| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 11:47:18 AM | | well he didn't directly say that he likes her at all. Just said that she was very pretty (which is pretty much the first thing he always notices about women tho he says he thinks beauty is only skin deep and he wants something more...you can imagine the pressure on me to look my best day after day anyways) | |
|
| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 12:35:20 PM | I would straight out ask him, if him and his step -sister had anything to do with each other, if he has any feelings for her still if they had anything to do ... It's better to be honest and straight out forward then to have to be insecure about it through out your relationship.
Best advice I've seen on this thread (and those who echo it). That far away look in his eye may simply be guilt and baggage brought on by the results of the marriage and not how he feels today at all. Kids tend to operate on an 'I saw it/him/her first' mentality and to have very simplistic ideas about what is fair in life.
He may still be beating himself up for ever thinking she was pretty and feeling like a perv [nobody will ever want someone like him etc.] when not only did nothing ever happen between them, but he (and perhaps she) both had to be 'deprogrammed too quickly' in order for the parents to put their own needs first --which is what I see as family dynamic #1.
I think in such a circumstance it was incumbent upon the parents to perhaps have given this particular relationship a pass or at the very least to have dealt with all of the issues involved thoroughly prior to the marriage.
Telling children in such circumstances that "you can't help who you fall in love with" but it's a one-way street that works only for adults and not kids just adds fuel to the fire of resentment and baggage.
And as for her not liking you, it may be the same type of thing in her case...not you personally -- just the whole principle of the thing. Never underestimate how childhood shapes the people we are today. Having people tell you that you are this or that is not the problem, it's believing them and never challenging the notion that is. | |
|
| |
| |
| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 1:08:23 PM | ~OP~ First, it's NOT creepy. Geeeeezus. It's not like he's been kissing his sister. People amaze me most days here.  At any rate ~ I agree with the more reasonable posters. Ask him. Point blank, in a calm manner, inquire about the nature of his situation with her in the past. But, keep in mind, it is the PAST.
You clearly state you don't think he'd cheat ~ so what is the real problem? I'd be mortified if my ex-husband didn't have feelings for me today. I still care for him. That isn't creepy, that is what love does to us. It binds us to people we find of value. The love may change, but wouldn't it be a waste for it to disappear when the romantic relationship ends? Personally, I have a question I ask most men: "How do you feel about your ex?" If hate and vile comes out of his mouth, he's not for me ~ I may be the next "ex" and I want someone who will respect and care about my life long after the breakup is over. You do what you feel is right. If this is that troubling to you, you may have to move on. Personally ~ if he's worth your time, I think I'd get the facts and stop dwelling on what to do until you know what you are dealing with. JMO  | |
|
| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 2:46:52 PM | I'm sure there is a certain taboo attraction to having a non-relative attractive member of the opposite sex in the house.
I used to date a guy who I thought had a little thing for his step-sister (we were in our early twenties at the time) - their parents married while they were in their late teens so this is a pretty hormonal time to be suddenly put in the same household together. He wanted to marry me at the time and I never worried about the sister. Most guys think sexual thoughts about every non-relative female in their vicinity - it's only the taboo nature of an almost sibling that makes this scenario more noteworthy - it doesn't necessarily mean his feelings are more serious. Anyways, nothing ever did come of it. They've both since married and had children with others and are now in their forties.
You may be reading much more into the situation. Best to talk about it if it is a concern to you.
I really think the problem is that you or he thinks she is prettier than you. Are you planning to get insecure about every pretty girl who enters his life? What if his best friend hooks up with a prettier girl, will you try to end their friendship? Just something to think about. | |
|
| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 6:22:31 PM | What's so creepy, He thinks she's hot , and perhaps not in the sense of relationship material.
Not even blood related.
Imagine boy meets girl. Asks girl to marry, and she says yes. He brings her home to meet his divorced mother who has a boyfriend. She says wait til you meet by boyfriend. Turns out to be girl's father. It happens.
Lets stop debasing things as creepy. You can't help who you fall in love with or lust for. It's only creepy when DNA is common. | |
|
| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 6:26:06 PM | | I think you should be worried! No, i think you need to let your fiance go so he can be with his sister by marriage because it seems like he has some strong feelings for her more than he has for you. If you stay with him,you'll never truly be able to trust him around her and you'll be worse off than you are now. I wouldn't be with a woman that had strong feelings for her brother by marriage! | |
|
| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 6:55:47 PM | I'm guessing you don't have the self confidence to sit him down and talk this out as adults. Also, you started waving the red flag really high, then backed it down to just 'being troubled'. Now you're saying 'uneasy'. Will it next be '...couldn't sleep so I started contriving this scenario'? Understand what is bothering you and if it is sufficient, address it with him.
eazk, is it so hard for you to try to look at what i mean instead of looking at my choice of words? i think you're being unnecessarily over-critical. i'm not here to write an essay or impress a professor, i'm here simply to talk. you'd better believe i'm feeling troubled about the possibility that my man likes at another woman, that's the meat of the matter. i already admit i do not have perfect grammar or spelling and i appreciate that you are getting what i'm saying, but this is unnecessary and irrelevant. why the emphasis on the trivial?
and the other reason why i can't sit down and bring this up to him is because i don't want to appear insecure and posessive. and if i'm the unreasonable one, no way am i going to be difficult and get nothing out of it. also he's not open to talk about things with me all the time though we know we're suppose to be honest with each other for the sake of maintaining this relationship, which we both treasures very much. he says he tries and i try to make that good enough.
i really believe that my fiance have feelings for me too (i hope stronger than his feelings for her, if they exist like i suspect). just that i'm not sure what to take of him telling me how pretty he thinks she is and that she has flirted with him in the past, but maybe that's just in the past, tho i'm so insecure about what they really feel for each other. i think the reason y they didn't end up together was because she was pregnant with another man's kid (man ran away from responsibility) at the time and she was only 18. and that's another thing i'm insecure about, like, my fiance have a thing for girls who make stupid decisions and screw up in life because he likes to play this rescuer role for women. if women didn't need him in some way then he doesn't need them, i think. i mean, i hate complaining because he treats me real nice and with respect already. just that my insecurity combined with wavering trust is killing me, because the decision to eventually marry him is BIG, ok? | |
|
| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 7:04:55 PM | | also like she's really really prety, like the type that some guys (like my fiance for ex) want to protect and fawn all over her n shit. and he does that sometimes. i know, and especially when i'm not around he spends tons of time with her, that's y they're really really close. and i'm not happy about that. | |
|
| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 7:08:46 PM | Only you can decide if you are better off with, or without him in your life. If he frequently talks about his step-sister, then she is on his mind and he clearly has feelings for her. I don't think I'd stick around playing second fiddle, that's just not my style. 
Pink | |
|
| |
| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 7:20:51 PM | [I say do not ever stay with a man who you think would cheat on you. That "ain't" cool.
Now if you say the sis is cute and wants to be your friend, there is nothing wrong with having cute friends.. but only if she is nice. Dump the guy and go shopping with the sis.]
nachogirlfriend hello. no problem if i were friends with his sis and if she's nice maybe i wouldn't feel so insecure. i mean i really like nice people and i love my friends. but i don't know if she's nice, to be honest i think she's a snob and disrespects her friends and even her brother and she's the type of person who cancels dates at the last minutes on her friends. then again we all have bad qualities so it's not even an issue i have with her. the issue i have is that when my fiance greets her cutely or something, she wouldn't reply or anything just do her own thing, or she'd be like playing coy and don't respond back. he thinks its cute and he adores her for it, which is some other reason why i think he have feelings for her.
verygreeneyez: thank you muches for such a good post. can i talk to u personally if u allow it? | |
|
| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 7:40:33 PM | I find myself agreeing with blahblah101.
This thread is starting to stink of yet another of those "attention seeking" things or the OP is soon going to inform us that it was all made up just to see what we'd say!!!
If (IF) this thread was posted with Any sincerity, then I will respond sincerely:
No. If you believe your man (your fiance!!!) has feelings for another women, IF you don't absolutely Trust your FIANCE, If you need to see the advice of a bunch of strangers and after 2 pages find Only 1 who comes close to agreeing with you - then NO "I" would Not stay with a man who blahblahblahblahblah
You're 20, at least that's what your profile says. You are not ready for a serious commitment. Reread your First post. That is what Most people are responding to. Those that you follow up with are just Obvious attempts to have people think you meant something other than what you originally posted.
I suppose I could just have left it at I agree with blahblah101, but these bogus threads are getting tiresome.
ps
your profile says "prefer not to say" for drugs .. so .. what kinda drugs you on OP? | |
|
| |
| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 8:06:27 PM | | ewwww...how in the world did you accept a proposal of marriage from him? I didn't read your profile, so sorry, I don't know why your spelling and grammer are so bad. It is a bit difficult to understand what you have written, so if I missed some logical reason why you accepted his proposal and got that involved with someone that is perhaps mentally ill, I apologize. | |
|
| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 8:14:35 PM |
He's your FIANCE and you don't trust him to tell the truth? WTF????? Trust is one of the basics required for a healthy relationship. No wonder the divorce statistics are so high. It's a given in your case.
well not all the time at least. but then again which one of us are perfectly honest 100% of the time? that's why i tolerate it and try to be patient. i thought that maybe eventually he'll tell the truth more often when he sees nothing too unpleasant can push me a way. just trying to be a divoted gf is all. | |
|
| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 8:22:41 PM | No I certainly wouldnt stay.No matter who the woman is, whether she goin or whatever his feelings are probably there for her and they dont vanish. If your driven to bein troubled and askin for this advise off strangers on here do you really think its worth it?
Id try chattin to him rationally about it all but sayin that im pretty sure you wont get to the bottom of the situation. Its down to you. Can you live with uncertainity and possible deception? | |
|
| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 8:28:42 PM | ok, let me try to get this straight....you knew your fiance's step mom and step sister before marrying into your fiance's family? you also suspected him of messing around with his step sister? how long have you been dating this guy for? it's normally for step sibblings to talk about each other but it's not normal to actually fantacize (sp) about them. if he has her constantly on his mind and not you, why are you sticking around? i also think that she doesn't want you to be a friend to her because of her step brother and jealousy.
op, my personal opinion.....just walk away from the whole twisted situation. if he can't accept the fact that he might be an idiot then he'll never grow up. with him telling you that you're paranoid or insecure, it may be the truth at some point but then again you're talking about a man that has the hots for his step sister and is or may be avoiding and ignoring you. | |
|
| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 8:32:39 PM | Definatley not otherwise you will always be wondering if he will act on his attraction and chances are sooner or later he will if not now maybe a year or two from now on you can do so much better someone who won't have that dreamy look when he talks about another girl, the facts remain but go with your gut feeling because as women we always know to trust it we are usually right but in the long run it's up to you as I don't know much about the situation.
Good luck | |
|
| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 8:36:19 PM |
Id try chattin to him rationally about it all but sayin that im pretty sure you wont get to the bottom of the situation. Its down to you. Can you live with uncertainity and possible deception?
ok foxyred, you so have a point here. what i'll do is to ask him straight up. something like "so how did you feel about your step sister before your folks got married? how do you feel about her now?" is that good? what else should i ask him?
I know he's probably not doing anything with her ever, but if he have feeling for her and feeling for me too...i'm not good at sharing to be honest, i can't handle the jealousy i'm feeling right now.
thank you jade!!! (two post after mine) really appreciate it and i will trust my instincts!!! | |
|
| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 8:37:23 PM | Santa Maria, its like I know I have alot of feathers but not much chicken
And you wonder where the trailer park boys get their material from? sweet jezusssss
If this is true (given you the benefit of the doubt here) your fiancee thinks his step sister is pretty , oh whoopy dooo and goonie googoo, I think my sister is beautiful doesn't mean I want to sleep with her
I think you need to either grow up and/or get help with your issues, so when your married and 50 years later he sees a attractive woman in her 30's and he says oh shes pretty are you going to cut his nuts off for saying that?
Either you trust him or you don't? as long as he doesn't disrespects you who the hell cares who he thinks is pretty. | |
|
| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 8:46:35 PM | First and foremost, I am sure you won’t like my response so I apologize in advance.
I personally feel actions (including eye movements) speak louder than words. If he acts a little strange every time this lady is mentioned than possibly he does have feelings. Will these feelings go away? I don’t know however I feel that until he fulfills his request his desires will be lingering (and will be lingering in the back of your mind). You are a beautiful woman who can probably get any man she wants … so please watch his actions and make your decision from there.
Good Luck OP this must be very difficult for you! | |
|
| |
| would you stay with a man if he have feelings for another woman
Posted: 1/10/2008 9:31:47 PM | Hey, posted this in my last post due to restrictions on the number of posts, but here it is if you missed it:
thank you jade!!! (two post after mine) really appreciate it and i will trust my instincts!!
and i'll trust my instincts for sure, not that i'd abandon logic or anything. sometimes intuition picks up things logic or reason misses. thanks a lot again for the advice.
regalrose, that is hard to deal with, i know what you've suffered through. only how did you find out he have feelings for the several other women? did he apologize for it? or did you let him go because of it? | |
|
Home
login 
