| Dating 2 years and no committment
Posted: 1/14/2008 12:37:08 PM | DRUMROLL ................Who is he seeing on the nights that he is not with you?
Make some different plans for the date nights. Do you cook for him every night as well? Sounds to me like a designated dinner/booty call and the rest of the week he is as free as a bird to do as he pleases. You my dear are being taken for granted.
Tell him you are tired of it and break it off. See what happens. If he can live without you - let him. In the meantime, get out and have some FUN. Let some nice guy spoil you a tad bit. | |
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| Dating ... and no committment --
Posted: 1/14/2008 9:37:40 PM |
OH MY GOD !!! HE'S MARRIED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thats what we all say on here to everyone, right ..?!?
That is funny! Hey, maybe he is really married to his mom...... | |
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| Dating 2 years and no committment
Posted: 1/14/2008 10:46:03 PM | | Everything takes time and patience. People deal with certain situation in different ways. You can't rush love nor make someone want to be with you for an eternity if they feel they are not ready. 2 years is a committment even if its not stipulated. If you push the issue, you may do more harm to the relationship. You need to ask yourself a series of questions and see his point of view, instead of looking at what you think you need. If you enjoy being with him, just let it flow naturally. Seize the moments that seem to exist and stop looking towards the future. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. Just relax and take it easy. | |
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Jemue
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Joined: 1/26/2005
Msg: 52 | |
| Dating 2 years and no committment
Posted: 1/14/2008 10:48:39 PM |
We see each other every night but there is no committment
I met this guy who has no children and we have been dating for 2 years.
I believe actions speak louder than words, or a promise on paper and a one day event and a bit of a party. | |
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| Dating 2 years and no committment
Posted: 1/15/2008 4:36:11 AM | I stand corrected, it is EVERY night. My apologies. That sounds a little more COMMITTED. I bet the whole thing has something to do with a guilt trip laid on him by "momma". Now that is one touchy subject and God be with the woman who stand up to her man in spite of his momma. BUT, until he is willing to cut the strings, she probably won't be able to make him.
I agree with Vulf..............If she is unhappy, she is the only one who can change that, because he has obviously stood firm in who he is/what he is going to give. I do believe in ultimatums at times, even if we are hurt/unhappy for a short time, it usually yields the same results that would happen down the road.
Keep us posted. | |
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| Dating 2 years and no committment
Posted: 1/15/2008 5:06:38 AM | Hey there :) First let me say that I wanted to read more about what was going on so I read the other forum that you posted. So here is my opinion for what it is worth.
Does he have keys to the candy store? Does he visit the candy store often? If he does.. it time to cut him off. Tell him that you are not his Friday night girl. You told him from the beginning what you are looking for and he doesn't seem to want to commit to it. Explain to him AGAIN in detail that you are looking for something more than what he is giving. I can understand maybe a year to get to know each other but for me at this part of the relationship you should already be either living together or looking for place together. Don't move into his place and don't have him move into yours.
Point #2. She washes his clothes and does his laundry? Why? He is a loser dump him. You may end up being his second mom.... Think about it.
Ron | |
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| Dating 2 years and no committment
Posted: 1/15/2008 5:26:34 AM | | You seem very unhappy with him so why are you with him??If it bothers you so much then dump him and move on. | |
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| Dating 2 years and no committment
Posted: 1/15/2008 10:09:28 AM | | Mogrl is beautiful, but alittle harsh, throw him out and all, play the hand and see what shakes out, then get rid of him if its not good....peace....... | |
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| Dating 2 years and no committment
Posted: 1/15/2008 10:22:03 AM | I know of people that wait 5 years to get married to see if it really feel ok... some are fine with this type of situation... but I will tell you what will happen as soon as you leave him because obviously your head is set to find someone else long term.
His mom will be right :), she will tell him "you see darling she was not the right one for you, she wanted to go look for someone else right away, do you really want a woman that is not going to be with you thru good and bad?". Then he will see that his mom was right and that time was going to be the factor that showed your true love for him.
As I said, since you are here, you have already decided to move on with your life and I wish you the best. | |
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| Dating 2 years and no committment
Posted: 1/15/2008 10:33:22 AM | Neither of you ever sleep over? Why not? That would freakin' suck! One of the best sites there is is to wake up in the morning, turn over and see the one that you love laying there beside you. You should try it sometime. I think you'll like it.
Ed | |
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| Dating 2 years and no committment
Posted: 1/15/2008 6:17:03 PM | The fact that he will not sleep over says to me that he is commitment phobic. You are hanging onto someone who is unable to move forward to a more serious relationship. The question to ask yourself is why you do this to yourself? I would highly recommend you go to a counsellor and work out your issues with unavailable men.
Good luck,
Judith | |
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| Dating 2 years and no committment
Posted: 2/8/2008 12:39:09 PM | He's NOT a mammas boy unles he insits on bringing mamma on all dates. I am sooooo sick of that cliche. It's trying to shove the whole blame game onto the men again.
And women, who play the blame game are the ones who don't have the maturity for serius relatinships. Not the men they blame.
NOW! To matters in hand.
I had a cousion who recently divorced. He's apporraching retirment age.. His ex, of only five years, not only took the home that HE and he alone, had sweated blood to pay off. She also took him for 75% of his superannuation. And thats legal.
He was looking forwardto a comfortable retirement, with or without a partner. Now he's got nothing. No income, not even a roof over his head. He will be struggling on welfare and trying to survive in trailer parks.
And how many snottty nosed women turn up their noses at "trailer park trash"
Stop the beeching about committment untill you have knocked down the doors of parliment house with demands for fairer divorce laws.
My god. You have the nerve to beech that he has no sense of commitment but have a look at the numberof posters who have all ranted on that you should leave him. Now who has no sense of committment.? | |
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| Dating 2 years and no committment
Posted: 2/8/2008 1:14:28 PM | My story?
I'm single.
But that means a story that no TV producer is game to approach unless as a sitcom like "the odd couple" or "two and a half men". The reality is that life as a regular divorced man is anything but comic.
Single men end up sharing house with divorced men. You can't avoid it. There are no mens shelters for battered husbands. This means puting up with flatmates who come home bruised and bloodied and talking about a bar brawl when you know damn well that the ex has huntend them down and attacked them again.
When that hapended I became very good at making sure that either myself, or some other reliable witness stayed with the victim for a week or two afterwards. Usually, almost on cue, four days later, the police would turn up with a complaint form the ex. Not about the "bar brawl" About an allegded attack two day later. A serius one. Having a reliable witness around was amazing in the way it changed police attitudes. They would be ready to break down doors and preaching all self rughteous about violence against women. I would point to the real victim, covered in bruises and tell the cop, "he was here all night when the alleged attack took place. And how many bruises did you see on the woman gentelmen" Never seen cops pull in thier heads and retreat so fast.
That was years ago. Police atttiudes to battered husband are changing these days.
I'm actually quite surprised that a woman in her forties is still talking like this. Most of them have grown up by that age. | |
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| Dating 2 years and no committment
Posted: 2/8/2008 1:40:50 PM |
am getting tired of just the words and i feel like i am wasting my time. Everytime i bring up the subject he gives me excuses
So quit wasting your time. Quit seeing him. You want more, he doesn't. I don't think there's much LOVE here...sounds like you and he are more like FWB than in a relationship. After dating this long, I don't feel like you should hang on to him while you shop for a better deal. STOP SEEING HIM. Dating more than one person is OK if you are just casual, but seeing somebody exclusively for 2 years is not casual.
And I'm not saying do this to pressure him. He's afraid of committment, this is working just fine for him. Sex with you and Mama to look after him. Works for him!
If it was workin' for you we wouldn't be having this discussion.
Stop dating him if you are dissatisfied with the situation. I have to warn you you will run into this a lot. Divorced men are scared and scarred. I'm simply making that observation, not judging or condemning them.
Cindy O | |
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| Dating 2 years and no committment
Posted: 2/8/2008 4:45:33 PM | You mentioned that everything is fine, but then you also mentioned that you feel his mom is in the picture WAY too much. He never wants to sleep with you after 2 years?
That tells me that I don`t think there is much of an emotional commitment. His emotional commitment is with his mom and not you. And I will bet my last dollar that
she would fight you all the way down the aisle.
He`s happy where things are and apparently, his mom will stop him from committing with anyone. Maybe he had such trouble between mom and wife the first time around that he isn`t going to do it again.
Some guys will promise things to keep things where they are at. But they have no intent to follow through. This has happened to me. He likes being in a relationship
with you , but apparently likes things the way they are. You don`t. So the bottom line is, either be satisfied that this is all he is going to give and deal with it , or leave. But I doubt very much that anything is going to change. He would probably just get another woman and do the same thing after you leave. I hate to be so negative but I believe this is realistic. I`m afraid that we can`t always get what we want.Good luck! | |
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| Dating 2 years and no committment
Posted: 2/8/2008 4:49:06 PM | | commitment has more meaning than marriage, all it rly means is not seeing anyone else as it goes for marriage id say atleast 3 years | |
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| Dating 2 years and no committment
Posted: 2/8/2008 5:13:56 PM | Well the fact that you call him a "Mammas Boy" says alot about your feelings about HIM. What about his feelings about YOU? Have you asked him? Did you tell him what you expect or what you want out of the relationship (I am sure you have - I just had to ask)?
Us guys are not mind readers. As a guy, I would appreciate an ultimatum if you were truly serious.... either ask me... tell me..... or get off the pot...lol
Give the guy a break and if he still lets Momma drive the bus look for another bus driver....Good Luck, hope you have a nice weekend | |
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| Dating 2 years and no committment
Posted: 2/8/2008 5:48:04 PM | I dont know the infatuation with marriage. Like oh gosh ive been with someone a couple of years and they dont want to marry me! Yet if they mention it thats enough lol
Im sure he was a mummys boy from the get go and this isnt a new thing in the past week and youve been datin him for 2 years! I think your upset cos no marriage has been mentioned and your picking on other reasons to get rid as to save face. Thats fine but you need to be honest with yourself so you can put your needs out there and lay it out. If you really want to get married and theres no substitute for that then you need to tell him that. If it is genuinly cos he is a mummys boy then again you can talk about it, get no where on the subject then you cut and run.
What i dont get if hes a mummys boy and not living with you why it would bother you anyway. Is it that your threatened cos he doesnt need you?
I have fantastic parents, men can be intimidated by my stepdad. I live at home Im spoilt rotten and looked after too! | |
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| Dating 2 years and no committment
Posted: 2/9/2008 5:53:11 AM | I recommend the book ARE YOU THE ONE FOR ME? by Barbara DeAngelis.
It spells out the stages of commitment. Seems like you have a comfortable
exclusive relationship, "Live Close Visit Often" which could stay there forever.
If you want something more, you need to discuss this with him.
What are the obstacles to a lifetime commitment? What fears does he have
and what is he doing about it? How long does he think it will take to resolve his
hesitations? (How long are you willing to wait for him to resolve his hesitations?)
Is he in therapy? Do the two of you want to go to pre-marital counseling to work this through? These are some soul-searching discussions you need to have.
No mind-reading.
If marriage is out of the question he should tell you now, and you can go find someone
who has the same relationship goals. If a man says, I never want to marry again,
believe him and move on. | |
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| Dating 2 years and no committment
Posted: 2/9/2008 6:04:11 AM | I read the OP's opening comment & no farther so not to affect my immediate thoughts.
...2 years...??? no committment????? and...no sleepovers??
If you feel like your 'wasting your time hunn', your right! No dispespect to someone I've never met, but it sure sounds like if you come back with the same question / comment in another 2 YEARS, the answer will be the same!
I believe your wasting precious time with this man. Obviously, (he) is happy the way things are. My question is simply...why would you wait approx. 700 nights for (the) first sleepover...!?? Mind blowing.
I give you alot of credit for 'allowing' this "relationship" to continue - WITHOUT a committment. Many women I've known would've been gone after 2 MONTHS!
Time to move on. | |
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| Dating 2 years and no committment
Posted: 2/9/2008 7:55:20 AM | | I am still trying to figure out how 2 years together is not a commitment.... That is longer than one of my marriages lasted.... | |
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| Dating 2 years and no committment
Posted: 2/9/2008 8:02:55 AM | Tell me again, why are you wasting your time on a man who doesn't seem to see the gem he has in front of him? And NO FAIR comparing to former flames, that just isn't the right thing to do~
Is this the only man in your entire city? If so, time to check out the next locale!
*smile*
Good luck! | |
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