| Doomed to fail???
Posted: 1/12/2008 10:11:19 AM | | Okay, so thank you all for the replies! I now have come to the conclusion that if the attraction and interest between the two parties is genuine, that the initial pursuing and initiation does not matter as long as it is not completely one sided, it should be a give and take. That seems so obvious, but I think that a lot of the time love and all the insecurities and everything else, blinds the senses... | |
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| Doomed to fail???
Posted: 1/12/2008 10:19:22 AM | Well now .. and here I am waiting for a man to make the first move!!
You're telling me you 'want me' to 'Chase' you?? I hope you don't mind standing still while I do it then!! lol
I figure the Big thing that dooms any relationship to failure is lack of communication. There are several others - but (IMO) that's the biggy.
blahblah how fast do you run?? lmao
A.S.is
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| Doomed to fail???
Posted: 1/12/2008 10:30:46 AM | When a girl pursues a guy and initiates the relationship (instead of the guy approaching her), it often means that the guy is a laid-back or shy dude. I've got a couple of buddies who are like that. They are good-looking, laid-back dudes who get approached by women. Those kinds of relationships never work long-term, because the girl has to keep initiating things. A laid-back guy is going to keep being a laid-back guy who doesn't initiate anything. It doesn't matter how loving the girl is--the lazy dude is going to keep having his head up his a$$ about initiating things.
The relationships where the woman is doing the pursuing are poor in quality and are subject to FAIL. | |
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| Doomed to fail???
Posted: 1/12/2008 10:36:27 AM | TipToe - a thoughtful question. I prefer the man initiate it feels safe and exciting to me. I love the masculine tendency to lead and encourage it in every possible way through my appreciation and respect for the direction he has set.
No doubt men are flattered to be pursed ... isn't everyone regardless of gender? However, I believe that a successful relationship takes one person being the feminine and the other the masculine energy. We only need to observe nature to see when two masculine creatures are together there is posturing for control. Thus, avoiding masculine behaviors as a woman can prevent competition while bringing out the protective side of the man.
There are many successful relationships where the man has strong feminine attributes and the woman has strong masculine attributes. It appears it is not gender specific but instead two people who have determined (consciously or unconsciously) roles traditional or non-traditional. Switching in mid-stream however can be confusing, unfair and most importantly provide an unstable environment. We see this when women expect their men to be as 'sensitive, talkative or intuitive' as their girlfriends or men expect their woman to be 'decisive, unemotional or lead' like their male counterparts.
I prefer to be the feminine in a relationship and find pursing counter my nature; this does not prevent me from flirting and offering much feedback to a man regarding my willingness and desire to be pursued. | |
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| Doomed to fail???
Posted: 1/12/2008 10:44:00 AM | Everyone likes to know that someone finds them attractive and interesting. But being more traditional I have never emailed a man first, I am just not comfortable with that. Once contact is made and you are dating then I think women/men have to be able to say exactly what's on their mind and in their heart. If you cannot then don't date!
Far too many people play games or do not express their feelings, it only confuses the other person and eventually you are going to be left wondering why it did not work out. Just because you are not a demonstrative person does not mean your partner should just 'know' that you care for them. We're not all psychic. Say the words!!! It won't kill you I swear. | |
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| Doomed to fail???
Posted: 1/12/2008 8:34:11 PM | I think this depends a great deal on the guy being chased. I have seen a couple girls who have done well dating science and engineering types. Those girls typically go out of their way to start relationships. While the stereotype isn't always true there certainly are a great many who just aren't going to be starting a relationship no matter how attractive they find you.
Personally if I am not trying to get with a girl than you go in one of three categories: I don't find you attractive, I think you are out of my league, or I think you would be socially awkward to date probably because you are someone I can't avoid seeing daily if it fails. If you are in the first category you won't be helped by making a move. Worse if I am bored enough, I might find it easier to go along with things a while just to be absolutely certain I wasn't mistaken. In that case its probably doomed unless I have some really good times. If however you are in the other two groups you will do quite well making the first move.
I couldn't give you any way to know which group you are in. | |
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| Doomed to fail???
Posted: 1/12/2008 8:54:02 PM |
If I have to chase you all over the place, you're not the one for me, that's just wasting my time.
I totally understand this approach. For many guys, it is intuitive. I was like this right up until I was in a marriage. The problem is for guys who aren't so naturally gifted, that luck plays too big a factor.
You don't have to chase if you generate attraction in her. The only precursor to that, is you recognising that there is a dynamic at play whether you like it or not. You can call it playing games or whatever, but that's all semantics. There are certain facts of life that don't care about our semantics. One of them is that a healthy woman will test you before committing to you. This doesn't mean she is a "player" or that she is disingenuous.
My personal conclusion?
Just appreciate the woman for everything that she is. Get off your arse and dance with her. | |
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| Doomed to fail???
Posted: 1/13/2008 5:43:41 AM | Unless you know for SURE... it's "doomed to fail"... from the start, that is...
You'd be surprised how many relationships that were thought to be "doomed to fail"...gelled and took hold... | |
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