| 20 responses to use with telemarketers
Posted: 5/19/2008 5:01:40 AM | my sister did one that was really funny. when the telemarketer called, she asked how long the caller had known the person, how they got the number and when was the last time the caller saw the victim alive. she then introduces herself as a detective "so and so" and informs the caller that the person that was called was just found dead of foul play. she then tries to get their name and number so that the "police dept" can contact them for further questions.... they immediately hang up!
i had a telemarketer offer me a free rug shampoo. i was working nites as a nurse,at the time and they seemed to call me at the most inopportune times. after 3 days in a row, i told the girl that i wanted everyone's phone number at the company that she worked for. when she asked why, i told her that i was going to call them at 2 am and offer them a free blood pressure check.needless to say, they didn't call back. | |
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| 20 responses to use with telemarketers
Posted: 5/20/2008 1:22:50 AM | | My grandfather get calls from telemarketers alot, he is a grumpy old man with a booming voice and a foul mouth and he would often go off his nut at these people, swearing and carring on. He has one guy who seems to call alot and after he has a go at him for calling and hangs up the man will call back just to fight with my grandfather. I saw this in action once, it was hilarious. The phone rang again and i went to answer, he slammed the reciever down and very seriously snarled "its him!". | |
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| 20 responses to use with telemarketers
Posted: 5/20/2008 7:53:15 PM | Here's one I actually used tonight.
"Hang on a moment. DANG IT, JUDY! PUT THOSE THINGS AWAY. JESS IS ALMOST SIX NOW IT'S ABOUT TIME WE WEAN HIM! Oh, it's for the coffee? Give me a couple of squirts, then. From the right one this time. The left is starting to sour."
The next thing I heard was "What the hell is..." followed by a click. I don't think that poor girl's gonna be the same. | |
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| 20 responses to use with telemarketers
Posted: 5/22/2008 5:59:25 AM | "Hi, I'm calling from Vonage." (a Voice Over Internet Phone company)
"Sorry, I can't make out what you are saying, the sound quality is atrocious. Are you using VOiP by any chance?"
click... | |
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| 20 responses to use with telemarketers
Posted: 7/12/2008 12:17:01 AM | I love the list, it,s too funny. I have to try that.
When they call me , is your mom home . I say she passsed away, since it,s my phone you might want to ask for me next time click. | |
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| 20 responses to use with telemarketers
Posted: 7/12/2008 12:40:04 AM |
Excuse me, you'll have to speak up! Im wearing a towel!
A guy I used to know said the exact following words once:
"Hold on, I can't hear you, I'm not wearing my glasses!!" | |
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| 20 responses to use with telemarketers
Posted: 7/12/2008 5:07:23 PM | | Have a little fun - listen for a minute then pretend you just cut your thumb really bad - trying to hold the phone while you are presumably slicing a tomato. Hey I'm getting blood everywhere... Oh man this is going to need stitches.... | |
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| 20 responses to use with telemarketers
Posted: 7/13/2008 9:45:44 PM | | You people are hilarious. I can hardly wait for my next call to try out some of these lines. With my luck, now nobody will call. :( | |
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| 20 responses to use with telemarketers
Posted: 7/13/2008 10:18:46 PM | | ha, good list. I've actually did #14 before haha...I am Canadian, so I just refer to PIPEDA and they usually hang up instantly. | |
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| 20 responses to use with telemarketers
Posted: 7/14/2008 4:38:35 AM | my all time favorite it has worked for the last ten years is.....
hello this is xyz wondows and we would like to give you a quote for new windows and doors(
congradulations youve just made my day
ooohhh good (think they have got a sale)
you have just cost your firm £500 as i have a block to stop all window firms calling (or whatever business which has called you)with the telephone preference servis due to unsolicoted calls
please call again it will cost you £1000 next time and put the phone down
this has stoped them dead in there tracks especialy the firms that would call repeatedly every 5pm for months at a time  | |
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| 20 responses to use with telemarketers
Posted: 7/14/2008 8:08:29 PM | | Last time one of them called me, I asked them to provide me with an alibi as I was a suspect in a murder an hour earlier. I wanted them to verify to the cops they called me at the time of the murder so the cops would look elsewhere for a suspect. | |
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| 20 responses to use with telemarketers
Posted: 7/14/2008 8:27:51 PM | | two years ago I told this lady thatI was robbing the house they called....not a good idea 15min after I hang up the locals were outside the door. | |
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| 20 responses to use with telemarketers
Posted: 8/23/2008 1:22:11 PM | The best thing to do is tell them they reached a funeral home. Never will they call you again.
Another thing you can do is tell them to hold on and never go back to the phone.
Last thing you can do is strike up a conversation with them and try to pick them up though you know you not intending to do that.
The trick is to try to act like a wacko and be consistant if you can. | |
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| 20 responses to use with telemarketers
Posted: 8/23/2008 3:14:27 PM | Last telemarketer call...
The computer that called my house said "press 1 to talk to a representative.
I press 1.
While I wait, I picked up a second cordless phone.
Then just as the person got on line... I put both pones on speaker and put them facing each other.
I had the phones at arm's lenght and it hurt my ears. Had to be really pleasant for the person wearing the headset...
I am on the national do not call list... and I mean it. | |
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| 20 responses to use with telemarketers
Posted: 8/24/2008 7:18:11 PM | how about this..
Hello this is Sue from the ADR office" how are you?"
Thank you for your call.Could you please stay with me for the following few minutes?I just swallowed 50 sleeping pills and it would mean so much to me if I you could kindly pray outloud while I was passing away-thank you for your time.
click | |
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| 20 responses to use with telemarketers
Posted: 8/24/2008 7:30:20 PM |
Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from
That reminds me of something that happened to my (late) wife. She called information to get a number and the info operator was really rude. He asked her to spell the name of the company she was looking for and when she spelled it wrong, he said "no, dumb-ass, it's spelled like this!" She got furious and asked to talk to his supervisor.... then he started cracking up and asked "Don't you recognize my voice? I'm your brother, dopey!"... he never let her forget that one. | |
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| 20 responses to use with telemarketers
Posted: 8/25/2008 1:46:49 AM | my dad once decided to sound really interested and excited about what they had to sell and when the man asked for his address he replied, "I dont know." so mr. telemarketer asked for maybe a different address or some cross streets for where we live. So my dad said confused, "Well honestly I dont know, Im currently residing in a mental institution."
I liked that one.
but usually he just yells not interested and hangs up/slams the door shut. | |
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| 20 responses to use with telemarketers
Posted: 8/27/2008 12:31:58 AM | | I tend to answer their questions in borderline stupid ways (not so ridiculous that they realise), while intermittently asking their name as though you have a memory about 30 seconds long. I actually asked (and was given) one caller's name at least 10 times in one call! I can't claim originality on this one, there was a TV programme here in the UK on modern nuisances, and this approach was used very amusingly! | |
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| 20 responses to use with telemarketers
Posted: 9/4/2008 6:54:55 PM | | I am now on the no-call list but several years ago a telemarketer called when my 20 year old son & his friends where all at the house. One of them was working for a telemarketing company at the time. He happened to be the one to answer the phone. When he realized it was a telemarketer he immediately shifted into his company's spiel--the telemarketer sputtered & stammered trying to get a word in edgewise. Never did, finally hung up. We were all laughing so hard. | |
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