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| The one thing that breaks the deal in forming a relationship
Posted: 1/9/2008 7:08:58 AM | I'd have to say that someone who smokes cigs is a definite deal breaker ... also, someone who suffers from chronic low self - esteem issues ... oh yea, and someone who is selfish and self - serving ... can't deal with any of that.
jeffery | |
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| The one thing that breaks the deal in forming a relationship
Posted: 1/9/2008 7:19:40 AM | Unlike others, smoking is a HUGE plus for me. Honestly, I smoke, and I can't deal with Dare speeches while I'm enjoying my after-sex, after-dinner, after-work, after-waking up, after-life cigarette. Also, even if the non-smoker in question is cool with me smoking (I'm in my early 20s, so many guys in my age group are fine with it, even if they don't do it) I still feel awkward.
Deal-breakers for me:
1) Not doing anything with themselves. Because of my age group, many guys are full-time students and broke. I have no issue with that; I was in college and broke once, too. If a guy is not in school and not working full-time, I become suspect that he is just not motivated and not engaged in life. Has nothing to do with money, really, just has to do with how I'd perceive their character.
2) Does not believe in marriage or having children. Thankfully, I don't meet many guys like that, but I know they are out there. I make it fairly clear that I am interested in marriage and kids one day, probably sooner than later, and I tend to attract like-minded, family-oriented guys, as a result. "Playas" tend to stay away from me, as I am adamant about NOT being in any sex-based, good for the moment type relationship.
3) Unfunniness. If he makes ridiculous sexual jokes (not a witty and risque double entendre, but a RIDICULOUS fourth grade type joke), fart jokes, and his witty repetoire consists of shouting "Show me the money" and "You're fired", I'm not into it. Please be funny and make me laugh. More Woody Allen, less Rob Schneider. More Norm MacDonald's deadpan and less Jack Black's hijinks. You get it. Why can't guys? I will scream if I have to go on one more date with a guy who makes Beavis and Butthead look like comedic geniuses. (Note: I actually like Jack Black, Rob Schneider, and even Beavis and Butthead, but not on YOU).
4) Immaturity. Yup. I've been on dates with 23 year old guys who live at home and say things like, "We can't go to Coney Island, my parents wouldn't let me because it's in a bad neighborhood." I may live at home, but my parents do not tell me when and where I can go, and they certainly do not regulate my financial life.
5) Intelligence. If you're an idiot who can't spell your own name, I don't want you. I especially don't want you if you're barely literate and have the absolute nerve to mock me for being in MENSA, which, guess what, has happened. Stupid guys need not apply; I am a smart girl, I work at a newspaper, I am into politics, and yes, am a member of MENSA. I got honors in college while barely going to class and dabbling in one drug too many, while listening to the White Album on loop; I'm not impressed with you if you study all night and get Bs in tech school. Do I sound like a snob? Yup. Because I'm good and pissed. Everyone thinks they're smart; news flash: most people aren't. I have met fifteen guys from online dating. Exactly three were even remotely close to my intelligence level, but they ALL claimed to be brilliant and witty in their profiles. It's a huge deal-breaker for me. I can't stand idiots, even as friends, and I'm not dating any more of them. Very, very oddly enough, most of the guys I met were non-smokers. The three intelligent guys I met WERE smokers. I wonder why that is, honestly?
6) Apathy. I'm not into guys who don't care about the world. My latest boyfriend and I, for example, have plans to go to a Barack Obama rally. Major points for him. The guy I dated before him haltingly said, "I don't know the difference between a Democrat and a Republican." and then wondered why I STOPPED returning his calls. This is more an offshoot of the intelligence thing, but really, if you don't vote (unless it's for an important personal reason), don't know who Huckabee is, can't spell Giuliani (it doesn't start with a J, sweetie) and barely know what stem-cell research is, I don't want you. I am the kind of girl to hit the phones and the pavement with leaflets and fliers and letters supporting candidates. I am the kind of girl who graduated high school a year early and worked for the Green Party before going to college. I am the kind of girl who skipped prom and instead went to a National Women's Day Conference at the UN and met female delegates from African nations. I am NOT the kind of girl who dances in the rain and laughs like nobody's watching and likes top forty crap. Don't waste my time.
Wow. I needed to get a lot off my chest. Rant much? But yes. The above things are all deal-breakers. | |
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| The one thing that breaks the deal in forming a relationship
Posted: 1/9/2008 7:50:08 AM |
1) Not doing anything with themselves. Because of my age group, many guys are full-time students and broke. I have no issue with that; I was in college and broke once, too. If a guy is not in school and not working full-time, I become suspect that he is just not motivated and not engaged in life. Has nothing to do with money, really, just has to do with how I'd perceive their character.
As opposed to someone who is actively poisoning themselves several times daily. Yes, the character trait I admire over aimlessness is suicidalness.
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2) Does not believe in marriage or having children. Thankfully, I don't meet many guys like that, but I know they are out there. I make it fairly clear that I am interested in marriage and kids one day, probably sooner than later, and I tend to attract like-minded, family-oriented guys, as a result. "Playas" tend to stay away from me, as I am adamant about NOT being in any sex-based, good for the moment type relationship.
Yes, by all means, hold out for a man who will want to see his wife the the mother of his children die young from lung disease.
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3) Unfunniness. If he makes ridiculous sexual jokes (not a witty and risque double entendre, but a RIDICULOUS fourth grade type joke), fart jokes, and his witty repetoire consists of shouting "Show me the money" and "You're fired", I'm not into it. Please be funny and make me laugh. More Woody Allen, less Rob Schneider. More Norm MacDonald's deadpan and less Jack Black's hijinks. You get it. Why can't guys? I will scream if I have to go on one more date with a guy who makes Beavis and Butthead look like comedic geniuses. (Note: I actually like Jack Black, Rob Schneider, and even Beavis and Butthead, but not on YOU).
I agree with you on this one. The last thing you want is someone so serious about things they can't laugh at the minor inconveniences of necessary chores, such as withdrawal symptoms as they quit smoking.
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4) Immaturity. Yup. I've been on dates with 23 year old guys who live at home and say things like, "We can't go to Coney Island, my parents wouldn't let me because it's in a bad neighborhood." I may live at home, but my parents do not tell me when and where I can go, and they certainly do not regulate my financial life.
Immaturity is a deal breaker for sure. Like when someone lacks the maturity to recognize the idiocy and self-destruction of a smoking habit.
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5) Intelligence. If you're an idiot who can't spell your own name, I don't want you. I especially don't want you if you're barely literate and have the absolute nerve to mock me for being in MENSA, which, guess what, has happened. Stupid guys need not apply; I am a smart girl, I work at a newspaper, I am into politics, and yes, am a member of MENSA. I got honors in college while barely going to class and dabbling in one drug too many, while listening to the White Album on loop; I'm not impressed with you if you study all night and get Bs in tech school. Do I sound like a snob? Yup. Because I'm good and pissed. Everyone thinks they're smart; news flash: most people aren't. I have met fifteen guys from online dating. Exactly three were even remotely close to my intelligence level, but they ALL claimed to be brilliant and witty in their profiles. It's a huge deal-breaker for me. I can't stand idiots, even as friends, and I'm not dating any more of them. Very, very oddly enough, most of the guys I met were non-smokers. The three intelligent guys I met WERE smokers. I wonder why that is, honestly?
I agree, again, as usual. There is no better example of intelligence that intentionally sucking carcinogenic gas and smoke deeply into one's fragile lungs, for the emotional effect it has of calming and dulling one's emotions.
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6) Apathy. I'm not into guys who don't care about the world. My latest boyfriend and I, for example, have plans to go to a Barack Obama rally. Major points for him. The guy I dated before him haltingly said, "I don't know the difference between a Democrat and a Republican." and then wondered why I STOPPED returning his calls. This is more an offshoot of the intelligence thing, but really, if you don't vote (unless it's for an important personal reason), don't know who Huckabee is, can't spell Giuliani (it doesn't start with a J, sweetie) and barely know what stem-cell research is, I don't want you. I am the kind of girl to hit the phones and the pavement with leaflets and fliers and letters supporting candidates. I am the kind of girl who graduated high school a year early and worked for the Green Party before going to college. I am the kind of girl who skipped prom and instead went to a National Women's Day Conference at the UN and met female delegates from African nations. I am NOT the kind of girl who dances in the rain and laughs like nobody's watching and likes top forty crap. Don't waste my time.
Apathy, as in not caring that smoking is killing you and thereby robbing you of any future you might otherwise have had?
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| The one thing that breaks the deal in forming a relationship
Posted: 1/9/2008 7:57:00 AM | At this time I hope I've met the real deal so what caused me to even get to this new stage???? In my profile I stated no hangs up and more people have them that pop
up right away like I didn't want intimate encounters I wasn't a Barbie up for grabs or
gropping. Intimacy also comes with conversation, knowing what you do and don't
want then waiting for the right moment to become lovers. I've had men remind me
I wasn't a teenager and sex and sexual intimacy was expected before the relationship
could progress to see if I was what they wanted. Well, unless that person recognized
how important to me that tenderness, caressing, laughing, enjoying one another company either produced the desire to find out more or quickly move on. My man
gave me this respect immediately and like most men told me finding someone to bed
was easy and that wasn't his major drive but important as we progressed into our future
and would be even more special naturally. The other thing I found disgusting was
married men either not reading the profile and assuming they could convince you to
be their playtoy. Disgusting. Sexual conversations immediately sent me running. Most
men would want to know if your libido was working and if you had the ability to desire
and want sex. Again, cart before the horse nothing wrong in that department just the
right man to listen, care, considerate then the "pot of gold" is ours shared together as
we become one. Wish me well maybe we are the real deal.
sweetthing64 | |
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| The one thing that breaks the deal in forming a relationship
Posted: 1/9/2008 9:33:30 AM | | Wow, Tommy. No need to lambast me for being a smoker, which was actually the most minor thing I mentioned on my entire post. Like most people under 25, I took Dare once and, last I checked, there's only one McGruff the Crime Dog, and he ain't you. So put that in your pipe and smoke it. Or don't. | |
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| The one thing that breaks the deal in forming a relationship
Posted: 1/9/2008 9:44:03 AM | Nice thread on smoking
If it were 'the One'
that wouldn't turn me off, even though i don't smoke.....hey, it's just a habit
but the dealbreaker in a much more profound sense, is lack of respect.
and...someone acting as if they know everything about me....even though they are clueless....
why bother!
peace today y'all
````````````` 'Kimbo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | |
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| The one thing that breaks the deal in forming a relationship
Posted: 1/9/2008 9:53:48 AM | I would have to say when he thinks hes going to have sex on the 1st date and well he does not get it. Assuming your going to have sex on the 1st date will get you no where with me, Sex is important but really its not that important... well good luck to those guys who think they are getting a piece of a** from me... Anyways that is the one thing the breaks the deal for me  | |
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| The one thing that breaks the deal in forming a relationship
Posted: 1/9/2008 10:03:31 AM | Why would anyone expect sex on the first meeting? Why would anyone consider the wonderful act of enjoying each other as a "piece of ass"?
Is it not the attraction that you seek, the chemistry that will develop if you two have that attraction? Is it not the mental power of the two of you to talk and not even know how much time has gone by, or the special discussions you have as you walk hand in hand getting to know one another?
All of these things are sexual, and all are sensual, but a "piece of ass" is nothing more than animal, and I gave that up once I knew that getting laid was easy, but finding the special one to make love with much more difficult.........
What I seek with that first meeting and/or date is a real connection, attraction, and potential, and not a "piece of ass", but I do so look forward to that first real kiss, the one that will seal the deal, or not, for having that second date........ 
Just my opinion.......   | |
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| The one thing that breaks the deal in forming a relationship
Posted: 1/9/2008 10:10:34 AM |
Ok. I understand the few things that breaks the deal in forming a relationship, so why the mention of a specific race? You have already mentioned in your profile that you are looking for a white male, so be it. Ok..sorry, I went off on a tangent.
My deal breakers are:
Bad teeth
Not taking care of their appearance
married
alcohol abuser
personality of rock
prevaricator
lack of motivation
unintelligible conversation
just a plain friggin idiot... | |
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| deal breaking
Posted: 1/9/2008 10:50:31 AM | the girl inviting me to invite her out to dinner...it was done to me recently,i took her out but instead of a meal she was just given a cinzano...a decent girl would just ask for use of my wallet..
asking what i do....thats no no... | |
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| The one thing that breaks the deal in forming a relationship
Posted: 1/9/2008 12:06:14 PM | OP, like a lot of other posters, I have more than one thing that will break the deal in forming a relationship:
1. lack of intelligence
2. lack of respect for other people (By the way all of you women out there who whinge on other threads about how you seem to attract the wrong kind of guy, here's a big clue as to what that "charmer" who is fawning over "only you, baby" is really like. Check out how he treats other people, including people of his own gender. If he is verbally abusive and disrespectful, take that as a big warning about how he will eventually be treating you.)
3. lack of respect for me
4. racism
5. lack of confidence
6. lack of imagination
7. no job, unless there is a good reason for it, i.e. she's furthering her education
8. children with different men (I can understand how a woman can make a mistake once but 2, 3, or more times? Riggghhht...... )
9. mental illness/irrational outbursts of anger/depression
10. alcoholism/drug addiction
11. excessive body fat | |
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| The one thing that breaks the deal in forming a relationship
Posted: 1/9/2008 12:08:17 PM | * Ok lying is a definate. If I can't trust the guy to tell me the truth about simple things like his age--how am I going to trust him with the bigs stuff.
* Flirting with other women. Don't tell me she is just a friend when your actions are saying something entirely different.
* Wanting sex like he's trying on a shoe to see if the compatibility exists. My profile discloses my position on 'how active' I would be.
* Barflys--I don't want to spend my life accompanying my date to bars nor dragging him out of one.
I'll have to think about what else is a dealbreaker.
What about you Tomozzo--what else beside milage breaks it for you? And when are you inviting me over for that steak? Ever since I demanded that steak you said you were saving me you left the forum  . | |
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| The one thing that breaks the deal in forming a relationship
Posted: 1/9/2008 12:56:16 PM | | The things these days that seem to be deal breakers for me are excessive drinking and political or religious zealously. If I do not see things your way, continually preaching your views will not get me to change my mind about these issues, they will, however get me to change my mind about dating you. | |
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| The one thing that breaks the deal in forming a relationship
Posted: 1/9/2008 3:18:44 PM | For some lady to really knock my feet out from under me and make me feel that I'm wasting my time it's the paranoia and suspiciousness. I've emailed and chatted with several. They seem so distrusting when I know for a fact exactly what kind of person I am and that I am an honorable person. Some have backed me into a corner and immediately claimed that I was only after sex...jumping to conclusions!... I for one, want to know a bit about a woman and a little bit about her sexual history. It's not simply about the sex but also about if there is someone in her past that I need to be concerned with and if there is a disease I need to be thinking about! I'm one of those people who does have a blemished past but I do know that just because some lady is so blue pure perfect does not mean she is better than me or that she can truly be trusted. At my age I think that any woman who has had a life is going to have some kind of imperfection(s)... and it's not the imperfections that bother me but how she handled it, what she has done with her life after the fact. I am looking for that woman who is looking to the future and not living in the past, one who wants to build something with me and not expect it on a silver platter while she sits on her throne (there is no throne here!).
God knows... I don't want to live in my past... it has taken me a few months to get over the last relationship. I don't want to be reminded of it and I don't want to be asked about it. It was long term and I was clingy... that is very different from being short term and clingy! It takes me a very long time to get to the clingy stage!... then there is all the "popular" words and phrases... women I meet don't want a guy who is "clingy" but she wants to be the only one and doesn't want him seeing other women... duh! That sounds very very conflicting to me... really real conflicting signals there... If she doesn't want me seeing other women or looking at other women then there is only one way to do that HOLD ON TIGHT! That doesn't mean choke me... it means be my best friend, be honest, all the good traits that are expected in a relationship... trust me... give me enough rope to hang myself..then you'll know if I'm the one for you. | |
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