| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/10/2008 4:14:25 AM | Thank you so much for your supportive replies.
It is hard, I admit, I do care about him.
But I know it's the right thing to do. So I have to stay strong.
:~() | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/10/2008 4:22:19 AM | | If hes comming out of a nasty divorce id say hes not ready to be in a real long term committed romance, they need time to heal, move foward get past some of the bad left over dealings of it, maybe you need to stop and think about this for a while, your asking way to much of someone whos going through this right now, your ready for a long term thing im sure others will agree hes not meantly ready for it. | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/10/2008 4:25:58 AM | | Next man that talks about being with me forever with out even knowing me for a month, I am running in the other direction!!! Been there done that, not worth it at all! | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/10/2008 4:31:18 AM | Allowances for people's circumstances are fine until you come to the point that you begin making excuses for them. It sounds like you are already doing that and yet a months is not a very long time.
If he continues to try to contact you you can tell him that you do not think he is ready to date, he has too much on his plate. You can still talk to him on the phone or over e-mail, just don't see him. Tell him when he gets to the point that he wants to make a standing date on Friday or Saturday and can actually keep it, you will think about it.
Sometimes timing is bad, sometimes the person is a jerk. You really don't know which category he falls into so maybe you leave yourself open to something should you still be available a year or so down the line. | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/10/2008 5:54:06 PM | Sapphire,
A divorce takes at least three years to recover from... emotionally. He is going through depression, loneliness, sadness, deep sense of loss, anger, rage, maybe throughts of suicide. Owning your own business takes great patience, and being the best in your field with skill and also business skills. The best thing you can do is pitch in to help him, if he will allow you into his life. Otherwise, how are you going to fit into being married? You will also own the business her pursues. You will automatically be part-owner, because your business is his business, to a certain degree. You should be able to answer the phone, and schedule appointments, and understand his line of work.
Does he have children? If this is the case, then you are getting involved in a very complicated situation. Are you willing to play second fiddle to an X wife and a child?
Or do you want to be treated like Number one?
Debbie | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/10/2008 5:58:05 PM | You are reading into Hot and Cold incorrectly. The emotions he is feeling are anger, loneliness, depression, sadness, loss, bitterness, and rage. Try to evaluate his temperment into the correct emotions, and you will both understand each other in a mature fashion.
Debbie | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/10/2008 8:18:32 PM | When this guy joins POF and is a wee bit bitter, i hope we all remember this thread.
Note the time difference between:
Posted: 1/8/2008 9  29 PM I care about him and I am not ready to throw in the towel just yet.
AND
Posted: 1/9/2008 5:09:43 PM
NO WONDER SHE LEFT YOU. I DON'T NEED THIS SHIT EITHER.
PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT ME ANYMORE.
I AM NOT PLAYING GAMES...I AM SERIOUS"
I think this thread was appropriately named, but not for the same reasons as its originator . | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/10/2008 9:32:25 PM | Esad: Who mostly comes in and gives his critique on a thread... never seems to give his actual opinion, or answer an op's question... How do you read her situation (a guys perspective)
How long must a woman wait for a guy to get his sh*t together and show, in at least his actions (never mind the words) that he actually cares for her and wouldn't want to lose her? Perhaps you can shed some light in this thread without putting doubt and guilt on the op that she has done the wrong thing, or suggest that she's made an already bitter man more bitter.
If a guys busy, there are other ways that take very little time, or money
to reassure a girl that he still wants to be with her once his work load is lessened. | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/10/2008 9:52:22 PM | Op, you dated this guy for a month??? Are you serious, one month?????? and he gets this:
"YOU CAN'T HANDLE A WOMAN WHO ISNT GOING TO DO EVERYTHING YOUR WAY. AS LONG AS YOU ARE RUNNING THE SHOW AND CONTROLLING WHEN AND HOW MUCH WE TALK AND SEE EACH OTHER, WELL THEN YOU ARE PERFECTLY HAPPY. BUT WHEN I SAY THAT IS NOT WORKING FOR ME, YOU FLIP OUT AND ATTACK ME AND TRY TO PUT THE BLAME BACK ON ME. YOU NEED TO GROW UP, THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU. I AM SURE I'M NOT THE FIRST ONE TO SAY THIS TO YOU.
NO WONDER SHE LEFT YOU. I DON'T NEED THIS SHIT EITHER.
PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT ME ANYMORE.
I AM NOT PLAYING GAMES...I AM SERIOUS"
You know, every time I read an OP like this, I expect a little girl, maybe 18-20 years old. And almost every time, I'm disappointed.
No wonder guys in their 40's are so gun-shy. I would think every johnson in the house has gone into hiding after reading that.
Holy crap, hun, there is some growing up that needs to be done here, not sure the guy is the only one who should be doing it. | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/10/2008 10:59:08 PM | | ^^^Well. 5 out of the 6 MEN who have posted in this thread thought the Op was heading down the road to disaster with this guy. Now, do you have an actual opinion on her Opening Post? | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/10/2008 11:47:23 PM | Get a life .........
Move on ........ you will both become drama queens ..... and you wear enough makeup for both of you! | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/11/2008 2:58:27 PM |
"I would think every johnson in the house has gone into hiding after reading that. "
Well, I know mine's not all that thrilled.... 
(don't worry willy, it's ok boy, she was just kidding)
OP... not much info here about the other side of the coin... but based on what you've said, and especially on your second post, I'd say you got too heavy too fast and scared the hell out of him.
If he just got over a divorce, chances are he's just been through a lot of heavy-duty conflict on various levels, and the last thing he's gonna want is another potentially dramatic situation. JMHO | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/11/2008 3:06:44 PM | *stalks a-fella* lol
well.. if he's just gotten over a divorce, and doesn't have time to devote to dating, then I would think he shouldn't be dating and frustrating women who are actually looking to connect.
*throws snowball at poster above acapellafella for unsportswoman-like conduct* | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/11/2008 9:10:27 PM | ..... and you wear enough makeup for both of you!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What? And you don't? | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/11/2008 10:36:44 PM | Thank you Stove top for the benefit of the doubt.
You all only have the tip of the ic eberg.
I could care less what the nasty people say for you have no idea the mean and disrespetful things he said repeatedly to me to get me to the point that I sent that.
I have since apoligized because that is not like me to throw up his divorce in his face although he threw up mine in my face it's still not my style.
He of course is falling all over himself to try and get me back. Now he suddenly has lots of time and is also taking some time off work.
Just because you basically tell someone to kiss your a$$ does not mean you don't care for them, it means you're frustrated and pi$$ed. He thought I was playing games and now he knows I am serious and will not do everything his way.
I am going back to my MANTRA:
SHOW ME!
don't just say it.....Show it!
Day at a time.
TC
Sapphire | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/11/2008 11:21:37 PM | Yr welcome Sapphire.. and all the best  | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/12/2008 5:56:28 AM | You're the best girl. Wise beyond your years too!
Love Ya!
To the haters:
Even if you don't agree with someone it doesn't give you the right to attack them people. Where's the Love?
We should all be here supporting each other in this clusterfuk of a website!
How about we all go back to what Mister Rogers said in Kindergarden.....If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all"
Doesn't mean you have to agree just means don't spew venom when not required.
I think that we are all adult enough to do that.
I wish everyone peace and happiness!
TC
Sapphire | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/12/2008 6:22:23 AM | Thank You Postpunk
I couldn't agree more and that is exactly what I am doing.
I told him from now on I am from Missouri....The SHOW ME STATE!
You can tell me you love me but Love is an action as far as I am concerned.
SHOW ME!
My other Mantra: TIME WILL TELL!
Time really is your friend in regards to relationships.
TC
Sapphire | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/12/2008 1:48:14 PM | Patience sunshine,
That is a key to many things... There is also a saying that you catch more bees with huni than ya do with vinegar.
You may have won this round, but honestly if this is month one and it is already this caustic....Yeah, not likely to go UP HILL...
We all can put demands on others, however that doesn't enslave them to our demands..
He may be playing chase right now, but from personal observation men only like to do that a couple times, then they lose interest. | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/12/2008 3:44:44 PM | ^^^ Well all I can say about that is: It's about time that woman are starting to realize when were not being treated well, that we stand up and let it be known. Men and women should have the strength to find out early if things are or are not going the way they want them to.
They've both communicated ~ they've decided to try and compromise. Equal balance is all any of us can ask for. After that, one day at a time.
Unfortunately some men don't listen to quiet reason and that's when the vinigar comes out in us.
Hopefully they will be able to use the "huni" in any future crossroads.
Peace and happiness to us all. | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/12/2008 4:36:55 PM | Nexthyme
Yes you are right. Patience is key!
And I will always demand respect.
I am being very cautious since it's only been a month and he took it to the level he did and therefore so did I. Not like me at all to be pushed so easily like that but I think it's because I do care about him......
Everytime I told him how I felt about something he did and it did not agree with his line of thinking he called it "drama" "Bullsh1t" oh he had a few of them. He would just dismisss it and choose not to discuss it and basically belittle me for bringing it up. He simply had to understand I will not be talked to like that and my feelings are not drama and bullshit to begin with. If he doesn't get that then he has to go regardless of my feelings for him.
But I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt due to the recent divorce and mayhem involved with that. I guess she got (they both did probably) very nasty at the end.
All relationships have conflict. The trick is to fight fair.
He was in a very dysfunctional relationship for 25 years ....and they did not fight fair at all. They both especially him I think immediately flew into the defensive and spoke and said stupid caustic BS without thinking first of the consequences. The goal is to cause pain at any cost and it works real well. I know, I have been through two divorces and it can get real nasty on the way out the door.
This whole conflict only happens through emails between us.
In person we get along perfectly like friends that have known each other for years.
We will see how he continues to act more importantly than what he says.
Saw the most magnificent sunset on my walk this evening...makes ya happy to be alive!
TC
Sapphire | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/12/2008 4:46:35 PM | From your last note OP, I can't understand how he would think you're full of drama???
The.............No wonder she left you was a nice touch. I'm sure he will not bother you anymore.
I just wonder how long it will take for YOUR follow up note from the drama club. :)
I thank you. | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/12/2008 5:46:22 PM | TC, I can tell ya from personal experience that IF this guy came from a relationship where hitting below the belt was the norm, his fighting skills WILL NOT be different with you.
I dated a "professional" button pusher, and everything for the first three months after we met...(We chatted and e'd for 3 months before that)... Was hunky dory, then the battle gloves came out.
You aren't fighting back because YOU CARE, it is either something you have done before and didn't realize it, OR he is getting to you so personally, and you are feeling you have to defend yourself.
This is NOT a charmed relationship to start out in, and not that I have a Crystal ball to read, BUT it is not going to end well.
Personally I have only been through one divorce, and it was not bad... In fact people wondered with how we behaved if we were really going to get divorced. That was 7 yrs ago.
And yes, being able to appreciate natures beauty is always refreshing... | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/12/2008 9:17:21 PM |
Even if you don't agree with someone it doesn't give you the right to attack them people. Where's the Love?
In a #12 Wagner ? .........
 | |
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| Hot and Cold
Posted: 1/16/2008 8:51:08 PM | nexthyme
Just wanted to let you know that you were right.
His fighting skills have not changed. He always hits below the belt.
I kept trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, but he just keeps flying off the handle over the smallest of conflicts. And he is a complete control freak on many different levels. That speaks volumes about his self esteem levels.
Definately not a charmed relationship to begin with like you said, and now I don't want any contact with him and of course...... he wants me more now.
They always do when you decide you don't want them.
As my friend says "Hun.....He ain't the one" LOL!
TC
Deb | |
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