|
|
|
|
|
| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/11/2008 5:19:51 AM | Well...of course you're not! But you were the very first woman to spout off about diabetics with an ED. And, my dear woman, there is a whole lot more to sex than just copulation.
If men with diabetes have ED than thank God I am a woman, because I have never had a libido problem!
By the way, that is a generalization...ED and diabetes do not go hand in hand.
There needs to be a major clarification of what a diability is in the first place. I am a diabetic but I don't get to have a handicapped sticker on my car! There are illness, conditions, syndromes, disorders, etc. Diabetes is a disoder, as is high blood pressure or sleep apnea. Having no arm or leg or being deaf or blind are disabilites. I am not going to put my medical history on my profile. Why should I? Are you going to disclose that you have sinus infections twice a year or dry skin? How about trying to meet people by telling them that you have a dandruff or cavities. You are not because you know how to take care of your issue. I don't even take medicine for my diabetes; I have been diet controlled for years. I am not ashamed of it and I do eventually tell anyone that I am going to continue to see. Most men either already know about diabetes, or ask questions. I had one guy tell me he didn't want a sick woman because he didn't want her to die before him. I told him not to worry because as bad as his diet was, he was in bigger danger of dying than I am!
To me a person who wants to hide that they have a true disability has a problem that goes very deep. They are not accepting who they are and that is a bigger turn off in dating than the disability. You can't hide physical disabilities.
Mental disabilities are another subject. Mentally ill people are generally not going to tell the truth so this group is the biggest threat to the dating world.
I have met too many damned depressed men on this site and what is bad is that they don't seem to know they are. I have had alot of dealings with depressed people so I can spot the signs right away. Some are really good at faking it but not for long. Depression is not just about being sad or down, some are very good at pretending. They tend to be very charasmatic and seem like the perfect pereson. They worry me more because they draw you in and when you finally see that there is an issue, you don't want to leave because you have feelings for them now. Sad thing is they will probably flip on you eventually.
I wish POF would let you warn people about the real crazy ones! | |
|
Nona37
|
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 52 | |
| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/11/2008 5:20:35 AM | I speak of someone who is a disabled veteran. I do not have my disabilities listed, largely because they do not effect my physical look, outwardly anyways, but I do however make it clear in the beginning that I am a wounded war veteran, and if they ask, I do volunteer what happened, as much as I can anyways, for there is no hiding my scars which can only been seen if my clothes are off, and if I ever end up "going there" with someone, they would see the scars, therefore, I feel it's only fair that they know before they see the scars.
Now in cases such as missing arms, or obvious physical disabilities, I feel people should let that be known, because it is something that could possibly thwart someone's chemistry with them, is this fair? Not really, but it's life.
To be honest with you, I have only had one guy shy away from me when I mentioned scars, and I do feel it's his loss, but, even in stating this, he was entitled to know the truth and he was told and he had every right to move on and not bother with me anymore, other men however have been very receptive, in fact, I had one guy once state to me that it was actually a turn on for him, whatever that means lol
I want to state that there is a man on this site, he lives in Canada I believe, hence why I never contacted him, but I absolutely adored his profile, he wears an eye patch over one of his eyes, and I so admired the fact that he had numerous pictures on his profile and not hiding his injury or disability, I don't know which one applies to this man, but I noticed his "favorites" was a good number, therefore, his confidence MUST be working for him, I was proud of him, and I must state, he's a nice looking man too, I would like to see others in similar predicaments do the same, I think the positive responses would be great :) | |
|
| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/11/2008 5:38:14 AM |
Further, a lot of disabilites are misunderstood or have stigmas attached to them and would just hurt the person with the disability even more
We all have had our share of dings along the way in life and just deal with,
being responsible and take good care of yourself and as long one can live with a good quality of life that all that matters.
And what's even scarier over half the population can't afford or offer health insurance, and then I have a few friends that can afford ins. yet say they have other priorities to worry about other then their health.
I can see the next post asking if; Should people who don't have coverage be a liability and be listed on there profiles too?
Or and this is a extreme but I read that some day when you go looking for a job and you have to bring your DNA results to see if your 100% fit. | |
|
| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/11/2008 5:46:44 AM | | Yes and I do not know why that is not stated,,,As I had to wait till the phone call and I was so sad as I will not and cannot accept that,,,Why can 't they be honest up front? What do they have to gain by not telling that as that is a big issue? | |
|
| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/11/2008 5:47:33 AM | yes I think so, it will not only keep people away who do not want to deal with that it will also bring those who also have those problems to you. More so if its a serious medical condition that effects your day to day life... I'd say it's a very good idea.
I once met someone and when she showed up she was in a wheelchair, it was shocking to me and I did not expect it. I would not have met her if I knew. I'm not interested in someone disabled or handicapped. Someone healthy is a number one priority in meeting them for me and others too, I'm sure.
so yes, say so in your profile. | |
|
bugsi
|
Joined: 11/26/2007
Msg: 56 | |
| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/11/2008 5:48:46 AM | | People with disabilities like to live as normal as life as possible so it dosnt seem fair for them to have to tell everyone to save them the embarrasement. As an individual if I had a disabilitiy I would certainly tell a potential love interest only so that they could never accuse me of lying or being dishonest to them and use it as an excuse later on down the track. If the person has a autoimmune disorder that could potenially cause harm to another person then they should certainly tell someone and be very selective and build trust with someone before they would have to disclose the information. I have daughter with diabetes and as a result her immune system is lowered so I always have to be cautious about flus and colds etc. | |
|
| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/11/2008 5:58:42 AM | If you are disabled you should tell the person prior to meeting (if that's your intent) them.
It's a fact of life and there's no way to get around it.
I don't think it should be in the profile.
Your medical issues are no one else's business and since you will never meet most of the people that look at your profile why give them anymore information that you need to? | |
|
| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/11/2008 6:09:38 AM | re the Opost
Difficult subject, as others have noted as well.
Not withstanding a working definition fo what constitutes a "disability" in relation to dating and romantic affairs and LTRs and sex, in a perfect world, one would expect people to be open and list their disabilities, embrace them and even use them as a way of rising above, in certain aspects (eg honesty), other daters.
But in an imperfect world, one cannot say that one should post ones disability/ies on one's profile, but neverthless, for practical reasons (eg not wasting his/her time with dates that are bound not to work) one should mention them in the pre-dating phase.
Again, I am in favor of the perfect world solution, but it is a very difficult subject in an imperfect world.
A truly advanced and pluralist society is one that everything that is legal is out in the open and people use their minds.
I can fully see tho why even in an imperfect society a person who "proudly"openly lists or shows his/her disability can attract much interest and many admirers. | |
|
| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/11/2008 7:14:21 AM | Great question! I guess it depends on how the person feels about letting everyone know or just a person they are visiting with. I guess it would also depend on what that disability is. I am not sure if Diabetic would fall under that heading, I could be wrong, but it seems to me that an illness (that can be controlled) would be less of a disability than someone being deaf, blind, missing a limb.
What about disclosing things like:
I have emotional issues
I am a rage a holic
I physically, emotionally and verbally abuse people
I have drug problems or I am dishonest...
I gamble my paychecks trying to double them
I drink until I pass out and other significant issues...
Or what if a man has a very tiny penis? Shouldnt they put that on their profile next to weight, height and eye color?? I really mean it, I dated a man for six months, everything was excellent, similar interests, mature, taking it slow, then on the night we were going to be together he confesses that he has a very tiny penis. I felt betrayed, he should have told me long before that, not the first date... but after the first month..
With so many things that could be a deal breaker I feel most people are not going to disclose anything negative or perceived as negative. I would much rather date someone that is deaf or missing a limb than a person that is non functional, dishonest or self destructive.
JMO | |
|
| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/11/2008 7:32:40 AM | | I have no problems with dissabilities if i am attracted to the personality. Although I do not have diabetes when did it become a disability? | |
|
hat18
|
Joined: 1/2/2008
Msg: 61 | |
| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/11/2008 8:09:12 AM | I have the Don Ho song "Tiny P.., Bubbles" playing in my head.
As to the original post, I see no need to put a disability in a profile. I think it ought to be disclosed before an in person meeting, or before its likely that anyone is developing more than a casual interest, in a scenario where the discussions remain long distance for a while. | |
|
| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/11/2008 8:29:11 AM | Hello to all,
Let me just say this.... we all have a disabilitie. we are all here to find someone to share good time's with. disabiltie's listed in any place, is and should be up to that person. you know this is a site that ask's us ? leave to those ? and move forward . if someone ask's, answer them with honest truth. the person with disabiltie's should address that to whomever they are talking to. i have heard people that are over weight put picture's on here of another person ! that is wrong! there all kind's out there. just find through talk what you are searching for ! good luck here ! there are plenty of  | |
|
| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/11/2008 8:47:10 AM | From post 59:
"...I really mean it, I dated a man for six months, everything was excellent, similar interests, mature, taking it slow, then on the night we were going to be together he confesses that he has a very tiny penis ...."
Hm! That is an interesting point, seriously.
Maybe that explains why some men are said to send women photos with their genitalia, in the name of upfront full disclosure! Or maybe genitalia photos (in full attention) should be allowed on dating sites. Right? Why not? Full tranparency/disclosure!
And I once was ready to go to bed with a 30+ year old woman after knowing her for many months when she finally disclosed to me that she was a virgin and almost sent me to the hospital for an EKG from the surprise!
But let us not lose perspective of the issue posed by the Opost, I say! or we can open the subject so widely ....... and deeply that it implodes or is neutered or becomes "impotent" (the topic).
Unless we adequately define disability, this discussion can become a runaway train!
| |
|
| |
| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/11/2008 9:05:11 AM |
That you got "stung' in the process is in part due to your own imagination which, according to your own statement, was already in motion.
Actually not correct. My imagination was normal for anyone who encounters a fish they are interested in. If you see their keywords on their profile and find they are smiliar to yours and that you enjoy the same things--you assume 'yippie' or 'cool' here is someone 'like me'. The reality of my situation was he actually could not participate in a large percent of things I enjoy. For example, his profile indicated he enjoyed camping, walks, and other ambulatory activities. I realize now he enjoyed participating in having someone walk along side of him. However if I wanted to run down the hill to the edge of the water, he could not, if I wanted to play in the water together, he could not, if I wanted to swim, he could not, if I wanted someone to rollerblade with me, he could not, motorcycle ride together, he could not. I think my profile was clear at that time that I was active. He was aware of how active I was--I feel he should have disclosed it on his profile or not have contacted me at all.
Not to mention the man was not adjusted to his own disability to have used a second profile to 'get even' with women who rejected him on profile one. I am compassionate to his disability that is not the issue. I would have actually considered meeting him despite at that time in my life it had been less than a year since I lost my husband who was also in a wheelchair for a time before he died. It was a difficult emotional issue for me to think of dealing with at that time, however, had more time passed since my husbands death and I had been more recovered, I don't think I would have given a second thought to meeting him. He deceived me I felt and I did not like that.
I do not care about a persons disability--I care about the person. If I had met him and known from the get go I like to think that it would not have stopped me from potentially falling in love with him.
Does he suffer from depression--that would not scare me.
Does he have a life threatening disease--I'M SCARED --I do not want to go there again. The pain of losing your spouse is beyond comprehension.
Is he diabetic with ED--I don't think that would scare me--while not experienced with it, I have heard that a 'pill' is good for 4 hours. WOOO HOOO I think those pills should be over the counter.
 | |
|
| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/11/2008 9:11:19 AM |
If a guy or girl has a disability do you think they should list it on their profile? Or do you think they should spring it on you later?
What is significant enough to be disclosed? Should all health issues be disclosed such as....I have auto immune disorder
I am diabetic
I am deaf
I am in a wheel chair.
I lost a limb.
What is your opinion...full disclosure or not?
Personally, I don't think everything has to be disclosed - this is a public profile we're talking about, and you shouldn't be expected to bear your soul to the world...
I would only feel uneasy were there to be something I was deliberately concealing - that would trouble me.
I guess everyone takes there own decisions...
Martin | |
|
| |
| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/11/2008 9:24:39 AM |
STD's as a dating disability 
I don't know if it is or not. Does it hinder one from engaging in normal lifestyle activities. If not it is probably is not a disability.
HIV/AIDS I would consider a disability. Most STD's can be taken care of with medicine and cured. I realize such things as HSV can only be treated and not cured.
HPV can lead to cancer...I suppose there is issues there.
However I would certainly hope that if your 'fish' had an STD they would get treatment and if it was lasting they would tell you.
I like to think that I would support my life partner through anything. Of course in that case when do you have 'the talk' would be the question. | |
|
| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/11/2008 9:27:45 AM | as I see it a STD is a STD....... would not matter to me if it were herpes or HIV... it would be something to make that person undateable in my book. it would interfere with the day to day activities of dating, namely sex... because I don't want to be infected or grossed out.
there is no cure for either and they are both viral... both contagious and both can be life altering requiring expensive medication that would cut directly into my fun money. | |
|
| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/11/2008 9:38:18 AM | There are some disabled people on this site who are very upfront & open about thier disabilites
in their profiles& I say more power to them. But I think it needs to be an individual choice. But I
do agree with other posters who have suggested that it is a good idea to disclose this information
before a "first date"/meeting. That is how I handle the disclosure situation, myself.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
<div class="quote">just go to a site that caters to disabled people - timj82
While that is a bit narrow-minded & unfair, it isn't a totally bad suggestion. There are many different
types of specialty sites out there, even a great many free ones. I have a list of more than 100 free
dating sites, on one of my websites. Email me, if you are interested in acquiring the address. | |
|
| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/11/2008 9:42:34 AM | http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts5880278.aspx
Thread: Nobody Wants Disabled Persons
Read this thread, 26 pages long of people with disabilities, some with mental that don't know it... and others that truly are not challenged with anything.
If someone wants to get to know you, you have a picture posted, then it should be up to the individual to talk to the other person when they are comfortable about any challenge they may have. I know there some people that need someone that can hike with them that couldn't date someone that can't hike, so there has to be communication before a date in a situation like that. Each person and situation is different.
Of course I think they should have more information about people's alcohol drinking. What one person considers social another considers a problem drinker.
Everything is not black and white in real life. | |
|
| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/11/2008 11:07:27 AM |
it would interfere with the day to day activities of dating, namely sex
If that is your idea of day to day activities of dating then you best be very careful my friend. Some of these std's can take years to show up meaning 5-10 or more. Your day to day sex dating activities may increase your chances that you become undateable someday--hmmmm if you aren't already... THINK ABOUT IT. That was a goober statement. You pretty much let the whole world know what the reason is for your dating activities. That is an instant dealbreaker in itself...
My husband never had an std but if had had one---I think I would have supported him through it.
Not everyone is a lady or a gentleman--how do you know you don't already have HSV. I think if that was how I felt about it, I would keep my zipper up...and curb those 'day to day activities of dating' as you refer to them. | |
|
| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/11/2008 1:09:11 PM | We are not disabilities. We are people, some with disbilities.
So what constitutes a disability?
And are those the only two options; either post it for all the world to see or "spring it" on a potential mate? How about mentioning it during one of the first few conversations whether those be in person or via phone or computer. If it's visually obvious, then it should be mentioned before the meet. If it's more internal and not obvious then perhaps it should be mentioned early in the interaction, but can possibly wait until the first meet. Maybe it's not something that needs to be disclosed until and unless you are planning on becoming intimate with that person.
But again it comes down to whose definition of a disability. How picky do you want to get here? ADD? Dyslexia? Astigmatism? How about excema? Lactose intolerance? Peanut allergy? Arthritis? I mean really. Someone has to define what the whole world needs to know about a person, and what can be kept private, or disclosed only on a need-to-know basis. | |
|
| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/15/2008 5:19:28 AM | I find it's best to be honest about stuff, but only if they ask, or you need to explain why you're not able to give them what they're asking for. I for example have Epilepsy, therefore I cannot drive, which seems to be the number 1 thing a woman expects from a guy... being able to pick her up and take her out. Instead I use the bus, and women would rather keep looking than date me.
I spent my 20's and 30's in a Care Home for people with disabilities, so my conneection to the outside world was limited to whatever I saw on TV. Now I'm on my own and still find it easier to relate to people with disabilities than with the public, for women with disabilities are looking for someone who can see them for who they are.
But women without disabilities think they deserve more than I can offer.
If any of you ladies or guys in this discussion would like to
talk and be friends, please call me at matthewford@shaw.ca
I'm from the West Coast of Canada, in a city called Victoria,
which is on the south tip of a large island called Vancouver Island,
north west of Seattle Washington.
In Yahoo Chat groups, I'm listed as b_s_quartet which is
short for Barbershop Quartet, but I'm sure you can imagine
what people THINK it means! LOL
Thanks
Matthew Ford | |
|
| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/15/2008 5:28:10 AM | I think..unless your pic shows your disability..no one need find out on a profile. I think that's where the e-mail comes into play. Any debilitating problem should be noted on the first e-mail where it gives merit..and not impertinent information to those that just browse. Some things are on a need to know basis..disabilities..are a prime example. IMO | |
|
|
| Page 3 of 13
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 |
|
Home
login 
