| Are the people you meet really ready for a relationship?
Posted: 1/13/2008 11:45:13 AM | i have to agree with this one why show boobs cleavage and legs what message does that give out, come on gals we have more to offer than that, met two men off here and they both thought that was all i wanted was a one off passion session, so mixed messages somewhere  | |
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| Are the people you meet really ready for a relationship?
Posted: 1/13/2008 11:53:25 AM | i'm convinced that a large number of the women on here enjoy the attention, messages and email more than the actual meeting. they don't really want to meet, get acquainted and be in a relationship.
then there are sooo many men after them they get choosy to point of it being ridiculous. the grass is greener syndrome.
i'm a bit wary but ready to carry on, not only here but the real world. also i've made it clear, and i'll do it again here... i'm not looking for sex right away. this is a common female complaint and I HEAR YOU LADIES!!! | |
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| Are the people you meet really ready for a relationship?
Posted: 1/13/2008 11:59:44 AM |
In your experience with online dating do you find the people you interact with via email, chats and forums, including those who may or may not progress to phone calls and actual meetings are: Emotionally whole and stable* and able to fully participate in a normal and healthy relationship.
(*"stable" means they have dealt with their emotional (divorce, ex’s, child abuse, molestation, rape etc.) and financial issues to the point where they are bringing "acceptable" baggage to the relationship.)
How on earth would anyone know by chatting with someone via e-mail, chats and forums, whether or not they were "emotionally whole and stable"??? And who would WE be to judge this?
God almighty Princely... You can actually live with someone for several months and be suddenly struck dumb by finding out that the person you thought you knew, wore a mask and the REAL person is anything BUT emotionally whole and stable.
What I do find online, are a whole lot of people who are "circumstantially-affected" by many of the things you have listed and those people would also include me... By a certain age, MOST of us have "baggage" and if we haven't, it's simply because we haven't travelled.
Again, I say.. who among us, is qualified to judge another person's "acceptability"? | |
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| Are the people you meet really ready for a relationship?
Posted: 1/16/2008 1:49:15 AM | I think that because of the computer being in ones home, and the communications confidential, often the interaction is not as sincere or really considered a part of life for some participants.
I mean could I really successfully quote poetry to a woman, whilst I sat in my shorts. Unlikely, (at least at first) a successful strategy and certainly and offensive image. However, on my computer I am tall attractive and well attired. Alas..., | |
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ladidi
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Joined: 6/23/2007
Msg: 29 | |
| Are the people you meet really ready for a relationship?
Posted: 1/16/2008 5:08:00 AM | | I know the feeling..I guess there is some personal work to be done.. I keep attracting the same kind of guys. Maybe it's me that isn't ready for an emotional stable relationship? I think I am have done the work but keep attracting the same type of guy? I have hope and keep the faith that before I get too old and wrinkled that I will meet the right one. LOL keep doing the work and i am sure the right one will come along.. | |
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| Are the people you meet really ready for a relationship?
Posted: 1/16/2008 5:30:11 AM |
Again, I say.. who among us, is qualified to judge another person's "acceptability"?
Acceptability to live after creating a crime? A jury of their peers.
Acceptability to live and be a part of my life? Me. If someone doesn't have certain intelligence, hygene, values, appearance etc. I am definately qualified to say "Nope, this person is not acceptable to me."
I do agree with living with someone for 6 months and then the mask comes off... that does happen. But I am talking about initial experiences.
And if everyone you met were acceptable you'd be married so you must be judging potential mates based on something and I wouldn't believe it would be looks alone... that would be shallow! | |
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Nona37
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Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 31 | |
| Are the people you meet really ready for a relationship?
Posted: 1/16/2008 5:32:56 AM | I do not even bother looking at people's label of what type of relationship they want, for more times to none it's incorrect or they are blatantly lying. I use to have "long term" in my profile, but now I have "friends", largely due to the fact, that I do want to be friends with someone before long term is even attempted, but I have noticed alot of "players" with my own experiences in conjunction with men and this website, their profile states "long term" but yet they are trying to lure me into their bed on the first date, where I do not judge people in this aspect, one can safely say, more times to none, sex on the first date is not a great foundation for a "long term" relationship, or to even bother contemplating as such.
One can also state that people DO and more than likely would change their ways if they meet someone who is right for them, but then again, there are some men/women alike on this website who are only on here to get laid, which I find amusing, but nonetheless, it's what they want, therefore, more power to them.
Tomazzo:
You're not looking for sex right away? Damn!!! Forget it then!!!!! hahahahaha | |
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| Are the people you meet really ready for a relationship?
Posted: 1/17/2008 9:19:36 AM | Before we all commence voting, by what definition of the word "stable" are you usung to judge the subjects? It's a very relative term, indeed. LOL
But a great idea if one's stability could actually be scientifically measured!!! | |
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| Are the people you meet really ready for a relationship?
Posted: 1/18/2008 6:27:36 PM |
by what definition of the word "stable" are you usung to judge the subjects? It's a very relative term, indeed. LOL
That's the point exactly... relative to your interpretation! And I think those results will speak volumes! LOL | |
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| Are the people you meet really ready for a relationship?
Posted: 1/18/2008 7:10:45 PM | | I get the impression from profiles that I read that women are trying to put across the impresssion that they are stable and they are totally prepared to commit to the long haul but there are just no men out there who want anything other than a roll in the hay with as many women as they can possible find. In fact I saw one today that said they were looking for "an honest, good, and faithful man--a raritie" That tells me I am already guilty until proven innocent. I see that type of thing quite a bit on profiles which tells me that there is baggage still being carried. Guess what we are not all volatile and total swine. Some of us are actually all together and really looking for someone that can speak in complete sentences and arouses our minds as well as our emotions and or our bodies. | |
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| Are the people you meet really ready for a relationship?
Posted: 1/20/2008 12:51:28 PM | | I don't think they are ready for a relationship at all. Most of the people I have met do nothing but lie about who they are,what they want, and are just full of childish games. One guy I dated lied to me about all of his girlfriends no longer being in his life. his fiance that i never knew existed called me out of no where. he never even called me. i had to call him at work. there are some pschychos on these sites for sure. Good luck on finding a stable person. | |
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| Are the people you meet really ready for a relationship?
Posted: 1/20/2008 12:57:16 PM |
In your experience with online dating do you find the people you interact with via email, chats and forums, including those who may or may not progress to phone calls and actual meetings are: Emotionally whole and stable* and able to fully participate in a normal and healthy relationship.
Nope.
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| Are the people you meet really ready for a relationship?
Posted: 1/27/2008 9:27:03 AM | I voted no/I'm a male. Nine times out of ten in my experience, the reason they aren't is because they're carrying too much baggage over what an ex did to them, and constantly citing examples and comparing me to their ex, for good or bad.
E.G. "I'm so glad you don't do this, my ex used to do it and it got on my nerves." Telling someone this kind of thing once or twice doesn't usually bother me, but if you harp on it, you likely aren't over it.
or
(Something really small, example, like the way I hold my eating utensils...something trite.) "Oh god. My ex used to do that, and it drove me nuts." This is the worse of the two signs.
This goes for any gender seeking or open to the idea of a new partner. We're NOT your exes, we're completely different people! Learn the difference.
And you know what, I was guilty of this crap in my early 20s after my first divorce, so I know how to spot the signs. Getting out there, getting a little more experience with relationships and maturing and growing on the inside (which makes it 90% easier to grow on the outside as well) gets you over this kind of thing a lot faster. | |
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| Are the people you meet really ready for a relationship?
Posted: 1/27/2008 9:51:26 AM | Not only on here, but IRL, most of the men I have met state that they are looking for a relationship, but are not ready, or don't really want one.
One guy I went on 2 dates with. (and that's unusual! Don't usually get past the first one.) Then he made plans with me for a 3rd date. Called me every day up until the day of the date. He never showed. Didn't hear from him for 3 weeks. Saw him online one day and asked what happened. He told me he went out of town to get his head on straight. Then I never heard from him again. Lucky me! I don't need someone who is that kind of "head case." That one I did meet on POF.
IRL, I met a guy who asked me to be his dance partner. Nice looking, polite, etc. We've been dancing together for a few months. Last night there was an anniversary dance. Last Sunday I asked if he was going to go. He said, yes he would be there. He shows up last night with a date. So he danced all the dances we had been learning with her. While I sat. Turns out he's been dating her all along. Never once had he mentioned her to me. And to be honest, we never did anything but dance together in class, but you would think that he could have mentioned her.
Another date from RL, after dating 4 months, tells me he wants to become a woman. I've written in the forums about that before, so won't go into it all here.
But from my experience, NO, haven't met any man who was ready for a relationship. At least not ready for one with ME. | |
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| Are the people you meet really ready for a relationship?
Posted: 1/27/2008 10:11:15 AM |
i'm convinced that a large number of the women on here enjoy the attention, messages and email more than the actual meeting. they don't really want to meet, get acquainted and be in a relationship
I am convinced of the same thing in men.
I am convinced that despite what mean want to say about women being the only ones that have baggage, men have just as much.
In fact I saw one today that said they were looking for "an honest, good, and faithful man--a raritie
Wow, really strange, I have seen the very same thing from a lot of mens profiles as well. That "honest, good, faithful" statement is extremely common.
I almost feel guilty for not putting that in, because I don't want the dishonest, bad, unfaithful guys, baggage carrying, oversexed, only for booty callers to think I am interested in them...
Guess what we are not all volatile and total swine.
Guess what we are not all bag carrying, gold digging, overly picky, don't like sex, emotionally derranged nitemares our selves...
Ya see Justaguyinky, and all those men that seem to be saying it is just a woman thing, and they are all ready for a relationship...
We too get dumped because a guy sends a dear jane, OR NOT, because they weren't ready, or they had a couple other women on the line, or whatever. This is life, and this is part of the internet dating thing... Men and women get jaded, and it seems to become part of their running fear that the next person has to overcome.
What fun would life be if everything work like shopping at a supermarket... See someone ya like, tag um, bag um, and take them home to live happily ever after...
As for the question of OP.
I am in school, does that mean I am unstable?
Do I have to wait for the next year to get done and then will I be considered MORE stable?
Do I need to wait yet another year to make sure my NEW CAREER takes, and then I can be considered stable?
I can balance things, and with a person that has the patience for me to do my class nites, I am more than ready... For those that can't ... | |
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| Are the people you meet really ready for a relationship?
Posted: 1/27/2008 10:17:28 AM | Frog says:
I host tons of events and meet more people than you can say grace over but most women wont talk to me (they say I am too intimidating or they are sure I get tons of offers so they think "why bother"). I view any of those thought patterns as insecurities and issues and realize these women are not for me.
Yeah, you are right Frog. Anyone who does not think you are a "catch" MUST be insecure and have issues....*EYEROLL*
Dude. All anyone has to do is read your HISTORY to know why you can't get a date here and no women will talk to you. "Too intimidating" my ass. Too narcissistic is more like it.
Lets hear it for the POF "HISTORY" Button!
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| Are the people you meet really ready for a relationship?
Posted: 1/27/2008 10:17:49 AM | If two people like each other alot, they are ready for a relationship.
If they don't, or if one doesn't, they are not ready for a relationship.
The "not ready for a relationship" thing is just another way of saying "I don't want a relationship........with you". | |
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| Are the people you meet really ready for a relationship?
Posted: 1/27/2008 6:05:28 PM | | Judging from the responses on this thread I feel pretty blessed, or maybe just lucky, to have escaped some of the crazies. My experiences online have been pretty positive so far, and the ladies I've met have been for the most part honest and fun. Some worked out, some didn't, but that's dating. I felt like we were all looking for some kind of relationship. And I met my girlfriend on POF, so even if the rest had been nutcases it still would have been worth it. Of course, there was the one lady I was pretty involved with who went back to her ex-girlfriend...but that's another story, lol! | |
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