| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 1/13/2008 6:55:19 PM | Hi,
Cant say that im any expert or anything but its all up to you and what you want in your life.
for me im only looking for some one that has their own children as i really dont think that i would like to go through raisning more or maybe its the fact that if it could break once maybe it could again.
as a parent you have to devote alot of time to your children and only another parent would understand this. we have to put their needs first its just the responsibility you except when you have kids. there is so much more to it them i guess any one can explain in a simple message.
some one said something about the other half of their lives as well. indirectly you will have to face the ex wife and all her problems as well. inadvertanly his problems become yours. its not do you want this its more are you willing to have this extra pressure ?
all of it come down to what you are willing to except in your life. take it seriously because no matter how good we may be it might not be strong enough to hold it all together.
best of luck in your search. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 1/13/2008 8:12:40 PM | this just smacks of the 'i dated a black lady once but she....therefore i won't date any more black ladies"
the fact that this particular individual wasn't able to make time for you the way you wanted has nothing to do with him being a single father.
perhaps it did however have something to do with you. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/15/2008 12:54:33 PM | Yes, it's hard to make time for dating--it's hard to make time for ANYTHING personal--when you're a single father, especially with two kids (and one of them autistic to boot, as is my son). The first thing you should do is understand that.
But, I'm not letting this guy off the hook. I don't know his situation, but I do know that children are part of the package. I'd want to wait to make sure a woman is good and this has a chance of going somewhere before she meets my kids, but I wouldn't wait several months! A single father should be looking for a woman to complete his family, and if he's not able or willing to do things with the woman and his children together, then she probably should look elsewhere. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/15/2008 6:25:55 PM | | OP...you have every right to be apprehensive about dating single dads. My strong advice to you is to keep your mind set and don't date them at all. I am a single woman with no children and there is no way I would spend my time trying to schedule free time with a man who is tied to some woman because he had kids with the wrong woman. A guy messaged me and I read his profile and in it he stated "I love my children more than breathing", I bolted like a rocket ship......that is apparently a "I am a guilty divorced dad comment". And women can be very catty and jealous, and ex's of single dads are guess what? Single moms....who might be on the battle of the bulge and you, having no children and cute and inshape, will only make matters worse. Stay away from them, find a guy who can take you on spur of the moment vacations, take you camping cross country, and not having to end a phone conversation because his child is calling. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/15/2008 7:27:56 PM | if the guy was realy n 2 you he would of made time for you ive been a single dad 4 8 yrs and understand that my kids welfair comes first of course, but theres always time 4 fireworks & fun w/ someone your really n 2............edddie mills | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/15/2008 8:11:39 PM | i date on and off a man with sole custody of 2 girls ( i have one, the same age as one of his...) i will say that dating this man has been the toughest exprience ever! no time for ourselves, kids constantly fighting, us trying to determine who is at fault, heavy tensions as a result of all this, very early mornings, issues extracting ourselves out of the relationship (because of the kids...blah,blah,blah), and a whole host of things i could never have predicted during the "honeymoon" period.
we have, in fact, deduced our relationship to "week-ends only"in the hopes that things will be more bearable . and yet, here i am, sitting home alone on a saturday night. nuff' said.
so, to the op... i don't blame you at all for being leery of full time single dads. i most certainly should have been. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/15/2008 8:33:47 PM | I'll date a single dad! lol. My life is crazy busy so what if I have to try to make room for another person who is crazy busy. At least it will be interesting! 
Seriously though. I am really busy raising my son. However when I *want* to make room for a man I am able to find time. If I don't want to I sit home and post or play cards, make jewerly, crochet, you get the picture...
The point is if he really *wanted* to make time for you he would have.
Look on the bright side. He saved you heartache by breaking if off sooner rather then later.
Happy | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/15/2008 9:44:24 PM | | Excuse me Chrissyfit, but you are in no position to critize and make statements such as you should have been leery of single dads....Are you not a single mom. I guess your child didn't do any wrong among the bickering of the children right? This is what happens when you date people with children. Since you have a child, even if you were to date someone who didn't have children there would still be the problems that you mentioned before such as finding time to yourselves because your schedule is obviously restricted, dealing with your ties to your ex, your childs relatives....etc. You don't want to deal with a single dads baggage, but someone should be willing to deal with yours. Single parents should only date single parents...end of story. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/16/2008 10:30:41 AM | Seasiren:
I have a few friends who are single moms who will not date a single father because they do not want to raise another woman's children and do not want any extra drama that comes with dating single fathers. They say that they want nothing to take attention or financial resources away from their own children and that their children are the centre of the universe to them. Yet they call men who will not date single mothers shallow. They feel that they can have whatever criteria they want for a man to meet in order to have the "privledge" of dating them. They feel men should not have any criteria or should change their criteria so they can date the men they want. If those men do not want to date a single mother they are shallow.
This attitude seems to be more common then some want to admit. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/16/2008 2:27:57 PM |
I have a few friends who are single moms who will not date a single father because they do not want to raise another woman's children and do not want any extra drama that comes with dating single fathers. They say that they want nothing to take attention or financial resources away from their own children and that their children are the centre of the universe to them. Yet they call men who will not date single mothers shallow. They feel that they can have whatever criteria they want for a man to meet in order to have the "privledge" of dating them. They feel men should not have any criteria or should change their criteria so they can date the men they want. If those men do not want to date a single mother they are shallow.
This attitude seems to be more common then some want to admit.
What lovely friends you have.... 
Oh wait a minute...you have friends that are single moms?? Thats really odd, seeing as you so seemingly despise single moms! | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/16/2008 3:18:32 PM | Laneybird:
Thank goodness Johne102 has friends as single moms, or eles he would not have witnessed and been keen to the ridiculous double standards they have. How do you think I found out how they think? Because I have cousins and used to have friends that are single moms. As a single woman with no kids, I would always try to find girlfriends like myself to go out with, it was hard but I finally found someone that I thought would make a good friend.....well guess what? Within 6 months of me knowing her she was pregnant by some loser who wouldn't return her phone calls. To top it all off she had a boyfriend who was in college on the east coast. After she had the losers baby she made the statement, "If my boyfriend is a real man he will forgive me and accept me and this child." Some people deserve to be alone. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/18/2008 5:29:44 PM | Excuse me Chrissyfit, but you are in no position to critize and make statements such as you should have been leery of single dads....Are you not a single mom. I guess your child didn't do any wrong among the bickering of the children right? This is what happens when you date people with children. Since you have a child, even if you were to date someone who didn't have children there would still be the problems that you mentioned before such as finding time to yourselves because your schedule is obviously restricted, dealing with your ties to your ex, your childs relatives....etc. You don't want to deal with a single dads baggage, but someone should be willing to deal with yours. Single parents should only date single parents...end of story.
with all due respect, seasiron
...i don't think i ever came close to insinuating that my child was "innocent" within the bickering; as a matter of fact, as the youngest of the group, she is equipped with the least amount of emotional maturity. double the kids is double the "baggage", whatever way the cookie crumbles, so saying that single parents should only date single parents is a totally ludicrous vision, in my opinion. ideally, i would prefer to date a man who has always wanted a child, but couldn't! then, you're cutting down on half of the scheduling conflicts (his kids and yours) half the ex drama, and to be honest, half the expense s of funding "dates" for 5 (that goes for whoever foots the bill, gender neutral here!) wow, i just noted that you don't have kids, so why lurking on the single parents thread? sorry, but hard to take advice from a person who has not had first hand experience in the area of single dating and parenting!
ps. i am still technically dating the single father in question because i happen to love him AND his children. for these reasons, i try to take the challenges in stride, but i would have done things differently, had the challenges surfaced earlier on in the relationship. just being honest. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/19/2008 8:17:46 AM | If you do not want to date single father's...don't do it!!
If you want to do it then you will have to deal with drama with his kids, your kids and the ex. It is just how it is. You say Chrissyfit that you wnt a man that wants children but can not have them. That is your ideal and that is fine. Just how many men are there like that though? | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/19/2008 9:27:44 AM | | It is absolutely not fair. I am a single father, but my daughter resides with her mother and I see her like 3 times a month, but what you said sounds like discouragement towards single fathers altogether simply because our respective sitiuations, what about singe mothers? I smell a double standard here. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/19/2008 9:33:37 AM | ^^^^^^
Male infertility is like the last taboo so I doubt anyone would admit it a public forum to make themselve targets for the hecklers!
Infertility affects 1 in 6 couples according to official figures in the UK, (don't know about elsewhere on the planet but I doubt it's much different anywhere in the developed world). 40% of the time it's down to the man. Sadly by the time you get to my age you will have seen a few promising marriages break down over just this issue in your circle of aqauintances. It's heartbreaking to watch couples go through.
Also in the real world I know of several men where infertility played a huge part in a person going out to deliberately SELECT a single parent, usually after the breakdown of a significant relationship. It's why I personally have the YES box ticked against "wants children" in my profile.
Johne102 please remember we all only need just the ONE fish each, what each of is looking for varies significantly. I'm fairly sure that most people with an average dose of human compassion, tolerance, honesty and a willingness to look into the mirror and look at what THEY themselves are bringing to the table of a relationship will eventually find someone.
However, any women without kids looking at your profile recently may have put off by the constant repetition in your forum posts. Just pointing out you may be repelling your soulmate as well as all us single mothers. We do have one thing in common after all, we are all women, and it's very rare indeed for us to be attracted to those who are still emotionally embroiled in past relationship experiences. Be careful that in your keeness to make make the point you don't want us, you don't put off the special lady that you do. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/19/2008 10:41:50 AM | I'm quite sure I won't upset my chances on this site by voicing my opinions, I doubt I'll even meet my soulmate online, the irony in my life have a dark sense of humor in that aspect, I still think there is a double standard geared towards single dads.
I mean yeah we've not made a good standing in terms of child support and such things, but thats only a fraction, not the majority and thats what women look at when see single fathers, their first question to themselves is most probably" does he pay child support" and then just as quickly she decides he doesnt, writes him off and moves on. Complete Rubbish. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/19/2008 11:08:11 AM | nealinho you may not meet your soulmate online - you may meet her in ER when you've rushed there with your little one, or at the grocery store. Life never goes quite as you plan it.
You will probably, if you approach it the right way, make some like minded friends as a bare minimum (I'm talking friends as in people to talk to and go places with, not that FBW stuff). One of those friends may be aquainted with/related to your soulmate.
Just keep your heart open to the possibility, and don't get sucked into joining the waves of negativity here sometimes  | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/19/2008 11:50:05 AM | | At 29 you should be able to find a man without children. I can completely understand a young woman wanting to go out and have fun so avoid people with kids. They cannot help the fact that they have a serious responcibility to their families and cannot always be there for their BF or GF. His breaking up with you was probably due to every reason you have stated, he knew you were unhappy with the small amount of time together and he went and found somone a little more compatible with his lifestyle. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/19/2008 12:08:40 PM | | I certainly differ from seasiren. Single parents don't have to date other single parents. What if the single parent has older children and doesnt want to deal with younger children again? I have a friend with older children (one in college, one in hs). She refuses to date people with younger children because she's been through this already. Are you saying she doesn't have to right to date men without children because she has them herself? | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/19/2008 12:21:42 PM | | Again I seriously doubt it. I live an uneventful life. The scenarios are for hollywood and TV. Its quite difficult to resist the negativity when it vastly outweights the positivity on here. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/19/2008 12:39:32 PM | faithfey...
i couldn't have put it better myself...and you would all be amazed at how many people are DYING to adopt children, both male and female, single and married. so, i am quite certain that, as faithfey has so eloquently put it, there are men out there who actually embrace the opportunity to be a father...even if they stumble upon the role a bit later on in the game... | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/19/2008 2:56:06 PM | ^very true but if you do not want a man with children why date one? If you do not want to date one that is fine..just remember you are making your dating pool smaller as many men will not date women with children the same as many women will not date men with children.
Just make your choices and live with them. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/20/2008 11:34:07 AM |
Male infertility is like the last taboo so I doubt anyone would admit it a public forum to make themselve targets for the hecklers!
Not admit sterility? Ohhhhh, like he11 I wouldn't admit it...if I *were* sterile, I'd have that tattooed on my forehead. Woohoooo!
I always take for granted that I have no baby mama drama. I forget that my situation is not the norm. Most single mom's I've met don't have too much in the way of that, or if they do, it's minor annoyance trivial phone calls and the like. No biggie.
My kids don't need a mom, they have one. Nor do I need to be a father to an SO's. If the lines of communication are kept open, almost anything is possible.
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/20/2008 11:37:52 AM | "double the kids is double the "baggage", whatever way the cookie crumbles, so saying that single parents should only date single parents is a totally ludicrous vision, in my opinion. ideally, i would prefer to date a man who has always wanted a child, but couldn't! then, you're cutting down on half of the scheduling conflicts (his kids and yours) half the ex drama, and to be honest, half the expense s of funding "dates" for 5 (that goes for whoever foots the bill, gender neutral here!) wow, i just noted that you don't have kids, so why lurking on the single parents thread? sorry, but hard to take advice from a person who has not had first hand experience in the area of single dating and parenting!"
GIVE ME A BREAK!! I don't have to be a single parent to know that kids demand a lot of TIME, ATTENTION AND MONEY!! And just because a man always wanted a child, but couldn't have one does not mean that a single mothers situation would be attractive to him. He may not want to go into a ready made situation, but instead find a single woman with no children with whom he can build a one on one relationship with and they then, could make their life decisions together. Such as maybe remain childless and dote on their friends and families children, or have foster children, or adopt, or use a surrogate.....These options would be more appealing to a single man with no children than a single mom whose trying to retain her own selfish needs of not wanting a single father who is in her same boat. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/20/2008 11:43:33 AM | TO ALL SINGLE MOMS..
GIVE ME A BREAK!! I don't have to be a single parent to know that kids demand a lot of TIME, ATTENTION AND MONEY!! And just because a man always wanted a child, but couldn't have one does not mean that a single mothers situation would be attractive to him. He may not want to go into a ready made situation, but instead find a single woman with no children with whom he can build a one on one relationship with and they then, could make their life decisions together. Such as maybe remain childless and dote on their friends and families children, or have foster children, or adopt, or use a surrogate.....These options would be more appealing to a single man with no children than a single mom whose trying to retain her own selfish needs of not wanting a single father who is in her same boat. | |
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