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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/17/2008 7:00:47 AM | Re post 98:
That is not a bad idea actually. Anything (in terms of profile info) that helps people find their match, whether posted by one or the other side, or both, leads to better matching, especially for people who have special needs or special wants of ANY KIND (and I mean any kind, eg in my case, starved for intellectual discussions with a GF, so am I gonna care if she has 2 instead of 5 or 7 toes, or uses a cane to walk, eg??? or do I care if she can run a marathon in under 2 30 hours or do "varsity level gymnastics" in bed as long as we can have "normal" sex)? Anything that helps the pluralism that exists in people and dating is a plus IMO. And that cuts also into the issue of disabilities, be they official (as the Opost refers to) or more widely! I would think that all this is elementary stuff for any Watson (male or female)!
And of course people with disabilities do NOT need a site of their own. That would be ghetto making, IMO! They have as much right to be on general online dating sites as anyone does.
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/17/2008 7:02:08 AM |
Really? Deceiving to who? "Disability" or being less able is in the mind of the person who perceives the respective challenge of the person as an indication of being "less able". Frankly, it has been my experience and observation that the attitudes of technically non-disabled persons are a greater "disability" than that of the technically disabled person. .....Sorry it's deceiving! You can put up a picture of a picture perfect person or write a perfect profile, yet YOU know you have something to say that needs to surface. Sure you can 'pull em in', but it's deceit if you cannot be upfront about your disablement.
As I said .....it weeds out the undesirables. You have to understand (and I wont put it in words that make me sound more intellectual) IF a person has a disability I feel it should be mentioned. Let's not cross disablement with impairment which I feel some posters are doing.....They are two separate issues.
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/17/2008 7:20:49 AM | Yes, Nick, it is "elementary, my dear Watson". lol
Generally speaking: Here's the reality and it goes to basic marketing 101. The whole concept comes down to "selling" one's self and while in the ideal world - it would be a wonderful thing if one could simply list all their attributes and flaws so that another could make an "informed choice" so to speak to contact or not contact. But, human nature being what it is, the reality is that most people (with good intentions - my "disclaimer") are going to pass by a profile that contains perceived "negativity". It's human nature.
That being said, the real issue is more one of the unrealistic expectation that one is going to find that perfect person with the same mentality of shopping for the perfect car to meet one's needs so to speak. People are not wired the same as an automobile - we're not perfect and there is no such thing as a "perfect match". Not really. What infuriates me a bit is the notion that a select few want to impose their "requirements" on others. If a "disability" is an issue for someone, and it isn't indicated in a contact's profile, does it not then make common sense that in the "discovery" process that the subject of disabilities in a generic sense come up in conversation? Regardless of who initiates the conversation. Makes sense to me as one will find out very quickly if the attitudes about disabilities are in line or diametrically opposed.
Besides, part of the journey means that one is likely to encounter those characters that truly do deceive with intent of personal gain in some form or another at the "expense" of the other person. Common sense alone will weed those out as will having realistically based expectations, as opposed to fairy tale wishful thinking mentality. IMO
Msg. 103 - doesn't dignify a response. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/17/2008 7:45:07 AM | I see many various messages -some on the subject and some off the subject here on these threads. Yes prejustice ideas of people with disabilities and/ or limitations isn't beneficial for society as a whole. Like I mentioned on message 77, many disabled people both male and female have overcome their life limitatioms by achieving goals such as college educations, trade jobs and other means of improvement.
Many of the people that prejudge should think if" the shoe was on the other foot" and if you were in the position being (disabled) or limited in life.What would you think? What would you feel ? What would you do to improve ? How would you want to be accepted?
These are questions that many abled body-normal people should ask of themselves before judging the Limited or disabled! Everyone in life has their unique place in life and that is to be" accepted" for who they are!! Regardless of handicapped , limitations or physical defects. We are all "GODS" creations for a reason. THINK ABOUT IT!! | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/17/2008 8:01:53 AM | No, it shouldn't be listed..... because you want a chance to communicate in the near future. Why cut out the possibility of communication if listing them on a profile??
I'd rather speak of it via e-mail or messenger someday further on, it's a teaching experience that way for one and also learning experience in another. Finding out if the interestee can handle the fact or not. But the basic get to know you stuff always comes first before health wise discussions, that's how I look at it.
I hope this makes sense to you. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/17/2008 8:27:25 AM | | HMM I dont think its something to list on a profile...but i do think it should be mentioned in maybe the 2nd to 4th email....its not something to be ashamed of but its not the sum of a person either. i see nothing wrong with leaving it off your profile. | |
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hat18
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Joined: 1/2/2008
Msg: 109 | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/17/2008 9:18:37 AM | By all means.
Along with height weight, cloting and shoe sizes.
Not just occupation but dollar amount of income.Number of children or other dependents you are supporting.
Housing situation. Square footage and market value of the house if owned...amount owed on mortgage.
Make model and year of car
IQ
Credit score...
Just think! If those had to be listed on the profile we'd do away with the basis for about 75% of forum topics.
Personally, what I really think is that how and when someone discloses disabilities or any other significant "issues" is entirely the business of that person.
Cindy O | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/17/2008 10:39:48 AM | My personal opinion is that is something you should discuss later.....beings you may find the disability not so inportant once you connect with a person. .. If everyone posted all, some would aoutomatically dismiss that person without giving them a chance... Touchy subject depending on the disability , such as blind, wheelchair and much more I think if youve communicated prior to meeting wheelchair would of been discussed .
Midnight | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/17/2008 10:41:58 AM | | I used to have epilepsy for 12 yrs until my operation. People had no idea that I had it unless I would tell them or may take a petit mal seizure in front of them. If I could handle it and live with it to this day why can't other people who do not have a disability of any kind ? They would ignore me, no longer speak to me or if they did speak they would tell me I was'nt their kind because I was messed up so to speak. I had this to say to some of them, I asked them if they could do woodwork and build things, if they could run farm machinery of different kinds, run warehouse machinery and all their answers were no. I just looked at them and said "So you think that you are better than me when I can do all that with my disability, sorry but I guess I made the mistake talking with you !" So I say discuss it after a few dates or chats. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/17/2008 10:45:24 AM | DITTO! Lori
people are shallow sometimes... and Judge to quickly I personaly would'nt turn away from someone with a disability if I clicked with that person...But many would because their shallow..... and need to look in the mirror for they to are not perfect.
Midnight | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/17/2008 11:00:12 AM | it is better tell the truth and be honest with them .no hiding ect... i have big heart!!!!!i mean inside out no matter what u are meeting ppl and see what look like fun person, lovin understanding, open minded.honest | |
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mio310
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Joined: 1/9/2008
Msg: 117 | |
| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/17/2008 2:29:47 PM | | I imagine disabled people only date disabled people so it seems important to divulge this vital information. Furthermore, you should describe the nature of your disability in detail. If you just say you are in a wheel chair, that really does not provide enough information. Able bodied people should not date the disabled. An able bodied person deserves an able bodied mate. The irony is that most of these disabled people wont date other disabled people. Humans never fail to disappoint me. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/17/2008 2:42:14 PM |
I imagine disabled people only date disabled people so it seems important to divulge this vital information. Furthermore, you should describe the nature of your disability in detail. If you just say you are in a wheel chair, that really does not provide enough information. Able bodied people should not date the disabled. An able bodied person deserves an able bodied mate. The irony is that most of these disabled people wont date other disabled people.
wtf
I can tell you off the top of my head two men that are on pof that I have dated that mark that they are athletic. They both have disabilities. They don't recognize that they have them. Some people have physical challenges and some mental. I would say anyone that thinks that they are perfect are perfect in their own head only!
Geez...I have dated male athletes and body builders. As far as I know, I saw no reason why we couldn't date.
It really makes me sick to think that anyone thinks they are better than anyone else!
I am hoping that the above quote was a sick joke and they forgot to put NOT after it. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/17/2008 3:16:50 PM | | i was born with a hole in my spine, and im also in a wheelchair. i dont put it on my profile cuz it tends to scare women away in general i believe. some women can be shallow when it comes to looks. yes looks are important but they arent everything. i truly believe why im single is because no woman wants to be with a guy in a wheelchair, cuz maybe the woman thinks that the guy cant perform or something. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/17/2008 5:04:47 PM | Is the following reflective of "new age" arrogance?
Able bodied people should not date the disabled. An able bodied person deserves an able bodied mate.
so reflective of a narcissist attitude...I am sure the "un"able bodied greatly appreciate being spared the futility of attempting to educate the unteachable.
I am stunned that anyone would have the audacity to publicly express such a self-involved and self-serving statement that only serves to demean and degrade anyone that doesn't rise to the occasion of servitude.
Absolutely takes ignorance to an entirely new level. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/17/2008 5:20:51 PM | "Able bodied people should not date the disabled. An able bodied person deserves an able bodied mate. "
Even the militarist/junta ruled Spartans who lived off the slavery of three times as many Messinians (and thus spent their whole lives in military readiness in case the Messinians revolted) who threw "not fully body abled" Spartan babies in the Kaiadas River (and their main claim to fame was the Thermopylae 300 battle) could match IMO this kind of mentality. Yikes!
An Athenian
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/17/2008 5:25:42 PM |
Now, whether or not someone should or not depends on whether or not they feel like it, or not. There is no universal rule about it. Because, for one thing, if we have to list physical disabilities then by rights we ought to list mental disabilities, and if we did that this site would read like the case files at your local county mental health ward. LOL! Well, I chose NOT to list my disability because on my profile I requested a man who is still capable of "chasing granny around the couch". If I told them that I have a 2 titanium clamps and 16 screws in my back, then they'd know how pathetically easy I would be to catch....and what fun would that be? I also requested that he KNOW what to do with me when he catches me....now don't you just know that some dang fool would think I meant to tie an apron on and send me to the kitchen to bake a pie!!! Then I'm have to beat the twit over the head with my marble rolling pin....and there goes my claim to mental stability! LOL!
In all seriousness however.....how reasonable would it be for someone to expect me to become involved with someone say....in a wheelchair, or a blind person? There's no way I could get their wheelchair into the truck, and I know I couldn't push it. Similarly, one of the biggest issues that I find myself needing help with these days...is DRIVING....I like to go on "vacation"...but I can't drive for long periods of time. If I were with a blind person....then I'd be totally ignoring the needs of BOTH of us.
I think that rather than just declaring someone as prejudiced against disabled people...we really should look at the REASONS behind their decisions and not just expect everyone should want to cater to us because we're "disabled". They have every RIGHT to choose what they can and cannot handle for themselves and their life. | |
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mio310
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Joined: 1/9/2008
Msg: 123 | |
| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/17/2008 5:27:12 PM | I'm just stating a fact. Everything is fair in love and war. People try to get the best deal they can get when dating. Disabled people must date disabled people. Its delusional to think that there is a charitable able bodied person who will take a disabled mate. Im not saying throw the disabled babies in the river.
Furthermore, most disabled people cant exercise so they get obese. Stop being so PC.  | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/17/2008 5:29:31 PM | ^ A lot of disabled people marry non disabled people.
Reality disproves your thesis.
Back to the drawing board.
(This is the last time I feed the troll, promise.) | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/17/2008 5:38:38 PM |
Able bodied people should not date the disabled. An able bodied person deserves an able bodied mate. The irony is that most of these disabled people wont date other disabled people. Humans never fail to disappoint me. Well, my ONLY reply to this is that people with very limited brain cells should only date others with very limited brain cells.....and should NEVER be permitted to procreate! | |
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