but I know the God I know loves us all.
What this posting should reflect is that people make rash decisions in a hurry when they are under pressure. However, our society is all about quick fixes and not about loving one another, we do not reflect God in our lives on a daily basis.
Pro-choice - well what happens when a person makes a mistake under pressure?
Pro-life - What is the use of talking to stone hearted people?
For now I choose to have my hurt taken care of by God and to help me heal as well as Melissa. For all the babies that are killed I will say a prayer. We need love not self gratification, life is not cheap.
Love more and forgive ... I hope Melissa and I will get back together I have a dream of marrying her one day. Will leave it up to God and if it to be it will be, otherwise God will make other arrangements for me.
Love  forgiveness  is the only way to go .. | |
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| Lies, deception and abortion not a miscarriage
Posted: 1/10/2008 9:15:24 AM | 90% of the people that have abortions, regrets it after the first year or so. Or maybe just later down the line.
According to who? Where are your statistics? Or is this just based on your own opinion?
I hate when these threads always turn into pro-life vs. pro-choice battles. All the yelling back and forth in the world isn't going to change the minds of others, or change what has happened in this case. The OP's question is NOT whether abortion is right or wrong; It's about whether or not she should have been honest with him about it. And yes, OP, you did have the right to know.
Forgive me if you already mentioned it, but are you getting counseling or therapy for what you're going through? Or do you at least have a friend or friends you can talk to? It can work wonders to have someone out there who is willing to listen. | |
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| Lies, deception and abortion not a miscarriage
Posted: 1/10/2008 11:07:19 AM | | Message 30: Seventy percent of people who regret the abortion are Christians. So religion plays a factor on whether a woman will regret it or not. I have to agree with the post above me, though, because the OP never asked for moral advice. I'm sorry, OP, that I got a little carried away. You should definitely talk about this situation with friends and family for support. | |
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| Lies, deception and abortion not a miscarriage
Posted: 1/10/2008 12:12:29 PM | It amazes me how anti-abortion so many men are. I seriously doubt your sperm suffers from an abortion, the way a woman's body suffers from a pregnancy. Haven't you heard that pregnancy is like a battle? It's easy to be against abortion when your body can't be abused by pregnancy. Even though I've never been pregnant, my mom told me C-section horror stories. There's no equality in the matter because men don't suffer from a pregnancy the way a woman does.
I'm amazed at how some women can kill their unborn babies and act like its no big deal. As soon as the egg is fertalized and has that little bit of electritiy running through it. (yes we have a small small current of electricity in our body I believe), it is alive. I don't even know how it became legal in the first place.
Blueguy, I'm just thankful that at least these days we HAVE a choice.....my parents generation never did.....why would it bother me if I'm here or not. I don't dwell on what MIGHT have happened 38 years ago.....I'm here today, and thats all the matters.
Oh dear.....prophecies?? thats funny thank god i don't believe in that crap either.
Thank you blueguy for providing me with some entertainment this afternoon
Abortion should never be a choice period. If women don't want babies or abortions, then they can simply stop having sex or get their tubes tied.. but no those women wanna have their cake and eat it too so in case they one day decide to have kids they at least have the ability too, sex isn't supposed to be used for recreation! The sooner we as a society accept this the sooner things like STD's and abortion can dissapear.
You should think about it because if your parents did get an abortion you wouldn't be experiencing life period.
As for the prophecies... :laugh: you will see, something amazing is going to happen very soon. If you don't believe me then oh well I could care less. I'm not talking about end of the world type scenerios either, rather.. the birth of an era of peace. If you want to read up on what I am talking about then you can search "medjugorje" on google. I'm already going off topic as it is. | |
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| Lies, deception and abortion not a miscarriage
Posted: 1/10/2008 12:41:15 PM | This is not about morals ok it is about me being left out. Things could work out of we talk and I have forgiven Melissa, I love her very much.
This is about people making choices in a hurry, not being given alternatives, abortion is about making money. What happened to us could have been prevented, just needed time to talk things out, she did this thinking I had withdrawn from her, where as I was suffering from Post Traumatic Stress and I withdrew from her.
How sad that people can't see the tragic outcome .. we should be together I want Melissa and I love her. I did feel anger but I lover her so much more I want to spend my life with her and overcome this.
I know I can move on there are "plenty of fish" about but what happens when you truly love someone? What if you have a big heart and strength to for forgive, to love more and heal?
That is what I want to do in person forgive and love her more each day.
I have been in love with Melissa since I first set eyes on her. | |
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| Lies, deception and abortion not a miscarriage
Posted: 1/10/2008 1:50:50 PM | This is not a pro-life or pro-choice thing for me. The man asked a question, I answered to the best of my knowledge. Pretty much, I'm only a pro-vert. I'm mastered being a pervert!!! that is the only thing I'm pro-anything.
oh and jellybean, I mean men forcing women to have a abortion because they do not want to have a child with that woman. Since it takes 2 to make a baby. One can decide the fate of the baby, be it good or bad. | |
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| Lies, deception and abortion not a miscarriage
Posted: 1/10/2008 4:27:21 PM | Interesting quote below....
As soon as the egg is fertalized and has that little bit of electritiy running through it. (yes we have a small small current of electricity in our body I believe), it is alive. I don't even know how it became legal in the first place
Sperm is alive before fertilization, as is the egg - part of the philosophical complexity of the issue is no clear line of where life begins......People have different perspectives/opinions but there is no definitive answer.
Are people really so naive to think that removing legalized abortion will stop abortions from happening?
Abortions occur regardless of legality. Making abortion illegal will not stop abortion. However, legal abortion does make the procedure safer which reduces loss of life of mother (who may well have other children). Legal abortion also reduces money making opportunities for charlatans using desperate women for selfish gain. Legal abortion also means that women at high risk of further unwanted pregnancies can receive counselling and education about prevention.
Some times pro-choice is perceived as promoting abortion - this is inaccurate. Pro-choice provides objective information about ALL options, including keeping it or adoption. Abortion is not promoted as the only or the best solution.
As for the young lady in the OP's posts - Sadly the OP cannot be certain that it was his or not. | |
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| Lies, deception and abortion not a miscarriage
Posted: 1/10/2008 5:19:50 PM | They were not using birth control, he was in the middle of a break down and she was feeling unloved, pregnant and insecure. Why did you not ask her to marry you before you decided to bring a child into the world, why were you living apart? Your 'trauma' was better dealt with away from HER? Separation was the best scenario for your relationship?
It is a very sad story, but her actions afterwards indicate that it was the best thing for Melissa at that time, you were not a consideration and unfortunately when you are not feeling it for or from the man, it is often the only option.
He is 50 and she is of child bearing age and living with roommates, which tells me she was much younger. Perhaps his mental illness and his 2 month relationship sabbatical had her scared and confused as to whether he'd be really be able to be there for her.
We always want to believe the best about the people we love but unfortunately we are all human, make mistakes and assume the other person will happily overlook all of our faults. | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 38 | |
| Lies, deception and abortion not a miscarriage
Posted: 1/10/2008 5:59:47 PM |
her body......her CHOICE I wasn't surprised to see this sentiment in this thread. Actually, I was surprised it didn't show up sooner.
The baby was HIS as well. Why should the man not have a choice, too? Unless her or the baby's lives were in danger, the man should be allowed to have a choice too.
if more men said "My sperm my choice", less women would have to say "My body, my choice" What an absolutely ridiculous argument. That's what this man is saying...that he should have had a choice. So in one post, you're arguing that he shouldn't get a say, and then you say that men aren't fighting enough for their say.
I am pro-choice to an extent...but I think that the father should be allowed the opportunity to have some input on whether or not his child LIVES OR DIES...I don't see that as a selfish thing. | |
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| Lies, deception and abortion not a miscarriage
Posted: 1/10/2008 6:20:10 PM |
if more men said "My sperm my choice", less women would have to say "My body, my choice"
What an absolutely ridiculous argument. That's what this man is saying...that he should have had a choice. So in one post, you're arguing that he shouldn't get a say, and then you say that men aren't fighting enough for their say.
Hmmm - I interpreted the 'my sperm my choice' comment very differently. I thought the poster was suggesting that the man's choice about his sperm is "to wear a condom or to not wear a condom"
My logic being that if more men shared their beliefs about a possible pregnancy and found out their partner's beliefs before having sex, then they could make a more informed choice about whether to risk unwanted pregnancy ahead of time. | |
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| Lies, deception and abortion not a miscarriage
Posted: 1/10/2008 6:22:50 PM | Carolann
hey were not using birth control, he was in the middle of a break down and she was feeling unloved, pregnant and insecure. Why did you not ask her to marry you before you decided to bring a child into the world, why were you living apart? Your 'trauma' was better dealt with away from HER? Separation was the best scenario for your relationship?
Like to make judgements don't you? We were living apart because we both have our own house and apartment we could not move in due to circumstances, like for example the flat mate moving out when the lease is expired. I have a big apartment but not for the both of us.
I certainly understand the insecurity bit ... marry her yes November this year was the date we set. We should have taken a step back but Melissa did not want that, I should have said give me time but she wanted me to be with her. I am actually here for her always. I know what happened and why so now I need to talk to her. Hard part is getting communication going ...
So if you have suggestions let me know ... she is not that much younger then me I can assure you of that. I know I do love her very much and wish to make amends the best I can. We are all humans we make mistakes and that is why I am able to forgive myself and Melissa. I rather be with her and love her.
BREAKDOWN is a big word rather coming to terms seeing two children being crushed by a train was hard going. I am getting there I thought I was over it but it hit me.
Let me know what is the best I can do to get her to talk to me .. she will not speak to me on the phone. I do love her. | |
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| Lies, deception and abortion not a miscarriage
Posted: 1/10/2008 8:13:23 PM |
Are people really so naive to think that removing legalized abortion will stop abortions from happening?
You raise a good point there and I agree with you on that, it wouldn't solve the problem 100% but it would sure reduce it quite a bit. | |
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| Lies, deception and abortion not a miscarriage
Posted: 1/10/2008 8:53:40 PM | bottom line!
its her choice..and she did what she thought was best for her!!
I know its harsh, but then the truth usually is!
P.S. did she admit to you that she did in fact...have an abortion..or are you assuming? | |
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| Lies, deception and abortion not a miscarriage
Posted: 1/10/2008 10:09:47 PM | To all those arguing about "choice," get over yourselves. None of you are going to settle that debate, so stop trying to ignore the larger picture of the OP's feelings and dilemma.
Basically brother, it comes down to this: Melissa was too much of a coward to talk to you about the decisions she felt she needed or wanted to make. She left you out and when she started seeing someone else right away, that was an obvious queue that she had been cheating on you in some way. She didn't want to talk to you, she didn't trust or felt she needed your input and she probably lied to you about more than this. By not talking to you any longer, she has shown her disregard and callousness toward you. So you need to ask yourself: do you really want to be in that type of relationship with that type of person? Someone who cannot be honest with you and someone who failed to at least do the human thing and let you in on what was going on? And not just about the abortion/miscarriage, but about the larger picture, i.e. your relationship together.
There are no Saints in this world and never will be. But there are women out there who are mature enough to sit down with their partner and communicate like adults should. Seek out that woman and let Melissa be a footnote in your life, one which you need to leave behind. | |
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| Lies, deception and abortion not a miscarriage
Posted: 1/11/2008 8:08:04 AM | hardcandylick .
I think it is YOU who should get over YOURSELF..for thinking that you are so high and mighty that you can come here judge a women whom you dont know, and isnt here to defend herself!!
You are hearing a one sided story here..
and OP still has not stated if this women has told him that she did in fact have this abortion and he just isnt assuming she did!! | |
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| Lies, deception and abortion not a miscarriage
Posted: 1/11/2008 10:49:21 AM | It didn't work out, she was unhappy and obviously lying to you. That's it.
If you don't call moving away because you could not stand to be in the town the incident happened in, separating from your fiance because you could not deal with your problems and having to put yourself in intense therapy as NOT a breakdown then what the heck is? It's nothing to be ashamed of, many would react the same way. After seeing something as horrific as that.
But you do seem to make a lot of excuses for her for everything not working out. Flatmates, rental agreements, separate cities, traumas, lies, abortion vs miscarriage, and other men two weeks later?
I don't know about other women but I would never have let my BF move far away when he was in such pain and then stay behind because of a flatmate? Face it she wasn't ready for any of it and took care of the problem, no matter how painful it was for you. She lied to you about the pregnancy, the other guy, and probably lied to you about everything else as well.
You need to work on getting your life back together without her. She's gone. Try and find a woman your own age who will treat you with kindness and honesty. | |
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| Lies, deception and abortion not a miscarriage
Posted: 1/11/2008 1:42:56 PM | carolann0308
Try and find a woman your own age who will treat you with kindness and honesty.
Melissa was not that much younger then me the difference is 7 years. I don't know why you assume I was going out with someone who was so much younger then me.
I am getting there now was shocked seeing what happened to the children. I think I have been hurt by the way Melissa turned out to be and I have found out that she goes from one relationship to the next and has done this before. Sad that someone has spent their life doing this and I blamed myself for everything thinking I was to blame and some how responsible for the whole breakdown.
Well I am starting to see another side of sweet Melissa I call the honey pot trap .. very nice to start off with loving, caring, supportive, etc... gets you in then drops you. A couple of guys have told me so now I understand and I am not the first one to suffer. Still hurts as I was honest, upfront and loved from the heart.
Makes me rethink things. | |
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| Lies, deception and abortion not a miscarriage
Posted: 1/12/2008 3:46:21 AM | See that slash there sister >>>/<<
That indicates that I don't care whether is was an abortion or a miscarriage, the fact of the matter is that she, from the OP's point of view, lied to him. He didn't come here and ask you all to jump on your individual high horses about abortion rights, but God forbid if someone says, just shut up and put yourself in his shoes. Try not to use someone's Borken Hearted situation as a reason to trump your horn over your political/personal beliefs and morals.
BTW, since it'll no doubt come up in your reply if I don't mention it first, I do believe that a woman should have a "choice." Too bad that in this situation, as the OP describes it, she didn't at least give him a heads up. That's the crux of the problem here; a lack of communication. Maybe if you read where the OP typed that she wasn't talking to him you would see that. And it's not such as huge assumption to see that she wasn't communicating clearly with him, since she was seeing someone else within two weeks, right? Yeah, poor her.
P.S. did she admit to you that she did in fact...have an abortion..or are you assuming?
Did you actually read his replies or are you just too lazy to read where he says that she is not talking to him? And no shit, it's a one sided story. 99.99% of these are. Big ****ing surprise, huh? | |
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| Lies, deception and abortion not a miscarriage
Posted: 1/12/2008 4:17:48 AM | well, i am very sorry to hear about your loss of the relationship and the baby. Very difficult story to hear. Unfortunately, in life we are not always in control of what transpires with our own mental health and we do not have control over how others react to our health problems. We also do not have much control in relationships as far as how other reacts to situations and chose to include us or not include us.
Sometimes we are simply not meant to be with certain persons and doors close to us. It takes time and distance to get over this. I have hope that their is someone around the corner to handle your anxiety problems and have your children as well.
You must congratulate yourself for getting treatment as some do not do this. I know this is not going to mean anything to you know or take away the pain. Because you are recieving treatment for your anxiety it sounds as if you know that counselors are available to help you work through this painful time. good luck to you . | |
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atlast
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Joined: 2/25/2007
Msg: 49 | |
| Lies, deception and abortion not a miscarriage
Posted: 1/12/2008 4:55:24 AM | | I hate to bring it up, but are you sure there WAS a baby? Then, if she started seeing someone so soon after all this transpired, how do you know she hadn't been seeing them before? I hate to be the devil's advocate when you are hurting, but this could have been an elaborate plan to manipulate you into looking like this is all your fault somehow, and she can feel better about screwing you over. Women are capable of some pretty evil things. A woman did pretty much the same thing to me. If the child is born, they are happy to stick it to us for child support even if the baby belongs to someone else, however, we have no say til the baby is born, if it is born. How did society get so sick? | |
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| Lies, deception and abortion not a miscarriage
Posted: 1/12/2008 5:01:51 AM | My posting here is not meant to be cruel in anyway...this writing is coming from someone who truly did have a miscarriage around the 6 week time period....at the time I felt sad at the lost dream and potential of what that grouping of cells could have become...but at 6 weeks that is not a baby, so please put that into perspecive.
She stopped a dream of the two of you raising a family together, I applaud her for making a very tough decision...she was not willing to make a life long commitment to you and to a child.
On the flip side though, there is no reason for her to be so careless when it comes to birth control, or you for that matter.
Time for you to gather your support system around, grieve for the loss...and move on.
As for not telling you , I can only think of why I would not tell someone...I would be dealing with some tough emotions, and that person would only add to my turmoil ...if Iknew they would help and not hinder, then Iwould confide in them. | |
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