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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 1/11/2008 9:03:47 AM |
Also to me, the instant we have become intimate is when it becomes exclusive. But then that's maybe just me.
I have made that same assumption as well. The last guy I went out with from here, he seemed to think that casual sex with random people was dating. I made the stupid mistake of assuming that if we were having sex then we were working on a relationship and not looking around. I don't believe in having sex with multiple people in the same time frame (unless that's what we've discussed for play reasons). | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 1/11/2008 2:17:43 PM | I am beginning to think that this site is a multiple partner sex site, because it seems clear from all theses forums and posts that nobody really values commitments and it's all head games being played...... People come on hot and heavy and then cold and frozen - they call then they don't call - they go on line looking while dating - the list goes on and on......
WHERE ARE ALL THE NORMAL PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 1/11/2008 4:01:23 PM | | A few weeks ago i contributed to a thread where a woman had been seeing a guy every weekend for 8 months, multiple phone calls and texts throughout the week, she met his family, he had introduced her as his girlfriend etc, then he started dating someone else and couldn't understand why she was upset, because they hadn't had the "talk" so he didn't see them as exclusive. Seems crazy to me, but different strokes for different folks.. | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 1/11/2008 4:37:44 PM | Hmmmmm .....I agree if its not exclusive then I would not consider it a bf/gf relationship. Most of us on here are not 15 anymore ...who has time to get the dating rule book out to look that up..it should just be common knowledge but I guess in some cases others need it spelled out...Think we need to file those who think that you dont have to be exclusive in a relationship under B, for Booty Call!!!! | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 1/11/2008 4:47:15 PM | Being boyfriend/girlfriend is exclusive..dating is not. Being boyfriend/girlfriend implies that it's "official", which implies exclusivity.
I've had guys ask me to go steady on the second date, and others never asked me, even after I dated them for seven months.
It's time for a talk about exclusivity when you find yourself spending most of your time with one person and you don't want to see anyone else. Sometimes, if you date long enough and frequently enough, exclusivity is assumed without it ever being said. If you are unsure, the best policy is to ask in as casual a way as you can. | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 1/11/2008 4:57:04 PM | I am really confused now. From what I am reading and hearing - being boyfriend and girlfriend these days doesn't mean that you are exclusive.........can someone help me out here?????????????????????? So are you supposed to ask a guy if you are exclusive or what? It appears trying to date is getting harder and harder.
I think a lot of it has to do with how women refer to meeting men and the incredible and bizarre language women use when it comes to inter-sex relationships. Men are simply picking up the language women use and are using it themselves.
For instance:
Dating = having sex with the guy but it isn't quite a confirmed 'relationship' yet.
eg. ' I'm dating a pretty cool guy named Milton, ' which means that she's banging him, but he'll be kicked to the curb if someone better comes along.
Seeing = similar to dating, but it's slightly more serious. In this case the woman has SOME feelings for the guy and she's admitted it to her friends, sisters and mother.
Hanging out with... - she's banging with guy because he's great in bed, but she wouldn't be seen in public with the guy unless he's really good looking too in which case she can brag about it to her girlfriends and her sisters. She'll never introduce him to mom.
My boyfriend - means that she's made at least a semi-truthful commitment to the guy. It's still open to her perception of how much he screws up. Likely he'll be kicked to the curb within 8 months.
Sperm Donor- This is the guy she was completely, totally, and blindly in love with. She was thinking with her genitals and decided she needed to be the one who carried his genes into the next generation. This guy is almost invariably a drug addict, alcoholic or crimial of some sort.
My ex-husband This is the guy who is stable, loving and is currently still paying her money. It's possible that this guy and the 'Sperm Donor' are the same, but not likely. The 'Sperm Donor' doesn't pay Spousal Support or Child Support. The ex-husband does most often.
Hope that clears everything up.
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 1/11/2008 7:03:40 PM | Hey now, I'm more likely to pay my ex husband support than him to pay it to me!
Anyway, I always discuss up front with my guys that I don't do exclusive. I have a couple of FWBs, a couple of lovers that I care deeply about, and one that's more of a booty call on both our parts. Men aren't the only one that don't do exclusive. They are just the ones that don't get called sluts because of it! | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 1/11/2008 7:54:34 PM | ~OP~ I can only answer from where I sit, and with me ~ boyfriend/girlfriend comes AFTER the exclusivity talk. Until that is established, it's simply dating. And for me and many others, dating doesn't mean exclusive. The talk determines the path. Once exclusivity is agreed upon, it's cheating to date others. At least in my world. JMO  | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 1/11/2008 8:01:46 PM | Disclaimer: I am not a cynic of the 21st century.
These days i.e. 21st century, you have to ask questions that most of yesteryears take for granted, such as your question.
Nobody is exclusive, with cheating behind spouse/bf/gf/fiance(e)/fwb's back so rampant (read the abundant forums for proof).
All you can trust is your gut instinct, and ask the appropriate questions to find out your status.
How about an exclusivity pre-relationship contract?  | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 1/11/2008 8:02:38 PM | | Great question! If I meet someone once and didn't plan to meet them again, I wouldn't feel bad about dating someone else days later. If I'm meeting someone every week or more, and we're really "clicking", I'm seeing nobody else until I know how things will turn out, and I'm just assuming the other person is doing the same. Should I really have to clarify something like that? | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 1/11/2008 8:04:09 PM | I think "dating" and being "boyfriend/girlfriend" are two different things.
To me "dating" means you are both dating other people or in other words you have not had the exclusive talk (like verygreeneyez mentions above)
To me "boyfriend/girlfriend" comes after the exclusive talk and that is when you both decide to pull your personal posting(s) and focus on a relationship with one another and not date other people.
Make sense?? Does to me | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 1/11/2008 9:08:51 PM | dating = seeing someone without commitment of being exclusive but it can be.
g/f or b/f = commitment to be exclusive unless otherwise agreed upon
I have never had the "exclusive" talk with a g/f. It was just understood. I've never had a talk about going from just dating to being gf/bf, it just happened. If you are seeing someone and you need to ask if its "exclusive" then it probably isn't.
I'm not in high school anymore so I'm not asking a woman to go steady and she sure as hell better not want my class ring!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 1/11/2008 11:25:55 PM |
dating = seeing someone without commitment of being exclusive but it can be.
Now ya see, that's not what I thought they meant. I've been miscommunicating. Sigh. Ok, please help. What is it called when you are going out with a person, getting to know each other, might be verbally and emotionally intimate - no sexual relations --- well, maybe some kissing and cuddling but no oral or sex. What do you call it?
Now now .. don't call it a fantasy. It does happen. | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 1/11/2008 11:30:18 PM | I do think that the dating world is getting complicated by the newly emerging standards and definitions etc., but ulitmately I think it is still between the couple. It just depends on the person you go for, and the communication that ensues.
Boy, at least I hope that is the way it is! I don't want to think that we are entering into a new era where exclusive relationships don't exist, I want a guy all for myself darnit! | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 1/12/2008 2:47:32 AM | Going on a handful of dates with someone doesn't make them your boyfriend or girlfriend. At some point an agreement of some sort has to be reached. Assuming your way into a relationship when you don't know for sure doesn't seem like a good idea to me.
That being said, I've always felt that the terms boyfriend and girlfriend referred to an exclusive couple. The grey area seems to come up when one person thinks they're in a relationship while the other one doesn't. | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 1/12/2008 3:00:54 AM | If I want to know if you're Catholic, should I ask "are you Catholic", or should I ask "are you religious"?
If you want to know if you're exclusive, ask if you're exclusive. Some people have more than girlfriend. Some people who only have 1 girlfriend have sex with other people. Both of these things can happen with or without the knowledge and or permission of the other people.
Keep in mind, however, that if the guy doesn't really value honesty, or doesn't really value you beyond sex (or money, or popularity, or whatever he gets from you), and you ask about exclusivity, he will probably say "yes we're exclusive" regardless of what he's doing with other people.
If you don't ask, however, you could end up being hurt by someone that does value you AND honesty just because you had different assumptions.
Think of it this way. You meet a guy, go out a few times, maybe even have sex and fall in love. At some point he asks if you're religious and you say yes. Later, he discovers that you eat pork, and angrily dumps you because you LIED to him about being religious. Obviously not fair to you if your concept of religion does not rule out eating pork, but perhaps his does.
the point is, you need to ask the questions you actually want answered, not a maybe, potentially related question that somehow seems easier to ask. | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 1/12/2008 4:46:21 AM | ^ Actually, in the modern world you'd have to ask both "are you Catholic" AND "are you religious" to get a full answer. I'm Christian in the sense that I celebrate Christmas.... my actual beliefs are very complex. -- But enough about that, I don't want to derail the thread.
I agree with most of what you said--- but it just goes to show how important communication is-- especially direct communication. | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 1/12/2008 5:02:04 AM |
WHERE ARE ALL THE NORMAL PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Normal" is a relative term. What is "normal" for one person is abhorrent for another.
Therefore, it is better to define one's own standards and perception "normal" and not assume or presume that others accept, know, and/or will adhere to your definition.
In a multiverse there are multiple realities. Each individual has their own unique reality that may or may not align with another individual's unique reality.
ACP | |
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