| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/20/2008 2:01:14 PM | | Always be yourself - make no apologies. If people are so shallow they cannot accept you for who you are - then you are better off not knowing them anyway. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/20/2008 2:16:33 PM | "If people are so shallow they cannot accept you for who you are - then you are better off not knowing them anyway."
I agree to a certain extent. I'll try to give as general example as I can think of, but say someone had some medical issue, accident or something to where they had a limp. Not knowing beforehand, I think I (like most people) would ask, oh gee I'm sorry I didn't know you got hurt. It could be a childhood illness and to have to explain it, I'd be embarrassed as heck for asking...it IS a hard question to answer.
And like most things, each person has to decide for themselves how and when to disclose for the comfort of both people meeting up.
I have several scars, none real obvious. One particular "nasty" looking, upper right arm. Mostly covered, if I wear something sleeveless, I've had someone walking past, point and ask, oh God what happened. I didn't mind answering and did, when I told them, they were apologetic and in tears. I put my arm around her and assured her it wasn't a problem asking and she had no way of knowing. It didn't bother me, and it is something I choose to disclose at a time when I'm comfortable talking with someone about it. I consider their comfort level, also and have never regretted doing so.
I hope that helps in some way to answer your question. Do know and be assured that the things that happen to our bodies is just that. It's our bodies, we can't control what happens. True beauty is always projected from within, the beauty of spirit and soul the strength of will and the softness of a gentle, kind heart. If someone doesn't appreciate that, just know there will come a time when they will. Bodies are temporary, the shell of us, our soul is forever.  | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/20/2008 2:23:33 PM | I agree in some ways, but I for one do not want surprises or too be anything but what I am.
So I still maintain that being upfront about yourself is more important that anything else. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/20/2008 3:00:05 PM | | To comment further - everyone has their disabilities - whether physical or emotional!!! Sometimes emotional disabilities are worse!! I met a guy in a bar one night and he was really distressed. He nearly bowled me over as he was angry and upset over something. I was concerned and asked if he was ok. He growled at me "no". So I probed further. He had been in the toilets and some men aged about 50 or 60 had been taunting him. I was disgusted. I was puzzled why they had been cruel to this handsome, slim, young, guy. Then he waved his hand at me. He had one adult sized hand and one child sized hand which I had not even noticed. Without even thinking I grabbed his "little" hand and entwined my fingers with his. I spoke to him for a few minutes reassuring him he was a lovely man and should ignore the bullies. Then he told me he must go so I released his hand. Next moment another guy scooped me in his arms and kissed me on the lips. I wondered who the hell he was! He thanked me, he was the guy's brother - he told me that I had done so much in those minutes of meeting his brother - he said nobody had ever held his hand in that way or spoken to him with such respect and kindness. I said I just spoke my mind and what I felt about the guy. I showed him that his hand was not frightening to me that is why I clasped it. It really angers me people are so shallow they cannot be respectful or kind to people who are slightly "out of the norm". Life would be so dull if we were all the same!! Whatever your colour, race, disability, age, religion, - what the hell - we are all people and able to contribute something to life!!!! | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/20/2008 3:19:54 PM | IMO, philosophically, sociologically and ideologically, the concept of "normality" is flawed. Stats (average, median, bell curve, etc) are one thing, but pluralism is the way of life in modern secular societies. The only acceptable norms are the ones decided by law, all other norms (social, fashion, etc) are arbitrary and nonsense. No two humans are the same. All humans have some things "common" and some unique. The common one unite us the diversity makes us, each, a unique human being. Why not advertise that uniqueness so that other who seek this particular unique profile, know it exists?
Post 179: Major kudos! | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/20/2008 6:54:28 PM | I would much rather leave my "unique" little limp off my profile. I feel I have a very good reason for this..I don't want anyone to concentrate on my "infirmaties" but..ME..my mind and my heart..first. Those 2 things should be the most important to someone on a dating site anyway. NO pity dates please. I am so much more than my disability. I would much rather leave that for the first few e-mails/IMs..and not go into graphic detail there either. Upon meeting someone..all they need to know beforehand..is that I have a limp..and sometimes use a cane. If you limp..it doesn't matter why so long as you're not contagious..sheesh! Learn not to jump to conclusions..and be a tad more patient. If someone is truly into my mind and heart..the rest will fall into place..without throwing out warning signs. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/20/2008 7:07:41 PM | While my mental disability isn't obvious to anyone who meets me, it really DOES impair my ability to get out and meet people and also really limits my choices of dating locations. I chose to put it on my profile as I felt that if I hid it and someone was interested in me, I didn't want to disappoint them.
Now, I've gotten a LOT of people telling me if I'm perfectly normal while I'm in my house, I shouldn't even mention it. However, I'm not going to limit myself to just seeing a woman only in my house, I want to go places from time to time, and I want her to have fun and to spend time with her in places I CAN get to, for the times I can go there.
I must be honest with people, because while physically I'm an average man, my condition WILL be an obstacle to anyone I date. My condition was one of the reasons my last relationship failed, even though she and I loved each other. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/20/2008 10:00:41 PM | I have only been on here a few days and have started reading the forums to learn. Lots of good stuff around here, some of it I can't believe.
I came here to make some new friends, step outside my "comfort" zone and will just see what happens. I belong to other types of forums so I know what a hodge-podge of people and opinions there can be,, but feel I am mature enough to fit in most places I go to.
This is a good thread. I have a speech disability and mention it in my profile. My reasoning is that if a woman wants a man that can hold "stimulating conversations" she might want to know I can't talk before she emails me. If I make the first contact I ask them to read my profile and if we continue to communicate I will start telling them about my speech problem just to reaffirm that I cannot speak. Will it narrow down people that might have contacted me? Maybe. In the long run I am only trying to find one special person so I might as well narrow down the field of those that would have a problem with this.
As far as the rest goes time will be the determining factor. Once I meet people in person they find out that I am pretty much a "normal" person. I have a challenge and I will make the best of the tools I have to work with. I can hold my end of a conversation on my own given the opportunity. All I ask is that no one look at my disability, look at my abilities.
One comment that goes back to the second page I think. He suggested that people with disabilities go to dating sites for others with disabilities. First I will say I belong to a few. You could be amazed at the people that go there and think that they will find "easy prey"... very disturbing. Second, most that are faced with a challenge will blend in well with "mainstream" society, if we didn't tell things most people would never know.
We are all here for the same reason, we want to meet others and see what will happen. Some will never be more than friends, some we will never hear from again. But if we find that one special person we are looking for it will have all been worth it. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/21/2008 5:03:52 AM | 3DogDad, having worked with the hearing impaired, I know there are different types/levels of impairment. I was wondering, since many may not know what facilated speech is, if you might enlighten them and let them know it is your speech that needs adjustments not your hearing. You would definitely be able to hear any woman b---h and moan! There are lots of women out here who are willing to listen and listen with our hearts..........hang in there. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/21/2008 8:43:10 AM | | Depends on whether you're looking for a person or a Barbie doll. I heard Itzhak Perlman last night. He hobbled onto the stage with his crutches and played the top world class violin in the classical circuit and he filled the hall. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/21/2008 11:17:47 AM | I am a down-to-earth divorced woman looking to eventually settle down with Mr Right. a lil more bout me. Was diagnosed 11 years ago with a mild case of multiple
sclerosis, mostly affecting my vision (I no longer drive) and my balance
(I use a cane when out and about), and bladder control. (MS affects everybody different; (do not think of it as what Richard Pryor went thru, but more like Montel Williams)I can still read a menu or go to the movies, and my limitations don't really bother me much. I am not feeble, and resent it when folks treat me as such. I am independeant; I pay my OWN bills, and I am NOT looking for a suger daddy!
I dont dance anymore, but at a bar or club, with good music (especially anything old school), I still love to get my groove on, seated at the bar.
ISO (eventually)a LTR!!! I am sick of the one-night stands, and all that bull shit.
I know that chivalry and romance are NOT a thing of the past!
ISO a mature and secure, tall. dark and handsome gentleman.
Not looking for a thug, but Original G's are welcome; I mean, NOT looking for a bad boy (been there, done that---and NEVER going back), but I do desire a street-wise man who knows how to make his lady feel safe and secure. (and strong enough to carry heavy loads;) I love an old-school type of man, a gentlman who has my back. ..And in return, i will never forsake you. Once you win my heart, I will ALWAYS have YOUR back!
I like to sometimes get my drink on, and I smoke ciggs; I have no problems if you do or don't drink or smoke, but NO drugs. Since my divorce have been happiest dating men of color.
***Note****Is it stuff like that that scares away the average Joe?
So, am I entitled to be choosey? Limiting myself in this harsh unforgiving world of dating? I guess if I am being picky I should allow others to do the same and say I am NOT thier cup of tea.
I know I am getting ahead of myself; just thinking out loud,(and being 100% upfront honest) and any/every thing under the sun is possible. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/21/2008 11:40:04 AM | | it would be up to the individual to post what information they felt was important to attract the type they are looking for,,i feel that any handicaps should be discussed early on but not necessarily posted in ones profile..i think that if someones on medication for anything it should also be brought up very early ..but don't let yourself become a target ,,this is the Internet .. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/21/2008 11:49:40 AM | outofthedesert.... I guess it might help to tell a little more about Facilitated Communication, but my profile was not the place I want to do it. If someone is unfamiliar with the term hopefully they will do a Google and learn a little about it. That is what I usually do when I do not know about something. Or maybe they will want to know more and will ask me what I mean. The first couple of emails are just getting to know about each other to see if there is enough there to see if there is a chemistry, so I make sure that I know they understand that I hear but cannot speak.
Now for the purpose of this thread I do not mind sharing with the world about what Facilitated Communication is so you do not have to go look it up. It is actually a system of many tools used by someone with a disability that prevents normal communication. It is sign language, writing on a piece of paper or using a speaking computer like Stephen Hawking. Sometimes it is a picture board that allows a child or adult to "show" others what they need or want to express. The actual communication can be as varied as the person that uses it.
In my case I usually use a handheld computer in person. It allows me to type my thoughts and is large enough that I can set the font for easy viewing . I also have used a Blackberry to type notes on... I can use a PDA in some environments. I will use pen and paper or a crayon if I feel I need to heard. I use IM, emails and text messaging... I can make assisted phone calls if needed. But as you see, this is not necessarily what I want others to have to sort through as they are skimming my profile. Too Much Information....
"Today is a gift from GOD, what you do with it is your gift to HIM" | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/21/2008 12:25:53 PM | "Today is a gift from GOD, what you do with it is your gift to HIM"
TY very much for that reminder... I have been thinking far too much as of late 'what I want, what I can get, what makes ME feel good' rather than what I can SHARE with another... Been looking more to find somebody to love me THAN finding someone I can love unconditionally, but I suppose thats a whole other thread, lol
 Chelle | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/22/2008 2:20:52 PM | It all depends on the injury/illness...when the weather's cold I walk like John Wayne due to one too many motorcycle crashes and I could match Mel Gibson's "Lethal Weapon 3" scar contest with ease...but i'm a normal functioning individual. Nothing really Limits my mobility or functionality. Heck, a gal with a limp or scars shows that She Survived! and therefore has some hardiness and stability...qualities I like to see. No girly girls for me! Gimme a tomboy with a Go Gettum! attitude and I'm a happy camper 
If you have a blue Handicapped parking sticker on your car, post the difficulty you have...chances are you'll cut down the amount of time that you'll waste. Serious illnesses and injuries should be talked about Prior to a physical meeting. In this way nobody feels that important information has been Withheld (Lied To by Omission) and the chances of second dates are greatly increased. | |
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vahbsc
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Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 195 | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/22/2008 3:00:14 PM |
Re: All is fair in Love and War
That is a famous quote, not fact. I beg to differ. One is about as fair as the other. Both are games people try to win.
Which is why so many people lose at them.  | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/22/2008 3:49:30 PM | 3DogDad. Great info--the chance to educate. I understand not putting too much info in the profile. I have several deaf friends and also teach dancing to deaf children. When the jokes are flying, the hands are going and it is a hoot. The valid point to all this--don't be put off by a disability. Someone may need an adaptation of some kind but it does not mean that a person with a disabilty does not live a great life. Most don't view their disabilities as such--it is the rest of the world who does.
Sign language may look hard, but once you understand the concept of how the signs were designed, they make sense. Snap your fingers--the sign for dog. Pull you whiskers out to the side from under your nose-- the sign for cat. A 'M' on your wrist pulse point--doctor, 'N 'on your wrist pulse point-nurse. Pulling down your hand --grasped around chin whiskers--old. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/22/2008 4:27:14 PM |
If you have a blue Handicapped parking sticker on your car, post the difficulty you have...chances are you'll cut down the amount of time that you'll waste.
Don't get what you mean about cutting down the amount of time that you'll waste. Permit, license plate, and proud card holder. What in the heck does that have to do with any time being wasted? I save time, I get to park in the spaces that usually don't have stairs to climb and maybe a few steps closer to the front door.
Or are you saying that I would be wasting someone else's time?
You know I trully understand getting to the point where you are calling someone and find out that they need assistance on the phone. Before even that point, why? If you can read their emails, what is the problem? I honestly have been reading this thread and some of the gentlemen on here write better than some of these guys that think that they are all that.
ML King, Jr. had a dream, guess this thread shows that his dream is still a ways from being realized. | |
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| Should disabilities be listed on profiles?
Posted: 1/22/2008 10:23:20 PM | I wonder what some people are thinking, I don't understand the "wasting time" comment either. But it is comments like that that we have to deal with every day.
Maybe I am hi-jacking this thread a little and if so I will start my own if needed. I guess the old saying of "Never judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes" rings so true. I could go on for hours about how my life has changed, how relationships have changed...blah, blah, blah. I do not think most people that are faced with a "challenge" are having pity-parties. We learn to adapt and use whatever "tools" we need. For myself I can say I am not looking to be treated differently than anyone else, I am just looking to be accepted for who I am. I may have limits on some things, and that is what I will discuss privately with the person that does show an interest in me. I am strong, intelligent and can surprise people... if they are willing to take the time to get to know me.
outofthedesert... there are 2 problems with ASL for me. My mind cannot read it as well as I can sign. a common problem with most... I also have the same problem reading music. One great thing is if you read about deaf culture try and find a little information about Lillian Beard. She really opened some doors and deserves a lot more credit than she has been given. She recently turn 100 years old. She attends my church and calls me her grandson. I cannot tell you what a blessing she has been in my life. The second problem is that only 10% (approximately) know ASL. I am trying to function in the real world so I am trying to reach the other 90%. So Facilitated Communication is the best option for me.
Really don't want to stray so far off topic here... being new I am still trying to stay with-in my boundaries. Feel free to email me, ask me to start a thread... whatever works. | |
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