| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 3/4/2008 3:33:43 PM | you can love 2 people at the same time, but you cannot be in love with 2 people.. simply because to be in love with someone, you need to give your all, your everything.. your whole heart has to be in it.. and if you were loving someone else, you would be holding back on something because of the other one and vice versa.. you simply can not give 2 people the whole you!
gosh my head hurts
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 3/4/2008 3:39:59 PM | | There have been several threads about this subject and yes, it's very confusing. Before coming onto the forums I'd never even heard of the "exclusive talk". When did this happen? Is it just purely an internet dating thing? I don't understand either. It used to be "Me Tarzan, You Jane", or "Me Boyfriend, You Girlfriend". When did "Me Boyfriend, You Girlfriend.... But Only When We've Had the Exclusive Talk" happen? Gad, maybe it's just my age, but this definitely happened behind my back. | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 3/4/2008 3:49:53 PM |
crazygirl89 wrote: you can love 2 people at the same time,
but you cannot be in love with 2 people.. simply because to
be in love with someone, you need to give your all, your
everything.. your whole heart has to be in it.. and if you
were loving someone else, you would be holding back on
something because of the other one and vice versa.. you
simply can not give 2 people the whole you!
If you can't do it, nobody else can. | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 3/4/2008 5:25:07 PM | """"There have been several threads about this subject and yes, it's very confusing. Before coming onto the forums I'd never even heard of the "exclusive talk". When did this happen?"""
You are 40 years old babe, and you or a guy never brought up that topic? That's traditional everywhere except Africa. It usually happens they day after you have sex the first time (plus or minus) and think "Wow! That was great; I really like this person". If thats been said, pardon me for not reading the whole thread, I was trying to digest what DavidL is all about. | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 3/5/2008 4:32:37 AM | No 'babe' nobody has ever brought up that topic. I'm in a LTR at the moment with a Canadian and he never brought up that topic either, it was just assumed that as we were dating, we were exclusive.
You are wrong and maybe if you'd read the rest of the thread you'd have realised that the 'exclusive' talk doesn't often happen the day after you have sex for the first time. Having sex is just part of getting to know the person, the talk happens when that person decides they want to date only you. Up until then dating other people at the same time appears to be quite acceptable behaviour.
Read the whole thread before responding in such a manner and notice that the woman who started it is 38 herself. | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 3/5/2008 8:51:01 AM | """You are wrong and maybe if you'd read the rest of the thread you'd have realised that the 'exclusive' talk doesn't often happen the day after you have sex for the first time. Having sex is just part of getting to know the person, the talk happens when that person decides they want to date only you. Up until then dating other people at the same time appears to be quite acceptable behaviour."""
A quick skim of the first page (i.e the first 4/7 responders) shows otherwise.
"""If I were to get into a relationship with someone, then I want to make it clear that I don't do the open relationship thing"""
"""No poinr or safety in making any assumptions as to the meanings of BF/GF. I'm getting specific. """
""""if you need to clarify something in a relationship, don't be afraid to ask""""
"""My take on this is to never assume anything! Before I even take it to exclusive level, I usually discuss it with that particular person"""
BTW, it is USUALLY THE WOMAN WHO TELLS A GUY THIS...us guys don't care at first (we just wanna fuk). So not to bring up my dating etiquette, if you never had this happen, go look in the mirror.
Hey, it wasn't me who said they never heard of this thing....but lots of people on the first page sure have. So when I communicate with someone, I too make sure my words and thoughts are clear. Being able to communicate AND LISTEN, is really a good quality in LTR. If I ever accuse someone of "being wrong", I better be right. You never even heard of this thing.....
""""After going on a few dates with a man,I make sure I have a talk with him"""
I originally also wrote:
"It usually happens they day after you have sex the first time (plus or minus)" . So please beg my forgiveness for not making that more clear. Like the one gal said "after going ON A FEW DATES" (maybe she meant those few dates included sex each time, what do you think?).
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 3/5/2008 1:27:00 PM | I'm going to have to agree with fishbill on this point too.
Many years ago I didn't have the exclusive talk because
it didn't matter to me, or I didn't want to upset the apple
cart. I quickly learned, however, it's much better to be
open, courageous, and spell all my substantive expectations
out in detail right away before things get started. There's no
better way to prevent me from disappointing or wasting
people's time. | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 3/5/2008 2:39:38 PM | I'm as confused as you are. I was under the impression that if you were bf/gf, you were exclusive. Apparently not.
I had been dating a guy for a couple of months (and sleeping with him), thinking we were exclusive. One day, out of the blue, he asked me if I'd be exclusive with him. I had to ask him what he meant!!!
Because of this, I make it a point to make sure the guy knows that we are exclusive right away...I don't want any misunderstandings. People are too casual these days. | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 3/6/2008 8:01:55 PM | I have to agree with David L about the casual, multiple concurrent dating. But it's hard to find anyone to "date" much less be monogamous with. Too many on this site and others profess to be here for "long term" relationships and immediately show that they are only in the market for FWB or intimate encounters. I think too many people don't actually know what they really want, and settle for whatever they can get.
I don't believe however that people are a waste of time. Usually one can make something positive out of any experience. I think in the end it's always a matter of choice and free will. | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 3/15/2008 3:36:13 PM | yum/yuck/yikes wrote: Lacking exclusivity you are simply a booty call.
That seems to ignore, for example, a married man who openly
has serious relationships with both his wife and mistress(es).
A man I know is living with 3 women and apparently involved
in loving, meaningful relationships with all of them.
I neither endorse nor condemn polyamory/polygamy per se.
As long as you're not deceiving, harming, using or manipulating
anyone, the relationship format you choose should be a matter
of personal choice. | |
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| So these days being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean being exclusive??
Posted: 3/20/2008 10:02:42 AM | I recently had this conversation with a guy Ive dated 5 or 6 times.
Im kind of old-fashioned in that I only like to date one guy at a time. He hasn't been exclusive with anyone since a couple of years ago.
We've known each other for years, but I still hated having that conversation. Felt like I was asking him for commitment and to be mine forever. | |
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