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| The one thing that breaks the deal in forming a relationship
Posted: 1/9/2008 4:49:06 PM | Like some of the other posters, I have more than one deal breaker. Many have been added to my list from previous experience. The list looks long, but many of these overlap or are related...if a person has one of the traits, he usually has some of the others.
Smoking
Heavy drinking (social drinking is ok)
Use of recreational drugs
Lack of self control
Anger problems/temper
Selfishness
Inconsiderate behavior
Lack of respect for me and others
Tells me he will do something and never does
Dishonesty/lying
Not dependable
Inflated ego/self centered
Taker (as opposed to a giver) - only looks at what he can get out of a relationship, etc. and never what he can contribute; goes along with being selfish/self centered
Immaturity
Not a good communicator
Lack of intelligence
Lazy
Pushes for sex before I have a chance to get to know him...sex will come naturally as a relationship progresses; goes along with having respect for me; I want a man who wants to develop a relationship and not just hop in bed
Man who is addicted to pornography
Asking for nude pictures or sending me some...I don't ask for those kinds of pictures and question the intentions of someone who would send them to me
Cybersex - does nothing for me, and I question the intentions of a man who engages in it
Cheating
Flirting with other women/wandering eyes...in my experience, this type of man is usually not satisfied with one woman and has a strong tendency for cheating
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| The one thing that breaks the deal in forming a relationship
Posted: 1/9/2008 4:58:17 PM | Oh quite a few things for me. Someone who repeats themselves all the time. ie everytime they see me a short message like how are you. I hate short messages and I want to have a conversation not for me to all the work. Also dont like pushy people. Of course Im here with the hopes to meeting people but not like one or two messages and then so when we meeting remark!
Also hate inappropriate sex chat. The stuff that comes from no where. Not just a joke.
Race and religion as well. Im looking for similar to me as I have dated outside my race before and I personally found it very difficult on a lot of grounds.
Also I check how many kids someone has and custody and stuff like that. Im not looking to be a full time mum or anything as I dont have children and dont want any as it stands at the moment and doubt that will change.
Yeah I do have quite a list and thats why im on here to try to look for something more suitable lol x | |
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| The one thing that breaks the deal in forming a relationship
Posted: 1/9/2008 5:00:09 PM | Things that will break the deal for me
* If they keep telling me how much money the make
* If they can't keep eye contact when talking; last time I checked my eyes are in my
head not below my shoulders.
* Short tempers
* If after a few drinks you find the need to fight
* Poor oral hygiene
* Inability to have fun
* Verbal and/or physical abuse | |
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| The one thing that breaks the deal in forming a relationship
Posted: 1/9/2008 5:01:52 PM | | I suppose it can't be helped when you ask people to focus on the negative, and the worst of that, but what exactly is the purpose of advertising to the dating world a long list of causes to reject someone from consideration? I suspect this thread of being a ruse to flush out the critical, fault-finding types nobody has yet or could ever please. | |
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| The one thing that breaks the deal in forming a relationship
Posted: 1/9/2008 7:16:27 PM | I suspect this thread of being a ruse to flush out the critical, fault-finding types nobody has yet or could ever please.
No alterior motives here Tommy. I think we all have had experiences with online dating that have caused us to develop dealbreaking criteria. You might have to wonder about somebody who has a full page list but I have not seen too much on the posts of this thread that are way out there or whiney or complaining. There might be a few like that but they know who they are. Sometimes it has just taken a few weeks of chatting before I was able to conclude there is a reason why this guy is single. I'm sure guys feel the same way--they might chat online with someone a while before concluding the same opinion. But for some people there are some things that are just deal breakers from the get-go.
Sometimes we just need to know that our dealbreakers are not all that whacked out and other people feel the same way.
Perhaps yourself has but a few dealbreakers of your own somewhere? Like trying to read a womans profile to find out about them only to find everything reads "don't want to say".....roflol
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| The one thing that breaks the deal in forming a relationship
Posted: 1/9/2008 7:50:06 PM | | I think....it's one thing said...one thing said relates to something, in some sense, in what others have experienced in the past....I am a smoker...and yah...there are people I wished to chat with, but was "blocked" because I am a smoker. Everyone out there is who they are, and everyone of course is looking for "the perfect match"...but in reality...even when you have met your perfect match....every person is different....there are some things that will annoy even that person you get along well with... but everyone is who they are. Dare I say...bad habits...well, depending on the bad habit(s)...can be overlooked? A relationship should be give, give....everyone has bad habits...something that can potentially annoy another person...but is that reason enough not to give a person a chance? | |
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| The one thing that breaks the deal in forming a relationship
Posted: 1/9/2008 7:59:16 PM | -- Big one: Lack of zeal, motivation and ideals --
Drugs/ Unhealthy lifestyle
Bad teeth and sloppy appereance (stylish casual is ok, but not sloppy)
Inability to set healthy boundaries
Inability to assume personal responsibility
Cynism and lack of imagination
Lack of self-knowledge
Dislike cats
Can't handle my sense of humour
Doesn't take life seriously.
Doesn't like me!
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| The one thing that breaks the deal in forming a relationship
Posted: 1/9/2008 8:04:07 PM |
I'm just put off because these lists compose an inventory of my traits and habits, is all. You have to be over critical of yourself Tommy. ALL of these things can't apply to you...you have some redeemable qualities...you're cute---that's worth a couple of points... | |
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| The one thing that breaks the deal in forming a relationship
Posted: 1/9/2008 8:06:58 PM | | I think wildflower nailed something very important... accepting the imperfections. My first attraction is physical appearance. Then I've got to be able to tolerate being around her. I love getting to know someone who is different from me. They're far less boring. | |
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| The one thing that breaks the deal in forming a relationship
Posted: 1/9/2008 8:09:40 PM |
A relationship should be give, give....everyone has bad habits...something that can potentially annoy another person...but is that reason enough not to give a person a chance?
And out of left field! A must read twice.  Cool | |
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| The one thing that breaks the deal in forming a relationship
Posted: 1/9/2008 8:20:53 PM | Although poster 103 identified many deal breakers (addictions of all ilk, undependable, taker, lazy), well, I'd say there isn't a possibility to form a relationship with someone whose actions (dishonesty, inflated ego, talk and no follow up) show he (or she) doesn't really know him/herself.
People pleasing is another trait that throws up a deterrent to forging a relationship--there's no substance that can be relied upon.
I've learned to work with inflated egoes, laziness, cheaters, flirters, and undependable personalities--in the work place--so, we have all learned to handle less than stellar personalities. We play golf with them. We go on hikes with them. They may be on the same board of trustees or in the same book club, volleyball team, or maybe our waiter, waitress, or customer.
All these personality quirks CAN be dealt with if both people are commited to one another, to the relationship--I'd venture many of us have MARRIED these people at one time or another, maybe even HAD one of these personality traits to deal with in yourself--within a relationship.
So the deal breaker? Denial, inability to even talk about any one of these issues--and dozens of lesser problems when it comes up IN the relationship. And I've run into quite a few traits from jasmina's list...even the sorrowful type who "admits" to one of these traits (which can SEEM like progress).
Without setting a course and strategy to deal with the problem--and with growth in the relationship--without his seeking accountability in dealing with "it"...that's the end--maybe not the end of the relationship, but the end of my belief in a future and the end of my trust--at some point I do start taking notes--mental notes--maybe this person is all agreeable if I refrain from saying anything. But then I'm not fully engaged, either, and that usually signals the end of the relationship--he can sense I'm not committed, I can sense it. And if "it" (the issue) cannot be discussed, then respect even starts to erode--if I find I'm compromising important values that define me, I can't encourage him and I gotta call it quits, even if it hurts-- | |
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| The one thing that breaks the deal in forming a relationship
Posted: 1/9/2008 8:22:38 PM | I agree with a lot of what's been said on here already. The ones I have to add are:
*Lateness without darn good cause
*Rudeness to anyone
*Selfrighteous a$$holes
*People who drone on and on about the parties they went to year ago and how "they were so trashed!" like that's an accomplishment! These people are also known (to the politically correct set) as "conversationally challenged" | |
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| The one thing that breaks the deal in forming a relationship
Posted: 1/9/2008 8:34:32 PM | Complete and utter betrayal that goes beyond the pale. I can only think of one person who over the course of time fit into that category and it was a female 'friend' I mentioned in another post.
Everybody else in my lifetime I always gave a second, third, whatever chance to. But once I saw her true colours I told myself "you're going down" and although I am not now, never have been, and never will be a violent person I stand by my words to this day. Takes a lot to push me to that point. Paid dearly once I reached it.
But she wanted credit for being the one in charge and she'll get it sooner or later. I just know. It will happen even if I have no part in it. I just know. It's a karma thing. | |
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| The one thing that breaks the deal in forming a relationship
Posted: 1/9/2008 9:35:33 PM |
And out of left field! A must read twice. Cool
I guess I never defined the term dealbreaker. DEALBREAKER=If it has the potential to ruin the relationship that potential is the criteria of dealbreaker. Even if that ruination happens because of a bad habit.
I'm sorry but if a relationship is important enough to you that your bad habit could be the dealbreaker---choose the relationship not the habit you already have termed to be 'bad'. If someone is trying to quit that bad habit and that is the only thing standing in your way--help them quit.
I know that was unsolicitated but I just had to say it..nothing personal to anyone..just an observation.
I just opened myself up for an onslaught I'm afraid   | |
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