| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 3/9/2008 10:36:16 PM |
Hmmm,,,,would you want to make them wait till they meet you to find that you have three legs, no arms and can only eat through a straw?
I find this to be a bit offensive, and I am able bodied. Have you ever met or even seen a person with three legs? Have a bit of consideration for those who may have a difficult situation already. Wise cracks are not necessary. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 3/9/2008 10:39:41 PM | you know, im not shallow, i have some disabilities myself.. but there was one guy that really pulled the wool over my eyes. he messaged me on here, didnt have a picture posted, then got me to give him my screenname so we could talk better and he could send me a picture. at that time i was having computer problems, so he said that he could help me troubleshoot by talking to me on the phone.. so of course i gave him my number.
after months of him talking to me everytime i signed online and calling me all the time, he asked me if id go out with him. i didnt really want to from the start cause he was annoying, but i figured since he saved me so much money on pc repair that i would go ahead and humor him.
he asked me what i wanted to do on our date, i suggested bowling, he said he didnt bowl. i then suggested maybe meet up for some drinks. then he tells me he doesnt drink. i asked why, he told me that the first time he drank when he was 18 he fell down the stairs. i told him that he was lucky he didnt get paralyzed. he then told me that he was, and that he was paralyzed from the waist down, and quickly changed the subject to where we were going to go for our date.
at that point i knew what he was doing, if i would have cancelled the date i would have been a terrible person for discriminating. he purposefully kept that information from me until a point where i couldnt turn back.
i went on the date with him, he was even weirder in person than i thought, he smelled bad, we had nothing in common, all around it was just a bad date.... but he wouldnt stop calling me. he was accusing me of dissing him because he was handicapped. i was mad that he didnt reveal that to me from the start, cause it wouldnt have been such a shocker, but the reason i didnt want to see him again was because he was literally a creep | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 3/9/2008 11:03:16 PM |
after months of him talking to me everytime i signed online and calling me all the time, he asked me if id go out with him. i didnt really want to from the start cause he was annoying, but i figured since he saved me so much money on pc repair that i would go ahead and humor him.
I don't understand why you would feel obligated to go on the date with him. He offered to help you, you never asked. Especially if you found him annoying. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 3/9/2008 11:12:52 PM | Disabilities Don't have to be listed in a persons profile.
If it's a major one, such as a wheel chair it should be disclosed before meeting the person your talking to.
If it's something unnoticeable it should be brought up in conversation in person at a later time. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 3/9/2008 11:23:40 PM | nikkiflash18:
Okay, in your case, I take back what I said earlier. He should have revealed up front that he was handicapped. However, I think it should be something that should be revealed over the telephone or in communication other than on a profile. That way there can be some interchange between the two of you.
Years ago in Los Angeles they had dance halls. But these were generally for older people, people in their 30's and up. I just got out of the military and went to one because an older cousin needed a ride and didn't want to go alone. My cousin immediately found someone her own age and started to dance. A sad looking very attractive older woman about my cousin's age was the only one seated when the jazz bands began. And I was the only one without a girl.
I was 21 years old at the time. She 36 years old, I learned, and with a club foot. It was hard for her to dance, but she managed. At first I felt sorry for her, but after some conversation, I began to really like her.
Afterward, we went to dinner and life took off after that for a short time.
In her case it was obvious to me that she was a cripple. Nothing had to be revealed.
Had she been introduced to me on a POF profile as a 36 year old cripple when I was 21 years old, I know, because female opportunities abounded for me at the time, that I would not have tried to connect with her. But because I met her in person, it made all the difference.
I guess that is what I'm trying to get at. These kind of disabilities have to be revealed over the telephone to give the handicapped person a chance to reveal his/her personality. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 3/10/2008 5:53:58 PM | | I, too, have fibromyalgia. And when it is active, it limits my mobility. I also have aggressive osteoarthritis, which has resulted in 2 joint replacements. However, all of this does not limit my desire to have a "normal" relationship. Nor does it limit my ability to be a caring, loving, intelligent individual. Just because I have some physical limitations doesn't mean that I am any less intelligent, witty or interesting than someone who doesn't have any limitations. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 3/10/2008 7:38:40 PM |
I have attention deficit disorder. I guess that would qualify.
From one ADDer to another, only makes us ADDmirable. Certainly never boring. 
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 3/10/2008 8:12:17 PM | I don't understand this question.I mean I am seriously trying to get where u r coming from with this but I simply can't wrap my brain around it and at further observing in some of the replys,I really hope I never do understand this.What business is it of anyones what another human being is being forced to live with?Did this person ask u to wipe their butt or something?Have they asked u for blood or money or food?Where the hell do u get off thinking u have the right to even imply such an assanine act?Get down off of ur manmade pedestals and stop acting like ur stuff don't stink! | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 3/19/2008 9:13:03 AM | Yes, I think major disabilities should be a part of your profile. You will end up with a surprised reaction, maybe even not hear from the person again if you are not honest. Don't risk being hurt that way. No one likes rejection.  | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 3/19/2008 11:04:38 AM | I think most of us have our own type of "disabilities"....some may be visible, some may be emotional, some obvious, some deeply rooted.
I know for me personally, when I get to the point that a gentleman and I start talking about meeting and it's someone I am very interested in, I have a little "disclosure" email that I send. In it I share the fact that I have been married twice, that I snore like a drunken sailor, that I was once 60 pounds heavier than I am now, etc. It is my list of little "warts" , if you will, that I feel a need to share in the event this person would prefer not to deal with them. I don't want to waste his time or mine if these things would make a difference to him. My daughter thinks I'm crazy for doing this, but it's something I need to do so I know this person can accept me just as I am. I have never had anyone say they didn't want to meet after receiving my email (they are all little things that probably only matter to me) and most say they appreciate the honesty.
I meet a gentleman last weekend after sending him my disclosure email, and while we were having lunch he said, "I know more about you than anyone I have ever met for the first time."
So....my thinking is there is no need to post information about "disabilities" in the profile for everyone and their brother to see, but if there are things you feel need to be disclosed then definitely do it before the first meeting.
Just my 2 cents...
Rose Mary | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 3/22/2008 3:04:33 PM | ok let me just say sorry if I offended anyone as that was and wasn't my intention.smile.I just don't like ppl chatting it up about someone elses problems when it doesn't affect them.I know it may effect u for a sec but u can move on right.It shouldn't be a big deal really.Ok ya r gonna laugh about this--I saw where someone had looked at my profile and so I wrote to him cause we all know guys can be shy right so anyway he writes back and says hes not interested in me because hes in a wheelchair and because I am thick.ok someone could have told me lol.anyway life goes on doesn't it.ya tc and be frosty. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 3/22/2008 3:39:26 PM |
Ok ya r gonna laugh about this--I saw where someone had looked at my profile and so I wrote to him cause we all know guys can be shy right so anyway he writes back and says hes not interested in me because hes in a wheelchair and because I am thick.ok
Actually, it isn't funny at all. It's so easy to forget that one's posts in the forums are much more revealing about a person in terms of their attitudes, values and so on as these posts take the "introduction" of one's profile to a whole different level of insight. While it may well have not been an intentional offense, an offense was committed - a huge one at that. Be happy to explain off the thread if you have an interest in clarity. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 3/22/2008 5:48:19 PM | Proof once again that we are all human and make mistakes. Prefering not to say what your body type seems to me to be odd coming from someone that thinks you should disclose disabilities.
I have yet to meet someone that doesn't discuss something personal or private after meeting them. There are so many different types of challenges, physical, mental, financial, etc. When you meet someone at a party, in a class, at a bar, etc., there isn't a sign around their neck telling their whole life story. I don't want to know everything about someone before I meet them. Who knows how some things even sound in black and white? | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 3/23/2008 12:08:16 PM | | Well, I figure if it's going to turn someone off against you, might as well be turning them off before getting to know each other. I haven't had much success on this site; I'm not sure if it's because I list that I have a health condition on my profile, but I would certainly rather have a girl not want to talk to me in the 1st place than spend a lot of time getting to know her, develop an emotional attachment, and then have her find out about it and leave because she didn't want to put up with it. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 3/23/2008 8:07:02 PM | w I tried to email you, but I can't. I know that reading, "I have stomach problems, so therefore I have difficulty in social situations where I feel "trapped," does scare me. There are so many different medical conditions this could involve from cancer to ibs and tons in between. Personally I think it would be easier not to contact someone that has something so vague. I am not saying that you have to meet someone before you disclose everything, but even emailing certain conditions, challenges, etc. are too difficult to explain in black and white. Talking on the phone you can't see how the person is taking what you are saying. But I think talking to someone on the phone about whatever your condition is, is a bit better than putting it on your profile. I am so for freedom of choice.
Good luck w. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 3/24/2008 3:15:53 AM | It's not a must, but it's great the people who can openly talk about their dissabilities.
Personally, I think it's best if they didn't, and got to know a person before telling them about it. You're now not judging them for the dissability that they have, but seeing them for the person that they are.
That said, I think you need to be open about it. If you meet someone or date someone without telling them about it, I think thats weak. Especially, if they have to find out for themselves. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 3/25/2008 12:12:11 PM | really I didn't realize that if I posted an opinion in a forum someone else might read it.ty so much for enlightening me to the ways of the fishing hole here lol.As for what I said not being funny to u ok well again sorry if it didn't tickle ur funny bone but it did mine,enough said about that lol.In closing let me add that if when reading my post in forums along the way and u still r unclear of my standing concerning certain situations then that's ur uneducated inability to articulate the english language not mine cause from where I sit I understand fully what I said but then it is my opinion and probably not recieved well by some others,oh well life goes on doesn't it?  | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 3/25/2008 11:46:33 PM | Perhaps not listed on the profile, but before meeting, yes.
No one likes being blindsided. It's happened a couple of times, and not necesarily a disability, but definitely a deception involved. 'Deception' means you're no longer considered 'relationship material' for me!  | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 3/26/2008 6:23:53 AM | Would you rather have someone interested in you despite your disability, or lonely because people will meet you and run???
Not letting someone know that one has a serious disability before meeting is kind of like not telling someone that you've had a sex change...it MATTERS. Some disabilities are deal-breakers...some are not...depends on the person you are dealing with. Why go through the additional pain of rejection when you can directly address the issue beforehand and cut out the people you didn't want to deal with anyway??
Just be honest...you might be amazed at what you find. Heck, put it in your hobbies list...at least that way you can chat with others with the same issues. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 4/20/2008 1:25:09 PM | | I've been a member of pof since 5/07. When I wrote my profile, I decided that full discloser, pictures and text were the way to go to avoid any misunderstandings. Well, after being here almost a year I still haven't recieved one e-mail. I own my condo and am financially secure. According to some of my female friends, my profile is good so what's a guy to think? | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 6/22/2008 12:31:54 AM | I can only speak for myself I am a person with a disability(s)
To answer the question If a guy or girl has a disability do you think they should list it on their profile? Or do you think they should spring it on you later?
No I think not because if it were disclosed that a person has one or more disability(s) and the entire site knows it then where is the persons right to privacy and the right to disclose that information to only the select few I mean if I wanted the entire site to know then I'd tell it but I think it's only fair that only those I know would know my disorder(s) and I do tell once I've gotten to know someone it's not a secret but I believe that it should be my choice when to tell.
Look at it this way if I were an employer and I asked if a person had a disability I'd be in trouble. | |
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