| Help Me Understand What Happened
Posted: 1/7/2008 11:41:50 PM | I guess I am not as jaded as most that instantly think player for most anything.
This guy sounded like he was living in his head. Either his bubble burst sometime during the visit or as some people said he was looking for insta-wife and that didn't happen so we went off looking for the next woman to put on the pedestal and the next story to tell in his head.
I would say he didn't say anything because people who are this much in their own head are also spineless and won't say anything and just move on and hope you get the hint.
I also didn't go with the player route because you didn't seem too excited about this guy wanting to marry you before you met. If you did then I would lean in the player direction a bit more.
Just my 2 cents. | |
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| Help Me Understand What Happened
Posted: 1/7/2008 11:43:20 PM | Well considering she had to have logged on in order to "discover" his profile, I'm thinking she's probably not too broken up about it. She was online and browsing profiles too.
Maybe he's the one that got played? | |
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| Help Me Understand What Happened
Posted: 1/7/2008 11:48:19 PM | | He is the one with the problem(a lot of the it seems) not you. Yes you may be naive but sometimes people want to believe in a true fairy tale relationship. | |
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| Help Me Understand What Happened
Posted: 1/8/2008 5:40:40 AM | | I think you both fell in love with the concept of love. When reality was introduced he realized that he liked the fantasy more. Too bad he couldn't have told you, but I think the fact that he used a picture you took of him to update his profile speaks volumes. If you don't want to hear it, get out the ear plugs because the message is so loud and clear, I can hear it from here. He's just not into you anymore and has already moved on to his next "forever love fantasy". | |
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| Help Me Understand What Happened
Posted: 1/8/2008 5:54:08 AM | I agree with the post right above ........ie: in love with the idea of love.
Both parties fell into the fantasy....and that's all it was.....
Some people actually wish they never meet so they can keep the illusion going...
To the OP.........you say on your profile that you are 34 and have no kids and don't want other's kids.....
either he has kids and is thinking of them once the fantasy bubble was burst......or he doesn't have kids but wants some.....
...something happened here......think hard about your discussions during that 9 days.....really hard...did you say anything that woke him up to the harsh reality?....and then there is the distance thing........somebody has to move right?...was this discussed?.....(put the romantic stuff on the back burner for a second)...what was discussed? | |
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| Help Me Understand What Happened
Posted: 1/8/2008 8:43:57 AM | | No, I did not get engaged. He did not ask me to marry him; he just said he was looking at rings (before we met). | |
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| Help Me Understand What Happened
Posted: 1/8/2008 8:48:21 AM | | Nooooo......he wasn't acting the same after I returned home from being with him. I "felt" a distance/a withdrawal. Plus, when I talked to him on the phone he said he felt like he was getting a cold and I told him "I wished I were there to nurse you back to health" and he said, "it'd probably make it worse." Sooooooo.......that's when I went looking for his profile. | |
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| Help Me Understand What Happened
Posted: 1/8/2008 8:55:17 AM | | Yes, I contacted him via e-mail and left a voice message that said, "I saw your profile online with the picture I took of you in {my home city} and therefore, I assume you've moved on and/or still searching and I will do the same." He did not reply to either one, so I guess he doesn't care to defend himself. | |
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| Help Me Understand What Happened
Posted: 1/8/2008 8:58:11 AM | | i'd say he was in love with the idea of who he'd created you to be, in his mind.. and after he'd actually met you, realized that you and he weren't as compatible as he'd imagined and has decided that you're not right together.. | |
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| Help Me Understand What Happened
Posted: 1/8/2008 8:59:21 AM | No, it's not that he didn't want to defend himself.......it's because he is gone.....
One thing women have tolearn is to accept that fact......just as women expect men toaccept it and move on when they don't want to keep a relationship.....if he acknowledged you in an e-mail, would you leave him be after that?...or keep going at him?....
I suspect the latter...... | |
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| Help Me Understand What Happened
Posted: 1/8/2008 9:18:36 AM | Woah.
Lets start at the beginning...
You never met this guy...."Talked for hours" and didnt think it was NUTTY that he said "I'm in love" and was supposedly looking at engagement rings?
Think about that and get back to us | |
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| Help Me Understand What Happened
Posted: 1/8/2008 9:23:53 AM | Here's my insight:
He's a nutjob. Any man who talks about getting engaged before you even MET is a giant walking red flag. If that had been me, I would have been running for the hills.
You can't really tell if a person is right for you until you've met face to face, and spent REAL time together. Months, not days. I know some people out there believe in the "Love at first sight, happily ever after" stuff, but in reality, it rarely happens. | |
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| Help Me Understand What Happened
Posted: 1/8/2008 9:29:24 AM | | Makes me wonder why the OP took that nonesense he told her seriously enough to even bring it up for a forum discussion. This is somewhat like those emails from Nigeria or some other faraway country men get on dating sites from women, proclaiming to "love" them by the 2nd email. There are tons of people who are living virtual dating lives, have virtual imaginary bf/gf etc. If you never met the person, you can pretty much either consider him nuts, or use PC definition as "he's living in a fantasy world". Do you want to play along? | |
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| Help Me Understand What Happened
Posted: 1/8/2008 9:55:41 AM | Op, nobody may ever know why, how or whatever. I could suppose he wanted a sugar mama and he saw you weren't it. But that's an assumption on my part. And the list could go on and on. Just move on and play more cautious next time.
PS. Next time listen more carefully to what someone is telling you. There are signs there so don't get caught up in the moment. | |
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| Help Me Understand What Happened
Posted: 1/8/2008 1:07:45 PM | sorry but it sounds like you have been fooled, in hindsight what did this guy give you?
i will bet it was much less than you gave him.
You cant waste your time hating these kinds of people, they dont really know why they have an insatiable desire for affection along with no real emotional ties or resposibilities.
They are called **stards for a reason; an uninvolved/distant/abusive dad is as bad as no dad at all.
In future, if it is too good to be true dare to imagine that it is not true. | |
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| Help Me Understand What Happened
Posted: 1/8/2008 1:11:31 PM | | your first and biggest mistake was believing him when he told you he loved you with a few phones calls and haven't even met yet!!! | |
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| Help Me Understand What Happened
Posted: 1/8/2008 1:33:57 PM | I agree with the other posters that he got what he wanted and has moved on - total player.
Use it as a lesson, take the good from the experience and don't forget the bad.
I am not looking right now, but when I am, I clearly state I don't do long distances. If a guy moves to this area for other reasons, fine, but I am not even going to try to do a long distance, too many problems. | |
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| Help Me Understand What Happened
Posted: 1/8/2008 1:53:51 PM | This sounds like one of those, "The Check is in the Mail" stories.
You don't say if you and he did the horizontal mumbo during those 9 days and it really is none of my business or anyone else's for that matter but you should know that
guys will tell you whatever you want to hear, in return for the dance.
That being said, since he was the initiator of all this sha-moozing, he did have a moral obligation to give you an explanation for the sudden loss of contact. On the other hand my dear..........he was more than likely just after sex........and therefore had no morals.
At the end of the day.....just jot it down in your little black book of bad experiences. | |
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| Help Me Understand What Happened
Posted: 1/8/2008 2:06:51 PM | I'll take a stab at this one. You appear on 94 people's favourites lists...highly popular. Maybe it's like the old bar bet scheme: "You think I can't get her? Watch me!"
I may be wrong but it sure seems plausible to me. I don't think it's right but I know it happens all the time. Wouldn't surprise me if his parents weren't even alive anymore. Not that having deceased parents is a pre-requisite or an indicator of such...just wouldn't surprise me. | |
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| Help Me Understand What Happened
Posted: 1/8/2008 2:21:18 PM | | Lesson learned...........I think you took a big chance even meeting this guy. You are very specific in your profile as to exactly what you are looking for, and he gave it all to you on line. Not to say you should not meet someone from a distance, but in your backyard,,so to speak...you can meet in a more timely manner, and not in your personal space. | |
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| Help Me Understand What Happened
Posted: 1/8/2008 2:30:17 PM | wow
Well, I can't say that the guy was 'intentionally' messing with OP's mind. I tend to agree with those who suggest that he 'fell in love' with his fantasy of who the OP is and the notion of being in love itself. Either way .. bummer, but it's a relatively gentle life lesson.
Speaking for myself - if a guy started professing love and said he had been looking at rings Before we met .. I would run run run!! Run the other way!
Of course.. I can understand why the men would fall for me .. but if they knew me that well .. they'd know I don't wear rings but a good feed of lobster wins points!! lol
A.S.is
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| Help Me Understand What Happened
Posted: 1/8/2008 2:30:46 PM | This kind of playing around with someone's mind happens all the time in real life, face to face situations with people you know same as it can happen with a stranger on the net.
Don't be so quick to believe anything that you havent seen for yourself, beyond "because he said so"
Better luck and insight next time | |
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| Help Me Understand What Happened
Posted: 1/8/2008 5:55:46 PM | | the fact that he said he was falling in love with you and considered himself engaged before even meeting you showed he was either a real loser or someone who only wanted one thing, and that was a sexual relationship with someone lonely enough to fall for his game....any time someone tells you that they love you before meeting you is a sure sign to stop right there and walk away....don't even bother meeting them....they are either so desperate that they will fall for anyone who will write back to them, or they are merely out of their mind and have no idea what real love is...haven't we all gone on first dates and discovered the person is no where near what we thought? so how the heck do you expect someone to fall in love with you? you were taken advantage of pure and simple and he is off in search of his next conquest.....in my opinion, the same goes for live in situations....you move in with a guy and he has lost all respect for you and is only biding his time until he meets someone special to marry........and don't tell me that you are "trying him out"....the divorce rate is higher for couples who lived together..which implies either the couple married in spite of their problems, or one of the people finally talked the other person into getting married against their real desires....you move in with a guy, you give him what he wants while he is out searching for someone else..........have some pride in yourself, women!!!! | |
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| Help Me Understand What Happened
Posted: 1/19/2008 7:28:16 AM | | ....and you want to know what's wrong with him? Slow up a minute here...how do you fall in love with a person you havent' even seen yet? Not sure what happened but one cannot draw a good conclusion here unless they're dilusional. You really need to re-evaluate your stance here...You could have prevented this just by slowing down and keeping a rather realistic point of view. | |
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